How did you decided on the amount of kids to have?

[deleted account] ( 34 moms have responded )

I have been asked this questions several times..."So sherry how many kids do you want'? I never have an Answer. I want to say "As many as God says I can handle" but then the End up with the eye roll and the "Please don't tell me your going to be another duggar"

When we got married, My husband and I never set "A Number". Were just taking One Baby at a time.

But in a Society where 2.1 kids is the Norm and where I often hear "One Boy, One Girl then I am done", I wonder when it came to starting your family, how did you know that you were done.?


Heather - posted on 07/12/2010




I would love to recommend the book to you called Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham. That is one of the many issues that he addresses in it.

We have four. As I did grow up in this society that screams two children, I always wanted three... don't ask why. My second son was born with cancer so I said I was done, but then we got pregnant again. I was kind of happy because I could have my three. But then it was twins. All of my children were C-sections and the doctors don't like you to have to many of those so because of that and the threat of genetic cancer (I had it too) they tied my tubes while they were doing the girls C-section. However, when the kids are a little older we are going to start thinking about adopting or becoming foster parents :) Again, I really recommend that book, or you can listen to some of his sermons on line...

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Alisha - posted on 07/22/2010




I want as many as the Lord will give me and that is a great answer and I'm sticking to it! We don't have to plan out our lives because the creator has already made a perfect plan for our lives. We are by no means perfect people but he knows what is best.

Sara - posted on 07/21/2010




My husband is a pastor, and early in our marriage my response to that question was "As many as the good Lord gives me!" Well, He blessed us with boys 22 months apart, then we were going to take a break. But surprise, along came daughter #1 21 months later! Then my hubby was done, but I wasn't sure. So in a moment (I do mean "moment") of indiscretion, along came son #3 -- and that was using the rhythm method. He is 25 months younger than his sister. At that point, I was feeling worn out with the constant pregnancies and nursing, and we were very concerned about being good stewards of our gifts -- time and talent as well as our limited treasure. So we decided on a vasectomy. Little did we know that God is still in charge, and we were pregnant with our last little miracle on the way into surgery. She is 17 months younger than her brother. So yes, that's 5 kids in 7 years, and we are done! We felt the hand of the Holy Spirit in that decision, and have never regretted it. Pray over it with your husband, talk to christian friends, and raise those children in the Lord, however many you may have!

Michele - posted on 07/21/2010




I knew I was done when my body said NO MORE! It just wasn't possible for me to carry any more. I was 35. Otherwise I would have definitely taken what I was given...even if that meant more. I have 4 healthy children ages 20 to 6 and couldn't be happier.

Darcel - posted on 07/20/2010




when my husband and I where dating we agreed to have 4 kids. A random number out of thin air. After visiting my father with 4 teenagers I decided I most definetly did NOT want 4 children and my husband was totally sold on the idea.

Now I am taking this pro-creation thing one baby at a time. My son will be 2 in Sept and if my husband is ready (he is not ready now)I would like to try for a sibling in 2011, and wait a few more years again before deciding to grow our family some more.

I like the one baby at a time idea. Unless you have twins/multiples you can only have one baby at a time so instead of planning the entire course of your procreative process, take it one pregancy at a time and see what God has in store.

It would be silly for God to tell my heart to stop at two children and I whine "but Jesus, I PLANNED on having 4!" Then I go against God's will and cause myself unnecessary heartache.

Mae - posted on 07/19/2010




My husband weren't supposed to have any. The doctors told me it wouldn't happen due to a large amount of scar tissue on my uterus due to a silent infection. We actually felt that God put it on our hearts to adopt. Then I found out I was pregnant! Well now that we have actually talked about it we decided as many as we can feed, clothe, and house. We still feel that God has put it on us to adopt we're just working on finnishing up college so we can afford the process.

Stephanie - posted on 07/18/2010




well i thoguht i was done when i had my son.. then my daughter came along and i was Done(!) . guess not.. ha..
When we were dating we talk about it and the ancer we both would say (basicly) as many as God will give us.. tho i was over welmed when my daughter was born and i have always wanted to make sure i was not over stretched for time and teaching for them and i saw "just two" is just fine,, but as of now i am pregnant again so i guess my point of veiw will have to change..

Amanda - posted on 07/18/2010




Well I believe you are right when you talk about God giving you only what you can handle and the important things about that is I think you will know when you have reached that! I watched originally 4 children hoping for 2 boys and 2 girls so that I could have it all even. God however saw fit that I should only have three 2 boys and 1 girl! My younger two have mild CP and have experience some development delays although I am happy to report that we are improving on those everyday! My husband and I prayed and decided not to have anymore after my little girl because we did not know what problems that baby could have had, and since we have seen doctor after doctor getting no answers on what cause my other two's disabilities (except they were able to rule out genetics) we thought it best to stop! The best advice I can give is pray, and God will answer!

