How do I deal with my depression and be a good mother?

Angela - posted on 03/30/2012

Original post is about 1½ years old. Has Michelle Conley posted back to update on her situation?



See a doctor isn't necessarily always about getting a prescription for meds. Therapy, counselling or general advice may be just as helpful, or better or simply more appropriate in this case.



Blessings to you, you have our prayers and we wish you luck.

Carla - posted on 03/30/2012

@Nancy--I am happy to see you are still here with us, and still standing for the Lord! It sounds like you have gotten a handle on the situation, and are starting back up out of the black hole. I am so proud of you!



God bless, sweetheart, keep following Jesus.



PS: Do you notice that the ones who have gone through this hard stuff are the ones that can give REAL hope? As you get stronger, you are able to reach out a hand to the one on the rung below you, struggling to get out.

Nancy - posted on 03/29/2012

Michelle, My heart goes out to you and understand how depression can impact you as a mother and wife. May our LORD and Savior lay HIS HEALING HANDS on your mind, thoughts, and mood. I understand how difficult it can be to care for your family when you barely have the strength or energy to get out of bed or cope. I've been deeling with severe postpartum depression and anxiety and have gone through some really dark times and days. I have tried the medication route as well immediately after my 2nd daughter was born and became extremely discouraged b/c I tried various medicines and found little relief and alot of side effects. Right now, I am not on any medication and struggling b/c I am trying to really but all my faith and belief that God will get me through this difficult period. It is not easy b/c there are times where I am like let me just take my medication n not have to fight this but I did become discouraged when I found my meds weren't as working as I thought they would. PS. I am not justifying not to take medication (not at all) especially since I used to work as a mental health therapist. I truly believe if you are in a very dark state and are unable to cope than try medication, prayer, counseling, and whatever will help you heal. There is no right or wrong way to get through depression. It is not a cookie cutter illness where you can take an antibiotic course for a few days and its gone and thats all. It takes alot of work and fighting on your behalf. I know it may be hard for you to talk to anybody about the thoughts and feelings you are having that's why it is important to talk to a trusted priest, pastor, counselor, or anybody you feel extremely comfortable with. Do not feel ashamed or angry with yourself about what you are going through b/c many ppl have gone through this and through God's grace and power you will be healed and get through this. Try to do different things to help yourself heal such as finding a way to relax (reading the Bible, scrapbooking, writing in a journal or anything you find soothing), push yourself to write Bible Verses on index cards or post-its and read them when you feel weak or depressed, also push yourself to be social!! I can't stress how important it is to not isolate when you are depressed. May God give you the strength and healing to get through your depression.

Carla - posted on 12/01/2010

Julie is absolutely correct. WebMD is a good place to find out about the side effects of medication, if you don't have a chemist handy ;) Even type the med's name up in your browser and it will bring up articles, or things people have commented. Before the Internet, I went to the pharmacy and got the medication insert and read it, talked to my pharmacist and decided for myself that I did not want to give my son Ritalin. We did the hard stuff, changing his diet and giving him proper exercise, etc.

God bless, darling, hope you are feeling better.

Julie - posted on 11/30/2010

Michelle my heart goes out to you.I pray you are doing a lot better now then when you posted this on here. I also suffer with depression and I also am a mother who wants to be the best I can for my children.It isn't easy and I would just like to say that Christian music is a good idea even if it isn't loud just having it as background music lifts your Spirit and the Children's too and puts a nice feel in the house.( Changes the moods of me and everyone who comes into the house..).My children calm down and don't fight, just covers the house with peace. Sometimes i find quiet time with God very hard if the depression is worse then normal.Other times i feel i can open up and read a psalm or proverb and be still before him. I have a church I go to and I have asked if they have a christian Counselor and I attend regularly.It helps a lot to just be able to open up about anything and they just listen and don't judge you.And if you pray God will open a way for what you need to deal with or address when you go and see them( Counselor).

I have over the years taken medication and you can get some pushy doctors that just want to give them and don't advise anything else, other doctors like or advise you to seek a Counselor as well as the medication it all depends on who you see.

If you do opt for medication then my advice is to make it known to the doctor that you want a medication that is non addictive. I am saying this because i was given by a doctor medication for depression that was 3 times too strong for me and what i weighed and ended up in hospital...the medication was very addictive and had very bad side effects.Every body is different and what works for one doesn't always work for another person.

However I went to the doctor and had him/her change the medication for something else.

I also went to the chemist and before getting the medication spoke to the chemist and asked what the side effects are because we all have a right to know before we put a tablet in our mouth.

Don't ever feel forced that you have to take tablets or feel bad because you choose not to.

You do need to do what you believe is right for you and your family.

Maybe look for opportunities to go out as a family to the beach or the park or something and while the kids play or hubby plays with the kids you walk a bit away from them and just sit and breathe in deeply and out slowly..taking deep breathes helps calm you but gives your body extra oxygen and allows it to flow better.If you cant do that relax in a bath...don't have a bath then maybe hubby could rub your feet or rub your back or just turn telly off one night and lay on couch and do the breathing deeply and slowly.

Try to find things you like that doesn't stress you or pressure you but allows you to be happy.

I don't know how old your children are or if you have boys or girls or both.But maybe you could spend one on one time with each child individually taking the focus off you and how you feel and put it into a child or hubby makes you feel better sometimes...doesn't always work but what i have said here i have done myself with my daughter and son.I don't have a husband to help or lean on it all comes down to me so I lean on God and search his word, listen to music,seek a Counselor and i have found a doctor I trust and I take medication that works for me but isn't strong or addictive.

