I need help with discipline!!!!!

Christie - posted on 11/24/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I desperately need some advice/tips!! It seems everytime I take my 3yr old (soon to be 4 in December) out anywhere I cannot get him to listen to me!!! I am soooo frustrated and wore out the first 5 min from saying "no, stop, come here, don't touch that". He is a very stubborn child and I have a very hard time getting him to listen to me. PLEASE, I am open to any and all advice/tips or tricks so that we both can have a good time together.

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Alisha - posted on 01/16/2012

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The most amazing book on discipline according to the Bible is called What the Bible says about Child Training by J. Richard Fugate. It's all about consistency, and paying extremely close attention to when your child disobeys you or is rude or sassy to you. Your words should be like laws to your child, if you say no more cookies and he talks you into having 2 more, then nothing you say will be of any value to your child. You must remain firm and discipline and correct the behavior every time. You are the boss!

Rebekah - posted on 11/24/2011

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Well, you say when you "go out" - if it's due to errands that you need accomplished, make it fun for him and enjoyable for you.

Grocery Store:
Print up picture labels of what is on your grocery list, that you do NOT mind him finding, picking up, and putting (most likely will be dropped or thrown) into the cart.

Waiting in Long Lines:
- Play "I Spy" games
- Go through your grocery list and add up the total of the groceries
- Count how many groceries you have
Etc...

Make a Busy Bag:
You can google these, but you have different baggies that are filled with activities that fit in YOUR purse. These activities your child can do on their own and keep them busy for a max of 20-30 minutes at time.

Another thing, instead of saying "don't touch that", pick up the item yourself and while your holding it, let him feel it, explain why he can't touch it and that if it fell, it would break into pieces... and that would be a bad thing. Help teach the "why".

When you say "come here", if he doesn't respond right away, pick him up and hold him and tell him you love him and that you need him by you so he does not get lost and so that someone doesn't take him. He needs to understand stranger safety.

Carla - posted on 11/24/2011

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We started the naughty chair when our grandchildren were 3 and 4. They HATE it! Sitting still for 3 min for the 3 y/o and 4 for the 4 y/o seems to be eternity! We took our little granddaughter (3 at the time) to the store, and she started acting up before we even got in the door. I very calmly found a nice spot where EVERYONE could see her, and made her sit with her face to the wall for 3 minutes. She was good as gold for the rest of the trip. If you start it at home, and continue, and consistency is the key to ANY discipline, they will get it and you will both have a great time. With my own children, and now with them, when we entered a store I said 'hands behind your backs', and they kept them there throughout the trip.



Now all this started way back when they were in their walkers, at 6 mos. They would push up to one of my plants or knickknacks (I NEVER put anything up out of their reach), and start to touch, and I would say 'no-no' and push their walker away. If they went back again, I patted their hands and repeated 'no-no'.



Whatever form of discipline you decide on, you absolutely NEED to be consistent. It takes time, and I know there are times when you're tired, and you might be tempted to let them slide just this once, but if you do, then they get the idea that maybe, just maybe, they will be able to get away with it again, and you're hit. I know they have selective hearing, but even such little things as look at them and say 'Mikey, you're not listening, put your listening ears on' brings them back. Then if he still isn't listening, give him a warning, 'Mikey, if you aren't going to listen to me, you are going to the naughty spot', then follow through. Make the spot something they can't play with--mine is facing the dryer, nothing to look at there ;) No noise, no talking, no playing while in the naughty spot, sit with hands in lap. This is murder to kids! They quickly learn there's a lot of things to be done in the time they are sitting in the corner.



God bless, sweetheart. Keep your cool, take care of the problem at the first sign of disobedience, and he will quickly learn you are not going to give in.

Katherine - posted on 11/24/2011

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Do a trial run at the grocery store. Don't go there for anything, just go there so you can teach him how to behave. My 2.5 year old is a joy to shop with let me tell you.

What I do is bring snacks and a drink and keep her occupied. Maybe a book. Usually the food does it.

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Angela - posted on 02/14/2012

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As I said earlier, I left my children with a neighbour or friend when I went shopping most of the time and was quite willing to reciprocate when other people wanted to do their own shopping - we minded each other's kids so we could go out shopping, paying bills etc ... without disturbance or interruption from children.



Many of the others are suggesting methods of training or disciplining children so that outings will eventually be stress-free. Now if this works for you, great. I found that these strategies could be time-consuming and it was far easier to get these necessary tasks out of the way swiftly so quality time could then be spent with the children in a more relaxed setting afterwards.



It came about so that the children regarded going out shopping with me as a rare occurrence and a real treat - hence better behaviour as they got older!