Pam - posted on 07/18/2010




I believe if you can support them and be there for each one then have as many as you want.Me I had 2 boys and wanted a girl,when I got pregnant for the third time I decided no matter if I had a girl or boy four was enough.I had my girl now my sister in law said she wasn't stopping till she had a girl she had 5 kids.

Danielle - posted on 07/17/2010




I think you're doing well with taking one pregnancy at a time. I never had the mindset that I'm going get married at age such and such and have this many kids and etc etc. But God had already planned that for me and I tried to follow His will. I've been married for almost 4 years and we have two girls. We're not sure if we'll have more and never felt like we HAVE to have a boy or try to. We're content with our two girls and after having 2 c-sections I'm not exactly ready to jump into another pregnancy. I think when you and your husband have that "defining moment" that BOTH of you are done you'll know.

Lorraine Alicia - posted on 07/17/2010




I grew up in a large family, i was the secound of eight kids. I never wanted to have a hugh family. I had lots of problem getting pregnant and when i did i lost the pregnancy at three months. So when i had my first a girl i was so happy it did not matter to me if we had anymore, but God bless us two years after with a boy. I said to my lord maybe one more but early this year found out i have a problem with my heart and the doc advise i do not have anymore.

The problem they found in my heart have to be something i would of have from a child and the Doc are amaze that i even have the kids i have now. So i just praise God for the kids i have.

I tell everyone in my life it does not matter how small or hugh leave it in the hands of the lord. Speak to him tell him how you feel and he will surely let you know what he thinks is right for you.

[deleted account]

This is our persnal conviction and we can't speak for anyone's between that person and God but my hubby and I have decided to give every part of our life over to God this includes the womb. So far He has blessed us with two and we get the question 'is this your last one' a lot. Whenever asked this question we just shrug our shoulders and say we don't know cause we honestly don't know. If God decides to bless us with 10 then we'll have 10 and we'll love them unconditionally however if He only plans to bless us with these 2 then we'll love these 2 unconditionally!!! Psalm 127:3 says children are a reward from God and that's how we look at them, not as a burden as some make them out to be (not that I think anyone here looks at children that way) like I said that's just our personal conviction.

Denise - posted on 07/16/2010




My circumstances may be very different than most. At a young age I was diagnosed with infurtility issues. We were able to concieve after 2yrs naturally but I still wanted at least 1 more. Six yrs later we were blessed with another. We felt the stress on my body was too much to have more children and it proved right when 18 months after her birth I had to have a total hysterectomy. I feel people are blessed to be able to make the decision on how many children is too many. However, it is still up to GOD. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and we all know how many is too many. Use common sense is what I say. And I believe we should all take it 1 baby at a time.

Christine - posted on 07/15/2010



5 husband and I aren't sure either, so I hope that makes you feel better. Partly because Mark keeps changing his mind (some days he only wants one, some days he wants nine - hahaha). I would say don't decide on a number. I think God makes it clear to each person when they're done or not done.

Lindsay - posted on 07/15/2010




Hey, I love the Duggars. Honestly, I think they have a good handle on what God has layed upon their hearts.

For us, we have one little girl and one on hte way, but have been told that it's not safe for me to be pregnant. I had a lot of trouble with Adalynn and now with this one, my kidneys are starting to shut down, so we are going to stop with this one. Really, it's not my preference, because I always thought I'd have about 4 (my husband and I both come from large families). I think God gives you what you can handle and I am always interested in hearing people's stories as well. I'd have 10 kids if I could, but am finding positive things about just having two!

Victoria - posted on 07/15/2010




It's funny I was thinking of this last night when I was laying in bed lastnight.

I was thinking about a young girl who's family I know, she left the ways of the Lord & has just found out she is over 6 months pregnant...she's 16. I wonder how many kinds she wants & if she thought she'd have her first by her 17th birthday.

Then I was thinking of my Mum, my mum was 3rd of 7, the oldest being twin boys making her kinda second. She was always left being responsible for her younger sister, 3 younger brothers & even the older 2 boys. Her dad worked 2 jobs & went to school, her mum was a nurse and worked nights & slept all day & all the household resposibility & mostly raising of her siblings was kinda dumped on her. She never really wanted kids because of that, but said if she had to have any she wanted 2 girls. Well she had 2 girls and stopped, she was 16 when she had my sister, 18 me. She never wanted to dump her responsablity on us and thought if she had more as with her childhood, ours would be stolen from us.

[deleted account]

My decision was made primarily due to my age. I turned 40 about 1 month ago. I know people can have kids later but I know my body well enough that once this next one comes along (we are still trying), we will be done.

