I'm Angry

Jennifer - posted on 01/25/2011 ( 32 moms have responded )

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I just wanted to express something I am struggling with. My best friend says that it seems almost healthy to him because it shows that I have an understanding of what marriage should be. But, I don't like being angry. I especially don't like thoughts of my ex husband in my mind. However... I am angry at him. When I work 72-136 hour work weeks I am angry at him because if he was the man I thought he was, I wouldn't have to. When I have to be my daughter's sole disciplinarian and she says I'm mean and I can't comfort her, I am angry at him for not towing the line. When my truck breaks down and I am on eHow.com trying to figure out how to dismantle it, I am angry at him. It's not often, but it's now. Right now while my truck is in my driveway, I am literally on eHow.com trying to get instructions on how to remove the gas tank, and I am at work on a 36 hour shift when I should be home, turning off the lights, locking my door, checking on my daughter one more time, and climbing into bed with my husband, my HOH (head of the household) my friend, my partner. Instead I'm listening to one of the guys I take care of drone on and on about nonsensical things, chasing a cat, yelling at the other guy I take care of. I'm trying not to throw up, I'm trying to talk myself into laying on the couch and trying to go to sleep. I know I have to go from one job to the next tomorrow morning, I need sleep to finish up my shift, but I just have too much on my mind. I'd have prayer time but the atheistic client won't stay in his room. So here I am, asking my sisters to keep me in your prayers tonight. Pray I can stop being mad at my ex husband, pray I get some rest, pray God lets me in on His plan, cause I need it right now. God is in complete control of all things completely out of control, I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I'm sorry I've rambled so, I just didn't know what to do.

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Victoria - posted on 02/09/2011

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Not all Anger is a sin, we have a right to get angry an the unrighteousness, God gets angry that's why his wrath was sent out, is sent out & will be sent out. There is unrighteous anger, but I believe you're is righteous, because you see how things should be in a marriage as your friend said. Not that women, wives, mothers shouldn't work, even the wife in Proverbs 31 worked, but we should be in a partnership with our hubby's and unfortunately your in a position where you have to both Mum & Dad in a sense to you daughter. You have to be the sole provider and so much more. God has a plan & although it might be hard to see right now, do remember that He is in control & that in all things he truly does work for the benefit of those who love him & are called according to his purpose. Stand firm, stand strong & continue to remember he is in control & he has plans, not to harm you, but to give you a future and a hope.

I will keep you in prayer.xx

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Aye Georgina - posted on 02/08/2011

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Jen, everyone seems to have said all that's needed to be said. You sure are blessed!! However, i just want to say its completely normal and human to feel all the frustrations but what makes us different as Christians is that we have the ability to decide not to allow all that have any negative influence on us. What i'm saying is, maybe whenever you feel that way, look on the bright side, the maker of the universe has got you wrapped securely in His plans and they are always for good, just give Him praise. cos sometimes we may get so carried away in the anger and frustrations we allow that get the upper hand, instead of deciding to scream for joy. Hope this helped? I am praying for you!

Julie - posted on 02/08/2011

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I don't think some people realise - many women don't have a choice but to work.

I have to work despite suffering from chronic pain from injuries from my exhusband and other health problems.

Do I have a choice? I wish. I'm tired of the agony and exhaustion.

Here, single parent payments are cut off when your child turns 8, my ex has a good job working 6-7 days a week (his excuse for blowing off visits with our daughter before he got sick of pretending he was going to) and yes only has to pay $50 a MONTH in child support (and has only just started paying recently after many years of not paying), and he left me in tens of thousands of dollars of debt.

When welfare payments for single parents get cut off when your kids are just young, and deadbeat dads pay next to nothing (if they pay at all) and the government won't do a thing about unpaid child support, what are women are supposed to do?

Anger itself is not a sin. Even Jesus got angry - one only has to look at his reaction to the sellers in the temple.

Anger is not the sin - what you do with anger is what is sin or not. There is justified anger. The thing is to not let it turn into bitterness or lead to other sins.

