How do you handle rude family members?

Annie - posted on 06/15/2010

Our family was the same. We just keep walking that narrow path that leads to righteousness. Now, they see we don't budge, so they keep their distance. It's hard sometimes. Sometime I miss them, but I just keep in mind that Jesus is coming so very soon. How do I want him to find me- fighting the good fight, or living a life of comfort and compromise?

LAVERNE - posted on 06/11/2010

I TAKE A HOLD OF THAT PERSON AND GIVE THEM A HUG AND LET THEM KNOW "IT'S OK".
LOVE IS THE KEY.

Natalie - posted on 06/11/2010

Robin, I hate to sound like a broken record so I won't. I will just say that sometimes we are the only Bible that people see and we have to live our lives as God would want us to. You can take these times as opportunities to bare Witness to them and explain to them that you have deceided to follow the laws of God and live your life accordingly. People will soon see the work that is being done in your life and want to experience it too. Keep doing what your doing, you will be just fine.

Stephanie Jo - posted on 06/10/2010

Dont let them change you. Sounds like you and your husband is doing great, lean on God. Let your light shine. As for drinking in the Bible, no, when Jesus turned the water into wine, it wasnt fermented to be alcohol. Stay faithful and strong.

Cindy - posted on 06/10/2010

Do what you are doing. Reach out to those who will understand. A little different scenario, but lots in my family claim to follow Christ, but no fruit evident, plenty of rudeness all the time.

Julie - posted on 06/09/2010

I think it would be wise to take away the labels of Christ-like, etc for rules. That makes other Christians feel condescended to, which is not what Christ would want. Also, your families lack of Christ-likeness is not because of whether they drink or not, etc, it is because they show such disrespect to you. It is not Christ-like to make fun of people. Jesus never would have done that. Jesus set boundaries with people who were rude and disrespectful.

If your families got the incorrect message that you think you are superior to them, they may be lashing out to save face, but this does not make it okay to be mean to you. It's just good to see two sides of the coin. Hang in there. State I messages, and what you want... "Please stop mocking us"... "I feel hurt when you make fun of our values." "Can we agree that having different values is okay and not disrespect each other for it"... Etc.

On a personal note, we choose to spend very little time with our siblings as they can be rude and we don't want the negative feelings. We probably see my husband's sibs once or twice a year and mine only a handful. We got a lot of flack when we started this, but they no longer give us a hard time, and we have much more peace.

I hope it gets better soon.

Jennifer - posted on 06/09/2010

Well I would say this is our preference and if it gets really bad I just wouldn't be around them. Maybe it might take that or even they come to your house where you provide things without the drinking. I'm sorry you're in the this situation. Sometimes it's our actions that speak louder than words as well. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Hayley - posted on 06/08/2010

I know a lot of people who are christians but they dont act like one.

Jan - posted on 06/05/2010

My answer is to quote scripture back to them. When I was growing up it got to the point we only saw some family members at special family gatherings. My parents said we just don't live the same life style they do. You mentioned it drinking, partying, movies of all types, etc; if they were around the language was filth and Mother or Daddy was always coming up with something they had forgotten we needed to do so we had to leave.

If they can not respect your choices you may have to distance your family from them. It is a hard choice. Keep in mind they may also see in you reminders that they are not living the life of holiness that they should be so they are picking on you and your hubby so they will not feel quilty.

Heidi - posted on 06/05/2010

I agree with Julie. It is very hard to live in the World and be a Christian. Some people dont find the balance well. You and your husband are doing a wonderful thing by living in the word. The world will never like that. As a family, they should be supportive, but sometimes they just dont know how. all you can do is continue to live your life the way you feel is right, and continue answering them in a loving way. Continue to glorify God. Then pray , pray , pray for them always. Someday they may come around, and if they don't, it is nothing that you can control. You will have to continually ask for peace in your dealings wtih them.

Julie - posted on 05/30/2010

This reminds me of a verse:

They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. 1 Peter 4:4

They don't understand why you don't do the things they do, and feel angry because it's shining a light on their own sin. I would not fight back or defend yourselves. Just keep shining your light and pray for them. If you do not get angry, and say mean things back, they have nothing to use against you. Just be careful to not give them a feeling you think you are better than they. Just keep saying the truth that you want to live for the Lord and do what pleases Him. Pray for wisdom that God will give you the right words and actions around them. They may be won over eventually when they decide they want what you have, when they feel the love that comes from you, and see the love and respect you and your husband have for eachother.

