I think I saw my bf started grooming of my kids for future molastation acts , pls anyone reply, need huge support

Liana - posted on 09/16/2012 ( 27 moms have responded )

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I set up sometiems videos for my kids, they ar up to 3 yrs, and recently i got back to my bf (we were split for a month ) and just didnt mention about camera to him ... i had several videos , didnt have time to watch them, and plus suspecting him in anythign i would not have left my kids with him, even just to catch him on anything... or would have rushed to watch videos... so videos were there and i had no idea i should have watched them in time.. when finally i sat down to watch them, i was just going through them very quick way, in videos i go out for 10 -20 minutes for shopping or cooking in the kitchen, as soon as i am not there my bf (now ex bf ) goes to kids, puts his own thumb in his own mouth and starts sucking of it ) and at the same time he rubs the shoulders, tummies , necks, ears of my kids ) in some videos i am even there , and he is doing that in just a sec , some scenes they last for 1-3 minutes, and he is doing that with both of my kids...

I am in shock, i am going crazy, i bet he was planning smth, and started grooming ( i read they first start grooiming before they do anything ) but i bet he did smth as well as just kids ar very young you cant ask them anything, and i havenot noticed anything wrong on their bodies ... but they started screaming at nights 6 months ago.. even i told that to a doctor and doctor said its ok and it will pass away...

now i recollect many things, every sentences, every behavior and so many things, i spoke to children protection over the phone, they said ,there is nothing in it they should feel worried though they asked where the bf was, i said i split with him, yes i did but i said different reason.. as was scared and in shock and did not know how to say that...called the police and they said the same, it looks strange but there is nothing in that behavior they should be worrying, though they asked the same wherethe bf was, they took the videos , why? if there is nothing in it? what should i expect? i am going to call the socials tomorrow, though police said they would do that themselves... is such situation familiar to any of you? and is there anything in this story that can be used against me ? by the police or socials? pls reply to this post , thanks

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Amanda - posted on 10/01/2012

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Carla,



To a degree I understand what you are saying about taking it to God...however we do have to act of our own accord to resolve many issues. If we waited for God to pay the bills without working, we would starve. Same with mental health needs. Seeking professional help is something that can heal these children. The poster has said many times that her boys are deathly aftraid. Since this is a new behavior for them, there is a reason. Instead of her focusing on cps and the police to prosecute this perv, her sons can receive the help that they need with a child mental health professioanl. Yes, I am very pro-active within my community to help revise the laws to protect our children and prosecute those that harm them. My daughter that I am speaking of was baptized and I can say while I understand the 'free agency' that we are afforded a child does not. It breaks my heart to hear her ask why God let this happen to her by two different people. Prayer alone will not fix my daughters problems and if her sons were harmed, prayer alone will not fix them. I am a strong advocate that if you feel that something has happened to your child ~ look at different avenues than just the police and cps because they are there to assist in the criminal proceedings NOT the healling of the child. I stand firmly by the side that prayers alone DO NOT HELP a victim of sexual violence. My daughters counselor is a christian counselor. No, I am not bitter ~ I always try to give help when asked. Telling the poster the myth that being married may have prevented her sons from being harmed is baloney. Later on, I did read the remainder of the posts and it seems that the poster really does not know what happened or not to her childre ~ it IS in their best interest for her to find out. Lastly, I am not bitter. At this time I may be angry at God, and I am certain He is ok with it ~ He is bigger than us and he forgives. He made us human and understands that our feelings of anger when our children are harmed is HUMAN. Thanks.

Amanda - posted on 09/30/2012

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I could not read through all the replies as the advice given (especially annointing the children at bed time and chastsing you for not being married) are part of the problem and not a helpful soltuion for your cildren. If your children ACT afraid and you have these suspicians PLEASE get your boys profefssional help. Professional help would include a licensed play therapist. They are trained and will get to the bottom of your son's fears. If you notice any of these types of behaviors in addition to their fear GET HELP AT A CHILDRENS HOSPITAL IMMEDIATELY ~ if your son's have become aggressive, if they were potty trained and now are not, if they are more clingy than usual, ANY regression in developmental delays. It is a MYTH that child services protect children. The sad fact is many children are molested and sexually abused and even with some evidence and the childrens testimony, oftentimes there is not a damn thing the police or cps can do. Not because they do not care but because the laws protect the offender.



