How do you feel about your kids listening to secular music?

Lori - posted on 10/18/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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As a Christian parent, do you feel that it's okay for your children to listen to secular music and attend non Christian parties or go-go's? If so, why? If not, why not?

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Rena' - posted on 10/22/2009

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Quoting Jerenda:

I believe that God has given talents to many...christian and non-christian. I would hate to deprive my children the opportunity to listen to Mozart, Bach, or Bethoven simply because they aren't gospel music. I believe that any music that uplifts or has a positive message whether gospel or secular is good. You just need to teach your children that songs with swear words, songs about sex and immoral behaviour are not appropriate. You need to set an example yourself of choosing good music...secular and gospel. Listen to music with them. If a song is inapropriate tell them and tell them to change the channel or song immediately.

Non-christian parties: well that depends on the friends. If the friends are good moral kids who just happen to not be christian but are trustworthy, why not? God told us to be in the world but not of the world. Your kids should socialize with others who are not christian but have good values. Christ didn't just reach to the pharisees but the publicans too. So, I think as long as you know there isn't any immoral behaviour going on at those parties, that there is no boozing, and that there is adult supervision you should let your children go. They can be good examples to those who are not of their faith. Again, it comes down too as to what you have taught your children. Have you taught them that if there is inapropriate behaviour going on to leave and call you? Have you taught them to stand up for their moral values? If you have and they have received that in their hearts you should trust them to make the right choices.



I don't think I could've said this better.  I agree Jerenda (pretty name).  It starts with the parent and what you've instilled in them to behave appropriately when you're around, and most importantly, when you're not around.  I decided what my children could listen to and watch on the TV.  I just didn't say they couldn't, I told them why.  When they did become teenagers, I couldn't stop them from living in this world.  But they knew once they crossed the threshold to home, they knew what was expected.  And they followed through to the respect of THEMSELVES.  My daughter even kicked one of her friends out of my house because she felt she was disrespectful of the rules and regulations that was set in our home.  One of the best things you can do is not to lower the bar once you've set it.  Children are very flexible with what they feel when they know their parents love them with discipline (not the same as a whipping or abuse).  If you become so "heavenly bound, you're no earthly good," your children will see that as a weakness and exploit it to the fullest by going behind your back and do what you don't want them to do.  And remember, you were a child once, too.  That helps to keep things in its proper perspective for your guidance.  God bless you, and hope everything turns out well for you and yours.

Tomeka - posted on 07/22/2011

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1 John 2:15: "Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world , the love of the Father is not in him." we join together in the prayer of agreement for God's intervention into our children's lives at every age where music is concerned. We understand that the root of this is the issue between being a cultural Christian who just was raised in a home with Christian values and being a practicing follower of Christ where our lifestyle choices reflect evidence of a heart change. Dear Father, intervene in our children's lives on every level and remove their desire for worldly music and the lifestyle choices that accompany it in our culture...we proclaim their desire for Christ-culture, in the name of Jesus...

Alice - posted on 10/22/2009

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1 John 2:15: "Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world , the love of the Father is not in him." I think we can convey this message in a very loving, non-judmental way to our young people. I think it is important to understand who we are in Christ Jesus. God bless. :)

Nikki - posted on 10/18/2009

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Hello Lori, Lawd knows I have experienced this debate with my now 18yr old daughter. This is what God gave me. We live in this world but not of this world. Which means our children will be exposed to the good and evils of this world. My job is to teach my child how to make wise decisions that glorify God and will prosper her life in Christ. With this said, I had to teach them how to decifer between music that is uplifting with a positive message and music that is evil with a negative and degrading message. When they learn what the message of the song is giving them, while they are in my presence I make the decision if they can listen or not. When they are not in my presence, they know how to make their own decisions if they should listen or not. Do I feel like it is okay for them to listen to music that is degrading? NO, because music does effect your spirit. Do I think they will not listen to this music, nope because it is apart of the world we live in and they will be exposed to it one way or another, I think the key to the music peace is balance and knowledge.



