I have 2 teens and a 7 year old that are girls who are blosoming into realy great pre-adults, and then I have a 2 year old little boy who won't stop screaming about every little thing. I come home from teaching and frequently want to go back to the 75 high school freshman I teach every day. If you tell him no, he screams. If you take something he's not supposed to have away from him (no matter how nicely you talk to him or explain why he can't have it) he screams. If he's tired, he screams. If he doesn't want to be changed, he screams. And often I know it's partly because boys develope language a little slower than girls in that same age range do (it's certianly been the case with my kids)... but he's working on saying things and it always picking up new words and trying them out, so it's not JUST about language developement. Being away all day I'm not sure how my husband (wonderful stay at home dad) deals with it, and I have tried just about everything I can think of to make it stop. I'm at the point where I will ignore him when he's screaming and will only respond to him if he uses a 'pleasant' and polite voice. Are there any other suggestions?

Lisa - posted on 02/25/2009

I used sign language with my child, too-he loved to watch those baby einstein sign language videos,and we taped some shows on pbs called "signing time" that he enjoyed. All of the kids enjoyed learning it, and Josh enjoyed using it.

Melanie - posted on 02/25/2009

Hi, I have three adopted children with adhd and they all seemed to have the screaming problem when they were little. One child was taught sign language and it was a big difference in his exspresions and requests. he was less frustrated.you might try it.melanie

Bethany - posted on 02/24/2009

Hi, one big reason that children scream is because they find it difficult to express themselves. I have a little one who would rather moan and scream for things, but I have started teaching him VERY basic sign language. It has been such an amazing help. He is only 18months, and he can ask me for some juice, and say please, in a very quiet way!



You can find out about it at http://www.makaton.org/about/parents.htm - even one sign can start to help.



I would emphasise the important of you always signing and speaking together, although you want to help your little one express himself, you don't want to signing to replace language development :) Hope this helps, Beth

Melissa - posted on 02/24/2009

Hey Alisssa. My niece did this a lot at the age of 2. They live about 10 hours away from us so I don't get to see her everyday. But when they came to visit for a couple weeks over the Christmas holidays. I would calmly get down on her level. Get her attention and then tell her to "use your words." I would explain VERY briefly that I would not listen or do anything for her until she used her words. If she wanted juice she had to say juice. No screaming no grunts. Juice.

If he is only doing this with you it maybe because he needs some of your attention. If this is the case then I had a counselor tell me that if you will set aside 5-10 minutes right when you walk in the door from work to spend quality time with him before you go do what you have to do. This might work as well. He may just need your attention then after 5 - 10 minutes tell him I have to go make dinner we can have more time after I get dinner started or this load of laundry in the dryer, etc.

Good luck. I hope you find something that will help.

Alissa - posted on 02/23/2009

Those are all great ideas! Thank you all so much! I tried the whispering thing and sometime it works with him, but sometimes it just seems to make him more mad. His 7 year old sister doesn't have a volume control.... we're constantly talking to her about it but her 'normal' voice is about 3 volume settings above my own.... I will keep trying some of those things and maybe the picture schedule could help him.

I appreciate all the support and prayers and good advise... we're in a new place away from family and friends this year and it's been a hard one on our family... so THIS is wonderful! Thank you all so much!!!

Rachele - posted on 02/20/2009

Whisper

Im not trying to be facetious.  It worked with my loud two year old.  He had no choice but to be quiet to hear me.  He would even go so far to imitate me as well.  Turn it into a game.  Two year olds can be very goofy people thats for sure. 

Lisa - posted on 02/20/2009

You know what else I learned from the preschool teachers-alot of times they can be distracted by something-kind of direct them toward a different activity to get their mind off of it-I did not think this would work, but I am surprised at how often my youngest two could be distracted to something like blocks, or stories, or what ever it is that they like.

Julie - posted on 02/19/2009

I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old, both boys. Josiah, the older of the two, went through this phase briefly and it was more of a language issue with him. James, the younger one has already started this screaming thing. I asked the pediatrician about it, because I absolutely hate that ear piercing squawk, and she said that he is trying to manipulate us more than anything. Most of the advice I've seen given is pretty accurate with what I was told. The only thing I would add is that there is usually a pattern, like a time of day or issue that he wants/needs taken care of. Try to figure out what that pattern is and it will definitely help. For us, it is usually that he just wants to be held. I wish you good luck, and let us know if something works miracles at your house! :o)

Samantha - posted on 02/19/2009

There is a great book called, "have a new kids by Friday" by Kevin Leman. This book is AMAZING! I have seen kids 2-11 that this has worked really well with. I have a nefew that has been a real trouble child, now being raised by my mom, she got this book and it took all of 3 days to make a difference in him. A total 360. I will say a little prayer for you I know it is hard, GOD will get you through it though. Take care sister.