Please don't think I am pushy. I just wish to let you know my experience and leave it with you because deep within you you know what you need to do and God will lead you because he loves you and doesn't wish for you to suffer beyond what you are able to bear. Find scriptures in the bible and say them even when you start you may feel like it isn't doing anything but keep going...positive thoughts and scriptures you can quote are really good,they can lift you up Spiritually and when you feel down and out God gives you the strength to keep going.

He also knows your heart and desires so hang in there and stick close to God he will never fail you and he will lead you through this a step at a time, trust him my sister in the Lord because God holds you by his right hand Psalms 73 v 23.

I hope this is helpful to you

Julie

Angela - posted on 11/30/2010

Hi Michelle,
I'm a real ARMY wife and have dealt for years with depression and anxiety. Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor. There are programs to help you get the meds if you can't afford them. Staying close to God and being involved in church and other good support groups really helps. I'm going to be involved in a study this Spring by Neil Anderson called Freedom from Anxiety and Depression. You should look it up. I'm finishing one from him called The Bondage Breaker and Victory Over the Darkness. These have been great studies for me and are definitely worth looking into. You'll be in my prayers. Keep your chin up!! :)
Angela

Amy - posted on 11/22/2010

I feel for you so much that I can see myself in your message. I have suffered from depression since I was 11 or 12 (around when puberty began). My depression/anxiety comes in cycles. I will be ok for a while and then boom - it hits. Sometimes around my period, and sometimes not. Everyone has been depressed at one time or another, but major depressive disorder is a different animal. I was finally diagnosed with it after driving myself to a hospital and asking for help. I went through many hours of psychotherapy and a few different medications. I am still on meds (I finally figured what works for me) and I learned so much about myself from the therapy and also strategies to use for depression/anxiety. Most of all I learned to accept my short comings and the way my brain is "wired". My family, friends, church, and pastor were also instrumental in my recovery. I was ashamed at first, but now I accept it and don't try to hide my feelings all the time. I still have some cycles of depression, but the difference is that I can get myself out of it. I couldn't do that before. I pray and reach out for help if I am feeling really bad. As far as the insurance - there has got to be some number that you can call to get assistance where you live. You can get help. Please don't wait. I will pray for you.

Rosa - posted on 11/22/2010

Michelle,
I'm going through the same thing myself. I was on meds for a while before I had my daughter,then through Christ's help I was able to wean off them for 5 years. Unfortunately, due to some emotional and physical issues since last Christmas I fell into the abyss again. It was really bad, to the point that in June I had to let my daughter go live with her father in New York for a year while I worked on getting myself back on track. I did go to my Dr. and she put me on Zoloft again, which is really helpful. I joined a Celebrate Recovery Class at church which was amazing.
I know a lot of Christians believe that depression is from the enemy ( it is ) but it is not a sin, it's just another one of the tactics the enemy uses against us. And these same Christians believe that we should only do supernatural warfare with a supernatural being. Well, I believe the Lord gave us the knowledge, to decide when a medical track should be taken. Depression is a disease, yes, we must do spiritual warfare on it, but we also must take medicine to level out our serotonin. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain and just like diabetes can be controlled with proper medication. I totally know how you feel, and I will pray for you strongly but maybe you should call the manufacturers of some of the medicines available and see if they can help you. Some of them have programs to help people who are uninsured and can't afford meds. also, maybe an RX plan at Walgreens or WalMart with low premiums.
I am currenlty recovering very well, moving slowly back to where and who I am, I pray that this happens for you too, but believe it or not, God has a plan and he will never leave or forsake you. Keep that as your focus and let me know if I can be of any help to you, just by sharing and talking sometimes helps us feel better. God bless you and your family and I hope to hear from you soon.
Rosi

Diana Reina - posted on 11/22/2010

Hi! You know what? I think I'm in the same situation as you...and I also don't know what to do. I'm afraid I'm scaring my babies sometimes whenever I get so irritable and my marriage is also suffering. I just don't know what to do. And I'm glad you posted this, makes me think I'm not alone on this matter. Thanks.

Barb - posted on 11/19/2010

First of all, realize that helpful medications are not permanent. Sometimes, even the most spiritual Christian women need synthetic chemicals to return the malfunctioning neurons in your brain, which God put there for a reason, to recreate what your ongoing depression has shut down. Ongoing depression cannot be "fixed" without temporary medication to tell the brain to start communicating again. Yours quit a long time ago. You do not need insurance to acquire temporary help. You can go to a clinic and explain your situation and condition. You do not have to live this way. I speak from experience. You sound like me not so many years ago. Prayer will do powerful things in your life, but you also have to deal with the physical.

Carla - posted on 11/19/2010

Michelle, God always supplies believers who will bind together around you and lift you up. Isn't God good? We are always here, honey, God bless

Michelle - posted on 11/19/2010

I am so amazed at the response to my post. I still havn't had time to sit down and read all the posts. But I plan to read every one! The ones I have got to read are so helpful and encouraging! I feel so overwhelmed with joy at the thought that so many of you have taken time out of your busy lives to reospond to my problems and to pray for me! I can't even express my thanks enough! I am also amazed that so many of you has or are still going through similar problems. I wouln't wish this on my worst enemy, but just to know I am not alone makes me feel so much better. I spend so much of my time thinking I'm abnormal or different than other moms. And so many moms I know seem like they have it all together and can handle the hardest of situations. I have been doing better lately. I talked to my husband about some things and that helped. I also have no doubt in my mind that all your prayers has helped also! I am going to say a prayer of thanks for each of you and for God to bless you all! Thanks so much!!!