Robin - posted on 05/30/2010

Thanks yall!! I have been given some good advice :) Thanks!

Victoria - posted on 05/30/2010

We had this in the beginning with my family and it resulted in me not seeing my family for close to a year. Then when my oldest daughter was being born we invited them to be involved once again with a strict policy that if they couldn't be supportive or constructive with their word and actions towards us, then we had no problem getting along without them. We've had very little problems with them ever since.

Cyndel - posted on 05/30/2010

These could all be witness and Christ-sharing points with the family.

When they ask explain to them why you choose what you do, making sure you have biblical or solid grounds to stand on (including but not exclusive to...biblical reference, if there is a hereditary problem with alcoholism or easy addiction that is a good reason, medical reports or studies supporting your position in some things your family may be less judgmental if you had more then just biblical reasons to support your position though you should always give the biblical reason, when there is one), and be willing to discuss it with anyone who asks, however learn to tell when the discussion is going in circles and not coming to any conclusion or is becoming an argument and step out by changing the subject. Though let them know you are willing to talk about it later when tempers aren't so tight, or after they have had time to consider what you have said then stay away from the subject until they bring it up again.

If the person is always bringing it up just to argue and scoff then let them know lovingly but firmly that when they truly want to learn why you stand the way you do you will gladly talk to them, however as long as they continue to bring up the subject to badger and argue about how you are foolish and wrong you will not be drawn into the discussion. Since I don't know your family I cannot really give more advice then that. From what I've seen others have done a good job advising you as well. Hope this helps.

Valorie - posted on 05/30/2010

I explain to them gently the reason for not participating;if not accepted as an answer...then state that you are trying to grow in your walk with God and this is a stumbling block for you...if not accepted ...quote book chapter and verse if necessary. If they accuse you of not letting you husband do something...tell them to ask your husband if that is why he doesn't do something. That should settle that part. Unfortunately...If these things don't help I spend less time with those people. God's Grace and Mercy following on your journey with Him.

Teresa - posted on 05/29/2010

You just tell them nicely that it is your's and your husband choices to live your life by God's laws and if that upset them than tell them that they do not need to came around if they can not accept you choices you and your huband which to live by.God bless,Teri

Heather - posted on 05/29/2010

I have a wonderful husband, and when his family starts saying things that are rude about our choices in Christ, like having children, or homeschooling (among other things) he simply puts his foot down. He tells them that he loves me, and it is our decision. He want's what's best for our family, and they can either accept that graciously, or keep it to themselves. Basically he tells his mom that if she can't say anything nice, not to say anything at all LOL! It's kind of funny when you actually think about it! My husband stands up for me and for our family. There is no doubt that him not drinking with others is his choice by the way he says it. (His family is Christian, mine are not)

Janet - posted on 05/29/2010

I also agree with Becky.Don't let your family make you feel guilty for doing what pleases God. Pray for them that they to will be willing to make the total sacrafice to God as he has done for us.

Robin - posted on 05/29/2010

We do live our lives but we try to live it according to the Bible. I never thought about the conviction thing...that could very much be the reason they are acting this way. Thank you all for your input.

Good Day! - posted on 05/29/2010

I agree with Becky. My first thought was the same about your lifestyle convicting them. It hurts to realize you're wrong, and instead of admitting it, they are fighting it by bringing you down. When you know you will be around them...pray up! And then kill them with kindness!

Monique - posted on 05/29/2010

WOW!!!!!!!!! My opinion on this is that it is ok to be religious but it is also ok to live life as well you know whats right and whats not right and your husband as well as far as your family I guess they just might think that you are taking this a little to extreme, I consider myself very spiritual too but I STILL LIVE MY LIFE AND i KNOW THAT I CAN'T CONTROL THE THINGS THAT MY PARTNER DOES ALL I CAN DO IS PRAY ....ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT IT IS OK TO LIVE ..........

MONIQUE

Becky - posted on 05/28/2010

My guess is that some of their rudeness is coming out of conviction. Your choices and desire to grow are being used to convict them regarding their own lack of growth and choices that are not pleasing to God. It`s hard to carry on when your family is not supportive, but just keep living your life the way you feel God is leading you to live it. Eventually, they will recognise the power of God in your lives and maybe it will encourage them to seek a closer relationship with Him. Pray for them, and remember that in the end, the only one you need to please is Him.