Jill - posted on 07/14/2010




God gave me the desire to have each child.... up until i had my first i never wanted kids.... then after my first was 2 1/2 i had the desire for another.... then after the 2nd was 3 i had that desire again.... i think God gives us the desire..... i do want another... but i am almost 44... i get high blood pressure during pregnancy so am alittle nervous to get pregnant... BTW each time we desired a child i got pregnant during the first ovulation cycle... so we know it was from God.... will i have a 4th child? only God knows... but i would take one or more in a heart beat...

Tina - posted on 07/14/2010




I had a girl first then a boy and everyone thought we were done including my husband. I was not so sure. I told my husband that if he wanted to do something about it, it was up to him. Five years later, I had another child-a boy who I named Isaac (means 'laughter' and he has brought me much of that). Isaac turned 15 on Monday. After Isaac, I still did not know if that would be all. Well, 2 boys later, I just knew in my heart that I was blessed with the number of children that was just right for me. And yes, you get all the comments. But I figured that that was a personal issue between me, my husband and my God. So far no one else is helping to raise them except the three of us. Blessing to you and yours.

Polly - posted on 07/14/2010




There are so many heartbreaking family situations that are due to parents, one or both, not loving God. He must be first and foremost in our lives. Before ourselves, before our spouse, before our children. When Christ takes His place as King of our heart, our families and marriages will be blessed.

I have my personal convictions on BC that my husband and I both agree on. I believe God spoke to us about what we should do for *our* family, however, I cannot say that everyone else should be doing the same as us.

All I can say is that Christ should be number one in our lives, that we should submit our family to Him and He will give us wisdom on how/when to have children. I don't believe everyone needs to be like the Duggars in order to be a good Christian family. I just believe our families, as everything in our lives, should be done in the wisdom of the Lord.

Cheryl - posted on 07/13/2010




We're similar to what has already been posted- wait on the Lord's giving (so far He gave six but took two back early- long story). I am all for large families if you can afford the care and give that much love unselfishlessly. I know a gal who's had some and now they do foster care- and just adopted three of the ones that had in foster care... but she makes her working husband do SOOOO much and hardly does much herself. I know another mom who's had 9 because her husband didn't abuse her when she was pregnant. She finally got the courage and strength to kick him out. Now she's entirely on gov aid, can't work due to injuries... Now I love these gals and have often helped out... it's just hard to see homes (yes, homes with love) but with lots of hardships and pain that could have been avoided...

Stina - posted on 07/13/2010




Finances is a big factor for us. We have 3 and although I had always wanted 4, we are just getting by financially with 3. I'm going back to school and expect to be in a good career by the time the baby is in preschool or Kindergarten... but right now, we receive WIC and foodstamps and I don't want to have more children when we are already getting assistance from the state.

[deleted account]

He wants a Bunch more, but he wants the Children a year or so apart, not back to back. I am trusting God and he know what is best for us.

[deleted account]

My husband and I never use BC in our marriage but we do practice the Family Planning method now. I want to leave it up to God but My husband who didn't come from a Christian family wants more kids and is a Christian himself, but is so scared we will end up with 30kids and he is an only child. I am Stuck between honoring my God and supporting my husband. My husband says if it does happen, then is happens and it's ment to be. But he doesn't want to Activly "TRY"

Ashley - posted on 07/12/2010




My cousin constantly teases us about being like the Duggars. But my belief has been that God decides how many children we will have, not us.

I remember the week that I had my daughter and my husband was home with us. I was walking in the living room, holding her, and I said to my husband, "We should make a million of these. They're so amazing!" His response was, "Let's see how you feel in a couple of weeks, haha." And sure enough, a couple of weeks later, he was saying, "We need more."

We are expecting our second (and pretty nervous about how we are going to manage two), but we feel so blessed! God truly knows all your children by name before they are conceived.

Also, we have not used birth control during our marriage. I felt that God wanted me to trust Him with the baby-making. Before I got married, I prayed to God (I read in the Old Testament about how God commanded that the men should not be called to fight in war until they have had a year with their wives to establish their family). God meets you where your personal faith is. I cried and begged God that I wanted a year with my husband, no children. I apparently twisted that scripture pretty bad, comparing war to having babies, haha. But God honored my prayer! We didn't use birth control, and we got pregnant a year after our wedding!!! A complete year of no babies (not in womb either because God knows that a fetus is a person). He is a faithful God! And we are believing that when it's time to stop having babies, God will honor our desires and stop the baby-making without the use of birth control. He did it for us before, why can't we believe Him again?!