Kira - posted on 11/18/2010

First of all, you are not alone! And yes, I will pray for you. My heart goes out to you because I battle the same thing now and again. I had a rough time this summer and even praying and going to Church didn't seem quite enough. I finally broke down one day, crying in frustration. It was then a friend hugged me and said every mom has those days. Even though I knew my condition was different from "every mom," it somehow gave me comfort. No mom is perfect. I too want to be the mom who looks at the bright side of things and doesn't loose her temper at little things. I've found my medication really does make a difference. But when it gets really bad, it's the friends and family who I talk about it with who help the most. I hope you can find a friend to confide in. I know husbands mean well, but sometimes you just need a female support to cry with you and give you the emotional hugs you need until you get back on your feet. I wish you the best. God bless you!

Gabrielle - posted on 11/18/2010

Depression is a difficult illness to deal with. My mother suffered through it most of my childhood. Anyway, I have been diagnosed with depression myself. I went on medication not long after my last son was born. At one point I couldn't afford to take my medicine and couldn't get refills for like two weeks. Anyway, I noticed a big difference with how I dealt with people, especially my three boys. I went to the doctor and got my refills right away, when I figured out what was going on. Go to the doctor NOW! There is nothing wrong with getting help when you need it. Prayers going your way!

Veronica - posted on 11/18/2010

When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed take a break. Call on the name of Jesus. Listen to some calming music or write your feeling in a journal. This has helped me in the past to deal with and process my feelings. Its so easy to let anger, anxiety (fear), or dissappointment make you do or say something that we regret so just remember that God has not given you the spirit of fear but of love and a sound mind.

Mary - posted on 11/17/2010

A few years ago I went to the doctor thinking I was losing my mind and totally overwhelmed with life in general. I couldn't complete a thought, tasks, was easily distracted and very unhappy. I wanted control of my life back. I thought I was ADD but when the diagnosis came out it was depression. I am on medication that has helped me feel like a better person (don't get me wrong it is an up hill battle, even with meds) and feel more in control of my life.

Whatever you decide remember depression and meds effect everyone differently, so you won't know unless you try.

Good luck to you and God Bless.

Kim - posted on 11/17/2010

I would like to agree with the statement below about there being a chemical imbalance which is a physical problem. I am a family practice PA, wife, mother, Christian, and have suffered depression all my life too. If depression really were a "mental illness" why are they treating it with medication? Because it is a chemical/physical problem affecting all areas of life and functioning.

A pill isn't going to help without counsel. Counseling isn't going to help without God. And God can't help without us willing to take the first step. Hang in there! Get all three areas of support...physical, mental, and spiritual...Also, there are many great medications that are very effective and cost $4 a month at Walmart. As a PA, I help people through depression every day...with and without insurance and I try my best to take keep costs as low as possible. Plus, it is important to rule out other cause of depression like hormone imbalance, thyroid problems, chronic illness and adrenal dysfunction. Hope this helps! Looks like there are a lot of people in this "Circle of Moms" who care about you and can relate

Tab - posted on 11/17/2010

Darlin, I feel for you and have suffered the same problem for many years. I will keep you in my prayers. In the meantime if you would like to email me (tabhauser@gmail.com) perhaps having someone on the outside to talk with might help. Blessings

Rose - posted on 11/17/2010

sorry. The sentence on recruiting hubby's help should have read, ". . .so you can take care of your personal needs so you can better take care of your children."

Rose - posted on 11/17/2010

How many children do you have, and how old are they? What kind of support system do you have available to you--sisters, mom, friends, neighbors, church staff? I am from the South as well; a minister's wife and was diagnosed as bi-polar in 1993; I had one son at the time; within a few short years, I had two daughters. After the birth of my 3rd baby, we were very stressed, living between seminary during the week and a pastorate on the week-ends plus perpetual financial problems. My Mom (who had been mentally ill) had died of cancer before I had kids, and I had no sisters. And the illness carried a stigma, especially in a ministry setting, which multiplied the stress. The times when I stopped taking meds because I couldn't afford them always proved to be detrimental. When my baby was about 3 months old, I had a full-blown post-partum psychosis and ended up being hospitalized for about three weeks after attempts to heal at home did not work.
A couple of years later, I had another big episode (after being off meds because of $$) and was hospitalized for a couple of weeks again--that was 1997. My Dr. said, "Mrs. ______, you are just going to have to accept that meds will have to be a part of your life." I did and have taken maintenance meds ever since. My children are 19, 16, and 14 now and are pretty good Christian people. I was like you, wanted to be the perfect Mom, but they'll tell you I was/am FAR from that; I still sleep too much and I'm a terrible housekeeper. But I'm still here. And so are my kids. Learning to forgive yourself and not be so hard on yourself over every little matter will help you get past tough times; remember that no Mom is perfect, and everyone has something that creates limitations at some point in their lives. Talking to someone is of necessity; if you don't have family or friends you feel comfortable sharing with, Christian counselors are available in church associations for small (sometimes no) fees. Proper sleep and nutrition and exercise for yourself are of utmost importance; make your husband understand this, and recruit his help with the kids so you can take care of your personal needs so you can better take care of yourself. These days, much more is known about depression and bi-polar, so the stigma is not nearly as threatening. If medications are necessary, there is no shame in that, and there are programs where you can get your medication at little or no cost--Medicaid, pharmaceutical companies, Dr.'s samples, etc. Just make sure you get to an excellent psychiatrist or doctor who knows how to deal with depressive disorders, so that you get the meds that are right for you (and won't make things worse). Get yourself a support system of other women (you don't have to talk to them about this if you don't feel comfortable). Just talking about anything with other women can be uplifting; get in a ladies' Bible Study; try not to cut yourself off from female family and friends. Raising little kids is a tough job, one in which you have to take a break occasionally and refresh yourself. Hope this has been some encouragement. Praying for you.

