How do you raise children when parents have different ways . Christian vs Non-Christian home

Tinamarie - posted on 03/26/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Was wondering how to raise our lil ones when I have a different way of raising my children then my husband. I believe in going to church no secular movies in the home ,no cursing, nobody drinking around them things like that. My husband is Christian, but still in the secular world.

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Rachel - posted on 04/01/2013

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My best advice would be to follow the commandment to "be of good cheer". Being happy is the best advertisement for the Christian life for our kids and your husband. Wear your faith and your joy on your sleeve and be a light to your whole family. I admire your high standards. I have similarly high ones. Yes, its easier because my husband currently agrees with them- but he hasn't always. He had to learn some stuff the hard way. Have faith. God knows and loves your spouse.

Teresa - posted on 03/29/2013

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My husband is a good man. He believes in Christ, and he knows what is right. My husband also swears, it's what he grew up hearing. I used to get upset with it but my 9 year old will even tell him that he doesn't like hearing it and my husband apologizes. We all watch secular movies and TV, I see nothing wrong with it BUT we do it together and we don't watch violent or sexual things either, especially with the kids around. If a movie even SOUNDS scary my son is gone! Back to his SpongeBob. But the movies he sees with us that are a little controversial for him we talk to him about it and he learns. My son won't watch "The Passion of the Christ" because that is too scary and I agree, We do drink. We have wine with dinner and we have a beer or two. Nothing out of the way. Nobody gets out of hand. It's all about how and what you are teaching your kids. If you keep an open line of communication with them then your conversations with them WILL make a difference no matter what the world gives them. There is a secular world and we ALL live in it. Teach them how to deal with it.

Carla - posted on 03/28/2013

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Very wise, Tinamarie. When a wife (or husband) preach and nag at their unbelieving spouse all the time, it actually turns them off. Took me a long while to figure that one out. But I wasn't any great prize at that time, so there was a hypocrite preaching at an unbeliever. How I must have tried God's patience ;)

You are telling the children correctly. HE has to work out his own salvation. Living a life of Godliness is the best preaching tool we have, and it's SILENT ;) They are watching, and God is dealing. But I DO believe if he's listening to secular rap or thrash rock in the house or car while you are all there isn't good for any of you. I understand loving rock, I still do. But I have learned the music draws me back, and I'm not going there again, so I listen to Christian music, and there are TONS of more progressive Christian artists that satisfy my rock tooth (kinda like sweet tooth).

What HE does with his life is up to him. What influences you and your children is another thing. You guys need to talk about this wisely (on your part) and rationally. 'Honey, I know you love your music. But the words are not good for our children. Can we agree that you can listen to it when we are gone, or while you are at work, but it stays with you and not them?' Same with movies. We are extremely careful with what the grandbabies watch. They are very sensitive, so we have to be careful, even if the movie is wholesome. If a dog dies, or someone is mean to a child, it sends them into tears.

We are held accountable for how our children are raised. Pray hard, then talk to Hubby about what you want for them. If he is trying to be a good parent, he will see this is a good thing for them, and ultimately, for the family.

God bless, honey

Angela - posted on 03/28/2013

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Tinamarie, your main "tool" in these issues is to pray.

When the kids ask you why Daddy doesn't attend Church etc .... would it help to suggest to your kids "Ask Daddy"? Or would his response do more harm than good?

I can tell you from personal experience that overboard witnessing and "preachiness" will have the opposite effect to the one desired. It didn't work with my ex-husband. I also have a friend who is a determined non-believer and attends Church with her Christian husband on a regular basis - simply for a quiet life! He is the Scout Leader there and has been a Christian for years. Two other men at the same Church have wives who were originally non-believers but they later both came to the Lord. So the favourite topic of conversation whenever the other Christians at Church see this guy & his wife, is that she'll soon be getting the faith! The other 2 ladies came to Jesus and she will as well. And she often talks to people outside of the Church telling them about this, then laughs and says she definitely won't!

Another friend of mine, who was badly abused by her ex-husband, and has privately told me she DOES have personal faith in Jesus but would NEVER attend ANY Church. Her ex came to the Lord and is now a Pastor. He is now on "friendly" terms with her and says Jesus could help her and she would be SO welcome at his Church. She keeps things cordial for the sake of the children (who are now grown-up) but she has vowed she will NEVER attend his Church or any other. Whatever he may have told his parishioners and his second wife about his life of sinfulness years ago, in her opinion, will be nothing like the full story. So she keeps her own counsel, privately prays and resolutely keeps out of Churches, religious gatherings and prayer meetings. She would never give her ex the "satisfaction". Just like the other lady above - who is still happily married to her own spouse - she would never give those Christians from her husband's Church the satisfaction either.

So my advice to you would be to pray hard but avoid verbal witnessing & preaching of any kind!