Use your mommy intution. Even though your children are young, if they were abused chances are they will have problems in ;the future if not dealt with properly now.



Please excuse my very long response, this is a very touchy subject for me as my daughter was sexually abused / violated / etc by two different people in her short life time.



My husband and i were married before her having her. She was abused by my MIL's boyfirend. She was 3 at the time. While cps belved what happened to her, as did the police charges were not pursued due to her age. Our choice because we were talked out of it by these groups. Anyhow, it was apparent that he also harmed our nephews. We got counseling for our daughter, our nephews parents never believed their sons were harmed and did nothing. Another myth is that boys are not sexually violated. They are ~ frequenlty. Fast foward a decade. My nephews are very violent, they attack adults and chldren. Short tempered, etc. Last xmas our nephew molested our daughter (he is two years older). Needless to say our daughter has major mental health issues due to these situations. This is NOT something that can be prayed away. Your sons futures can be predicted by how you as the parent handle this situaiton.



While I realzie that I am on the Christian Mommies forum, I am down right disgusted with some of these replies. I have been a faithful Christian my entire life ~ that has not prevented my daughter from being harmed. Sorry folks, God tends to be very quiet in these issues. You must help yourself and your family.

Angela - posted on 09/17/2012

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The Police may have only taken the videos to get a chance to watch them and carefully go through them without other interruptions.



This guy has behaved in a creepy fashion and I'm glad he's out of your lives. However, there's no real proof that he either molested them or he intended to do so.



See what the Social Services have to say after they've consulted with the Police. Don't have this man back in your lives because even if he ISN'T a child molester, it doesn't sound good that you have a relationship where you're on and off with each other. Even if he was a good, reliable, stable kind of man, it's not good for the kids that he just comes and goes.

Carla - posted on 09/17/2012

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Your spirit is telling you this is a dangerous situation and you need to protect your children. I don't care what kind of story he tells you the next time he wants to get back together, DON'T listen to it! Sexual predators (and that's what this guy sounds like to me) will lie, cheat, whatever, in order to get at little children. And he won't stop, I don't care WHAT he tells you!



Do you have a pastor? If you are a foreigner, you need to have someone that is knowledgeable in the court systems advise you, maybe even talk to the police with you. Don't stop telling people something is wrong. Molesters count on their victims keeping quiet. But above all, protect the children. If you have to send them to a relative or friend's house until you can get him out of the house permanently, do so. Also, if you TRULY believe he has gone further than just these little acts with the children, I would go ahead and get the examination done. It's better to try to explain to a little girl why a doctor was poking around 'down there', than to try to explain why bf or daddy or whoever was.



Stay in touch, honey, we are praying for you. God bless

Sarah - posted on 09/16/2012

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be glad you got out of the situation when you did. if your gut tells you something is wrong then it is. however i would think long and hard before getting the authorities involved. if the children can not attest to being touched or hurt they would have to be examined. idk if you have a daughter but you dont want her to have to endure an internal exam if you dont believe she has been touched. i'd file a no contact against him and be glad to be rid of him!

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Victoria - posted on 10/02/2012

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I'm sensing it is time to close this conversation.

Liana, I trust you have gotten the advice & assistance you were seeking.

You will be in our prayers, as will your children & the man you think may have been acting inappropriately towards your children.