Dorothy - posted on 11/17/2010

I understand you dont want to take meds, but they really, really do help. There are many antidepressants that are available for only about $4.00 per month. Also many pharmaceutical companies have discount programs if you are eligible. They usually want proof of income.
I have also battled with depression most of my life, even in my teens. Although I didnt know thats what it was then! I was in treatment (counselling and meds) when I got pregnant with my first child (12 years ago). After she was born it got worse. I was afraid to leave my bed after it got dark outside, and also had "dark thoughts." Friends and relatives just didnt understand. The meds really helped that. It relieved a lot of the "scary stuff." Unfortunately after feeling better I often stopped taking them.
I also believe in the power of prayer, but as of recently I am learning that there is much I need to be healed of, whichever way God plans to do that I am not sure. But if the meds help keep my head a little more above water, then it is definately worth it.

Carla - posted on 11/17/2010

@Dana, Ephesians 6:10-20--we read this every morning and mentally put on our armour. 'For we wrestle NOT against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places...' If Satan can wiggle his way into our minds, the rest of the body follows!

This world has become a stressful place. We are working too hard and are overwhelmed. This is Satan's way of distracting us from what God wants for us--peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. I am the poster child of medication. I took everything in the book, trying to get undepressed, but it only made me lifeless, blah and, as a result, even more depressed! I would have given almost anything to FEEL something other than complete and total hopelessness. The world has told us that we have a chemical imbalance, this is wrong, that is wrong, but in the long run, if we look at our lives, it is usually what we are physically doing that causes this. Now don't all jump on me, because I was right there with you. I was working 6 days a week, sometimes 7, trying to feed children and take care of a husband that had broken his back at work. There was never enough time, never enough money, never enough 'happy thoughts', and it will bring the strongest person to their knees. God didn't intend for us to put ourselves through this! Through a lot of soul-searching, He made me understand that I couldn't be everything to everyone and there was only so much I could do, and the rest I HAD to give to Him. Once I decided to truly give all my burdens to Him, I started coming out of the black pit and into the sunshine.

The Christian walk is not easy. A lot of times we have to lay aside our own personal ambitions and listen to what He has for us. They are rarely the same ;) But if you are looking for peace, looking for joy, looking for contentment, go have a little talk with Jesus.

God bless

Maggie - posted on 11/16/2010

Hey Honey,
Just know that there is someone so far away who is lifting you up to the father in prayer. Please focus on all the blessings around you, your beautiful children, great husband and the fact that you are alive and well. Everyone morning when you wake up just declare to your self that you will believe the report of the Lord coz His report says that you are healed, His report says that you are loved beyond measure, His report says that you are the apple of His eye and His report says that your name is engraved in His hand and no one can snatch you out. By sharing your struggle i believe that you are healing and that in a few days you will be laughing about this situation. Let's refuse depression in Jesus' name. Do you have adult friends you hang out with regularly? or Church group? i have found those to be helpful. Hang in there and my prayer for you is that may the Joy of the Lord be your strength! Amen

Ann - posted on 11/16/2010

Surrender to the medication. Seems like you are letting your pride get in the way. If you had cancer would you reject chemo and try to pray yourself better. Faith without works is dead. Time to do some legwork.

Dana - posted on 11/16/2010

You are not alone...I am not depressed, really, but I have great agitation and irritation, which I do believe to be partly a chemical imbalance...can't really do the meds, either, because of the side effects. Lately, I've been drinking a bit of wine/vodka every night, and it calms me nicely, but I've had to stop it because I feel I was becoming to dependant.

I have four young children and work two jobs. The biggest stress I feel is not being a calm mom. I yell quite a bit because I'm stressed and tired.

Here's the thing, though, that I believe to be going on. While I do think a lot of what we're struggling with is physical/chemical, I think we're in a spiritual battle, too. God has been speaking to me about fighting this battle spiritually instead of physically. When you feel those depressing thoughts come on, quote scripture until you feel it: I am more than a conqueror...I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...If God is for me, who can be against me?...Trust in the Lord with all of your heart...lean not on your own understanding...God's plan for us is to give us a future and a hope....

Fight those mind games with His Word. Resist the devil, and he'll flee.

God loves you. He knows your pain. I know your pain. Hang in there. I'll pray for you. Pray for me. :)

Dana

Shaunta - posted on 11/16/2010

I will lift you and your family up in prayer! **hugs**

Amanda - posted on 11/16/2010

I feel like I could have just wrote this...Everything from the trying, to the depression, to the money problems, to the husband not understanding, to the not having insurance right now, and admitting how bad it's gotten. *HUGS*

I'm looking forward to reading all the response you have gotten to this question. I hope it helps us both.

Brennis - posted on 11/16/2010

I am not sure if this will help, it is a med. but its concentrated Folic acid. I am pregnant and remembering how my first was born..... needless to say the doctor understood if i was depressed.

It doesn´t completely get rid of it, but it helps take the edge off and allows me to deal with the issue behind it. Maybe it will help you. Since its a vitamin maybe it will cost less.....

Sam - posted on 11/16/2010

My husband has suffered with depression since he was a teenager. He has gone to Christian counseling and tried all kinds of meds. He also has anxiety which makes him think he's having a heart attack.



