How Do I Forgive Myself?

Nevar - posted on 07/28/2009 ( 28 moms have responded )

29

3

0

I am having the hardest time forgiving myself for things I have done in the past. I know I am supposed to...and I know God forgives me...but I just don't seem to know how to truly forgive myself. Any advice out there? I am realizing that the mistakes I made and continue to make as a mother effect who I am and how I face life on a daily basis. I want to know how to forgive myself and let it all go once and for all. I would love some advice. Please help!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Anita - posted on 08/04/2009

16

14

0

Forgiving ourselves is the hardest thing to do .... but our preacher just preached on this not long ago... when we accept Jesus Christ as our personal savior.. our Past is wiped away.. it did not happen....... What ever it is .. you have to forgive yourself.. because if you dont .. you are not believing God can forgive you and doubting he wiped it clean..

I found out when my past is brought up to me .. I tell satin to get behind me ..and I put a praise and worship tape in and I start praising God .. Satain only attacks us where we are weak.. try this .. and I will be praying for you.. concentrate on what God is doing in your life not what Satain is trying to bring up to you.... your past is wiped clean and you have to accept that... to move on .. and truly serve God..

I would like to be here for you

anytime

Anita

anita1953r@yahoo.com

Angela - posted on 03/16/2012

2,429

9

321

With anything/everything that goes "wrong" that can be identified as someone's "fault" (whether our own fault or someone else's) we can decide whether we want to:



a) FORGIVE AND FORGET or

b) RESENT AND REMEMBER



Now you can regret it as much as you like but knowing in your heart that your actions were wrong and being sincerely sorry for them means you should be able to forgive yourself. You would expect the regret, remorse, acknowledgement of wrong judgement and wrong choices, plus being sorry for the action and its outcome from anyone else before forgiveness so why not from yourself?



Recognise these feelings and move forward to forgive yourself.

Ana - posted on 08/04/2009

1

8

0

Hi Hon, I kind of just happen to bump into this circle of moms things and read your notes.....i may not know what you are going through or whats hindering you to move forward from your past, but i can tell you from my own experience that its been moments like these that I clinge on to God and ask him to search the depths of my soul and remove everything that is not from HIM. Remember honey .... he knew us BEFORE we were in our mothers womb..... our steps were already ordained by HIM ....so he knew that when he chose you ...that somewhere along the line we fall short of the Glory of God...he knew what you would say, think and do even before you spoke, thought or acted on. With all that said, he knows everything and you just need to forgive your self for anythign you have done in your past. You cant change what already happened, but you can choose to accept Gods grace and forgiveness...he no longer remembers your past. Just ask for forgiveness.... its a decision and choose to focus on the healing power of your almighty Father. May God Bless you!

Pat - posted on 08/04/2009

1

1

0

If Our Lord has forgiven you then you are being selfish by not forgiving yourself. You are holding onto this as a way of punishing yourself for your decision. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from it and move on. That is what the Lord wants you to do...so do it. It's good that you are tuned into yourself and realize that you actually haven't really forgiven yourself. So, now's the time to forgive yourself. Just do it. Believe it. Release it. My best wishes to you as you process this out of your mind. God Bless You!

[deleted account]

Advice is a easy thing to give, but hard to receive. There are very well meaning people who will come and go in your life with tons of advice, but until you decide that what you did actually made you who you are today it will not matter. Everyone makes mistakes, some are more difficult to live with than others. You have given this to God, do not take it back. Once you ask for forgiveness, you are forgiven. I lost a child 11 yrs ago in an accident and it has changed my life forever, and the person that I use to be is still here, but I am forever someone else. Life happens, we make mistakes, we love, we laugh, we cry, we mourn and it all shapes us in different ways. We do pretend, we try to hide the pain, but life goes on. You have to decide if you are going to keep letting it drag you along or you make the choice to get up and walk. God will hold your hand on this journey, he will not let you down~EVER.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

28 Comments

View replies by

Rose - posted on 08/04/2009

31

4

3

Nevar, you were young and you did what you thought was the right thing at the time. No one can be blamed for doing that, even if it does turn out to be the wrong thing. Maybe this is a test God is setting for you, to see if you can find it in your heart to be good to yourself. I bet you can.

