i have a daughter that is now sciping school and has had sex at the age of 14 she is also defint i

Marjorie - posted on 11/13/2009

Just talk to her, maybe not face to face we all have the technology of cell phones and kids love to text. Sometimes its better to read so your not so emotionally involved and you dont have to see her expression or she yours. Talk via text and try to understand what she is going through this a tough time for her. You have to be there for her and get through the tough times without hurting each other. We all have to go through some phase of it. No ones kids are perfect no matter what they tell you. What ever you do make sure you praise her when you can and dont forget to tell her you love her even if its via text. She will find her way back to you and one day she will be your best friend. Dont give up! I've been through this and I know its not easy.

Jennifer - posted on 11/13/2009

I was 14 when I started having sex. He happened to be 19. My parents called the police, and they actually took the case to charge the man with statutory rape. I realize that embarrassing your children may seem like a mean and hard thing to do, but it was the best thing for me. I suggest finding out whom she is sexually active with and sitting down with the parents, your daughter, and whom ever her partner(s) are. It will embarrass them, but it will make them face reality. I was also put into counseling, but I can not say that was the best for me personally, but it is a good option.

Alicha - posted on 11/13/2009

dnt send her away,shes goin 2 rebel more.try 2 sit down wit her and let her kno that wat shes doin n feelin is normal.tell her that her body is a temple and that she deserves the best.comfort her so that she knows that she dont have 2 have sex 2 be cool or fit in.tell her 2 slow down and take her time do to the numerous stds out now days and if the guy shes wit cant wait then he dowsnt deserve her.

Teressa - posted on 11/13/2009

First, I'm sorry to hear this, I know how hurt your heart must be, we want the very best for our children and they just don't understand. I have a 13 year old daughter and I love her so much. I could tell you many things that you have probably already tried, but when you get right down to it, the only answer is Jesus Christ, you and your family must be in a Bible believing church, fast and pray and ask God what you should do and get in the Bible and let her hear you pray and call her name out to God. God can change anyone! Eph 5:11 KJV Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

Kathleen - posted on 11/12/2009

Hi Tammy!
Good for you for speaking out. "Judge not,lest ye be judged.." Trust me, you are not the only parent faced with it. Not to say it makes your pain or worry any less. I was a single mom for 5yrs between marriages(yup,a sin too, as I was not a widow:). As I said,my youngest son I know has already had sex,possibly @ 13. He was with his birth father @ the time,but no matter. His father is not A Christian. Sammy is! We do the best we can as moms. Proverbs says "train a child up in the way he should go and he will not depart from it.." My parents were Catholic,then became born-again Christians in the 70's and now do not live as Christians. As I said, we do not have a relationship. I have 2bros and 2 sisters and they don't speak to me either. I miss them. I know that I need to focus on my family! That is why we "leave the nest". Your daughter will be ok. She may even decide to stop having sex. A lot of teens feel they can't just because they have "done it" before. My daughter,now 19,had me believing that she had made apact with her best friend not to have sex until marriage. I was praising her all the time for her strength!! Come to find out she was havin sex with her then boyfriend. I found out thru the boys father who told me I "must take Alicia to Planned parenthood" I told him there was no need. Then my daughter screamed in my face "yes, I am having sex,now get out of my room"! She promptly moved out and back to her fathers. She was embarrassed for "disappointing me". I was hurt when she left. I also told her before she left that I understood and wanted to work things out. She left anyway. Things are ok now:) I will keep praying for all our kids.
God bless you and your kids

Tammy - posted on 11/12/2009

OK TO START THINGS OFF YES I AM A SINGLE MOM BUT JESUS IS THE ROCK IN THIS HOUSE HOLD AND MY DAUGHTER WAS RAISED WITH HIM ALWAYS HERE AND I HAVE TALKED TO HER ABOUT SEX AND THE DANGERS SHE HAS ALSO HAD A 3 MONTH OLD THAT SHE HAD OVER NIGHT. WE HAVE MOTHER DAUGHTER DATES. WE EVEN PRAY TOGETHER. I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN. AS FOR BIRTH CONTROL SHE WON'T TAKE IT. AND I HAVE NOT SENT HER AWAY. MY SISTER WANTED ME TO SEND HER THERE FOR AWHILE BUT I TOLD NO SHE WOULD THINK SHE WAS ON VACATION NOT GOING TO HAPPEN AND THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP

Kathleen - posted on 11/12/2009

Krista is RIGHT! (well,actually, the Lord gets the credit,LOL). We can only teach them what the Lord says. It is not as if you can lock her in a room until she marries:) My youngest is 15. He thinks it is "ok" for teens,or anyone, to have sex! He is much more talkative about sex than my other 3 were. I believe it is because so is the media schools, other friends,and even some churches! Remember,we are ALL sinners,though. God does not close his eyes to your daughter having sex anymore than he does if we fight with a loved one.are cheating on a spouse, using His name in vain,etc. I know you get the point:) I will pray for her. It seems like all our youth need extra prayer!! I do know what scripture says re: sex. Just remember it also says the same about drunkards,thieves,fornicators,adulterers,coveting....They are only "ours" for a short time and they make their own choices!! My father once told me,(way more than once) LOL after I had my 1st.and maybe said I was tired or something like that, "Small kids, small problems,BIG KIDS,BIG PROBLEMS!! Sadly,he does not talk with me,nor does the rest of family.("too emotional") While he was talking and following God though he was RIGHT!!!

Evette - posted on 11/12/2009

The first thing you should do is talk to her. Sit her down and explain about sex dangers and all. Get her on some sort of birth control. When you talk with her listen for the key words she will use (its no big deal and I don't care.) Big clues that she has no cares about what happens to herself. They say thing like that when they are in need of attention. Not to say you haven't given her any but, She has outside influences in he life. Friends, puberty, and lots of pressure from tv and movies. The way teens think now is that sex is not a big deal. When I was young it was only to be shared with the man you were in love with and planning to share yourself was a gift of that love. Today not so much. If talking doesn't work then it is time for a little thing I like to call Commando mommy! If at all possible pop up at your daughters school and spend the day following her around. Make it a sneak attack. Go to everyone of her classes, sit next to her at lunch. Correct her and her friends when they act up. Ask her friends questions about their sexual habits and make it a discussion. Try and get some of her friends parents to join you when you do this. When your parent tells you something teens tend to not listen but if it is disturbing their friends they will listen. See if your daughter's doctor can show her visuals of STD's. Give her a picture of what could happen if she keeps going down the wrong road. But the most important thing you can do for your child is to pray for and with her. Her body Belongs to God. It is to be cherished not used as a toy. Sometimes as parents we have to fight by all means available. It will be hard but the world is full of teens who parents gave up and it has not made them better. If a stranger came and tried to steal her from you wouldn't you fight with all you had for her. Do the same now. Don't give up! I'm praying for you.

Victoria - posted on 11/11/2009

www.freedomvillageusa.com/

My recommendation is to check out the above website, it can put you into contact with people who can help. Where as I agree that we have been given primary authority over our children, we have also been given people to help us through the journey with raising our kids, pastors, teachers, ministers, christian counsellors and ministries such as freedom village USA have been specially created to help with problem & trouble youth, they have an awesome success rate. I also agree that God doesn't give us more than we can bear which is why He has given us leaders & ministries to help & encourage us. God doesn't want us to do it all by our selves, He want's us to do it with His help, and if He is leading you to put you daughter in a group home, do it, God won't mislead you, but I do strongly recommend you look up freedom village as an option rather than a secular run group home.

Pray about it and I will keep you in my prayers too.

Mishia - posted on 11/11/2009

i have to say i agree with mrs. sanford. it may not be easy to get her to listen at first, but GOD put you in charge. he never gives you more then you can bear

Anna - posted on 11/11/2009

all I can say is...give her to God, ask Him to give you the wisdom you need to reach her and get her attention to be able to help. Don't send her away, she needs you now more then she knows. Pray for her, comfort her, talk to her, encourage her to do what is right, but most of all don't give up on her. God never gives up on us and I thank him for that. Love her with all your heart, and my heart goes to you. May the Lord give you wisdom in all this.

Tara - posted on 11/11/2009

Quoting Krista:

You need to bring her back into your home and stop sending her away to "school". She can certainly learn from home.
No more "friends".
Read Proverbs, it'll tell you how to teach you daughter, or at least give you the information to teach her with.
I really can't believe the posts I am seeing in this "christian" room. Where is the Christianity? This girl is involved in serious sin. Being only 14 she is still under the authority of her parents as ordained by God and she is breaking God's laws. As her parent you are OBLIGATED and RESPONSIBLE for the training of your child (God's design, not my opinion) Her issue isn't "attention" or "trauma" or anything else of that nature, her problem is the same problem every single one of us has. It's called our SIN NATURE. She has a wicked, sinful heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life".