I know cost/insurance is a problem for you but I just had to respond because we have recently found an unusual CURE and someone reading this may benefit. We both seeing a Christian Chiroprator/neurologist who has really helped both of us. Chiropractors can be good and bad so it's hard to find an awesome one as we have. We are in South Florida. Seems that when the spine has been "out of wack" it pinches on nerves that go to important organs of your body. (like bending your garden hose to cut off water). My immune system was terrible (sinus infections) and now I don't usually get sick for more than a day, even when my kid's have something. I also was up at night with RLS. Now I sleep through the night, My husband is still taking one drug, but has gone off of the other and doesn't get the heart palputations anymore. He said before seeing Dr. Tim he could still feel his body having anxiety but they were like suppressed. He said it was really weird. South Florida Chiropractic may know of an office near you. He has helped add year to our lives so any $ cost was well worth it. All natural.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Royal-Palm-Beach-FL/South-Florida-Family-Chiropractic/121876291064

or http://drtim.net/Index.html

ANNE - posted on 11/16/2010

I am now a grandmother but my heart goes out to you as I know exactly where you are. Have been there and you feel so guilty because you are a Christian. Take hope even when it is really bad you never quite go all the way hold on to that. It does get better but just hold in there. Your husband wont understand because mine didnt but God gave him the strength to get through it as they feel so helpless. I will definitely be praying for you because I am sure that is what got me through. Depression is in my family too and I am now trying to help my Christian daughter.
Take care and let me know how you are doing.

Tamara - posted on 11/16/2010

Medication will not solve your problems but it will certainly just get your head above the water so that you wont feel like your drowning anymore and you will have a clear mind to deal with the issues in your life that you need to. There are free clinics available that will work with you. There is nothing wrong on relaying on God to help you walk thru this, but at the same time God gave you a mind that can think and if there is something medical out there that is proven to work you should take it. For instance you get a cut on your finger... you reach for the anti bacterial ointment and a bandaid dont you? Yes you might say a prayer to God to help with the healing process but your certainly not going to refuse medical treatment and just ask God to prevent any infections...right?

Melanie - posted on 11/16/2010

I will pray for you! But you do need to seek some kind of counseling. There are clinics out there that will counsel for free. My mother in law is Maniac Depressive so I know what depression will do to you if you do not seek out some kind of help. But do keep praying! God can do great things, I believe that. And focus on all the wonderful things your are blessed with, like your husband and your children. When we dwell on everything that goes wrong, then we will be depressed! Just remember there is always someone out there in worse shape than you are. But seriously if mental illness runs in your family, you do need to seek help. Praying that God will open a door for you to get out of the pit you are in! God Bless!

Michele - posted on 11/16/2010

I will be praying for you. We just moved away from family and are going through rough times with money too, so I understand where you are right now. Our pastor just preached about this last week. Satan is putting those bad/dark thoughts and feelings in your head. Don't let him! Just pray as soon as a you start feeling he is attacking you (even out loud). God can get you through this. It's not easy, but with God, all things are possible! Don't give up - your family and you are worth it. God Bless You!

Sarah - posted on 11/16/2010

I too have suffered with depression for almost my whole life but it was more recently getting worse with suicidal/violent thoughts. I decided to go to a Dr. and had to pay about $150 out of pocket. I was put on some medication and recommended counseling along with the medication. The medication was really cheap. About $4 a month at wal-mart pharmacy for the generic version. I went to counseling about once a month for 6 months. The medication really numbed my overall feelings of depression which was good, because it helped me not get all emotional in working out my issues with the counselor. I was also going through marital issues with my spouse so we ended up doing couples counseling. This was the best choice I ever made for my life. My husband and I were at the verge of divorce. This not only saved my life but my marriage too. And ultimately my children have been spared a lot of hardship because of the treatment. I recently became pregnant with our third child, so I took this as an opportunity to get off my meds. The first two weeks weaning off the meds with my Dr.'s advice was difficult. Sometimes I still have some bouts of depression but my husband and I pray against it. Just remember the enemy of our souls wants to kill & destroy us. We must fight against the powers of darkness through prayer. Sometimes I still get depressed, but now I cry out to God through prayer and tell him what I'm feeling and I just cry all my tears to him and ask him for help and he really comes through. Sometimes a good nap helps too!! We moms wear ourselves out. I think what's different now then before, is that I've worked through most of my issues through the counselor and with my husband, so now i'm just working through less issues more current ones so it's easier to handle. My pastor always says, "What we don't express, we depress." I really think this saying is true. We must express ourselves to God and to others if we are having issues that can be resolved with other people or else we'll become depressed. I don't know if what I'm sharing makes sense to you, but you are in my prayers. I am praying for God to open a door for you to afford medical help. Medication definitely helped me short term, because I confronted the issues. I would recommend that avenue. A lot of people stay on the medication because they become dependent on it. My pastor's wife was on depression medication for 5 years before God delivered her from depression. So don't worry how long it takes, but please do get help before you do something you might regret. Also, the local health department might have a doctor available to you free of cost.

