How to deal with a seperation from a husband who is a on again off again drug addict?

Celeste - posted on 05/22/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am new to this site but would like some Godly Advice. I have been with my spouse for almost 12 years and out of those we have been married for 41/2. I am having a difficult time with our seperation as well as our oldest son who is 10 years old. Our other children are 3 and 15 months. We have currently seperated because i am just so tiered of his back and forth using of meth. My son is getting to old to where i do not want the example his father is showing. I have been clean and sober for 6 years because i wanted what was best for my oldest ( we only had one at the time) and now we have two more children and my husband has yet to stay clean. We do have court next week, but during the time being he has taken my 3 year old son and has not allowed me to see him. He doesn't realize he is hurting my childern while he is trying to hurt me. I would also just like prayer that God may return my baby back to me once we go to court so that he can be with his other siblings. I do attend church every sunday as well as bilbe studies during the week. I would like to teach my childern to serve the Lord because that is what we are here for, but my husband has been showig different. He actually was baptized with my oldest son 2 months ago but continued to drink as well as smoke. It was then i realized he is trully not ready to give himself to the lord. My son also made the comment of why his dad was baptized if he was going to continue doing what he was doing and what an example he is being. That is when i said no more of this back and forth.

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Carla - posted on 06/06/2012

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You're welcome, sweetheart. Life is rough. We need each other to encourage each other, even if it is just to say 'I've been through this, and you can overcome'. We don't always have the answers, but we DO know how to pray ;)

God bless!

Carla - posted on 06/06/2012

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Father, protect the child from harm while You work on this family. We pray that Your will be done and Satan be defeated. We know that what the world deems impossible is nothing for You, so we do not shirk from asking the seemingly impossible. Bring this family into Your family, and bring peace to this situation. May Celeste and her husband be a shining witness to Your love and Mercy. In Jesus' Name, amen.

Celeste - posted on 06/06/2012

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Hello Ladies,
I just wanted to share an update. I had court on May 31st and my Husband did not show up. It actually went good in his favor because the Judge said we did not give enough time of proof of service. Meaning we were to have served in 16 court days (M-F) and he was actually served in 16 calendar days which included weekends. So now we have to go back on June 12th which still wasn't enough time to serve him but if he shows up she (the judge) will hear the case. So please continue to keep me in prayer because my baby belongs home with me and his other sibblings. We have talk to him a couple of times on the phone and it's not the same. .
Thank you,

Carla - posted on 05/23/2012

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Celeste, you HAVE to protect the children, first and foremost. Yes, our husbands are one with us, but your half is trying to destroy all of you right now. Pray for him, but get yourself and the children to safety and then to normalcy. Maybe once your husband sees the family 'normal', he may want to join. But, darling, as a former alcoholic, I can tell you that he will not change until he either HAS to or WANTS to. We will pray with you that either or both happens.

God bless, hon

Celeste - posted on 05/23/2012

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Hi Angela,
That is the thing, I would continue to ask my Husband not to drink because that is what would lead him to his other addictive habit. I tried not to be a nagging wife but in the end was only hurting my self and my children by continually allowing him to belive it was okay. I will be asking for supervised visits now, when at first I wasn't because I was still wanting to look out for him and not hurt him or make him think that this would be forever, but util he makes an effort and continues with it then I know there is no going back any time soon. He has been trying to do it on his own for the past 11 years and it has not worked. He refuses to get into a program and get the help he really needs. This is why I know i have to give my children a stable home and enviorment.

Angela - posted on 05/23/2012

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This is a tough call - my friend had problems with her alcoholic partner. If he "behaved" himself, carried out his domestic duties, paid his way etc ... she would "reward" him with a bottle of wine - never spirits - and give him it just before bedtime to ensure he was not drunk and insensible throughout the day. This, obviously was the wrong approach but she was like a person whose entire existence was ruled by the drink - and she didn't drink at all herself. A massive issue with a low income alcoholic is that they have economic problems in meeting their debts and responsibilities so my poor friend felt she ought to give him a drink once in a while in recognition of him paying his dues. He also owed her a lot of money and she wanted to recover this.

Any person involved in an unhealthy, addictive habit might "get clean" with the right guidance and clinical support - but the important part is staying clean. This means keeping away from friends, relatives and acquaintance who share the same bad habit.

If an unfit parent is having access or residence with a child, then you will need to approach the Courts for supervised contact only.

Celeste - posted on 05/22/2012

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Thank you so much for the prayer. It has really blessed me today and is just what i needed.

Carla - posted on 05/22/2012

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Father, Celeste needs some Divine Intervention here! We don't know why her husband is hiding and killing himself slowly with meth, but You do. We ask, first and foremost, that the courts give total custody to Celeste while her husband gets his act together. We know You are in the midst of this household, and only You know whether he will soften his heart or not. We DO know that You know absolutely best. So we ask for Your will, Your plan, Your mercy and goodness for these 5, that you work all things well and make speedy work of the devil's havoc in their lives. We ask for grace, faith and mercy for all involved. Shield the children from their father's destructive ways, and show them only the love of You. In Jesus' Name, amen.

Keep us informed, sweetheart

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