Jeremiah 17:9 says "the heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick".

and Mark 7:21-23 says "...from within, out of men's(humanity's) hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man(woman)."> ....(those are the words of Christ.)

I encourage you to seek the scriptures, assume, practice and enforce your role as authority in her life in obedience to the LORD. Pray fervently for the strength and wisdom to take back control and pray on behalf of your daughter, that the LORD would begin to soften her heart and make her spirit available for correction and instruction.

I also reccomend "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp.......excellent resource

While I agree that everyone has a sin nature, I do believe that God put people on this earth that can guide us through the really hard times. For arguments sake, if what you are saying worked with every teenager on this earth, then there wouldn't be places such as Teen Challenge, and Mercy Ministries, there would be no need for Christian counseling centers. Christians as a whole would just get it, and not need fellowship and accountability with one another. However, we find that this isn't always the norm, especially in this day and age. Humans are spiritual AND physical beings. If some sort of trauma has brought this on, you can't slap a band aid on it and hope for the best. You wouldn't tell a woman who has been raped and is suffering from anxiety and depression "sorry, it's your sin nature, you need to read such and such scripture and snap out of it." NO, you would tend to the emotional side, be a pillar of strength, help her trust again, show her Christ's love. 

When I was in the throws of my rebellion and depression what brought me back to Christ wasn't my parents who were yelling  scripture at me I didn't have the want to understand. What helped me the most was a friend who exemplified who Christ was and His love, through her actions.  Since then, I have dealt with many teen girls who have been brought to or back to Christ by a caring (not condemning) individual who came ALONG SIDE them in their struggle and encouraged them with positive words into the truth. Isn't that what Christ does, He comes alongside us in our struggles and shame and encourages us that he is still with us, His love is unconditional. John 4, The Samaritan woman at the well. 

If everything at home that one tries isn't working, what then is better? Letting things get worse and hoping it's a phase, that she won't get hurt? Or taking action by accepting help from the awesome community of Christ, via counseling, or a school where they can cater to the needs of a child who needs more help than some? I'm sure the child knows that she is sinning, and she feels as though God would never love her again, what she needs is a Christian mentor, who will come along side her in her struggle, and Love her back to Christ. 

Chaunda - posted on 11/11/2009

I have a 14 yr old too..I think the best thing you can do right now is keep loving on her and talking to her. I was her age as well and I know one of the reason I did it is because I felt LOVED, I felt at that time my botfriend was the world, And the more my mother told me to stop seeing him , The more I made a way to get to his house. Please try have (MOMMY) one on one time with her. Some of the things I do with my daughter is taking her out to get her hair and nails done, Or maybe do eachother, Go sit in her room and lay across her bed and just talk to her. Let her know how Beautiful she is , God she's her as Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. (I'M NOT SAYING U DON'T DO THESE THINGS, THESE ARE SOME THINGS THAT MIGHT MAKE HER OPEN UP AND FEEL SAFE TALKING TO YOU) I Pray these things Help...

Felicia - posted on 11/11/2009

have you considered homeschooling? So much of that is going on around here, i read on-line that teenagers are wanting to get pregnant now. I just posted a message about the day i looked down and saw the stretch marks on my thighs. I freaked out! I was 18 the first time i got pregnant, maybe it gave them a Little something to think about.

Lisa - posted on 11/11/2009

Quoting Krista:

You need to bring her back into your home and stop sending her away to "school". She can certainly learn from home.
No more "friends".
Read Proverbs, it'll tell you how to teach you daughter, or at least give you the information to teach her with.
I really can't believe the posts I am seeing in this "christian" room. Where is the Christianity? This girl is involved in serious sin. Being only 14 she is still under the authority of her parents as ordained by God and she is breaking God's laws. As her parent you are OBLIGATED and RESPONSIBLE for the training of your child (God's design, not my opinion) Her issue isn't "attention" or "trauma" or anything else of that nature, her problem is the same problem every single one of us has. It's called our SIN NATURE. She has a wicked, sinful heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life".