Meg - posted on 11/15/2010

Hey Michelle,
I am an Aussie mum who also deals with depression. Can I firstly say you are amazing! You have taken the first step in dealing with this! Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to admit there is a problem and that you need some help. We all need help from time to time and that's what the body of Christ is about. I have two wonderful kids aged 15 and 13 both of whom have speical needs as well as a wonderful hubby who is high functioning Autistic so I know how hard life can be. I recently got to a point, as a result of ALOT of changes in my world of gradually getting worse-very teary and angry over the smallest things, no motivation to do anything, feeling like constantly giving up stuff like that....In the end I spoke to 3 friends and my husband and said if it didn't improve within a certain time frame I would go and see my dr. I got signifacantly worse to the point where I ended up in tears for 24hrs without sleep. That's when my friends held me accountable and I went and saw my dr. I have been on the lowest dose of Zoloft they could give me and I have to say that taking the meds (which I didn't really want to have to do as I had a bad experiecnce previously), getting some councilling and staying in touch with God,friends and life in general has helped tremendously. I personally find that weather, cycle (that time of the month),food (in my case not eating properly) and sleep effect me greatly day to day. I also have suffered with Glanduar fever as a teenager and that can also lead to problems with depression because of how it damaages the immune system. Sometimes we need to take a step of faith and go and see our drs after all God also gave us drs as well as the stuffs of the natural world both are very good and both have their place. Even if you don't get any meds, just sitting and talking it through with a health professional can be a great help. I think the hardest thing about depression can be that we feel like we have to always be "in control" of our feelings and as a result we don't always get to deal with them properly and we feel gulity about being down.Just remeber some of the greatest heros of the bible dealt with this too. Here are some questions worth thinking about. As a mum are u getting the opporunity to take some time out for urself? Are you able to just sit and enjoy some sunshine? Are you able to go and have a coffee with a trusted friend who will walk this journey with you and committ to pray for you? Are you able to spend some time not just in God's word and prayer ( always a great place to start) but sit and just listern to some praise and worship music? Do you journal? Do you need to look at your world demestically and make some changes? Do you have a hobby outside church/family? how long has it been since you just went for a walk/had a full nights sleep/done something for yourself?
If you don't hear anything else Michelle hear this God loves you eternally, you ARE NOT letting him down, he understands completely and loves,accepts and delights in you right now just as you are. I believe he wants to take you on a journey to healing and wholeness. The fact that you have reached out says that you are ready to give this thing the boot. So dear lady put your hand in God's and continue to walk this journey- He will finish the good work he started in you and he is always faithful, always loving and no matter what happenes in life he is always there for us.

I hope that you have found this helpful. I will pray for you as you continue to seek God's face as to what HE wants you to do in the next stage of this.....
I am always available if you want a chat...email is meg_ewen@yahoo.com.au or I am also on face book. In closing let me say again YOU ARE NOT ALONE-GOD WILL AND DOES WALK THIS JOURNEY WITH US.....
Blessings Meg

Naomi - posted on 11/15/2010

I'm in exactly the same boat as you. I, myself, didn't have insurance either - but I went to a doctor's office that has a sliding fee based on your income. They only charged me $10 for the visit - and they prescribed a generic prozac. The entire visit (with medication) was $14. I would call around to see if there's any option like this in your area. I too hesitated to go the medicating route - but as a last resort I have to say that there is no shame in doing what you have to do to be what's best for your family as well as yourself. I know what it's like for depression to be so much more than a bad day or the kids getting to you. Its not just a feeling - it's something deeper that comes out in feelings and affects you and everyone you love. Do whatever it takes to get out of the darkness. Even if you can't find any sort of assistance - it's worth the money. Medication can be something to help you out while you work with a pastor, friend, or counselor to find the deeper spiritual roots. For me it's a matter of "making" myself feel good while I work on getting good - so that I don't scar my kids for life while I get my crap together. It's not weakness to resort to medication - it takes courage to take that step - even if it's scary. For me, it felt like I was giving up. But I realized that it was ok - I was giving up on the notion that I should be able to get better on my own. I really hope my own experience helps you out! Even if you don't do meds. - any sort of counseling and support would be beneficial too!

Elizabethe - posted on 11/15/2010

Dear Michelle,
Please go to a therapist, you have controll over your depression sometimes it helps to talk to someone outside of your family and friends. You do not have to take medication it is up to you no matter what a doctor recommends for you to take, (take note of the word recommends it doesnot mean you have to take the medication). I completely understand what you are going through I have a type of depression that is called Dysthemic which means it can be hard to see the positive in every situation. I do not take medication I have it under control most of the time. But then everyone is going to have their ups and down no matter who you are. There is nothing wrong with seeing someone, there are services out there that can help you if you do not have insurance. You can talk to the church paster and they can refer you to an organization that does counseling services for free. If you do not want to talk to your paster there are help lines that you can call in your local area just dial the information line and tell them what you are looking for. I will pray for you, but please find someone to talk too this is very important for your well being and the well being of your family, "if mommy is not happy than no one else in the immediate family is going to be happy". I will pray for you to get the answers you need. Live, love, laugh and peace on you and your family.

Carla - posted on 11/15/2010

@Igna, my daughters both suffered from infertility, and my heart goes out to you. You are blessed that you have one child, though. Our oldest went through IVF several times, but it didn't take. She did finally get pregnant after about 10 years, and now has two children. Our youngest had IVF also, which failed; they have adopted two wonderful children that are absolutely Godsends to us! But I know the sorrow they/we all went through.

Father, Igna needs help! She feels like she is slipping away, and we ask You to hold her tight! Speak to her, words of peace, words of reassurance and hope. Show her how You have been there with her all these years and You are still there holding her hand. Holy Spirit, comfort her and give her the means to pull herself out of this. Her child needs her! Bring love, bring understanding, and bring resolution to her problems. We know that with You nothing is impossible, and You hold the knowledge of how many children she is to have. Speak to her! Comfort, heal. Let her know we are here, and so are You! In Jesus' Name, amen

God bless, darling, we ARE here for you.