I come from a family of 4 (2 boys, 2 girls) and my own parents always agreed that a whole day outing for the entire family worked very well if parts of the day were split by us dividing into 2 groups. This was achieved by mother taking the 2 girls and dad taking the 2 boys. This resulted in no fights between a brother and a sister, and no tensions between man and wife! Of course, the 2 brothers might still fight and quarrel amongst themselves or the 2 sisters might - but do you know what? The 2 brothers in the company of one parent were so busy trying to impress their father with their good behaviour (and trying to outdo each other with helpfulness) and the 2 girls were the same with their mother - so it all went very smoothly! Just a variation on male bonding and female bonding I guess! But effective for us as a family when I was young.

Jo Anne - posted on 02/14/2012

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Role play seems like a great idea, plus Rebekah's list of ideas, awesome! My son was my lil helper every time we went shopping, till today. then I would tell him what to pick up and drop into the trolley, now we would split the list into 2 and get shopping done in half time..and then have ice cream. I think the idea is to keep him occupied and a lil fore warning/guidelines will help..oh, and what Carla said..consistency.



All the best dear...even this shall pass..:D

Kelsey - posted on 02/14/2012

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Try giving him reasons not to touch things like:



You can't pick that up because someone else may not be able to find it next time

or one I use a lot I simply say: Is that yours? and they say no and put it back.



Its not much, but he needs to understand why he is not allowed to touch things.



Also, if my kids can't listen, they in the cart and not be able to walk by themselves at this age is A HUGE DEAL. If they throw a mega-fit, which they hardly do, we leave the store (and of course this is easier said then done).



Okay, one more. Before we enter the store or restaurant, we discuss the rules. Set 3 or so that he can remember like stay with mommy at all times, don't touch things and no running or something. Children like it when they understand what is expected of them. If they break a rule, try gently reminding them at first offense, if that doesn't work, tell them it will be dealt with at home and then proceed to discipline however you do whether its spanking or taking a toy away, timeout, whatever.



Hope this helps. This is what we did with my girls, currently 2 and 4. I know how frustrating it is, but this stuff works. I now find it a little more frustrating when my husband comes with me because at least the girls know the routine, lol. Good Luck!

Angela - posted on 01/18/2012

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This is fairly common with a child this age. My second boy (now aged nearly 29) had a mega-tantrum in a large drugstore that had the manager coming over and asking if he was having an epileptic seizure!



I don't know any useful tips here other than to say I generally left my kids with someone else when I wanted to go shopping in order to avoid this behaviour. I was also willing to look after the children of friends so they could do their own shopping in peace. We all took turns with each other's kids whenever any of us had to go out for shopping and stuff.

Tiffany - posted on 01/03/2012

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I've taken my son(5y/o) everywhere and whenever he tries to leave the cart or pick up things and act up i first speak calmly and tell him to stop. If he keeps doing it or does it again i speak again (with a little frustration in my voice) and tell him to stop it and that if i have to speak to him again he will get either smacked or his butt beat, depending on what he's doing. Rarely do i have to say something a third time but i have either smacked him or literally beat his butt in the store. I think he listens to me without me having to actually touch him because when i speak to him i speak very very firmly and seriously. Sometimes i dont even have to look at him and he will stop doing something. Listen to the tone of your voice and choose your words carefully meaning choose words that have a strong impact ad meaning. When youre first starting out make sure you ALWAYS make eye contact no matter what. Also be mindful of your facial expressions.

Carla - posted on 11/25/2011

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Rebekah is right. Kids LOVE to 'feel' things. Faithy can't go by the fabric counter without touching the velvets, satins, etc. But I'm the same way, too! So we stand and touch the fabric, let her rub it against her cheek, etc (make sure their hands are clean ;)) We feel each yarn, so, admittedly, our adventures take a little longer than normal. I am sorry I didn't understand this when my kids were little. My life was one big 'hurry up!'. Now that I'm the Grammy, I take the time. Sorry, to my children. I have an egg that my daughter bought me 20 years ago that the kids love to have wound up and touch the silk inside. I let them touch it, and show them how to hold it. I like that they enjoy beauty and I try to share that whenever I can. I let them pick the roses to take to Mommy, we smell every flower we see, but again, I am a flower lover. We have to understand that children don't know what we do, and getting your thought processes down to their level is good for you, too. It makes you stop and enjoy the simple things. We sit in the driveway and look for pretty rocks, if there are a lot of similarly-shaped ones, they instantly become a family, with Dad Rock, Mom Rock, Brother Rock, etc.

Are you tired of hearing 'are we there yet?' I tell them we'll be there in 5 minutes; how long is that? count to 60 5 times, and we'll count to 60. Makes the time go faster, and they learn their numbers. How many stairs do we go up? And we count the stairs.

What is he picking up in the store? Go to him, take the object, hold it for him, and let him touch and look. Take a little time to explore. This is a wondrous time of learning for your child. Help him enjoy it.

God bless, sweetheart. Motherhood is a continual learning process.

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