As for the non-christian parties and go-go. As my daughter was growing up, I did let her attend house parties with her peers and maybe one or two go go's. We attend church on Sunday and Wednesday, I have in home bible studies with them and educated them well enough to have a personal relationship with God. The reason why I let her attend these events was for the structured experience. She had guidelines, I was able to teach her what was appropriate and what was not and so many other lesson thru these experiences. Now she is in college and she is not going crazy about going out to the clubs and out of control. She is focused and understands that there are so many different forms of entertainment, other than parties and clubs. God allowed me thru her high school years and now college to reveal the good and evil through real life experiences, while she was in my household. I think sometimes as christian parents we forget to teach our children how to live and make godly decisions, in real life situations rather than performing in the GOOD CHRISTIAN way, and when the evils of this world attackes them, BECAUSE IT WILL... they don't know how to fight in the spirit and make good godly decisions, while in not so good situations. The only way they learn how to live in a fallen world as powerful, purposeful, effective children/people of God is we as parents guide them in real life everyday situations. Don't hear what I am not saying, which is, let your children run wild and go to go-go, clubs and parties for the experience. I am saying with godly decernment allow them to experience things in life for the purpose of experience and your guidance and insturctions. So, you can observe where your child needs additional educating and grooming in their thinking and spiritual development. So they will be equipped to face what life brings their way, with confidence in God and the wisdom you have instilled in them, when they have left your home.

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Sicily - posted on 10/25/2009

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I listen to mostly gospel music with my children, but my son is 15yrs old, so I tried to be very open minded with secular music we will listen to it together and I expalin how I feel about r&b and rap. When he 13yo he wanted tha lil wayne cd, I explained my point of view about his music and advised that I wouldn't buy the cd, but he if saved his money he could get it himself. I found that cd about 3wks later after he bought under is bed all scratched up and he doesn't even play it anymore. I won't banned him from listening to the music, because if I do that he will sneak and listen to anyways that just teens, so I will listen to it with him. But just this past week came to me after school and stated about how crazy the music was with jayz, beyonce, and other. So it just about communication with your children.

Well about the party's my son is not much into going to party's, if not dealing with any sports he probably won't go. Now this may be different when my daughter is a teen.

Dianne - posted on 10/24/2009

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It is okay within reason. It depends on the parents as to how much that is. It is hard to avoid if your children are in public school. How much they take to it depends on who they socialize with and what you do in your home.

What I find it that the kids want to feel normal. If they have enough christian friends then the music will not become a problem. What is on their ipods really tells me what makes a difference in their lives.

Kim - posted on 10/23/2009

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I would have to agree with you. I listen to different genres of music and I do monitor what my children listen to. I am currently working on getting closer to God and I pray every day for his guidance in how I raise my children!

Jerenda - posted on 10/22/2009

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I believe that God has given talents to many...christian and non-christian. I would hate to deprive my children the opportunity to listen to Mozart, Bach, or Bethoven simply because they aren't gospel music. I believe that any music that uplifts or has a positive message whether gospel or secular is good. You just need to teach your children that songs with swear words, songs about sex and immoral behaviour are not appropriate. You need to set an example yourself of choosing good music...secular and gospel. Listen to music with them. If a song is inapropriate tell them and tell them to change the channel or song immediately.



Non-christian parties: well that depends on the friends. If the friends are good moral kids who just happen to not be christian but are trustworthy, why not? God told us to be in the world but not of the world. Your kids should socialize with others who are not christian but have good values. Christ didn't just reach to the pharisees but the publicans too. So, I think as long as you know there isn't any immoral behaviour going on at those parties, that there is no boozing, and that there is adult supervision you should let your children go. They can be good examples to those who are not of their faith. Again, it comes down too as to what you have taught your children. Have you taught them that if there is inapropriate behaviour going on to leave and call you? Have you taught them to stand up for their moral values? If you have and they have received that in their hearts you should trust them to make the right choices.

Alice - posted on 10/22/2009

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amen! i also have a teenager and a 20 year old - it was hard for them, but being consistent and trusting in God's faithfulness helped me and them. Now they only hear gospel music- Praise God for His faithfulness and that is what He wants from his children-faithfulness!!