We should all be angry at what this poor women has gone through - that we live in a society where women have to work long hours and hardly see their kids, simply to feed and clothe their kids and keep a roof over their heads. We should all be angry, that our governments don't do something about helping these poor women. We should be more angry that our churches don't step in and help these poor women out.

It is an injustice and we should all get angry about injustice - not in a negative, bitter, nasty way - but angry enough that we step up and DO something about this situation. It's not right.

Carla - posted on 02/04/2011

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When we can't spend 'quality' time with our children, we feel guilty. My kids used to hold me around the knees and cry and beg me not to go to work. The guilt was unbelievable. We survived, however, and they are grown with children of their own. They understand and are grateful that I did the tough stuff to take care of them. I married a man willing to be their father, and together we got through. Marriage is rough, divorce is rough, LIFE is rough! But God has seen it all, and knows our tears and deems us faithful as mothers, as women, as Christian women. I always quote the Chapmans' song 'so hold onto Jesus, baby, wherever you are!' That is the only way we get through and triumph over life!

God bless, my sweets!

Amy - posted on 02/03/2011

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Wow...I have been in your shoes ( with the exception that we share custody ) but I could not imagine doing it while working such long hours! I know, though, that a lot of my anger came because I felt like my son was paying the price for his father's mistakes. Because of his father, I had to work and be mom and dad. I did not have the time to just enjoy my son the way I wanted too. No one was there to help me and I felt so guilty for having to spend so much time working and running errands and DOING things when I just wanted to sit and play and hang out with my son. Unfortunately, there was no way to change that and I eventually had to accept that this was the hand I was dealt as unfair as it was...and is. :) But God did point out the scripture to me one day that says that all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose and I realized those words were not just for me...they were also for my son. And that these experiences, if he and I did not let things like bitternss or unforgiveness get in the way, could end up ADDING to who we were instead of robbing us.



Of course, that does not make the difficulty of it go away...but it helps me to look ahead more instead of behind and it has been a real source of encouragement for me as a mother.



I am so sorry, though. I am praying. :)

Carlene - posted on 02/02/2011

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Jesus: Keep Jennifer in your arms Lord! Hold her, love her, keep encouraging her. You know what she's been through, you know what she'll be in the next year. In Your precious name i pray,
Amen

Tina - posted on 02/02/2011

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Jen, what's most important is that you keep your eyes on the prize, Jesus Christ. You are more than blessed. You have and always will have, a HOH, a lover, a friend, a partner, a comforter and a husband...in the merciful and gracious God that we serve. There is NO MAN of the flesh who could ever be all those things for us and provide ALL that we need when we need it. You have all you need in Christ Jesus. As He promised He will NEVER leave you nor forsake you. The Lord hears the cries and sees the tears of His children. You are not forgotten my sistah. Spend less time filling your mind with where your "ex" has left you stranded, and put that energy in prayer. For every moment you spend on your ex, takes precious time away from opening yourself up to what God has in store for you. When you find yourself focusing on the negative, stop and just simply ask for peace - the kind that will allow you to hear God's gentle whispers of wisdom. He has been trying to speak to you but your mind is so cluttered with other things that you can't hear Him. He's always ready to receive you with open arms. Start by apologizing for your absence and seek forgiveness. Surrender your life back to him and feel the peace that will overcome you, the peace that passes all understanding. We need not understand all things, just trust in Him who is the Alpha and Omega, the creator and ruler of all things. Through Him all things are possible. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, Jen. May you find the comfort and love you deserve. The Lord doesn''t give you more than you can handle. So, rejoice in the fact that you are "still standing".

Alisha - posted on 02/01/2011

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Oh dear, why do you work so much? I'd say that you should cut back a bit because no one needs that much money and your children would much rather have you and your time than material things. God's plan for you is laid out plainly in God's Word, the Bible, so I hope you are reading that to find out what He wants for His Beloved believers. I will pray for you that you can get over the anger towards your ex-husband, that must be making things very difficult. The Lord will help you with that if you ask Him, but you will need to do some work as well. I'm not sure the reason for your break-up, but you must learn to forgive him and start healing. A good way is to look up passages in the Bible on forgiveness for a start either by using a concordance or type forgiveness Bible verses online and some will come up. I can't imagine what you are going through, but dear, take some time to rest and be with your children!

