I desperatley NEED advice

Ashley - posted on 05/14/2012

What an awkward situation to be in. If it were me, I'd fear that some day in the future I wouldn't want my son to look back and say that I kept him from his biological father (especially if he builds a relationship with his dad when he's older and the dad complains about that to him). BUT, I wouldn't base my decisions based on that fear. In Matthew, Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow because each day has enough trouble of its own. If the dad is an evil influence, and has 0 legal visitation rights, & has proven that he cannot hold a respectful relationship with you and does not teach your son the values/respect that's he needs to see from a father, then I wouldn't hesitate to protect my child and not let him see his dad until there's a change. Do not feel guilty about this if that's the route you choose. Try not to let Gramps influence this decision. Gramps can meet his son for dinner/talking/etc outside of the house.
Good luck, and remember that you have something that he doesn't, FAITH. God is on your side. He wants nothing but good things for you and your son. Stay connected to Him :)

Rose - posted on 05/13/2012

Have you tried prayer?? It is the only thing that will give you answers...search the bible about your situation and see God deliver you from all this.

Heather - posted on 05/05/2012

Follow the court orders. If he wants visitation, he should prove to the court that he deserves visitation first, get the order amended, etc. When and IF he does this, allow him to see your son. I have a feeling though he will not do it. If he does do it, he would have to prove to the court he is a responsible parent, and if he truly is, then it is best that he does see your son. But if he truly is irresponsible and takes drugs and is absent most of the time etc, the court will not modify the agreement anyway. If you violate court order by allowing him to see your son then you are liable for consequences and you look like a flake.

Recognize also that your son is extremely impressionable and WILL be influenced by his father. Make the choices you feel are best for him now while he is young. Remember it is not about the father, or the grandparents, or anyone else-----it is about your son.

Also, you probably should live with someone else. You probably already know that :)

Best wishes to you----I know it's really hard to make these types of choices---I have had to make some difficult ones too. Praying for you :)

Another thing that helps me---remember that God is sovereign and He loves your son even more than you do. No matter what you do wrong or right, God WILL love and guide your son through his life.

Betty - posted on 05/03/2012

he will get a chance L8R, God Bless You, hang in there. You are doing the right thing.

Melissa - posted on 05/03/2012

What a horrible sitution to be in. Sorry to hear, but kow prayers are being sent for you. If this was me, I would ask his Dad and him to sit down and explain that you believe the bond between man and son is very important, however you are trying to raise your son right and you can not tolerate ______,______,____, (disrespect, or whatever it is that you dont like). Be firm and stand your ground. Because in the end my friend you will have raise a man that will treat a woman like a queen. I know I have 2 King's in the making :) Good luck and God Bless, you can do it your a strong independant woman!

Anna - posted on 05/02/2012

I really think you have to do what you feel is right for your son. his father is going to ruin all that you have been trying to build in your son, he doesnt sound like he has a good life going for himself and might just be onto destroying yours and your son's. If you can move out of the his parents' place then do so and then you will no obligation to let him see his son. Stand firm and tell him he needs to change his ways before he can have a relationship with his son. you are already lucky that you have the courts on your side so take advantage of that. At this age of 3 your sone is very much like a sponge and will absorb everything his father tells him. You will raise an irresponsible man if you allow him to continue visiting.

Carla - posted on 05/02/2012

You live with his dad and step-mom? How does that work, if he is not to have visitations?

If the court issued this ruling, they must have had a good reason. They usually allow visitation, even if the mother doesn't want it, so you are fortunate on that matter.

I am assuming, since you have lived with his dad for a while, and you have told us your rules and how he is being raised, that they also abide by your rules, so having their son around will disrupt the entire household.

Because he has NO rights, you are very much within your rights to tell him no. He is an adult, he has made his choices, and it sounds like he hasn't learned much in the time of your separation. You are Preston's mother, but more importantly, you are responsible to God for how your child is raised. God has given you specific guidelines, which it sounds like you are carrying out. Bringing this man into his life is going to cause you more grief, as well as Preston's than you can imagine. I took my children and RAN from my ex-husband. He knows what state we are in, and if he really wanted to find us, he could, especially now with the Internet for use. We have not seen or heard from him since 1972. My children call their step-father Dad and have had a happy life. I made the tough choice and I have NEVER regretted it.

Being a parent is rough--you can see Grampa is suffering, and thinks things might work out, but YOU are seeing it cannot. This may be a cross roads for you--IF Grampa keeps pushing this, you may have to find a place other than with them. You and Grampa need to have a real heart-to-heart about the facts of life, not our hopes for a miracle.

Father, Katie NEEDS help! Help her know exactly what YOU want for her family--her son and her. IF it's Your will for the father to be back in her child's life, then You will arrest his heart and convert him. But if YOU know he isn't going to change, show both Katie AND Grampa. Cover Preston with the Holy Spirit's protection and bring both Katie and Preston to the perfect place for them. Give Katie peace, knowing she is in Your will. In Jesus' Name, amen.

God bless, sweetheart, being a parent is sometimes tough, but all this WILL be worth it, I promise you.

Michelle - posted on 05/01/2012

if it says no access then I would say no access you have to do what is right for your little boy not what you think you should for grandpa