In Christ Pastor Victoria MacPherson

Carla - posted on 10/02/2012

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Amanda, I DO understand BECAUSE of my brothers. The sorrow and guilt I feel that the brothers I helped raise turned into these monsters is almost more than I can bear. I talk to both my ex-sister-in-laws (although I still consider them to be my sisters) often, and the wreck of their hearts, the dysfunction of their daughters, kills me. My sils couldn't afford therapy for themselves. And, because they dared speak against my brothers, they were cut off from the rest of my family. The one couldn't talk to HER family, because they were angry with HER over all this, so she was quite effectively, thrown out to the wolves. In their cases, because it was their husband, the wound goes clear to the bone, and whereas the girls have begun to move on, their mothers are still stuck back at the event. The first child got pregnant at 14. We are not sure whether the child (an adult now) was the husband's or the uncle's, because both molested her at the same time. So every time she looks at her first grandchild, she sees her husband on top of her daughter. How does one move on after that? Both these women are saved, but they can't seem to grow. It's like they're stunted.



This is why it is soooo important to report molesters. Liana DID. I pray more women have the courage to shout it to the rooftops instead of hiding it within the family.



I have gone through a LOT of therapy, Amanda. I have come to the conclusion that the only way of healing is through prayer and a close relationship with Jesus. This is a life-altering trauma that so deeply wounds that just talking and working through it with someone doesn't cut it. My niece, while able to go on to have a family, is still haunted. She, too, has come to realize she has to keep herself close to the Lord, in order to maintain sanity.



I pray for you as I pray for my dear sis-in-laws. I know first hand what you all are going through. God bless, honey

Angela - posted on 10/02/2012

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Amanda Xxxxxxxxxxx - please specify it was Angela Reese who said:



"do not live with someone....that lack of morals can bring bad things into you and your childrens lives!meet your mate in church and do things the right godly way do not take it for granted that anyone else will care for your kids the way u do!!!!!!!!!!!!!God in the man you marry is SOOOOOO important!!!!!And someone who is able to abstain from sex until marriage!!these things are vital!so many children are molested nowadays!we must protect them!"





I'm possibly the most regular ANGELA on these Christian Mommy threads. Don't want anyone to think it was me making that rather judgemental post!



And marriage is NOT an insurance policy against one's partner molesting or mistreating one's children. I know of people that were molested by their own biological fathers, who were legally married to the child's mother and they were Church families.



And yes, you're right! Prayer is important but God likes to see us being proactive as well.



ANGELA

Amanda - posted on 10/01/2012

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Carla Allaire ~ I do apologize if you thought that I was directly refering to your response about the marital response of the poster. I was not, there was another person who replied (Angela maybe?) that did flat our state that the problem could be avoided had she not had a child out of wedlock. I most certainly appreciate any prayers you send to my family. Child sexual abuse as you know is a very difficult situation. Since most offenders know the child, it usually tears apart the family and truly destroys the childs trust in others. There are a lot of 'myths' out there that still persist. Such as not seeking professional help. While I agree that my daughters wounds may never heal completely in this life, I know for a fact that without treatment she is at a high risk to work in the sex industry (stipper/prosititute/etc), becoming addicted to drugs and or alcohol, that she is more likely to participate in unprotected premarital sex as a teenager, I know that she suffers from PTSD and that opens up the door for other mental health issues. Boys are more likely to put their anger outwards instead of towards self as girls. Hence many boys who have been molested grow up to be very violent men. Some even become sex offenders themselves. That is why I tend to focus on helping the children first and foremost because oftentimes a conviction will not be forthcoming. A typical offender has been reported several times before their is enough to proceed to a trial.

Teresa - posted on 10/01/2012

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If you as MO feel something is weird then act on it. It probably is. You are your kids protection. I would stop at nothing to protect my kids. They are my priority and nothing else matters, not boyfriend, or ANY relationship. If my kids ca't look to me for protecction than they mght as well have nobody! I would not trust y kids with ANYONE but their father, and we are married, but if we werent I know him and he would not hurt our chilldren. DOn't trust anyone with your kids.

Carla - posted on 10/01/2012

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Amanda, I certainly didn't even imply that Liana's marriage status had anything to do with this, one way or the other. Indeed, my brother molested his wife's daughter. This girl, who is now in her 40s, has had counseling, both Christian and secular--neither has helped the pain she feels and the anger.



Some things people can fix, some things they can't. That's why we have God.



I know you are angry at God, but I hope you can find peace. We are praying for you. God bless.