Ellen - posted on 02/18/2009

Sounds attention seeking. I would definitely make sure you and DH are doing exactly the same thing. My son needed a picture schedule of events so that he knew when he would get my attention. I could then redirect him to "We are doing this (specific for what ever it is) right now, but then we will do this (what ever the positive interaction is)." I teach middle school and some days just cant deal well with my little ones until I've had some down time. Now that they both have more language we discuss things through more. My 3yo went through a screaming phase and we had to resort to putting her in her room until she could use her words to express herself. Some days we held the knob while we waited for the behavior to change. Now when she looses control and screams she self corrects, comes to us and appologizes, then states how she will correct the behavior without prompting. We just stuck to routine and expected results of her actions. At least we don't have to hold the knob any more.

Amanda - posted on 02/18/2009

I would suggest the books "Sheparding a Child's Heart" by Ted Tripp and "Don't Make Me Count to Three" by Ginger Plowman...quick, easy, and very effective reads.  It has absolutley made the difference in my parenting of my two boys - one who was (and at times still is) a screamer.  His behavior is MUCH improved and tho he still loses his temper at times, the response to it is now quite different and results in an easier transition from screaming to normal playing.

Patricia - posted on 02/18/2009

I can understand and now see how this might be upsetting...

Naomi - posted on 02/18/2009

Alissa,

I have a 6,3 and 2 year old boys. my 2 year old does the same kind of thing. I would agree with Amy tell him to stop and give him the words. ask him do you want a drink ect then give him the words. If he still screams i just pick him up and move him out of the room. Eg out of the kitchen on the other side of the gate or into his cot. i leave him the for 2 mins and then go and ask him if he has finished, give him a cuddle and try and get the right words. eg drink please. If he starts to scream again its straight back into the cot/ out o the kitchen. I tend to have the biggest problems in the kitchen as he wants to be independent like his brothers. getting his own bowl, spoon and so on. 

The best thing to do is make sure you and your husband is on the same page. you need to deal with this togeather. As he is the stay at home dad (yayaya) try and do what he is doing  - if its working.

Good luck.

Naomi - posted on 02/18/2009

Alissa,

I have a 6,3 and 2 year old boys. my 2 year old does the same kind of thing. I would agree with Amy tell him to stop and give him the words. ask him do you want a drink ect then give him the words. If he still screams i just pick him up and move him out of the room. Eg out of the kitchen on the other side of the gate or into his cot. i leave him the for 2 mins and then go and ask him if he has finished, give him a cuddle and try and get the right words. eg drink please. If he starts to scream again its straight back into the cot/ out o the kitchen. I tend to have the biggest problems in the kitchen as he wants to be independent like his brothers. getting his own bowl, spoon and so on. 

The best thing to do is make sure you and your husband is on the same page. you need to deal with this togeather. As he is the stay at home dad (yayaya) try and do what he is doing  - if its working.

Good luck.

Amy - posted on 02/17/2009

I just want to sympathize with you as my son just turned 3 (my 4th child) and he also screams. He is just starting to talk now and gets too frustrated so he screams cuz it certianly gets him attention. I give him a warning that he needs to stop and talk nice. If he doesn't a little flick on his mouth usually stops it. It also helps if when I warn him I also give him the words to say. So I'll say "No screaming. Say please mommy". I find when I give him the words it works much better than just asking him to stop. Mine does it all day.

Gayla - posted on 02/17/2009

Hi Alissa!  Does he scream all day with your husband or just when you come home?  What does your husband do during the day to get him not to scream?  Could it be that he is still adjusting to you working and dad being at home?  When you get home do you spend time with him filling up his "love tank"?  Your baby boy may need your full attention with lots of hugs and kisses and playing on the floor with him when you come home.  Since he is two he is still developing expressive language like words, but doesn't have the capacity to tell you with words.   As a last resort and you know all his needs are met, you may need to spat him on his bottom to get his attention that he is to obey you and not scream at everything.  Two year old stage is very difficult and i will say a prayer for you!  God bless.

Kelley - posted on 02/17/2009

I am not sure what advice to give, but I wanted to tell you I was praying for you. I have two kids (6 and 4) and there are days when I feel like whatever I do I cannot please them. Just keep praying that God give you the wisdom you need and remember that this to shall pass. You will look back one day and not even remember the "terrible twos". I hope this was helpful.