Keowa - posted on 10/22/2009

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I strongly believe that music gets in your spirit so therefore, I don't allow my kids listen to secular music. However, I had a similar experience as Shannon. I backslid 2 years ago and when I did I started listening to secular music again and allowed my children to. Then I noticed a change in their attitudes/interests as well. When I returned to the Lord I totally cut it all out! What you allow in your spirit will either bring life or corruption. God showed me that when I allowed in things of that nature it was beginning to corrupt the hearts and minds and spirit of my children and that I had to sever every worldly tie. It was hard for my daughter at first but I stayed consistent with God's help and now she only listens to worship.

Heather - posted on 10/22/2009

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I was listening to a CD this morning and one of the songs reminded me of this post. I wanted to share it with you. It's by Avalon, and it is called I don't want to go.



You changed my world
When You came to me.
You drove a passion,
In my soul down deep,
Lord, to follow You in everything.

I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there,
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie.
And I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be where You are.
So I don't want to go.

So come whatever,
(Whatever may come)
I'll stick with You.
(Right by Your side)
I'll walk You'll lead me,
Call me crazy or a fool,
For forever I promise You...

That I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there,
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie.
And I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be where You are.
So I don't want to go
Without Your touch,
Without Your love
Filling me like an ocean.
For Your grace is enough,
Enough for me.

Never want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there.
No, no, no, no.

I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there,
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie.
And I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be right where You are.
So I don't want to go. No, no.
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Without Your touch,
Without Your love
Filling me like an ocean.
Your grace is enough,
I don't want to go.

I don't want to go somewhere,
If I know that You're not there.
I don't want to be there without You.
Without your touch,
(I don't want to go somewhere,)
Without your love

Ryan - posted on 10/21/2009

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hello Lori, growing up as a kid i was raise by my grandmother and church was all she did and tend to her garden. my two brother and i never heard of Mc hammer and snoop dogg and Tina turner basicly we never heard any hip hop or pop, rap either.and i can truly say i appreciate my grandmother protecting my ears, mind and, heart. that music is very corrruptive. the music will always be there kids are not missing much by not hearing it.

Lori - posted on 10/21/2009

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Great comment moms! I realize that although we may have different perspectives, we all share in our love for our children and protecting their spirits and hearts is what motivates our decisions.

When my children were six months, three and four, I began seriously walking with the Lord, but didn't really understand the what secular meant and they were exposed to that kind of music. Afterward, I didn't allow any secular music in the house, but to my surprise, I would hear them singing secular songs. When my daughters were around five or six, I'd ask where they heard the songs and they would say, at school, on the bus, in class or over their aunt's house. My situation worsened, ironically, when I joined a non-traditional church that did not really address this issue. In my ignorance, I began to listen to certain secular songs, not realizing that when I opened the door it allowed all music to enter. I began making compromises and my children suffered because of it.

I know that parenting is not about control. Even if I never allowed secular music into our home, it doesn't guarantee that they won't, like one mom stated, "fall in love with world's music." I would, however, like to encourage those of you with younger children to remember that it is the little foxes that spoil the vine. When we begin to make little compromises about music, TV shows, parties, etc., we have to be sure that our children's spirits are strong enough to stand up against the pressure of conforming.

None of us are perfect and even if we are able to dot every "i" and cross every "t", our children still have their own minds and wills. The good news is that, we don't have to do it alone. Through God, friends, families, our churches and networking circles such as these, our children will be more equipped than some of us were. Peace

P.S. Go-go is a subgenre of funk that originated in the Washington, DC, area during the mid- to late-1970s. Unique to Go-Go is the use conga drums and other percussion instruments. Another important attribute in go-go is call and response vocals with the crowd in concert called go-go's.

Anne - posted on 10/21/2009

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I have tried to answer this post 3 times and each time something happened to delay my answer.

I DO Believe that any music that degrades, is vulgar or uses our Lords Name In Vain is just flat out wrong.

However I personally can not put all secular music in that same box. Many of our hymns have Classical flavors in their tunes. The Most important thing we can do for our children is lead by example, and teach them to be discerning.