Anne - posted on 01/30/2011

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It's been six years already and according to my opinion u need to forgive and let go. Move on with ua life, it's 2 short and u should enjoy it rather than carry a burden that has already past. I'll pray for u so God will give u sufficient grace to enable u to forgive, because it's only by forgiving that u can move on.

Caroleen - posted on 01/30/2011

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We all go thru this Jennifer, i am currently goin thru something simular, i work 2 jobs and my husband sits home and dont even help clean the house. i just had surgery on my foot and laid up for a while, so my mother in law is here helping me with daily chores cooking and cleaning with the kids while he still was not doing anything to help so she got on his case and now he is attemping, she shouldnt have to help because our husbands are suppose to be our help-mates, and we often wonder why did we marry them? Its because God put us together, and he knows what is best, his timing is perfect Jen, and he doesnt put on us what we cannot handle, so we just have to wait on the Lord and pray, because he does have control, we are not the drivers. So when you say you dont know what to do just trust in the Lord Jen draw your sternght from him, because at the end of the day thats all we have to hold on to is his strenght and his word...God Bless you and try not to stress, just bring your burdends to the feet of the cross and lay it down.

Tiffany - posted on 01/28/2011

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I haven't been in your situation, but I'm a child of that situation. My mom worked 3 jobs and was always tired. I am so thankful that she was that kind of mom and not one that would stop fighting and loved us 4 girls enough to make a better life for us and provide for us. I won't say it was easy because it wasn't, and I saw her struggling. I know she did her best and I love her so very much for that. I am sure that you are the same way because of what you've written. Your daughter will know that you love her and thank you for everything you have done to provide for both of you. May GOD bless you abundantly. I will keep you in my prayers!

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2011

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Julie, where were you when i WAS married! Actually funny story when we were married we were sent to marriage counseling. We were trying to get his son out of foster care and they asked us to go to counseling. We went 2 times for a grand total of 23 minutes and at the end of the second time the man said "I don't know why you're here. You are the All American family. I'm going to call DFS and tell them I think so." And we were both honest, about abuse and him having that baby with another woman and everything. I was in shock. i thought if the "All American Family" is like us, why does anyone want to do it. I can see that you really care and I'm so grateful. There has been such an outpouring of support for me. I have been divorced for 6 years I'm just having trouble understanding my frustration and why I always go back to making it his fault.
To everyone who's posted: I thank you and love you all. This is my greatest fellowship. I'm blessed to have women like you in my life. You're in my prayers always.

Carla - posted on 01/28/2011

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Julie, I worked all our childrens' lives. My husband WAS NOT lazy! He married me when he was 20--I had a 6 and 4 y/o and we soon had another. He worked 2 jobs most of 20 years before he broke his back and, through the settlement, he got schooling to qualify for a better-paying job; and even then, because of his physical injuries, I kept working just in case his problems re-surfaced.

In a perfect world every woman that wanted to COULD stay home and raise the children. Sometimes that isn't possible. We all do what we can, and trust God for the rest. We struggle, we cry, we trust.

God bless, all

Heather - posted on 01/27/2011

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Julie, Jennifer is no longer married. This is her ex-husband that she is referring to.

Julie - posted on 01/27/2011

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You are not married... SERIOUSLY!
Get help or there will be nothing left of you for your children.
Marriage takes two and you are in this ride VERY alone -
Why are you working, mommie...? It enables hubby to be lazy -
God's word tells us that a man who provides not for his family is worse than an infidel...
Tell him things need to change and watch his reaction. You will know right away if he is in it for what he can give to you for get for himself... and precious sister, that is NOT A MARRIAGE!