Carla - posted on 10/01/2012

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I hear your pain, Amanda. My brothers and many others close to our family have molested children, and I find this the most heinous crime there is. I also believe in Christian therapy, where needed. But, sweetheart, if we can't ask God to help us, why are we Christians in the first place? Being a Christians doesn't stop bad things from happening, because bad people have free will, the same as good people. I know this is difficult to understand, because I hear this from people all the time--IF God is a loving God, why doesn't He stop this? Evil is in the world because of Satan. If we want to be mad at someone, it should be him.



If, where you live, the authorities don't prosecute because of the age of the child, this law should be changed. Work to change it! You can be a strong advocate for children in your area.



If you would have read all the responses, which I urge everyone to do before they respond, you would see that Liana was unsure whether anything had happened, as the children weren't exhibiting any signs. She has done her due diligence in this matter.



I am very sorry you are 'down right disgusted' by our responses. Being followers of Jesus means we take our problems to Him, and anoint and pray over our children. I understand you are bitter because He didn't stop your child's molestation, but I urge you to step closer to Him and get peace for your life. I don't want to see you lose out on what God has for your life.



God bless, honey, we're praying for you and your daughter.

Angela - posted on 09/24/2012

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do not live with someone....that lack of morals can bring bad things into you and your childrens lives!meet your mate in church and do things the right godly way do not take it for granted that anyone else will care for your kids the way u do!!!!!!!!!!!!!God in the man you marry is SOOOOOO important!!!!!And someone who is able to abstain from sex until marriage!!these things are vital!so many children are molested nowadays!we must protect them!

Carla - posted on 09/19/2012

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From the conversations related by you, it would appear he did not actually perform anything on the children. So the authorities aren't going to do anything. Sad, but true.



Your children are very young and cannot tell you, nor do you want to actively pursue any line of questioning with them. I think you need to pray with them before they go to sleep at night. If they can follow along a little bit, fine, but pray protection over them, pray peace, no bad dreams, just sweet dreams. Rebuke the spirit of fear from them, and anoint them, their pillows, rooms, etc. If you have a radio you can put in their room, put it on quiet Christian music so their little spirits can absorb it. Then, when you have them settled down, go to your room and do the same thing.



I understand your fears, honey, I truly do. But if there's nothing the authorities can do, it's up to you and Jesus to settle your family down and be able to breathe. This is where faith comes in. I believe you were warned by the Holy Spirit before anything happened, and for that we are terribly grateful. You were vigilant, did all the right things. In time, with continued prayer for the children AND yourself, you WILL be able to move on. But I hope, in moving on, that you listen to the Holy Spirit again when picking a prospective husband. Get into the Word and build up your faith. Pray for a man who is strong in the faith who will protect and provide what you need. Money is a very small part of this combination. In the long run, as you have found out, a man of principles and morals is a must! Wait for him! God will bring him to you.



God bless, honey, we are praying for you all.