We had the normal struggles with our daughters, at times we were forced to destroy c.d.s because they broke our rules, but we realized we could not but our children in a bubble. The one thing that worked best of anything was to read the lyrics to questionable songs out loud, skipping the worst of the trash. This allowed the girls to realize just how bad the stuff they thought they wanted to listen to was. Unfortunately we can not keep our children from every worldly thing or influence in their lives. Even our daughter that attends a Christian College must deiced if her friends want to do something that would be displeasing to God rather she will follow or lead. Thankfully at 21 she had picked good friends that also love God.

When they were younger we did not let them go to parties unless we knew that there was going to be an adult present during the whole party. There was one summer that our youngest daughter did not go to very many parties. There Was One party that she knew about she was not invited to. She was very upset about that. In the end we realized it was GOD keeping her safe. The mom ran some errands (So the story goes) and the alcohol came out of hiding. Before she came back the party got out of hand and the police was called, 3 of her "BEST" friends ended up in court doing drug and alcohol awareness classes.

Moms Keep Praying for Your Children Daily! I am sure you are all doing just that. I can assure you it is WORTH EVERT WORD PRAYED in your child's behalf.

Rebekah - posted on 10/20/2009

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My take on secular music is very different than most people... No, I will not allow secular music in my home. And reason is because secular music allows a doorway in my home, that I will not tolerate. Also secular music, for instance lets take Tool, a very demonic band, their drummer actually plays the drums in a way to conjure spirits. Satan in heaven was musical - and I truly believe secular music is perverted by him. There is a difference in the beats of secular music to Christian music - I wish I had more time to go further into this for I did a huge study on this. But to answer your question, no, I will not allow it in my home.

Yes, I will allow my son to attend non-christian parties or gatherings. As long as my son understands the rules of our family and understands right from wrong, he will have to learn how to stand on his own and unfortunately the world around him is not always going to be "christian" and he will have to learn how to stand up for what he believes in. And I pray that he will have confidence to let his light shine, even now at 13 months of age.

Victoria - posted on 10/20/2009

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We teach our youth & young adults that what goes in is what comes out. If it's Godly things going in, Godly things will come out, if it's world going in, it will be worldly coming out. God tells us to come out from the things of the world, Not to enter into them.

Krista - posted on 10/20/2009

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One of my pastors said something a while back that really stuck with me and is definately a point to ponder. "Sheep are very choosy about what they consume. Goats will consume anything."

Stina - posted on 10/20/2009

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My kids are young still (5, 3 and 6 mo) but my DH listens to a lot of secular music. For the most part he respects certain boundaries- no Emenem when the kids are around... but in the car, the songs on the radio are often inappropriate too. It's something I continue to pray for- that my DH will return to the Lord and become more sensitive to these issues. But when I'm in the car, I reserve the right to change the station when innapropriate lyrics come on.



When my children become teens, I will probably screen the music they want to listen to- and reserve my parental right to veto foul language, sexual exploitive themes etc. But then I'd probably try to direct my teens to Christian bands with a similar sound.



As far as non Christian parties, as my kids get older and start making friends and wanting to go over to visit and attend parties, I intend to collect numbers of parents and make it a point to meet the parents of thier friends. This way I can get a feel for who's homes they are visiting.



I don't know what a go-go is. The rules my DH and I plan on having for parties and visiting friends homes:



1. An adult must be present at all times and we must have a contact number and address.

2. No alcohol or drugs- if they see these come out, they need to call home and we'll get them.

3. They need to be home at the time we agree to.





Just because teenage friends claim to be Christian doesn't necessarily mean that thier parties will be immune to behaviors that we don't want our children to participate in. I would much rather have universal rules in place, know who the parents are that will be at the parties- and always always reserve the parental veto- "No you may not go to such and such party" if I don't feel comfortable with the household where the party will be held.



If ever our teens are found to be in a home or at a party without an adult, or with alcohol or drugs, or if they ever come home later than we expected them, even by 15 minutes, they will lose the privilage of going out. I figure we'll have a general curfew for school nigths and weekends... but it will be flexible if they just communicate with us who they will be with, where they will be and what time they will be home.