Syna' - posted on 08/03/2009

1

23

0

When we don't forgive ourselves we are telling God that His Son's Sacrafice on the Cross was not Sufficient, and that He should have done more. His thoughts towards us are GOOD...



How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

[If] I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

Psalm 139:17,18

Joyce - posted on 08/03/2009

1

9

0

Nevar, it's something to me that I just read this due to the fact that this past weekend while returning home from Arizona with some sisters in Christ, one of them whom I've known for 8 yrs told me that when she was 17 she made the same choice as you did and she too has never been able to get past the torement of what took place. I can't tell you that I know how you feel because I don't, I've never gone through it myself but I can tell you this,and it's something you already know that when you turned your life over to Christ He washed you clean of everything from your past and your little baby is in heaven and he or she has forgiven you, that child loves you!, now if you just go to God and ask Him to help you forgive yourself I trully, with all that is in me, believe that you will be set free from the guilt and hurt and then the door will be opened for you to minister to other girls and women whom you will meet in the future that will go through what you did and He will use you mightily!!! God Bless you and I will be praying for you!!!

[deleted account]

Nevar, Dear one - you are NOT alone. As I read the replies from your sisters in Christ, I encourage you to read them and treasure them in your heart. You did what MILLIONS of women have done and Millions of these women, like myself, have come to have a true and abiding relationship with Jesus Christ and we look back and say "how could I have done that and how can I forgive myself?" My dear sister, the reason you can forgive yourself is because you are NOT that woman any more. Jesus has transformed you. He has taken your sin as far as the east is from the west and HE does not condemn you. DO NOT allow Satan to take a stranglehold on your heart Nevar. You are a daughter of the King, a child of the Almighty God and you have a royal inheritance. Do not allow this to break you - 2 Cor 4 says while we are persecuted and perplexed, we are NOT destroyed. The lie that Satan has allowed to be spread and which he continues to be spread is that this is a "choice." A child, my darling friend, as you now well know, is not a "choice" but a child is a precious gift from God - entrusted to many but treasured by far too few. Open up your hands and turn loose of this. Then open up your heart and allow The Shepherd to plant a seed of love in your heart for those who have walked and are walking where you are. You WILL find healing there. Promise! Loving you, Nevar, with the Love of Jesus! Andrea Austin, For His Glory Ministries, Glendale, Arizona

Tammy - posted on 08/03/2009

21

0

3

Forgiveness comes from God and you can tell He's already forgiven you because you have children. He's called you blessed. Sometimes women in that position never get another chance, but God has blessed you, take His blessing and receive.

I have a friend who did the same thing in HS and we will be having our 25 class reunion til this day she has not been able to have children. The sad part of this is she married they guy that it happened with so they are still paying for it. The last I heard she was still not in church. God is able to heal her if she would let Him. Let Him...

Meredith - posted on 08/03/2009

6

35

0

Being only human, it is ssssssssoooooooooooo easy sometimes for the adversary to creep in, especially in situations like this. If he does get in, it's so easy for him to sabotage other aspects of your life.
I'm in agreement with several of the other ladies on here... in God's eyes, you are forgiven. There is not anything that we can do that discounts the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. There is nothing that we can do to render that act worthless.

Tammy - posted on 08/03/2009

21

0

3

Nwevar, I love that name have you looked it up?

This is something you need to read then do and God will help you.

Imagine yourself in your bathroom or where ever there is a big mirror and you are looking into it. Jesus comes up behind you. Close your eyes and back into Him until you are one. Then open your eyes and what do you see?