Liana - posted on 09/19/2012

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thanks girls again for your support, could post yesterday, really overtired, cant sleep well and still dont know what to do... first thing was to get rid of him, thats done, next step for me was to know if i needed the boys to be examined, now police is quiet though gave a call, socials are quiet too, and i dont know what to do now? to call them back? how many times? sorry seems i made mistake when posting first post about videos, the police said they would come down to take the videos but they never did, they even did nt give me a call since that...i know socials ar quiet coz if the police passed the information to them probably they said he wasnt visiting us anymore, i just need to know what to do? my son is screaming every night, always almost at the same time, he screams NO NO NO No and every time he screams he always says these words, only twice at night when he was screaming said that him (my exbf ) his dog were biting his pyjamas , only twice , and sometiems he mentions angry man , now he started saying angry about all the toys or other objects names .. once doctor said nightmares ar ok, it will pass , but are the nightmares ok everynight?? so i need to do smth but how to start, if i just take him to a doctor he will say the same, thats ok, i need advice, what to do.. thats why i wanted to see socials and police, both are quiet.. if i contact socials myself then i fear what if have to share this to another parent my exhusband and then he definetaly will do smth against me... if i stay quite just coz i am scared of many things that wont help my kids ,(another son is screaming as well but not very often ) now new thing that caught my eye .. those days when my exbf came back, i took one of my kid into a bathroom and suddenly noticed a sticker on his bum ' you are a winner' , i though it was very odd, i took the sticker (all these was before the videos) and put it on the chest of drawers, now i cant remember i noticed sticker before opening the shower or after it, so dont remember i washed this sticker or not, after a day or 2 days i noticed this sticker again and i wanted to bin it but then i changed my mind, dont know why.... so i forgot about this sticker totally and only before yesterday it caught my eye again.. so decided to take the sticker (then just took a photo of it ) to a nursery and ask them if they have similar sticker...so i did so.. the manager said they dont have such a sticker , then she asked the other staff, they all said no, and even they showed me all the stickers they have at nursery... my son recently started saying that he is the winner.. i might be a game from a nursery or he was telling him smth ... in videos several times he is whisperign smth to them... so with all these i just sit and not to do anything? just to move on? pls i dont have anyone to ask for advice , my friends from my country cant give me advice , they just ask me to move on and calm down and to forget all this nightmare... How? i know i am taking your time , i am really apologizing but now it seems you are the only persons who really undersands and cares ... i feel i cant move on just like this, but to whom (who else ) i can go for an advice as police and socials dont show even tinist interest in it ?! how can i force doctors and what to tell them to make them examine my kids or if they cant be examined at this age, (they ar going to be 3 in 2 months times , but they ar wery smart with good memories ) its obvios they remember smth ... if no examninaton can be done,is there any kind help for this age to help them overcome that stress ? pls , reply pls when you find time ... thanks a lot again again

Carla - posted on 09/18/2012

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I understand protecting the child first, of course.



This should make us all watch friends and family a little closer from now on. Because it is kept hush-hush, no one truly knows HOW many children Uncle Fred has touched until much, much later, and the damage is done to the child.



Be vigilant, be diligent--watch your children!



I'm done preaching ;) God bless

Angela - posted on 09/18/2012

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Carla, I don't know a great deal about it. I'm aware that Child Protection will protect the child first - protecting the child is more important that bringing the molester to justice! If this man was still living with Liana or still visiting regularly & spending time at her home, they may have removed the children by now! I also know that Child Protection agencies are overworked and any perpetrators who have acted in a more definite and clear way against a child will take priority over Liana's ex-partner. I'm not entirely convinced that he HAS acted inappropriately - not to say that he sounds like a good guy or anything. She's clearly well rid of him and if believing that he's harmed her kids (or planned to harm them) is the only way she can resolve to keep him out of her life, then where's the harm? Even if he was actually innocent? He sounds like a jerk in any event.



Of course I could be wrong .... they're not my children so I don't have the mother's instinct that their own mother would have.

Lisa - posted on 09/18/2012

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The cops took the videos in case anything else develops or is found out about this man. At that point, it may prove helpful in court one day in the future. Make sure your complaint is recorded even if there's nothing they can do at this time. If he is out of the home with no access to the children, then there's really nothing social services can do. Their job is to protect the child. The children are safe away from him. If you find out anything else other than what you've already seen, call them again - and the cops, too.

Carla - posted on 09/18/2012

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I think I would pack up his stuff, then arrange with him at a certain time to come get the stuff. You can put it on your back porch, or even ask a neighbor or friend if he can pick it up at their house, if the police won't do it. You could also arrange to meet at the police station to give him his stuff, just to be on the safe side. You don't have to go into the building, just meet on the steps, knowing if things went bad there would be quick help. Don't let him goad you into a discussion, just give him his things and leave. Don't take the kids, I'm sure you know that.



Whether you were right in what he had planned or not, we may never know. But God gave us those feelings, I call them my 'vibes', and I have learned to use them.



And, Liana, you will NEVER know the sufferings I still have over my brothers and the way my mom and dad shielded them. I think this is why I am so vocal here, to warn others, like my family didn't. The ONLY way to break this cycle of molestation is to let everyone know what your boyfriend, or husband, uncle or grampa did to your child. Knowledge is power.