Rebecca - posted on 07/12/2010




Polly, every post you make, I realize how much alike our thoughts are! I'm the same way with the "good ol' days" and SAHM, and homeschooling (seriously considering it when my kids are old enough). We never had TVs in our room, we had to be with the family in the evenings, and we always had dinner together as a family. Those are the values I will instill in my family now. I've been doing a lot of things "simpler" lately, like canning, cloth diapering, homemade cleaners (I use baking soda and vinegar a LOT!), and I'd even have a vegetable garden if I had a sunny spot in my yard! I grew up on a farm where we grew a lot of our veggies. And I'm right there with you on the TV and the hubby! But I digress...

I wanted at least 4, my husband is oldest of 5, and we just knew we wanted a large family. I don't think at this point that I would mind even more than that. So far we have two, and we haven't changed out minds yet! But God has an ultimate plan, and we are trusting in Him to let us know when we're done. We decided no BC, God will provide children in His time for us. I truly hope it is not His will for us to stop at 2, but if it is, we are content! (We just had this conversation, oddly enough!)

Candi - posted on 07/12/2010




My husband and I agreed on 2, unless they were the same sex, then we'd have a 3rd/ Well we had one boy and one girl. 16 months apart. Everything was great! Then God decided we needed 1 more. So after 5 years, we had another beautiful girl. We are so blessed with our children. God also gave us the wisdom to know our limit, so we made sure we won't have any more. lol

Aubrey - posted on 07/12/2010




We have never set a number of kids to have. My husband and I are both from large families and loves it (I am the 2nd of 10 kids and my husband is the 4th of 9 kids). We have a almost 2 year old boy and a 4 month old girl right now. I know we will have more but I don't know how many more. Our parents both let God take that over on how many kids to have. and so far that is what we are doing but at the same time we have a hard time giving it all to God, like it would be nice to space them out ourself (even though we aren't doing that :) ) God knows though, so just giving it to HIm.

Polly - posted on 07/12/2010




It is sad that we live in a culture where children are looked at as an expense and burden rather than a blessing. I think the way our culture is now, parents feel an immense pressure to be "perfect" parents: each child with their own room, straight A's, perfectly groomed all the time, etc. Plus many women are out in the workforce.

I'm sure I'm somewhat idealizing the "good ol' days" but children used to be really involved with helping out on the farm, helping mom do all the household chores, learning about the family business, etc. They didn't have a million places to go every week with each member doing his/her own thing. It's wasn't like now where the kids go to school all day, then come home and play video games in their room until dinner time, then school work and bedtime. Families seem so chaotic and independent from each other these days.

With the change in culture, I can somewhat see why parents are feeling like they can't "manage" more than two, because it really has become "managing" rather than parenting and being a family. I've noticed that large families tend to be much more relaxed. The kids share clothes and toys and rooms. Messes happen, no big deal. There is a more casual feeling that allows for mistakes and imperfection, which also allows for closeness and enjoyment of each other.

I'm rambling. lol. As for me, I've never understood the question "How many kids do you want?" because I'd never been a parent before. I had no clue how I would be with kids. I'm taking it one at a time. I figure when God wants us to be done, He will let us know. In the mean time, I'm trying to keep a Godly perspective of how children are a blessing, no matter how few or many you have. I want our family to enjoy each other more than the current cultural trend, which for us means things like homeschooling, dinners every night at the table, and me staying home. I would eventually like to kick out the tv as well! (But have to convince my hubby of that one. lol)

Stephanie Jo - posted on 07/12/2010




I have 2 wonderful girls.I wanted more but because of medical problems,that was it.I always thought it would be more and if I could I would.God blessed me w/my angels and I am so thankful for what he has given me.

Victoria - posted on 07/12/2010




I always wanted 4. However we stopped at 3 because of health reasons & the belief that God was telling us enough.

Nichole - posted on 07/12/2010




We are doing like you. Taking it one pregnancy/baby at a time. We have a son right now who is 10 months, and no for sure we want a least one more, but now is not a good time for finanical reasons. But when we are just day dreaming together about the future we talk about 3-6 children, maybe all biological, maybe some adopted, who knows where life will take us or how many we will have. We've just decided to discuss one child at a time and be open the the surprize of twins (they run in our families).

[deleted account]

Thanks for the great advice. Were "thinking" 3 or 4, were not sure, we never are. We are just blessed that we have 1 healthy baby.

Anne - posted on 07/12/2010




Our reasons for only having 2 are due to health issues on my part. In fact I grew up being told I would never be strong enough to have children, But then again the DR. told my parents that I would not live until I was 3 months old. I was 55 in May of this year.
( I do not mind sharing my Health Issues, but I did not want to take the time or space to repeat the reasons.)

I Praise God every day the He had Plans for me, Plans to Prosper and not harm me before time began.

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