I am a Christian, but why do I feel so depressed?

Extrmlyblessed - posted on 11/13/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Lately I have been dealing with depression, but didn't want to admit it because I have been told (by my former pastor) that depression is ungodly and that all it's just a spirit.
However it has gotten worse, I feel like I am so alone and going to explode, and its overwhelming, I pray but I still feel like I have failed GOD and that because of my depression HE is mad at me, even though I know He has said HE will never leave me nor forsake me.
Today I finally expressed some of my feelings to my mom, and I expressed that I feel so lonely and her question was how is it that I feel lonely when I am also married, I tried to talk to my husband, but he tells me that he doesn't need this and that he can't do anything for me, which makes me feel even more alone,.I also have issues with trust because I have been hurt so many times, and I told myself that I can trust my husband because he will be there for me no matter what, but now I don't know what to think about him.
I am tired of feeling this way, it has been something going on for years, and people think I am okay because I put on a smile, but deep inside I am hurting and lonely, and I want so badly to get out of this darkness and into GODs light, but I feel like I don't how.

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Carla - posted on 11/13/2010

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Most of the posts I have read lately dealing with depression have a root in real physical and emotional situations. You say you are depressed; you try to talk to your husband but he shuts you down. Naturally you are going to feel alone! Women are more social animals, chatty and animated. Men are more physical, and have been taught for hundreds of years they shouldn't show emotions, it somehow makes them look less manly. While this has some merit, most men have taken this to the extreme, and I call them Mr. Clam. (I am married to one)

Is he a Christian? If he is, you need to read what Paul said about the way spouses relate to each other. Men are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, and gave His life for it (Ephesians 5:21-33). Paul says we are to submit ourselves to each other, the wife to the husband, but also the husband to the wife, as we submit ourselves together to God. When our marriages are not as God ordained, we suffer. How are you relating to each other? Do you have separate lives, just coming together for dinner and bed? Does he feel like you are the keeper of the house, and he just comes home, flops on the couch and demands dinner? Does he go 'out with the boys', leaving you at home night after night? Or is he a workaholic, obsessed with success?

Many things work into depression, honey. Yes, many people are prone to it, but it is generally sensitive people who have been wounded by life. But by and large, it is because things just aren't working out the way we have planned them. There's no vine-covered cottage, 2.5 children complete with dog and a station wagon. No moonlight romantic dinners with rose petals scattered by an adoring hubby. That is soap opera reality, not ours.

Raising children and eking out a living is hard work. When there is not mutual concern, mutual acceptance of responsibility and mutual respect and love, the marriage is going to be kiltered.

What about the hurt? Is it hurt from him, or from past relationships? Are you bringing your insecurities into this relationship?

Get alone with God and tell Him how you feel. Be brutally honest with him. Only when we are totally honest can God speak and tell us what's going on. Then listen for the Still, Small Voice to answer. God made us, honey, and He knows what is causing the depression, or imbalance, or whatever you want to call it. Give yourself to Him and be willing to do whatever He tells you. Be ready, tho. When I was praying for Him to straighten my husband out, He started on me. It took me several months to quit protesting and to start listening, but once I did, I started changing in miraculous ways. And once I changed, it was just a matter of time before my husband did, as well. I am no longer chronically depressed. If it tries slipping in, I am able to catch it, and tell Satan no. But I do not try to deceive myself; if I don't keep watch constantly, it will try to come back.

Do some hard soul-searching, honey, of both yourself, and what is happening with Hubby. See if you can answer honestly some of the questions I have posed (you don't need to answer me, answer for yourself). Then sit down and have a talk with God. He will tell you what to do, and He will tell you what you need to change, or what you need to talk to Hubby about.

