How do you tell your kids you and your spouse are separating?

Monica - posted on 07/15/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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The kids are 15, 13, and 11. They have been with both parents all their lives. The 13 and 11yr old are boys and very close with father.

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Monica - posted on 07/31/2010

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Thanks to all who responded. My friend has read all the responses and we both really appreciate everyone.

Lorraine Alicia - posted on 07/24/2010

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It's so sad, so many marriage falling apart. I think you need to take it to the Lord in pray. I do feel however the children already have and idea of what is going on. When my husband and i seperated for about a yr my kids were much younger and they knew what was going on. My daughter told my mom that mummy can not live with daddy because daddy is not nice to mommy. My daughter was 5 yrs old at that time.



Even though it was a horible time we are still married today (happily). I left but never wanted a divorce i used the time to get closer to God and while i was doing that the Lord did wonders with my husband. Somtimes we need to take our eyes of the problem (husband) and place them on God.



I spent many yrs crying to God about what my husband was doing wrong an wanted God to change him ( which was good) but all God wanted was for me to draw close to him ( God). Now i know that God used this situation to make me a stronger person today. I taught i hated my husband and there was no way our marriage would survive but August this yr would make it 10yrs we are married.

Michelle - posted on 07/23/2010

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I went through a similar thing without children in my first marriage. When my hubby started being attentive to me I felt so enraged at him. Like why wasn't he doing that before or the whole time? Now when I'm about to split he is showing me love, boy that made me mad. After all was said and done about a year later, although I was happy, I felt guilty about what went down.

Since then I have read a book called Love and Respect. It has really changed how I look at conflicts with my husband. I never want that to happen to me again because I have a child now. If I had had a child with my first spouse, I wouldn't have been able to leave I think. I felt guilt without children, I can't imagine how I would feel if I had a child.

Crystal - posted on 07/23/2010

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I think she should try to stay and try make things work. Now that he has shown that he does care. Maybe it just took her to be firm with him on these matters and he has open his eyes now. I wouldnt ruin my family just because my husband isnt washing the cars, or filling them up. No abuse, no cheating, then these little things can be fixed.

Alisha - posted on 07/22/2010

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I agree with Polly. The Bible says the only reason for a divorce is infidelity. Your friend needs to be prayerful about this decision and honestly no good can come from splitting up a family. Praying for her and her marriage. (Obviously her husband still loves her and wants to be together or he would not be trying).

Kerry - posted on 07/17/2010

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Let her pray about it. Get some counseling. He may have had a wake up call and a change of heart. Give him a chance to make it up to her and prove that he's really doing it out of love and not because she said she is leaving. At that age I think the kids might be a bit aware of what is going on. Let them talk to each other about what they expect of each other, how their decision will affect the family and how the can work together to get back to that place where they was so in love with each other.

Heather - posted on 07/16/2010

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My dad just went through something similar. Neither him or my step mom know the Lord, and had been married miserably for 20 years. My dad tried everything to sway her, he changed jobs because she said that was the issue, he suggested counseling, but she refused, in the end, my siblings were relieved... until they found out it meant they had to move...

They probably already suspect it. I would first recommend counseling if they haven't already tried it, but as I said, if the kids are that old, they probably already know.

If they are Christians, I would recommend that she searches the Scriptures and her heart before making any decisions. Please remember that I am not judging her, and I have been divorced. It's just best to know what the Bible says about it, and to be at peace with it because you have to live with that choice for the rest of your life. And hind sight is always 20-20.

Polly - posted on 07/16/2010

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I don't know that I could in good conscience tell my children that I'm splitting up my family because I'm not happy enough. Don't really have any advice for that.
Praying for her and their marriage.

Stephanie Jo - posted on 07/15/2010

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You know that sometimes men arent too smart on those things.It may have been a wake up call for him.She still able to find herself,beherself.Has he cheated or abused any of them?I know that God wouldnt want her in abusive relationship,but if she is still a Christian she needs to pray about it and give it to theLord.

Ms. Annette - posted on 07/15/2010

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Monica my heart goes out to you and your babies. Tell them the truth according to their understanding and according to as much as they need to know. Are you still in love with him romanticly. I think that is the question isn't. You remember Monica at the end of the day when we are done be honey, mommy, daughter and sister etc. WE ARE WOMAN!! Don't every forget that! "One Man Trash Is Another MAN TREASURE!! RIGHT? I'LL check on you later ok? Be Strong! my daughter.
Ms. Annette

Monica - posted on 07/15/2010

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The reason for the seperation is my friend has not been happy in her marriage, ever!! She has always stayed because she felt it was the right thing to do. Now that she has expressed the desire to leave, her husband has started doing the things he would not do for the last 16 years. Like being attentive to her and her needs, paying for household items, washing the vehicles and putting gas in them without being asked, spending time with the family, and just showing and saying he loves her constantly. These are all things he has not openly or regularly done in the past. She is tired and ready to be alone and gain some of herself back.

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