Jeremiah 17:9 says "the heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick".

and Mark 7:21-23 says "...from within, out of men's(humanity's) hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man(woman)."> ....(those are the words of Christ.)

I encourage you to seek the scriptures, assume, practice and enforce your role as authority in her life in obedience to the LORD. Pray fervently for the strength and wisdom to take back control and pray on behalf of your daughter, that the LORD would begin to soften her heart and make her spirit available for correction and instruction.

I also reccomend "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp.......excellent resource

Do you have children of your own? I agree that the Bible should be the hand book and the standard that we raise our children to, but when they've already fallen short of the word of God as WE ALL HAVE!! We look for options and opinions that help us with what we're dealing with. Chastising grown ppl who merely are asking for help or seeking those who may have experienced this same type of situation is not a "Christian" like way EITHER!!!  The Bible also states that 'we have all sinners, saved by grace' and all creatures who are subject unto vanity. There is no one way to deal with these serious issues, and most of these issues are individually based cases with a lot of similarities. Don't open up the  floor to questions and beat the ppl down for asking and or answering. You take what you can use and the rest you throw away. And if our advice does not line up with yours it does not mean that we are NOT Christians.

Lisa - posted on 11/11/2009

As I read all of the replies I too see myself in here and the thing that keeps sticking out is, A: a need for attention B: a lack of communication C: a lack of teaching D: a need to be loved
Now if we all, (I am Most definitely including ME first!) could focus on these things and ask God to build us up in these areas and to give us what we missed in our own childhoods and teenage years, then we would be able to help our babies. We must show them love, real love from us as the parent, Money, and gifts are not love just an extension of love, when done properly. But real love involves heart and getting up close and personal, not being afraid to make them angry or upset when it comes to the truth, but loving enough to explain why they're hurting and upset. Real love comes from being open enough to share some of your past hurts and pains and even mistakes to help them avoid making the same ones. When they come to us for trivial little things it is the beginning of the serious things, if we can help then through what seems like a nuisance and/or a small thing to us, they will run to us with the serious things. Yet, if we do as I have in the past with my own children brush them off because it's not that serious...They feel as though we don't listen to them or tak them seriously in every aspect and then they run to the World to compensate and fill in where we have fallen short. This why parenting is sometimes considered a job, because we must listen, love and be attentive at all times. Now a cry for help is certainly different from ourtight rebellion and a love for what they are doing. I have experienced this with my youngest son. He was raised in the church since he's been on this planet. He can quote scripture and explain the Word as well as an adult, but he has found pleasure in the world and the temptations of this world. He now feels he can do anything he wants, I was hurt, angry and disappointed such as many of you were, but it cam r to me so clearly one day... I have raised him in the church, he knows the word of God and he is at the age of accountability, I placed him back into the care of God and I pray over him and I let God convict his heart and his ways and guess what? God is working it out and he has turned not all things are as they should be, but I see the evidence of God working in his life right now.

Heather - posted on 11/11/2009

Some one in my family has a similar situation right now. They first sent their child on a missions trip with my husbands father. It wasn't a trip to share the gospel, but to do manual labor for a church camp. This alone helped a ton, then they sent their child to live with some other relatives. The change in scenery has been great, but the child is still with family and being raised in a Christian home. I don't know if that would be an option for you, but it has helped them more then words can say. They also took away all forms of communication, no phones or computers.

Kyle - posted on 11/10/2009

With all the pressure in school and other teenagers now days it is rare to find a teenager that has not lost their virginity yet which is heart breaking. I am 25 and remember when i was 16 or 17 feeling like i was the only virgin in my school and feeling like everyone looked down on me because i had not had sex yet. People were shocked to hear i had not done anything with a guy before and actually laughed at me for it. I was still a hand full for my parents and I am thankful for them for sticking by me and not sending me away. They did on the other hand send me to a "scared straight program". This is when they take a group of juveniles with discipline problems to a prison for a day and let them experience where their life is heading if they keep on the path they are going. I would look into a program like that before deciding to make a decision like sending your child away. I personally don't think i would be capable to send my child somewhere where i could not keep an eye on her. Good luck to you.

Cynthia - posted on 11/10/2009

I honestly dont know how to give you adcive! I cant imagine being in your situation, but I am praying for you! Good luck!

