how to move on from miscarred

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Carla - posted on 01/03/2012

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Thank you, Anne, for mentioning Dad. Men historically are fixers. In any problem or circumstance, if they can't fix it, they become frustrated. They may seem harsh because they aren't being emotional, but that's their make-up. They don't sit and grieve like the mother, they stuff this hurt deep down inside. I have watched my own dear husband suffer silently, and I feel more deeply over the divorcing of our daughter from us, and to the outside person, he doesn't SEEM to be affected by it. I know differently. Because he HAS to keep it inside (REAL men don't cry) it's actually more hurtful for them.

Jesus is beside you both, and is wanting to comfort and heal. Pray for him, pray for yourself.

God bless, all!

Anne - posted on 01/03/2012

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Hi Kristy, I agree with Carla, it will take time. Not only now but your due date may be hard for you also. Along with what Carla said the one thing that helped me the most was when our youngest (She was 4 at the time, she is now 23) decided that her sibling a little boy baby and asked if she could name him. She named him Matthew. Now when I think of Him I call him Matthew, and it was like having closure. Our daughters are now 28 and 23 and even after 29 years I still think of Matthew. But as Carla said I see him with Jesus and for me this makes Heaven sweeter. Also is dad is in the picture be patient him also. Men grieve differently than women. My husband did not really grieve until 4 years had gone by and one of our Day Care Moms had a miscarriage.

Mimi - posted on 01/02/2012

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My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and the best explanation to accept is this....your body rejected the baby because there was something wrong with it. The baby could have been without proper organs, have down syndrome or many other issues. These are things that your body rejected, not the little life. A miscarriage it tough, but dealing with a baby that may not live without support or die within a short period after birth, would be much worse. Everything happens for a reason and since then, I've had two healthy baby girls. Once you accept the loss, you can move on to the fun part...creating life! Miscarriages are VERY common and the more you talk about it, the more you will realize how many of your friends and family have gone through this.

Carla - posted on 01/02/2012

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@Susan--thank you, sweetheart. You have explained the process well.

It is encouraging to hear from people who have experienced the great pain of life and come through the fire better. We need to hold onto Jesus through these times and trust Him that He has our lives in His Hands, no matter what.

God bless, darlings

Darleen - posted on 01/01/2012

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Sweetie, you need to find someone to talk to about it. There are many great NANC counselors who are trained in helping you grieve your child and get on with your life...find one on the NANC page and get healing for your emotions.

Susan - posted on 01/01/2012

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I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I don't know how long it's been for you, but it does take time. I had a miscarriage in September 2010 and another one in June 2011. I still have moments where I cry for those babies. There are always certain triggers, but as time goes on, it doesn't consume your life quite like it does in the beginning. I do agree you have to let yourself grieve. I know it's difficult because most people will not understand how you are feeling. To be honest, I didn't quite understand what the emotions of a miscarriage would feel like either before I had one. Also, there may be times where you have to avoid certain situations because it's just too painful. You may also find those situations will give you hope for yourself. One of my best friends was due three weeks after when my first lost baby would have been due. It was extremely painful to watch her experience all of the things I should have been experiencing. When the baby was born I didn't want to hear about him, see him, etc. I then realized I was being selfish and this was a great joy for her and I should be happy for her. Although she had something I wanted, she didn't take anything from me. We went to see the baby and it was the exact opposite of what I expected. I loved to hold him and it made my whole view change. My whole mindset changed from poor me to I can have that too! It made me more determined to have another baby. I found that although you certainly can't do it right away, eventually you have to find something positive in a situation like this. For me, it was appreciating my daughter and my life in general more. Just take it day by day and if you want to cry, cry. If you want to scream, scream. Eventually it will get better.

Holly - posted on 12/27/2011

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I have never experienced a miscarriage but my mom did before she had me. In fact, if she had not had a miscarriage I would not be here because that baby would have been born about 5 months before me. I always try to encourage mom's that have had a miscarriage to have hope for another baby because I'm living proof it can happen!

Kristina - posted on 12/22/2011

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I had a problem getting over my miscarriage. It was pretty rough until I read the book "Heaven is Real". In the book, a little boy spent some time in Heaven while he was in surgery (true story btw!). While he was up there, he met a little girl that was older than him but younger than his sister. She seemed to look a lot like his sister and mother. He asked her who she was and she told him she was his older sister that his mommy was not able to have. She also told him she did not have a name because her parents werent able to give her one. When the boy told his parents about this, they decided that they would come up with a name to give her when they met her in Heaven. This part of the book helped me out so much. Although it doesn't bring my lost child back now, it gave me hope and joy that I would one day meet him or her. My baby was never completely lost and I know that God is taking very good care of my child until I can get there.

Carla - posted on 12/22/2011

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Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry. The plain fact is, it's gonna take a while. Allow yourself to grieve. But something that got me through was thinking of my little one being carried around by Jesus, with Him showing my baby the beauty of Heaven. My grama, grampa, brother, aunts, uncles ALL my loved ones oohing and awwing over him/her.

Having faith in Jesus makes it easier, but your human side still needs time to adjust. Pray, be gentle to yourself, and you will get through this.

God bless, darling

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