How do you know when you should defend your child and when you should let them learn to defend themselves?

Beckie - posted on 03/10/2009

At this age they rely on you 100% to set the standard. Where was this rough boys parents? They should have redirected him and told him he wasn't playing nice but since they failed to do then you by all means need to let your daughter know that being pushed around isn't playing nice and put her attention elsewhere. I personally would have told the rough boy that she didn't like what he was doing and get them both to play something together like rolling the ball to each other vs. kicking it. You may need to bring it to his parents' attention as well.

April - posted on 03/09/2009

I agree that at 13 months, your child doesnt have the vocab to tell another child to knock it off, so in that instance I would try to redirect them and nicely tell the other child what is expected if the other mom wasn';t noticing or stepping in (I stress the word nicely-the other child is still learning, too) otherwise, ending the playdate right away and finding another activity. she is learning by example at this point, so if you show her with your words and actions that it is not ok to take toys and kick, she is learning that by watching you-and she is learning that its good to stand up for someone else, too!!!!

Juli - posted on 03/08/2009

Lots of good advice!

I'll go a few years into the future and say that even if you child is older, you should step in in some fashion.

Having heard a thousand times from my own parents "go fight your own battles" with no clue how to do that, and no help or suggestions from them, I would suggest that parents take the opportunity to discuss with their kids the way they get along with others.



When my daughter faced the typical pre-teen girl clique-y crap, we talked about WHY kids behave the way they do, and all discuss possible responses.

Parents taking no action at all makes a child feel that they are not worth the effort.

Probably the one thing I wish my own parents had done differently...

Shelly - posted on 03/08/2009

Susan,

  Time for you to step in.  Letting her take care of it makes no sence to me she does not have the ability to know what she is defending.  You need to step in and one talk to the the other mom and if she chooses not to stop the behavior then I would say that is a child you don't want your daughter to be around...that's how bullys are made when we as parents don't step in and step limits for our children.  We are responcible for teaching them right from wrong and the only signal you would be sending your daughter is that ok to be mean to get what she wants.  You need to go with your gut if it's telling you to step in then step in.  Parenting is 90% common sence just go with your gut. 

Gayla - posted on 03/08/2009

Hi Susan!  I totally agree with Amy!  You are your baby's protector and the other Mom may not see what is going on.  If you think she does know and doesn't think it's inappropriate, then I would find my daughter another playmate.  It's ok to defend her.  If not you, then who?  God bless!

Amy - posted on 03/07/2009

I have to say a 13 mos child is a baby. She cannot defend herself and it is up to you to do it for her. Perhaps your friends son is unaware of why what he is doing is wrong. You need to set the limits for how your child will be treated. I am not at all suggesting you be hot-headed, ect. A simple reminder that she is a baby may do the trick. Once the other mom sees you defending your child she may step in with her son too. However, if you don't, she may not even notice what is happening as her son is older and not the one complaining.