Igna - posted on 11/15/2010

Hi Michelle
I am so glad about your post. I know exactly how you are feeling. (well,obviously not 100% but you know what I mean :-) ) My daugther turned 6 in May and eversince her birth things just didn't go right. I never have typical depression-thoughts, you know about suicide and dark thoughts. But I just don't enjoy anything anymore. I sometimes think by myself why did I have a child if I'm always to tired or just never in the mood to play with her and spend time with her. Suffering from secondary infertility didn't help the depression either. Even our intimate life suffers,if I'm in the mood for sex once a month that's a lot, and that doesn't mean I actually have the energy do to anything about it.... We have a good medical aid and I have been advised by a very good friend to see a psychiatrist. I always thought it was linked to my hormones, having that typical ups and downs during the month. But her daughter has to see one and she asked him about it and he assured her there isn't something like 'hormone related depression'. I have a feeling just having someone to talk about all my emotions and everything we went through the past 6years will already help but I can't get myself to just pick up the phone and make an appointment.
Good luck to you. And stand strong in your faith. Satan knows our weeknesses and he uses that to attack us. I have at times even considered divorce because I just couldn't see the benefit in staying married, but luckily God spoke to me through reading Malachai in no uncertain terms about those thoughts. I know my husband loves me to bits and I would go far to find someone with the patience and love he has for me and our daughter.

Margret - posted on 11/14/2010

I know exactly how you feel, im 21 and ive suffered of depression and anxiety most of my life. Ive endured child abuse, a still birth, rape. And the depression progressed. I joined the army at 17, wanting a new life, newly married. At 19 i was pregnant with my son, after the pregnancy i fell into a very deep postpartum depression. I didnt want to bond with my son. I felt spiritually dead. I had dark thoughts i wanted to go away. It was hard because my husband doesnt believe in mental or emotional disorders. So i couldnt talk to him about it, the insomnia, my body hurting, the exaustion, the mood swings. I felt lost. I seeked help, my therapist gave me medications for sleep, for the anxiety, and for the depression. But it took time. I had to expirement until i found the dose that worked for me. And even so the medications brought temporary relief but i seeked more. But i want to tell you that i left the army to relieve myself from pressure, came back home to my family where they have shown me support and help me with my son. I still struggle. I have moments where i just want to cry. But I know god is with me. he is truly wonderful, amazing. Dont look at yourself like your in a bad situation, look at yourself like this isnt the worst youve endured. Look at your children and think im blessed. Because you are. God has given you life, he has given you a home, a husband, children, food, money. You may not be rich and have everything you want but he gives me what you need. since ive recommited to god, ive realized that what i was seeking was him. I needed spiritual healing. I have a spiritual support system, and i feel like this depression cant beat me. i look at my son and im truly blessed. after everything ive endured i have this little person who smiles at me and i know everything will be ok. currently im not taking medication but im considering going to the doctor and seeking something for the anxiety. medication is not bad but its not the 100% solution if your not giving yourself some kind of therapy. take time for yourself, for your spiritual needs. consider counseling or a spiritual support system. that will truly help. remember everything is not as bad as it seems. its just how we tend to look at it. God bless you sweetheart. feel better. ;)

Lisa - posted on 11/14/2010

Contemporary Christian music always give me a positive boost. I agree with Rachel - if I listen to K-Love or my local Christian station, I find it so uplifting. I've been listening lately to Josh Wilson's Before the Morning -it's exactly what I had been feeling, and it really does help. Go to you tube and listen and watch ~ I will also keep you in my prayers~ God Bless!!

Jodi - posted on 11/13/2010

Hi Michelle, I have dealt with depression my whole life, and have been on medication for it for the past few years. Honestly, I can't function without the medication. I become unbearable to live with, and I feel like I am a worse mother without it. I believe that God put medications here for a reason, and I see no problem with taking medication that is needed. That is just my take on it. Don't get me wrong, having a close relationship with God can and will do wonderful things for you and your life, and there is nothing more uplifting than having a meaningful relationship with Him! Please don't be afraid to reach out to other Christians to talk about it. I know it can be very hard. For the first time in five years, I have really started to acknowledge how bad it has gotten, and once I can verbalize that, then I can start the healing process. Please, reach out to someone that you trust, and talk to them. There are people that care, and won't judge you!

Joslyn - posted on 11/13/2010

I agree with Amy and Lisa, most generic antidepressants are 4 dollars at walmart. That is affordable for anybody. With depression and anxiety there is always resistance to going onto medication and alot of uncertainty (will it help? will it make me a zombie?) But the truth is, most people have success with medication. It should bring you to the point of feeling like your old self again. You could be amazed that you finally get to feel cheerful!! That is what God wants for you, the ability to feel joy again. And the ability to be a good partner and parent. You need the advantage other people have of good mental health. If your brain is sick, take medication as you would for other conditions. Also, people who do not feel well on their antidepressant need to switch medications.

Lisa - posted on 11/13/2010

In addition to meds, it is so important to take care of yourself. Please find time to get exercise, and eat healthy! This just helped me through a big slump.

Lisa - posted on 11/13/2010

I am also a Christian who has suffered a life-long battle with depression which is a genetic condition. Please do seriously consider anti-depressants- I take genetic Zoloft and it works pretty well and is pretty cheap. Think about it this way- if you have a headache, you take aspirin. Depression can be a medical problem, so why is it any different? Also, finding a few friends with kids close to the same age helps- great to get together once in a while without kids for laughs and shoulders to cry on... Good luck! :)

Amy - posted on 11/13/2010

Hi,
I would suggest looking into some way to get low-cost psychiatric treatment/counseling. It really is worth it even without insurance. I have struggled with depression since I was a teen and the difference for me has been medication. Generic Prozac is extremely affordable these days. God has blessed us with the medications and I thank Him for that!
Good luck and I will pray for you!