God bless, honey, we are here for you

Victoria - posted on 11/13/2010

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It's true that depression can be a spiritual battle, but it can also be a physical & mental one. It can be caused by so many different things, chemicals in the brain, enviromental issues, emotional issues, even physical issues. When I don't eat properly on a regular basis I suffer episodes of depression because my blood sugar goes low, yet I'm not a diabetic or anything & I personally don't suffer from depression at any other time, my doctor had to give me B12 & iron injections to help. My good friend suffers extreme depression in the winter months, due to lack of sun light, she is also a Christian

Depression is a real issue even for Christians & the first thing you should do is talk to your doctor about it, get to the root of the issue. Sure sometimes depression is merely a spiritual attack, which can only be fought spiritually but most often, it is an actual medical issue & needs medical attention & insight. And that's not to say God won't heal you of it, but He also gives us wisdom to use the resources He has provided for us, such as the medical profession. Another dear friend of mine has been battle with depression for a couple of years now, she has been on medication & attending counceling, with both a medical professional & our pastor, and it's only now that God is starting to move her away from the med's, little by little.

I will keep you in prayer.

Carla - posted on 04/08/2014

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Excuse me, Jack, but if you ARE a Christian husband, you shouldn't be trolling ;) I hope you meant you WOULD be a super husband.

If you have it altogether, then you know, of course, that God gave you a wife to love more than yourself. He also made you responsible for her physical, emotional and spiritual health. YOU are to be praying for her constantly, making sure she is on track. You are supposed to live with her according to knowledge (Peter), giving her honor so that your prayers are not hindered. You are to talk to her, and get to know her mind as well as you know her body. You should be able to just look at her and know something is up, and stop immediately and find out what's bothering her. You are not to play 'I am the king, you are the serf'--that doesn't line up with Scripture. You are never to make her feel anything other than complete security and trust in you--because you conduct yourself with honor when around other women.

God told us to be married forever. That's because it takes forever to truly become one. It's hard work! We have been married almost 42 years, and I gotta tell you, the first 30 were heinous. But we endured and are now reaping the benefits. I challenge you, Jack, to check yourself out, and if you don't find yourself in EVERY one of the things I mentioned above, ya better get it fixed before you put yourself out there as husband material.

God bless!

Heather - posted on 11/13/2010

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I really recommend reading the book "Will Medicine Stop the Pain" by Dr Laura Hendrickson and Elyse Fitzpatrick. Christians can be depressed, but the book I just mentioned (and I know someone else recently suggested a similar one) talks about the spiritual side of depression. While depression causes a chemical imbalance in the brain, the imbalance is usually symptom, not the main problem. I'm not too good at explaining it, but I really recommend reading the book.

[deleted account]

Hi,
I am also a Christian mom who struggled with depression for many years. I would suggest seeing a psychiatrist and begin medication. Medication truly alters the chemistry of our (depressed) brains and has changed me and my outlook 100 percent. I am a much better wife and mother thanks to the medication. I thank God that I live in a day and age that appropriate medication was invented. Good luck!

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Carla - posted on 04/09/2014

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I quote Scripture to myself all the time, Stephanie. It has a way of calming my spirit and bringing back perspective. When I was severely depressed I camped out on Psalms. David had problems. His father-in-law, King Saul, was so jealous of him he spent YEARS hunting him down and reduced David to hiding in caves. Then his son was after him. But David always went to the Lord, and would start out crying and ended up praising. If it's good enough for the great King David, it's good enough for me.

God bless, hon!

Stephanie - posted on 04/09/2014

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I have found this blog post threw a friend of mine on Facebook

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/sp...

It goes on how it is good to talk to Your self regarding stress and to quote Scripture out laud so you hear it too. And has talk of depression and stress and how it is nice to know that the disciples had gone threw those same feelings (As well as soo many others in the Bible new and old T) =)

With much care i thought this might be a source of comfort and good practice. For everyone but in mind for those who are suffering right now.