Krista - posted on 11/10/2009

You need to bring her back into your home and stop sending her away to "school". She can certainly learn from home.
No more "friends".
Read Proverbs, it'll tell you how to teach you daughter, or at least give you the information to teach her with.
I really can't believe the posts I am seeing in this "christian" room. Where is the Christianity? This girl is involved in serious sin. Being only 14 she is still under the authority of her parents as ordained by God and she is breaking God's laws. As her parent you are OBLIGATED and RESPONSIBLE for the training of your child (God's design, not my opinion) Her issue isn't "attention" or "trauma" or anything else of that nature, her problem is the same problem every single one of us has. It's called our SIN NATURE. She has a wicked, sinful heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life".

Jeremiah 17:9 says "the heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick".

and Mark 7:21-23 says "...from within, out of men's(humanity's) hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man(woman)."> ....(those are the words of Christ.)

I encourage you to seek the scriptures, assume, practice and enforce your role as authority in her life in obedience to the LORD. Pray fervently for the strength and wisdom to take back control and pray on behalf of your daughter, that the LORD would begin to soften her heart and make her spirit available for correction and instruction.

I also reccomend "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp.......excellent resource

Diane Amarillas - posted on 11/10/2009

I lost my virginity when I was 11yrs old. The one thing that I have changed now that I have a daughter is an open relationship. I talk to my daughter about everything. I explain what it is like to be labled a certain way, and my regrets. My mom never talked to me about these things, so it didnt seem like a big thing to me when I was young. I see a big difference in my daughter and the decisions she makes after we have a talk. GOOD LUCK

Tara - posted on 11/10/2009

Family counseling. Individual counseling for her. Contact your school's guidance counselor and see if they have an "at risk" program that will help mentor her. You need to talk to her about the dangers of sex. If she is so defiant that groundings aren't working, maybe there is a deeper issue there. She definitely needs to see a counselor, and go to therapy to work through it. Try this first.

If all else fails, and the counseling doesn't work, you may need to send her to a place that can be better equipped on dealing with your child from an unbiased issue. I'm by no means am saying that you are doing a poor job, you are doing everything in your power to help your daughter, and I commend you for that! If the person she is intimately involved with is over the age of 18, then you should report this to the authorities. Often times older boys have such a greater influence over younger girls, because younger girls are dying for attention, no matter how much we give them, it's just that age.

There is a great place called Mercy Ministries,http://www.mercyministries.org/OurProgra..., and it is free of charge to you. This is an amazing program! I hope this is of help to you, I pray for your daughter's safety, and for your strength in this tough situation!

Stephanie - posted on 11/10/2009

It sounds like she needs a LOT of attention right now. Sending her away will only make problems worse. She needs a lot of one on one attention with you and if he is in the picture, her father. Most girls that have sex this early are not getting enough fatherly attention and seek it elsewhere, and thus have boyfriends and sex at a young age. I would suggest spending more time with her, talking to her, teaching her about the dangers of sex this early, especially since teens are NOT responsible with sex! You need to be open with her, not condemning, listen to her without judging her.

Tiana - posted on 11/10/2009

I was her age when I started having sex. The first time I got pregnant I was 15 and had an abortion, but a year later I got pregnant again and had my oldest son who is now 7. I did not have a father and the boys were talking to me about things that no one had taken time to talk to me about. Tell your baby about sex and about all of the diseases that are out there that could possibly kill her. Take her to a dr. who can show her what they look like. Inform her about all of the birth control methods that are out there. Most importantly love her and let show her how a man is supposed to treat a lady. Show her how to respect and love herself so that she can demand respect and love from men. She is looking for attention, love and affection. The most important thing you can do is talk to and LISTEN.

Christen - posted on 11/10/2009

there are many things you can do...but sending her to a group home is gonna make her wanna keep on doing it.i started having sex at the age of 16...has she has a tramatic insident in her past that would make her act out?? you could take her to the dr like Mrs Sessions said...but i would find someone you know that has a infant under 6 months that gets up often at night and let her keep it for a night or two...maybe that will change her mind...its hard for me being 21 and having 2 kids under 3....but if nothing works the best option would be to put her on birthcontrol

Dianne - posted on 11/10/2009

My daughter is only 13 but I have a friend whose 11 year of daughter just started having sex and she took her to the doctor. He explained to her the severity of things that could happen.