Pamela - posted on 08/02/2009

1

3

0

Learning to forgive yourself for something(s) that you never should have done or said can be very difficult. I, too, am struggling with something from my past. All I can tell you is keep praying. Seek God, read the bible, go to church, and pray, and pray, and pray. This may be something that you may never be able to forgive yourself for, but you can make it easier to deal with, if you really give it to God. Give yourself to God. I hope this helps. Remember God can do anything. He loves each and every one of us very much, and he would like nothing more than for each of us to talk to him and seek him. Good luck in your journey and God bless you!



Pam Fisk

Angela - posted on 08/02/2009

162

59

16

Our sermon today at church was about this!! Our pastor quoted Warren Wiersbe, "The average person is crucifying himself between two thieves: the regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow."



He already died for all your sins, Nevar!! Satan is trying to steal your joy!! I know this is sooooooo hard, I do! I'll be praying for you. I just wanted you to know, you are not alone!!!

Connie - posted on 08/02/2009

14

73

2

You said that you went to God and asked for forgiveness.... Well He has forgiven you.. Now every time that you think of that incident remind yourself.. "Hey I am a daughter of the Almighty God and He has forgiven me" Then throw it to the foot of the Cross and say this is in my past and I do not claim it any more It is not who I am at this timer of my life. And if you have to do it 1 more time or 100 more times then do so pretty soon the "Enemy will geet the picture and realize that you really so mean it....

If you need to talk email me at imirish@shaw.ca

Take care and remember you are a child of God!!!

Marie - posted on 08/01/2009

1

20

0

It's going to be a process and you have to let the Holy Spirit complete that process in you through meditating on scriptures that are 'Truth' instead of the 'tapes' of lies that you are possibly listening to in your head?! The enemy is not a gentleman and will use areas like this to constantly chisel away at who God has created us to be. Pray and ask him to give you those scriptures as you read his word or bring to mind ones you already have committed to memory. He is sooooo faithful in this,....trust me from personal experience.
Your part will be to capturing those 'thought lies' and telling them where they belong!

Those living verses will become what I call 'life verses' for you. I'm excited for the freedom the Lord is going to bring you through this! Have hope, he loves you and wants you free in this area more than you can imagine. :) Also it may be helpful to join a support group at church around a certain topic area if this applies.(don't know since you didn't share the specifics)

[deleted account]

I have been in your shoes and they are the hardest shoes I have ever had to wear. How I forgave myself was turning that unforgiveness over to God and letting him do the healing inside of me. It was bigger than anything I could do, but not bigger than him.

[deleted account]

When I saw the title of your message, my heart ached. I then read your comment and I see that you are really struggling over this 'mistake'.

I read all the posted comments and see some people have revealed why your heartaches, but I know "shame" it is such a LIE from satan. I struggle with shame myself from past events in my life. It is really hard to find people that can open their hearts to hear you struggle and stand by you while you work through this. I love different aspects of each persons advice to you.

My advice is something I am struggling with myself, find a good church! Meet great Godly people to fellowship with. Surround yourself with people to lift you up when you are struggling! GOD never intended for us to handle things alone.

I just started reading Charles Swindoll's book called "Getting Through the Tough Stuff". I will let you know how it is if you would like.

Shelly - posted on 07/30/2009

1,605

20

230

Nevar,

Some advice I recieved not to long ago and I have found worked...Write down what ever it is that is eating at you all of your sin that the enemies holding over you write it ALL down and then pray over it ask the Lord for true pure forgiveness and then light the page on fire and watch it disappear and know thats how the Lord looks at our sin when we ask Him for forgiveness it's gone bye bye so long it's gone...It doesn't have to live with you for ever let it die quit taking it back from the Lord let him wipe it clean...We as Christians have a bad habit of giving our troubles to the Lord and then we take it back b/c for some reason we think we can deal with it better...So write it down, pray abourt it, ask for forgiveness, and burn it, LET IT GO!!!