Lisa - posted on 10/20/2009

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I'm 23 with a 10 month old baby. It seems I have very different views with regards to this. Yes, some secular music is inappropriate (ie stuff that damns God etc), but the majority, in my opinion, is fine. I love rock music and I think it's daft that people think it's un-Christian. In fact, most rock music is more Christian the 'pop' music.

Not meaning this to sound in any way disrespectful, but I really think you should relax a bit. My parents tried to prevent me from listening to pop music, and restricted a ton of other stuff when I was younger and it did nothing but make me go mad in my teenage years. Now that I have grownup I have mellowed down and found the Lord, but I certainly don't think he judges me in any way for listening to rock.

And with regards to non-Christian parties (excluding Halloween), my personal opinion is that does nothing but promote a 'holier than thou' attitude amongst Christians and even further gives the notion to non-believers that we think we are better than them ad that they are just awful.

I really think that unless they are openly celebrating something totally un-Godly then there is no problem.

Perhaps I have these opinion as I have gone my own way at a time in my life and I have realised that not all is as it seems in life.

Again, just my 2p's worth.

x

Alice - posted on 10/19/2009

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No I believe it is not ok for christian children to listen to secular music or attend non-christian parites if possible. I taught them that they are the temple of God and the love of the world is in disagreement with God. It is not easy but they will get it eventually.

Heather - posted on 10/18/2009

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My kids are still very young, but I am trying to set an example for them by what I listen to. I only listen to Christian or Classical. My husband listens to country, and some classic rock, so they do get influenced by that as well. My husband is very attentive in listening to what songs come on when the kids are in the car, and changes it when needed. If it was totally up to me, they wouldn't have any of it, because it does open the door for more. As far as non-Christian parties, they are like I said very young. I would not let them attend a halloween party or Christmas party. Basically any themed party that wasn't focused on Christ. They know that Christmas is about Christ and not Santa and that Santa isn't real, so that would be a bad situation. Of course you run into these situations even when you are not at parties. At our family reunion this summer my sister's husband turned on some rap music so his 1 1/2 year old could dance for everyone... yeah, a one year old swinging her hips to "baby got back" is not what I want for my kids.

Patricia - posted on 10/18/2009

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I USE TO THINK IT WAS OK EXCEPT ROCK,,BUT NOW,,,I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL THREE YEAR OLD GRANDDAUGHTER THAT LOVES MUSIC AND LOVES TO SING,AND IT BREAKS MY HEART TO HEAR THIS BEAUTIFUL GIFT FROM GOD SING SONGS THAT SHE HAS HEARD ON THE RADIO,,THAT NO ADULT SHOULD BE SINGING!! AND IT'S WORST WHEN MY SON THINKS IT'S FUNNY!!

Shannon - posted on 10/18/2009

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There was a point in my life when my kids had a deaf ear to secular music because of my steadfastness in my relationship with Christ. My kids were very young when I received Christ & positive music, not only gospel either, was all they knew because I had more influence over them than anyone else. Then I backslid... my kids would even cry when they would hear me listening to 102.1 or anything outside of what they were use to. They would say mom you don't listen to that or why are you listening to that kind of music. With all that being said :)... I do not like the fact that my kids have fell in love with secular music. My younger daughter (9yrs) was singing a song by Plies stating "Give me that Becky" & I had to explain to her what "Becky" meant. I can honestly say that not all secular music is bad nor is all gospel is good. Music is a message & the message depends on rather or not I let them listen to it in my presence.



As for the non Christian parties... I am very careful of the company that I allow my kids to keep & have. We are our children's advocate and there will be times they will not understand the decisions we have to make for them but in time the light will come on & they will be thankful. The bible says that "Evil communication CORRUPTS good manners..." I myself would not want to allow my kids around something that will corrupt what I am striving to impart into them. We can not push Christ on our children but we can live it in front of them without double standards & they most time choose it for themselves. I speak this from experience because as I stated earlier, when I backslid I opened doors for myself and my children that I am still fighting to close. We have to be careful.

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