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Dear Jennifer, I will pray for you. I too have this anger in me that is eating me up over what should have been with my ex. I feel like he shattered mine & my son's dreams. I do know better, I do know we are better off without him & count my blessings daily. God gave me the best part of my ex, my son. And now my ex has nothing more to offer. I struggle to forgive him maybe because I just don't understand how any one can walk away from their family. I hope you continue to find strength within yourself & try to channel that anger into something postive, let it drive you to prove how much better you can make your life :)

Carla - posted on 01/27/2011

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Pat and Jen--you both are suffering right now. Sometimes praying for one another is the best healing we can have. I was having a hard time this week with a family member, then my precious Angie came in TRULY suffering. I started banging on the gates of Heaven for her, and now I don't feel so bad. It's funny how our Lord brings people into our lives, sometimes for their wounds, but sometimes for ours.

God bless, dears

KELLIKAYZ - posted on 01/27/2011

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NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR FEELINGS, YOU ARE HUMAN. YOU CAN PRAY AND GIVE IT TO GOD, IT FEELS GOOD TO SEEK OUTSIDE ADVICE; HOWEVER, WE REALLY KNOW THE ANSWER WILL COME FROM GOD. SAY A PRAYER AND NOT ONLY GIVE IT TO GOD BUT DO NOT TAKE IT BACK. HE REALLY DOESN'T NEED OUR HELP. WHEN YOU GET WEAK AND THINK OF HIM AND YOUR ANGER BUILDS UP, REFOCUS ON THE BLESSING GOD GAVE YOU THROUGH THAT MAN. P.S. BEEN THERE, I AM A SINGLE MOMMY OF 2 WONDERFUL TEENAGERS. IT'S TOUGH, BUT IF GOD IS FOR US WHO IN THIS WORLD CAN BE AGAINST US AND WIN??? NO ONE. I HOPE THIS HELPS. I WANT YOU TO BREAK FREE FROM YOUR ANGER, FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD. ONE MORE THING, YOUR EX'S ACTIONS ARE NOT A REFLECTION OF YOU OR YOUR CHILD'S SELF WORTH.

OLUFUNMILOLA - posted on 01/27/2011

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His words says In all things give thanks, i feel what you are going through and i pray the Most high GOD will strengthen you and give you the grace to see it through. It is well with you.

Jennifer - posted on 01/27/2011

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Pat, it sounds like you might need some prayers too. So I will be praying that you make it through your trials as well. This is the BEST place for support. The women here are amazing and they have either been there, or know someone who has or read a similar post and they are ALWAYS there to pray. Thank you for your prayers and rest assured I'm praying for you as well.

Pat - posted on 01/26/2011

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oh jennifer, i understand. the grief over the stuff he should be there to help with. the lonliness of it, and knowing its all on your shoulders. i am just starting down that road myself. my husband is locked up and then will not be around to help raise the two babies he made. i know the feeling of having the weight of the world on your shoulders, and the man that was supposed to be there to support you, isnt. Our Lord is there. He will be with us. He will never leave us or forsake us. He comforts the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He gives us peace. I have not wanted to pray cuz i dont want to feel my pain, but reading this, i will be praying for you and your situation.

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2011

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I thank you for the thoughts... I'm sure your son is a good man and a great husband to his wife. You are after all his Momma. ;) I am so blessed to have you and my other sister in my life. I'm God's girl and I'm good with that. And I feel so blessed for having the understanding you've all shared. I don't feel stupid anymore. You're all amazing.

Carla - posted on 01/26/2011

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I know, baby, and I wish I knew a good guy to send to you. But my son is married ;) You are always in my prayers. Love you

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2011

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I really do feel blessed. I don't have to share custody of my daughter with anyone, I support her on my own, I work hard and I am strong (because the Lord is behind me) I was just feeling so helpless and hopeless and irritated. When I have to put together my new furniture I think about how inadequate I am. I always do it, but I feel ill equipped. I tease my friend Jeremy about it... "Please come put my table and chairs together for me. Please come fix my truck. Please come do the manly things I don't know how to do..." I do it, and I even feel very accomplished when I do something I have to learn. Like when I changed the brakes on my car, when I assembled my BBQ grill without instructions, when I provide for my daughter and me all the things my ex promised and never delivered. I just sometimes feel like I need a hand. Like I just have too much on my plate. But, the Lord is good and full of grace. He has us all safely in His arms. I'd just been battling those feelings and then feeling guilty for thinking that way.