Maureen - posted on 07/30/2009

230

7

15

The choice you made when you were younger was right for you at the time. Do not let anyone make you feel guilty. We are fortunate to have free will and the right to make decisions.

Amy - posted on 07/30/2009

20

25

1

Have you considered volunteering at organization that helps young girls choose life. Maybe by sharing your story, you'd help someone else and in turn maybe that would help you. It helps to talk about things and this might be very healing for you.

God has forgiven you because you've ask for it. Since He has forgiven you, you need to forgive yourself.

Nevar - posted on 07/29/2009

29

3

0

Thanks to all of you. I have been praying and realizing this is major spiritual warfare going on here. I am convinced. Because the more I can stay "down" the less I am a "light" for my family...as I realized this the other night...I began to cry and realized even more that God has me in His hands...and all of it...every mistake...He is working together for good..whether I realize it or not...So thanks to all of you...I am doing so much better because of your encouragement and prayers and going to the Word.!!!

Jacqui - posted on 07/29/2009

18

9

1

I just have to say...reading this has been truly inspiring. I do and have done the same thing to myself. I do find it harder to forgive myself. I pray,ask for forgiveness and try to let it go.I know, it sounds waay easier said than done.Mistakes DO mold us into what we are today. Trust me I have made plenty of mistakes in my life. I will be praying for you and I hope it all works out for you! God Bless you*

[deleted account]

I had this issue for many years. One of the things that helped me was to read the book of Romans over and over. One of my favorite verses is Romans 8:1

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

NO CONDEMNATION! God does not condemn you once you are "in Christ Jesus". It doesn't matter what you did. Also helpful is Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Whatever silly reason you had for doing the dumb thing you did, God has always meant something good for you. You cannot do anything so bad that God cannot make something good come out of it. And of course my absolute favorite verse in the entire Bible, in Romans 5:

For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that WHILE WE WERE YET SINNERS, Christ died for us.

He didn't wait until we cleaned up our act, He died for us while we were STILL IN SIN. He loved us EVEN THEN. How much more do you think He loves us and is willing to forgive us now that we've come into relationship with Him?? Seriously, read the whole book of Romans. It will do you good!

Heather - posted on 07/28/2009

4,634

42

1135

I think you need to look at this from a different perspective. Lets look at it this way. Is it that you haven't forgiven yourself, or that satan keeps reminding you. Brining it back up? God has already forgiven, so tell satan to drop it!!! Not forgiving yourself is like looking at God and saying, "I know Jesus died for my sins, but this one is too big for him." I'm not trying to be mean, I have to go over this with myself on a regular basis. Someone once did a sermon where they said that when God forgives our sins he throws them into the sea and they sink to the bottom, meant to stay there and be forgotten, be we as humans think that we need to go over to the sea with our fishing poles, and fish them back out. We clearly ignore the no fishing sign. God has forgiven you. You said that you know that, so my next question may seem harsh, but I think it is important to ask yourself. Are you more important then God? Why is it that you need forgiveness for something that is already forgiven. I'm glad that you brought this up. I am far from perfect, and I have this conversation with myself mentally every so often. Random things from my past pop into my head, and I know that it is truly satan that put them there. But God has forgiven them, and I don't even need to think about them for a second, because they are over. In the past. I know that I can't change them now. It is the same for you. Your past is gone. There is no point dwelling in it. I hope that those jumbled thoughts make since, and are able to help in some way. As I said I'm not trying to be mean, this is just my own personal pep talk that I give myself.

Alica - posted on 07/28/2009

80

7

7

One of the hardest things to do is to forgive ourselves!!! Like you said, God has forgiven you!! If the Almighty can forgive you, then you can forgive you!! What I was taught is to each day stand in front of the mirror and look yourself in the eye, and tell yourself that you forgive yourself, then tell yourself that you are special and important to God. I know it sounds corny...but it works. It may take a while until you truly forgive yourself, but eventually you will.



Matthew 6:14-16

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (NIV)



Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. (NIV)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms