I am lost?

Jeanieann - posted on 08/07/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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today i seen myself just set down and cry... I have been through so much in my life and still I am standing strong, I was raped 2 times, I just did get out of a marriage that should have never happen, you don't put a gun to someones head and scream I wish you would die, I believe my best friend Jesus was there with me that day, then i got (OV) CANCER and so far I am a 4 year survivor..yay...yay.. But I guess I just want to set and cry because now I have something that is only been out for 2 years and I have it... It is a mess that grows in the middle of your lungs and then into them, well mine is growing to my heart and left artery as well... if we can't get it smaller , then I have to have a heart and lung transplant... I am the only person in my whole state with (FM) (Fibrosing Med iastinitis) ok I know my father in heaven is right here with me all the time.... I guess I am afraid and just tired of being sick... I just moved home and I really don't have many friends here yet and I just feel so lost... I am so sorry girls.. I just needed someone to talk to... I hope you all have a wonderful weekend....

I CAN'T LIVE FOR YESTERDAY, IT'S GONE: I CAN'T LIVE FOR TOMORROW, IT'S NOT HERE YET, BUT WHAT I CAN DO IS LIVE FOR TODAY...

HUGS JEANIEANN

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Sara - posted on 09/09/2009

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some good boooks for encougeagement and knowledge.... the bible and a book called the believers authority. They both tell you how you can defeat the ememy. they have helped me in my hard times and i believe it can help you too. I will be praying for you.

Heather - posted on 09/08/2009

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Jeanieann, thank you for the update.You are still in my prayers. I agree with Christina that reading 2 Samuel 22 is a great idea. What a wonderful passage. I also want to share a passage from Isaiah with you.

Isaiah 12:2
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

Christina - posted on 09/08/2009

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Jeanieann thank-you for coming out and having boldness to reach for help. That is a huge step. I have not shared in your experiences but the last few years I have been under huge trials too, and feeling very alone. I also moved to a new place and no longer have access to the friendships and Church family I had across the country. The Lord has seemed very silent,. I have not stopped praising Him and pressing into my God. Never give up. I have no cliches, and I do not want to hear them myself. Today I was reading 2 Samuel 22 :1-51, I urge you to read it and reread it and aloud to yourself. I has given me great comfort, and I am sure it will comfort you too. I will be praying for you, Also Matthew 21:21-22.

Erica - posted on 08/31/2009

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Wow...God Bless you sis... I can't say I know how you feel...but I rejoice at seeing out of all that you went through you still give God Glory...and you still closed out your letter with love in spite of all you went through. You inspire the rest of us to thank God for our many blessing and to appreciate each day that we have and look on the positive side and see how much Jesus do loves us....so you continue to live for today...your life alone is a testimony that brings others back to Christ Jesus.....much love and God Bless you stay strong sis.

Heather - posted on 08/17/2009

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Wow, what a testimony! I can hear your wonderful faith in our precious Lord and Savior. Praise God that he is there with you and you are not facing any of this alone. I have no words of wisdom. Bad things happen to good people all the time. I would like to share with you some scripture.

Romans 5
Peace and Joy
1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

You have modeled this. Through all of your sufferings you are persevering! So two more verses I want to share with you:

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

1 John 5:5
Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

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20 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 09/10/2009

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seek the lord and he will heal you....im praying for you sister......god is with you!

Mindy - posted on 09/09/2009

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Jeanieann,

I will keep you in my prayers, and ask god to lay his mighty healing hands on you and your family. If you ever need to talk, I feel that myself and all the women here want you to know that we will listen to you, pray for you, and share tears of pain and joy with you!!

God Bless You,

Mindy

Jeanieann - posted on 09/09/2009

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Jesus is at Cry!



Love, hate, you and I,

This is the reason Jesus is at cry.



He was put on the cross for you and me,

This is how we show him we want to be free,

With killing, drugs and lies,

Stealing, raping, and our hearts in disguise.



Your sins and my sins are the reasons for him that he died,

I feel sorry this is happening worldwide,

Our father, your father who hung on the cross,

Open your heart to our only boss.