God bless, baby, may the Lord grant you the strength and boldness to carry this out.

Liana - posted on 09/17/2012

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I am thanking every minute , every hour... i am so grateful to God he heard my prayers and protected my children and gave me sign till it was too late ... I hope the God will protect other children as well... you are very brave saying so loudly about yr brothers and sharing this to me... every respond bursts me into tears as i see here mums care about each other , thanks God there are still good people around us which will help us when we in need... he is handsome too and women were after him, but seems he chose me as he thought i am from foreign country, what can i know about danger here , i dont have many friends, mostly staying at home, even dont go out if i have a chance... had very close friend , she moved to uk and he was always offering that i can go out for a drink with a friend and he can stay with kids .. only once i did that, and again came back very soon.. good me and my friends liked to stay in and having glass of wine in.. he said that he was in shock what i txt him, but if that it is what i want then its ok, and that he is busy and will txt me later.. but then later he txt me asking me just to pack his stuff and deliver it to his place and at the end that i could have phoned him rather then to say it throgh sms ...i did nto reply, i think i will ask the police to take his stuff or socials, i cant do it myself or i will just bin it, not a lot , but want to remove everything so kids not to see his things and not to remind them about him... what should i tell them when they ask about him? there was a nock on the door and the kids thought it was him as though they were happy that he was at the door, then i asked him do you want to see him (saying his name ) they said yes but i think with not in a happy manner and went quiet .. i dont ask questions as if the socials will plan to do the same, i dont want to ruin all these questions and answers wiht my mistakes... definetely i am going to do smth just not sure what yet, as police is quiet and its so wierd for me ... thanks a lot for you reply

Carla - posted on 09/17/2012

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What was his response when you told him it was over? It's so hard to try to guess what they will do. My brothers (both molesters) were very handsome, so they didn't have to chase any woman--once the women found out what they had done to their children, they kicked them out. But there were 20 women standing in line for a chance with them. NO ONE pressed charges against them, though, and that's why I urge every woman that their child has been touched to make them stand trial for their deeds. A molester counts on their victim's silence, whether through embarrassment or ignorance.



It seems like the Lord was telling you, through your prayers, what was happening. He is watching over you! If He was telling you to pray protection from molesters over them, I would think nothing happened yet. Make sure you thank Him in your prayers tonight.



Angela lives in the UK, and I think she is up on the legal stuff there. So, Angela, what do you think?



God bless, honey, hang in there!

Liana - posted on 09/17/2012

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Hi, I told him the next day that was not feeling great and so he went home, i was really scared to tell him straight away that didnt want to see him again.. even couldnt tell him next 2 days, only on the 3rd day sent him short text, that i was not feeling relaxed in the relationship and wanted to finish it... all this time , i had that strange feeling, if you know what i mean, as there is much things there to be happy but you just dont feel happy and you cant explain why.. i was dating him 1yr and half but we split several times and always for long times.. so all together i was dating him a year or a little more... he wanted us to start living togehter straight away, even he was hinting about marriage and even once he wanted to move close to my place , where was a flat available just next to me, omg all these times my guts were telling smith to me and i just could not guess, WHAT ... Good thing all in this (even smth can be good in this sitataution ) that i cant leave kids alone for a long time, as they keep fighting plus tantrums so everywhere i was going out, it was just very short times, but thinking about all this this shorts times are so long ... and plus everytime he was back he again was starting conversatiosn about our future...