Gene Ann - posted on 11/12/2010

Depression is not a simple condition to correct and can vary in severity. It is a brain chemical imbalance, and there is a possibility that yours can be rebalanced by changes in health habits—consistently exercising, eliminating sweets, making getting quality sleep a priority, being around adults in a pleasant social situation and reducing grain carbohydrates (especially gluten and alcohol). Also, you may be gluten intolerant. If you are gluten-intolerant and eat foods with gluten, it will interfere with your body's ability to absorb vitamins and minerals. Low Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D can exacerbate the blues, so a Vitamin B12 suppliment and sunshine will help.



Sounds easy, except you don't feel like exercising, you crave sweets and grain carbohydrates, the depression can interrupt your sleep patterns (or lack of sleep could have caused the depression, which can be a vicious downward cycle), and you don't feel like putting on a happy face to be around people.



You will have to make a conscious decision to go exercise when you feel too tired to exercise, to refrain from sweets and gluten, and to schedule social activities. That’s where the dependence on prayer and your spouse and family to support these health changes will be very important. Find scriptures that are an encouragement to you, write them on 3x5 cards, and put them where you can see them frequently. Keep a daily journal where you write down the things for which you are thankful. I journal my prayers, beginning with praise and listing the attributes of God. He is the Great Physician, all-powerful, etc. Schedule free social activities by swapping baby-sitting with friends once a month for a date with your husband (to go for a walk). Have a weekly family game night. Your entire family will benefit from these changes.



If you have implemented those health changes over a couple of months without improvement, have thoughts of hurting yourself or others, feel that your condition is interfering with your parenting, or your sleep patterns are still seriously disturbed, then see a medical professional at a community health clinic! You may need a prescription to help get your body out of the hole that it has fallen into. Be prepared to tell him/her what you’ve done to try to improve your condition on your own. It doesn’t make you a failure as a Christian to seek medical help. It may take a temporary prescription to jumpstart your recovery. Also, a doctor can determine if you have sleep apnea or a hormone imbalance. Both you and your family deserve for you to feel better.



If you are dealing with feelings of guilt, lack of worth, or failure, then your pastor should be able to give you some wise counsel to identify and dispel the lies of the devil! If not, find one who will. Don’t ever let the devil convince you that you are stuck where you are with no hope of change, because that is a lie. We’re praying for you.

Erin - posted on 11/12/2010

I have been exactly where you are. And you are doing the right thing by staying close to God. I do still have my days but they are few in between. I find what helps me is writing to God or just writing how I am feeling and ask God to help me to sort my feelings out. I too come from a family with mental illness. But with God we will overcome this. I will definitely be praying for you Michelle. In His Love. Erin

RaNaye - posted on 11/12/2010

Hi Michelle,

I agree with most of what I have read here. My personal experience is that I tried to do it on my own. I turned it over to God over and over and it just didn't get any better. I too have dealt with it for most of my life. My husband finally said to me, "You have to do something because I can't deal with your moods anymore." That was a wake up call. I did start on medication and have changed it several times. I have a psychiatrist I see once every six months to a year to keep my prescriptions up. I am actually on 3. One for depression, one for anxiety which I take only when I really feel like I need it and the 3rd is for sleep because I haven't slept in years without it. The one for sleep is a low dose antidepressant and I only take 1/4 of a pill at night to sleep. Same dosage for years. The Psych doesn't understand why it works but it does and one of my sons has the same sort of biochemistry so now he is also on the same low dose 1/4 pill for sleep.

I also use natural supplements to help such as 5htp for sleep but a product by metagenics called "Crave Curb" which actually helps with neurotransmitters. The other one is "Trancor" which helps with neurotransmitters too. I work at a Chiropractic office so I was able to do a Neurotransmitter questionaire to find out what would work best for my brain chemistry. I only get the "Crave Curb" when I can afford it but the "Trancor" and the 5htp are a must. Needless to say, there are now mainly certain times of the month when I need to take the antianxiety med.

I realize I am rambling but I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes a person needs antidepressants to help them. I did, and it did and does help me to be a better wife and mother. The natural products help to shore up my neurotransmitters because lets face it... the antidepressant can only do so much if it doesn't have much to work with! I was tested and found out that I am in a very low category of seratonin so the depression won't get much better if there's not much seratonin to work with. That being said, brain chemistry is a complicated thing and my depression could have a different cause then yours but it sure sounds similar to me.

I don't have insurance either and my antidepressent is expensive but I found I could order online from Canada and pay for a 90 day supply what it would cost me here for a 30 day supply! I have accepted that for now that is Gods will for me. If it helps me love better and behave better and feel better, it's worth it. I fought it for years but I didn't like myself very much. I like myself a lot better now. Perhaps your doctor can give you samples to try for a month or so to see if it works, if it doesn't, then perhaps he can give you samples of another one until you find the right one for you.

Listen to your body, you'll know, and God will guide you if you ask Him. Hope this helps somehow.

Carmen - posted on 11/12/2010

I have been dealing with depression too. Ever since I was a child. I have dealt with the money problems and having to do everything myself even when I was married. I never thought that I would be getting through it like I am now but I still slip into it time and again. I have found that with the money problems, I just pray and remember that God will provide everything that we need. With having to raise 2 kids by myself, I have tried to remember that I am the only person in their life and that God gave me that job. I have been in a very low point in my life when I moved out, but if it wasn't for my prayers and my church family, I don't think I could have made it through. Yet I still have some depression issues, like accepting love and kindness and help from my bestest friend in the whole world. I have a problem thinking that I deserve anything good in my life. I also have a tendency to loose my temper over things sometimes. I just have to go to my quiet place and pray and read over certain passages in the Bible. I will pray for you.