No man; no woman could every take his place,

We should hold our head in shame and hide our face,

For we are not the ones who shed the blood,

Now I know why his eyes are at flood.





He promised to love us in every way,

Maybe it's time to set down and pray,

And as you bow your head; don't forget He's not dead,



I wrote this many years ago!





Wrote & Owned By: J.Bryson

4/6/2007 12:56 PM

Jeanieann - posted on 09/08/2009

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On Oct the 1st I go in to have another CT done. If the mess has got smaller, then they will try and remove it from my heart start. If the mess has not go smaller, then they will put me on the heart and lung transplant list. either way I am in GOD'S HANDS so I feel as I will be fine. God's work is never done and I think he knows that I feel my work here on earth isn't done either. I am his child so I know I am ok... thank you all for your loving words. hugs, jeanieann

Vicki - posted on 09/08/2009

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Jeanieann,

Thanks for updating us on your status. It is so touching to see the way God is working in you. I am in awe of how He is providing you with peace, hope, and happiness in the midst of your suffering. Praise Him. I am praying for you today. Continued blessings to you, kind hearted loving woman.

Jeanieann - posted on 09/08/2009

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HI LADIES, THANK YOU ALL FOR THE PRAYERS. BELIEVE IT OR NOT I PRAY FOR EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU TOO AND WHEN I GET DOWN I COME BACK HERE AND READ YOUR POST. I ALWAYS FEEL BETTER. SO THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I KNOW WORDS CAN'T REALLY TELL YOU HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME, BUT TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THANK YOU FROM MY HEART AND SOUL. I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY WITH LOVE TO BRIGHTEN EACH STEP OF YOUR LIFE THIS WEEK... HUGS AND KISSES, JEANIEANN

Audrey - posted on 08/31/2009

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Hi Jeanieann, I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! May God be with you, and bless you in these hard times.

Nicolene - posted on 08/17/2009

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Dearest Jeanieann,

Wow, my heart really goes out to you as I read your posts! Please my friend, know that you are not alone in all of this. Jesus will NEVER leave your hand as you are a child of Him. I cannot even begin to comprehend what you are going through, and I have little advice to give. I do, however, offer you my prayer and friendship through your time of trial. Please keep your smile on your face and your positive attitude, God loves you so so much. Let us know how you are doing... All my love and prayers xx

Jeanieann - posted on 08/17/2009

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Quoting Anne:

Hi Jeanieann, I have been thinking about you and Praying for you and wondered how you you have been doing this past week.


I have been really tired this week, but doc did say things where going to get bad before better.



I get upset a little when I try to do things I know I can do, how ever, I just got to learn to take things a little slower...lol. I am doing ok I guess in a way. I don't look at it as I am sick, I look at it this way, I am just tired and getting older...lol. Keeps my mind in line... hehe. I just do what my grandmother has always told me, fix what you can in your life and what you can not put in GOD'S hands. Well, as his child I can't fix this so it's in his hands. The way I see it is, if it's my time to go then I can't wait to go home. If it's not my time to go then I have many more years with my soon to be and my children. I am not afraid to die, I just don't want to. anyways, on a very good note... michael took me to my first baseball game ever over the weekend... I loved it and it was fun.. I want to go again! I am doing a lot of first with him and he is so wonderful. I am glad I had to kiss two toads to get to my prince...lol. well, how are you? how was your weekend? oh and I have thought about you and the other ladies as well this week. and thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping me in your prayers, words just can't tell you how much I thank you. You are a very sweet lady. We will have to get together and talk on the phone sometimes. I am here alone during the day.. having someone to talk to sometimes other then family would be good..lol. anyways, I hope you have a good day and thank you.. hugs, Jeanieann



 



also THANK YOU ALL FOR ALL THE PRAYERS, YOU ARE ALL IN MY HEART! HUGS

Anne - posted on 08/16/2009

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Hi Jeanieann, I have been thinking about you and Praying for you and wondered how you you have been doing this past week.