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Angela - posted on 04/01/2013

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This is one of the most uplifting things I've read on here recently:

'follow the commandment to "be of good cheer"'.

Thanks, Rachel Rasmussen!

Angela - posted on 03/31/2013

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I rarely drink alcohol but I avoid judging those who do. My stance on alcohol consumption isn't anything to do with Christian altruism, it's about practicalities.

* If I don't like the taste of something, I won't eat/drink it
* If I DO like the taste (e.g. ginger wine) it's still a bit "cloying" to have more than one glass! (So why spoil a good thing?)
* If I only drink something I really like once in a while, it's more of a treat!
* Drinking alcohol regularly can be expensive!

Secular music, movies and books - yes, I DO indulge in these - but only when it's to my own taste. A lot of movies & TV other people say are great actually leave me cold - and that applies whether it's "wholesome" OR violent! Not terribly keen on "action movies" most of the time, for example. I'm not too keen on anything with heavy/explicit sex scenes - I feel that the storyline is poorer when they're filling up the footage with sex!

I love books and can be found reading my Kindle everyday.

Banishing any secular-based leisure interests from your home can make such things more attractive - remember that forbidden fruits always taste sweeter!

Carla - posted on 03/30/2013

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I can't even watch "The Passion of the Christ", Teresa, it just tears me up.

As for drinking, everyone drank in the Bible, including Jesus. Paul said 'everything in moderation'. If you can't stop with one or two drinks, stop altogether. I was one of those. A drink meant a bottle. The only people, according to the guidelines laid down by the Holy Spirit, through Paul, that shouldn't drink were Pastors, and even then, he wrote to Timothy and told him to take a little wine 'for his his stomach's sake'. I don't know for sure, but from reading the Timothys over and over, I think he was a little nervous and intimidated. A little wine calms the nerves.

I think, bottom line, if your heart doesn't condemn you, you're good to go. If you THINK it's sin, then don't do it.

God bless, have a wonderful Easter, everyone!!!

Tinamarie - posted on 03/27/2013

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Thanks for the advice.my husband goes to church once in a great while christmas easter ect. Never reads the bible or prays outloud. He does the norm goes out with his buddies ,drinks, curses from time to time , plays video games. Normal guy stuff. People tell me i have a good husband . Hes just being a normal guy. I get that . But my children are confused. Why does daddy drink and you dont. Why dont daddy go to church. Stuff like that. There going to be confused on wahts normal and whats not normal. Im very devoted to moral ways. Would never take a sip since ive became chritian. Makes me sick to here rap with foul stuff in it. Hate cursing. Very giving. But im not perfect. I tend to try to control my husband. Trying to get him to be a devoted christian. Telling him stuff like how annoying his music is. Ive talk to some people and they tell me to back off. Pray and let him be which i been doing. Still waiting for change. I just keep tellong my kids thats daddys working it out with god. I just hope what im doing is right cause the bickering sure wasnt working so im leaving it to god now

Carla - posted on 03/27/2013

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First, Tinamarie, I pray for Hubby, that he will quit playin' around and find himself in Jesus. Having one foot in the world and the other in church is like not being in Jesus at all. Been there, done that, made a mess of my life.

You HAVE to get on the same page, discipline-wise, otherwise you will fight and fight. Since you won't give in on your principles, and indeed shouldn't, you are going to have to get Hubby to see where you are coming from--the Bible. This is NOT some game, where whoever wins gets a prize. If you are not united, the children quickly see this, and will play you two against each other and there will be NO peace. No one wants bratty kids--so try to get him to see discipline from this point. We have to make them behave otherwise hubby won't get to watch his football game on Sunday in peace. If we curse in front of them, they will do the same, and hearing 'sh*t' come out of your little 3 y/o's mouth isn't cool.

Pray and fast. Hubby needs to put up or shut up, if you will forgive the bluntness. Being in unity as one requires diligence and sacrifice. The Lord's way of teaching our children is the best. Daddy NEEDS to be a good role model--both for the girls, to see what a good husband looks like for when they get to marrying age, and for boys, for them to see how a husband treats a wife. Being married is hard work ;)

God bless, baby, praying for ya!

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I think you guys need to sit down and talk about how you want to raise your kids together. Talk about how you feel and why you strongly oppose certain things and want to protect your home. This would also be a great opportunity to challenge him in his walk with Christ. Help him to define what a the head of a Christian household looks like and what steps he can take to be that man. If you think he would not respond to your challenging him right now pray pray pray. Encourage him when you see him responding to situations in a Godly manner and try to invite him to your devotionals.

My husband strayed from his walk and when I talked to him about why he wasn't praying with our son anymore, it opened the door to talk about what he was going through and how I could support him and challenge him as his wife and sister in Christ.

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