Stephanie - posted on 04/08/2014

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Many Christian (and none Christian) people believe that they are wrong to (ever) feel dipressed some even will say when they have gone threw loss or pain in life that it is wrong to feel that way. Well dipression is not just a feeling. It is not just a reaction to life's struggles. Some times there is nothing horribly wrong with whats going on in Your life. and that makes ppl feel even more guilty (and guilt it's self can make depression even harder!)
First off there is a matter of why. And is there it a Godly pull to make your self pure(er) for God. and there is a matter of diet. even healthy diets are bad if God isn't part of it. And a matter of physical pain and emotional pain that is not understood or taken care of. and others is just because You are no other reason
.. Some times (i believe) God allows depression to 'live(for a lack of a better word right now) in our lives. That it is an on going battle with heart and mind to even feel better some times day to day others week to week, year to year.
.. Depression is good. if someone never ever in their life felt depressed or anxiety i believe they are fooling them self or others. .. and that just because you feel that way does not mean God doesn't want to hear it or thinks that it is all on your shoulders to get better(even momentarily) There is such a large spread idea that emotions and physical disorder/pain is not care d about by God.
.. one thing a husband can do is pray for his wife who is going threw depression(or anxieties) and pray that over whelming peace can come over her(even if it is momentarily) and rejoice together when it has been a good day/week/year and wallow in prayer and thanks giving with her when its just sucks. .. thats a hard one for a wife in depression to ever say to her husband tho.. and i pray that he can hear it from someone trusted(not just You) and that his heart will long to be whole with Your's.
Prayer is healing (even just for the moment) it is oneness with your spirit and His coming to you in conviction and love and peace that no one can understand. It is alright to seek it is laying you thankfulness be for Him and all "you" worries for they all are God's to care for anyways. We are His so all of who we are are His. and it is fine to have bad days and it is good to give thanks when everything else going on this day just Sucks!
Tho there is nothing wrong with seeking a medication as long as it doesn't cause you to loss connection to the world around You. God has given us Drs and counselors to talk to because He knows His ppl need those things just as we need to eat in the morning. You will have good years and bad ones off of medication but then You will have good and bad even when on medication. (medication only mends it but does not heal it)
For some God heals all those pains (when we bend our lives to His!) And some times as we bend our lives even our spirit weeps in sorrow some time daily and God loves to see in our pain still coming to Him.. our bodies have been cursed by our own deeps and thoughts but our minds are our God's minds and our pains He care for. He will dilight in you living your days in honor and respect to Him and loves to see your tears in prayer. ..i pray that your prayers will be often and that your tears are not all in guilt. And i pray for peace that never goes.. but that your praise of God can be seen even when you are sad/sorrowful and that even your bad days have a meaning. =)
Sorry if this note/reply was mixed sounding i have a few kids getting in to things and being mean to each other ha..
God is love and we are always on His mind.

Jack - posted on 04/07/2014

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I am a super Christian husband who will win you over with my love and eliminate your depression.

Eseta - posted on 11/14/2010

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I have been gone through depression throughout my marriage as I encounter different challenges due to different phases in my life. Like after giving birth to my first child, and having to deal with my husband's drinking. Suddenly I felt so overwhelmed.....
Sometimes,honestly our husbands just cannot help, maybe its because honestly they don't know what to do either,although we want so much for them to help us. It is times like this when it's God who will come through for you. Trust him wholeheartledly, without a doubt in your mind and heart. Talk to Him throughout the day and read his Word....and be at peace knowing that God your Father, our Father is handling your problems. Please don.t think that God is mad at you, He is a loving God who will be your Help in times of need. I encourage you to read King David's Psalms...so inspirational that such a powerful king still ran to God when he was in trouble and rejoiced in the Lord when he triumphed. Our God...THE GREAT I AM, He is our Protector, Mighty Fortress...trust and believe in Him....

Esther - posted on 11/13/2010

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Hi There
I am so sorry that you are feeling that way. Depression is not really ungodly, it just goes with what is happening in our lives. Even Godly men in the bible went through it but they conqured it by letting God have all the control of their lives. He definetly heals us from it if we let him know how we feel. he is the one who made us and therefore knows us well. Please get a supportive christian friend or conselor that will help you go through this. you dont have to go through this alone, the bible encouranges us to carry one another's burdens. I am praying for you and i know God will shine his light upon your life and he will take away all that is hurting inside you. Remember am praying for you and let me know that you have gotten someone to talk to. Dont be discouraged, we all feel like that at times.

Chrystal - posted on 11/13/2010

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. Give it to GOD girlie:) I know it's easier said than done, but I think maybe you should have a serious talk with your husband. Maybe even try talking to a counselor at church. That might help a lot. And I would definitely go see a Dr. too because you do not want to let your depression get any worse. I will be praying for you and I truly hope things get better for you:)

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