APRIL - posted on 08/09/2009

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YOU ARE NOT AT ALL,AS A MATTER OF FACT YOU ARE RIGHT WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE.I THINK YOU ARE A VERY BRAVE AND STRONG WOMAN TO HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH,AND STILL BE ABLE TO PRAISE GOD THROUGH IT ALL.YOUR LIFE,COURAGE,AND STRENGTH IS A LIVING TESTIMOY TO SOMEONE SOMEWHERE IN THIS WORLD WHO'S GOING THROUGH EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH,BUT DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO PRAISE GOD IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL.YOU JUST STAY CLOSE TO GOD NO MATTER WHAT THOSE DR.'S SAY,BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST.

Tammy - posted on 08/08/2009

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I'm going to give you the name of a man that has a healing ministry God shows him the root of the problem, what is causing sickness to live. If anyone on earth can help you it's him. No him, but God through him, he just has good ears. LOL His name is Thurman Scrivner you can find him online get his number and give the ministry a call.

Father, as Jeanieann looks to You for help I pray for the comfort and and peace of the Holy Spirit to be on her. Right now I ask that you begin to allow that hope to rise up in her and strengthen her. Father I thank you that she has found grace and favor in Your sight and that even now she is trusting You for her miracle. Dr.'s diagnose and God heals! Nothing is impossible for You! Lord when You healed one of my arms from being shorter than the other and allowed me to sit upright again and ride a bike again and take a bath. I knew ther was nothing to big for you. Father I pray right now that Jeanieann's faith is stirred and that she know that Your hand is not to short for her either. Father when David's friends wanted to kill him also he encouraged himself in You Lord. I pray a stirring in Jeanieann's heart right now. That her flesh would shut up and her spiritman would soar at the word of the Lord. In Jesus our healer's name I pray. Amen.... Jeanieann who's report are you gonna believe? Do you know that song? Get it and start listening to it. Go to KCM.org and get the healing cd's. These steps are vital to you. Do it now.

Savannah - posted on 08/08/2009

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I really don't know that there is anything I can say that would make you feel better. But I have always believed that those who suffer greatly on earth have a very special place for them in Heaven. God loves you so much. I know it may be hard to reconcile with the pain that you are going through, but he is also blessing you in so many ways.

I hope you feel better soon and I will pray for you.

Theresa - posted on 08/07/2009

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I have heard your cry. I don't know why God gives some people seemingly insurmountable burdens. I only know that I can promise you that you are not alone in your suffering, other humans are suffering as well. That does not make your walk easier, but perhaps less lonely?



And Anne has wonderful suggestions.

Anne - posted on 08/07/2009

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Jeanieann,

It is soo easy for me to sit at my computer and type some lofty platitudes about HOW you should feel. Well I would not insult you by doing that to you. What I will attempt to do is let you know that I will be Praying for you. I posted a response to you yesterday so I will not repeat any of it, however I know how frightened I was almost 7 years ago when we did not know if i had M.S. or something more serious. I ended up just needing both of my hips replaced. I know if it had not been for My relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, my family, and my Church Family i would have been lost.



There have been other times when it was only God's Grace that allowed me to get through the day.

I would like to give you a few suggestions from my own experience that really made a difference.



For me accepting help from my family was really hard. I had always worked full time and then tried to keep up our home. Our meals for the most part were from scratched and I canned several fruits and vegetables each fall. When my health went down the tubs I had to ask my daughters to help with the cooking. We had always enjoyed "cooking" together but now I was the helper. They had always had chores but now they were doing things that I had always done---( Toilets, floors, keeping the refrigerator clean) .



I even had to during the last few weeks before my 1st hip replacement accept the help from a few ladies from our church and my oldest daughters friend to help clean house.



What I learned from this was that unless I relayed totally for God to bring these willing people into my life and allowed them to be of help I missed out on all the lessons God had to teach me during that time.



If you have not found the right church for your family take the time to do that now.

If reading and studding your Bible has not been something you have had time to do, start now.( if getting out is a problem because of your health there is a great Bible study Christian Moms' Online Bible Study that Tam Zimmerman leads. She has great insights and she studies what she is sharing.

Last of all I am sure you are already doing this but keep Praying.



And remember we are here to listen and respond to the best of our ability.

Keeping you in my Prayers, Anne Watkins



Jeremiah 29:11-14a

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD,

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