I need help with looking forward to & enjoying sex with dh

Timi - posted on 11/08/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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Hi ladies. pls I need your help. I've been married for almost 4 years & we do not hv kids Ўεт, we'r trying & believing God. however, I have found over the years that am not very enthusiastic about having sex; in other words, if I had a choice, I wouldn't have sex. obviously this is key in marriage, what can I do for me to help me want & enjoy sex? what can I do to help me begin to look forward to having sex with dh. please help.

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Elizabeth - posted on 11/09/2011

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I can understand where you're coming from. My first question is have you ever looked forward to/enjoyed having sex with your husband? If you have then I would say try to go back and remember what events took place to help you feel that way. Such as did you go on a date, have a romantic dinner at home, etc. That's what I usually do if I'm not feeling in the mood. If you have never looked forward to it then I would talk to your doctor as it may be a hormonal thing. God Bless.

Linda - posted on 11/11/2011

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Both you and your and your husband NEED to read Intended for Pleasure: http://www.christianbook.com/intended-fo...

This seriously changed our sex life. I never looked forward to it before this. Even if your husband doesn't like to read books, he'll like this one because it will radically change your marriage. Warning: It is graphic, but it is all from a Christian perspective.

Rebekah - posted on 11/09/2011

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First, ask yourself why you don't want to have sex. Write every reason that comes to mind down.

Second, read verses in the Bible that combat all the reasons you listed. For example, if you don't feel attractive, God's Word reminds you that He has made you beautiful!!!

Third, spice up your love life. If it's stagnant and if the only time you come together is to have a baby -- time to change things up.

Fourth, once you've discovered the root of your lack of desire, pray to God, then go to your husband and have a heart to heart with him. He needs to be on the same page with you and help you through this.

Kelina - posted on 11/09/2011

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Another thing to try would bee look at the differences between a time when you enjoyed it and looked forward to it and now. Also don't make sex about trying to make a baby. that puts stress on you and can affect you psychologically into not wanting it. One thing i've found is sometimes my hubby forgets to show me how much he loves me in other ways and I wind up feeling like all I'm good for is sex, which doesn't endear me to it at all! Those times I try to remind him gently that I need to be loved in other ways as well, and of the things that I enjoy which usually gets me in the mood quite effectively :)

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Jewel - posted on 11/18/2011

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Funny, I'm in the bathroom reading this....... Stalling because my DH just put the love light on.......All that's missing is MY blanket....

I'm going through the same thing and my DR said it's a side effect of DEPO...... To be honest, the ONLY time i really want it is when we've been made at each other and have abstained for a long while. Then it's good.......I don't know, but my sister thinks I'm crazy!!! I just don't have a high sex drive. Never have.

Now, sexy lingerie helps me get in character. Try that.

Angela - posted on 11/10/2011

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Yes, I know exactly what you mean about a man who goes on for too long. My ex-husband was like this. I once said excuse me and said I was going to the bathroom (it was downstairs). I stayed downstairs and curled up with a warm blanket on the couch because I was so tired. He came looking for me and was very offended - verging on violent.

Nothing is less sexy than a man who insists on sex, who says it's your duty and who is only affectionate and kind to you when he wants sex.

There's a great Christian website that gives detailed advice about sex for married couples:

http://christiannymphos.org/

It's frank, talks about real love & passion between husband & wife and offers advice. It also has a Biblical perspective and smashes many myths. Read it and share with your husband.

Good luck!

Timi - posted on 11/10/2011

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I understand Kelina, I shd tell hubby same thing too! ℓ☺ℓ Even though I knw I'v told him b4. With me, its almost liKe "let's wrap this up already, am worn out & need to sleep" I defn shd mention to him again. Thank u 4 d insights ladies, your responses mean a lot

Kelina - posted on 11/10/2011

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lol my husband can last way longer than me too. It got to the point I had to looka t him and tell him if he didn't blow in the next minute it was over and he'd just have to deal with it. He learned.

Carla - posted on 11/10/2011

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No, sweetheart, the talk may NOT be easy, and he MAY get a little miffed, but if he is wanting it all the time, he has GOT to get you to where you are agreeable. Also, Dr. James Dobson had some words of wisdom that I have remembered for many years: 'Sometimes the most sexy thing a man can do is wash the dishes!' If a husband wants more of your time, he has to be willing to help get some of the chores done first. There's nothing like trying to get into it while thinking 'oh, I didn't feed the dog!' or 'where are the kids?' Young men don't think of things like that, they are miraculously single-minded! They say a man has a sexual thought every 90 seconds. Can you imagine? No wonder they are like the Energizer Bunny! Oh, dear----

God bless, darling

Timi - posted on 11/10/2011

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Tnx so so much Carla! Hmmmm having a blunt talk with him won't be easy at all, I can tell u dat right nw. However, I believe that it will go a very long way. On the contrary, my dh can last the whole night if you let him & am already done ½ way through, I thnk this is part of the reason I dnt look forward to sex @ all. There's little or no foreplay & when there is, its so monotonous & predictable.... Phewww! Bt thanks to u all, I'll take all ur notes & get cracking. God bless

Carla - posted on 11/10/2011

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Okay, ladies, I'm gonna jump in here and be a little graphic, so I hope no one is offended.

I got pregnant at 15. We married, but his lovemaking was, well, less than fulfilling. He would get me to where I had my fingernails in the ceiling, then boom! he was done, but left me hangin'. I went through life so frustrated I was almost physically ill. I didn't know WHAT I was missing, but I knew it was SOMETHING! We divorced after 6 years (not over this, although it certainly was a part), and married my present husband. Wow, the difference! We have been married 39 years, and he STILL makes me toes curl! lol

Men can be ready at the drop of a hat, but women need to be primed, like an old-fashioned water pump. Men haven't got a clue. If this is your problem, I would suggest a blunt talk with Hubby. You may have to get very graphic in telling him 'you need to touch me like this', and maybe his ego will be injured for a while, but if you are more able to participate, it will be to his benefit, in the long run.

God is amazing. He made our bodies a specific way, and programmed specific responses. A fulfilling sex life is very similar to Heaven on Earth, and God knew that sex would be the glue to hold us together when life is crashing in.

I'm prayin' for ya, honey. Pray, ask the Lord to go before you, then jump in. Sorry if I offended someone's sensibilities, but I certainly wish someone had had a talk with me when I was younger! God bless

Timi - posted on 11/09/2011

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God bless u ladies for your concern. Thank you. Truth is I have never really liked sex. True, sometimes am in the mood but most times am not, its like 30:70. However, I'll put more effort into it & pray for a fantastic sexlife

Timi - posted on 11/09/2011

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God bless u ladies for your concern. Thank you. Truth is I have never really liked sex. True, sometimes am in the mood but most times am not, its like 30:70. However, I'll put more effort into it & pray for a fantastic sexlife

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