Carla - posted on 01/26/2011

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Yes, Jen, it sounds like you and Heather and I were all married to the same guy! Sometimes it helps to know that other people were where you are now and survived. I did, Heather did. My kinda-adopted daughter is going through the same thing. She sat at my table this morning crying her heart out. I feel so helpless and inadequate. What I CAN do, though, is to tell you God is with us. He will NOT give us more than we can bear. Angie is going through the 'if I don't accept it, it isn't real' thing. I am trying to make her see that he is truly a psychopath, and she needs to stay away. She has his 13y/o son because neither he nor Adam Michael's mother are fit to take care of him. But, with Angie, she found the Lord in the middle of this, and got another kid that is such a blessing!

We have to find the good things in the middle of horror in order to survive. Paul said 'whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely...if there be any good, think on these things...and the God of Peace will be with you.' We HAVE to keep our minds centered on what we DO have, and how God is holding us. AND, as an added bonus, you have your friends on Christian Mommies ;)

God bless, guys, I love you!

Anne - posted on 01/26/2011

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Jennifer my only experience with the ex problems is what I have read about on COM and from family and friends that have nasty ex's. But I do know that God Knows and I will be Praying with these 2 wonderful sisters and with you my sister in Christ for the Holy Spirit to wrap you in His Love and Protection..

Jennifer - posted on 01/26/2011

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Carla and Heather you do know alot about my ex, it seems you were married to one similar. Almost to the T so far. I try not to think of him, cause it's not him, it's that I know what a marriage should be and I'm mad because if he was not the creep he is, I wouldn't have to work so hard or do it alone, but he had such hatred for my daughter that I couldn't trust him with her anyway. I have been struggling with these feelings and I talked to my BFF last night (Jeremy) and he is encouraging to me, but he was right. He said "Jen, where are your Christian (girl) friends when you feel this way?" I was like I don't have any..... (tear) then i remembered you guys. All the moms on here are great,, but you and Carla, are always so encouraging, I just knew youd understand and know what I need. Thank you guys so much!

Heather - posted on 01/26/2011

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Jennifer, you have me in tears! I have been where you are (okay not exactly, but similar). After my divorce there was a lot of hatred that I had to work through. But you know what, in hindsight I'm glad that my ex was/is a creep. I really don't want him to be there to influence my children with his twisted mindset. The greatest blessing I ever received was our divorce. He blessed me with two beautiful children and then politely (okay, rather rudely) stepped out of the picture. He isn't around to tell them that it's okay for men to have more than one wife (yes, he believes this and was upset that I wasn't okay with his affair), he isn't around to yell at me or the children or throw things at us when he is upset. He isn't there to spend hours playing computer games and looking at porn while I am working 2 jobs to support our family and then not letting me spend any of the money. I don't know everything about your ex, but it was so helpful to me to look for the good that came out of it. During the times when I was mad I thought about what it would really be like if he was still around, it helped me to become thankful for the things that I was upset about before. I don't know if this helps you at all. But it helped me. I will be praying for you.

Carla - posted on 01/26/2011

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Father, Abba, Jen needs help! She is always on here, helping other women to find You, she is encouraging and gracious. I pray that You send her angels to fix her truck. I pray The Comforter wrap Himself around her and shelter her. I pray You swoop into this situation and bring a solution to her problems. You have watched Your servants struggle with the husbands/ex's and seen our tears. I pray peace and joy for Jen. I pray blessings and strength. I pray that You let her know how much she means to us, and that she is always in our thoughts and prayers. You have the answers, You ARE our answer, and we ask, in the Name of Jesus, that You hold Jen tight and let her know You ARE in control.

I understand what you are going through, Jen, and I ache for you. Please know you are loved.

Jennifer - posted on 01/25/2011

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Oh, by the way in reference to my partner my HOH and my friend husband, that's the theoretical husband I should have had but I didnt and dont. I have no loving feelings towards my ex. I don't long for him or pine for him. I'm sad for what SHOULD have been. We haven't spoken or seen each other in almost 6 years.

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