we didnt live together, he was visiting us several 5 days a week, and on working days he was here most of the time when the boys were in bed , and he was spending sat and sundays with us...and now i recollect he was always telling me , that i can go out and do my stuff.. good i was not doing that, i mean long trips,i was just out for shopping and just visiting my friend again for a half hour, only five or six times i left boys with them for 2 hrs , and twice at sleeping time, but when came back they were both in bed and sleeping, and other times , i was going out when the boys were asleep and again just for 2 hrs... so i am hoping may be he didnt do anything as our future was unclear and he was thinking why to waste time on us , i mean that grooming and things , as i see they hard work for that... and only this time when he came back , just 2 weeks ago, we talked a lot , and i said that we can start live together after a year, and probably he started all this more actively as felt more secured in the relationship.. i am just scared what i f he decides to harm us .. if he tries to come back , there is no chances for that, may be it snot enough evidence for the police but it is for me .. and it doesnt matter what the police will do or socials will say, for me he is a molester, there ar no doubts about it.. its just i want to do right things for my kids, i cant relax, child protection over the phone said there is not need them to be take to be examined , but i cant relaxe.. it might another guts feeling , and of course i want to harm him ( i mean , to press charges if i can , to ruin his reputation or whatever i can do within the legal ways ,i will do ) , what you know about them? do they try to harm their victims if they find out i am going to do smth.. i know you might not want to scare me, but pls, its better for me to know what to expect just to be ready.. still if the police and socials say they dont see anythign wrong in it, i am going to ask the police to give him warning not to contact us and not to appear near our place, as i have many reasons to do so ... gosh, while ago, i dont know ,but i just started praying for all the kids , asking the god to protect all the kids from sexual abuse and all the abuse, that prayer came itself, and after a short time, another words came to my prayer again.. asking god, to let me know if i needed to know anythign bad information about him, isnt that strange? if you ask me why? i wont be able to explain... i didnt have any reason for that, only complains i had against him, was that he wasnt going out with me and kids together, to the parks or beach.. now i see why and wasnt helping me a lot with kids... but he was alwyas happy me to go out and him staying with him, good i wasnt accepting that offer and my trips was always short... 2 weeks ago, when he felt more secured in this relationsip ,he just changed.. ho toook out twice , and was spending his 1 week holiday with us ... sorry , i know , reply is too long but i felt such support from all of you ,thanks so much

Liana - posted on 09/17/2012

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Hi , just read my post again , and looks i made mistake when posting it, they didnt take videos, as they didnt have memory cards with them, but they said they would come and take them and even asked me to write down the times for them , times where he behaves that way...

that they when the police left i was really even in more shock, they said that nothing can be done about it and they said its good that i got rid of him, it was right decision...

they were planning to visit me again yesterday but they apoligized and promised to see me asap... since that i have been thinking ... what if i had told tham , see i have videos but i am still seeing this guy... i wonder what they would have said to me and how would have they reacted ? i bet they would have contacted the social workers straight away ... so in those videos smth really wrong for them as well, for me its obvios he was up to smth or he started that while ago... thanks a lot for reply too.. all replies means so much to me ...

Liana - posted on 09/17/2012

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I am so grateful that you all replied to me , just didnt have time to sit down and reply you back, i live on one the British isles and you know how small they are and where ever you go, changing the address you still there... It was not Dad, it was my BF, though i am worried what Dad will do if he finds out, i have the resident order and he has always supervised contacts to them, for time being not possible him applying for anything, his behavior is not great and he was emotional risk to boys, i had socials involved in my life already but the situation was different ...

I called again to the police as neither police or socials didnt get in touch with me, i will wait for a while , as the officer who was asigned to the case was nt on shift.. and i will contact socials myself as cant relax, dont know if they can examine boys at this age and how can they be examined but definetely i am worried as of of them still screaming at night and i bet he tried smth and scared him.. child protection over the phone they told me, i need to learn to forget the stress and just to move on as boys are safe now coz i split with him, was that right answer ? should i be quiet and let him be happy and give him the chance to do the same with other kids? i wont be able to relax, first i am worrying about my kids but at the same time i worry about other kids too, they might not be able to arrest him or smth like that as not much evidence but there might be much evidence for socials? oh, dont know really what to do? what the citizens advice job is , can you tell me pls, i know there is the office here near me but never knew what is their job, thanks again for your reply

America3437 - posted on 09/17/2012

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Creepy!!! This guy would never be in my home or around me or my children and I would probably take a bat to him! The police will only help if there has been an actual assult but the fact that they took the video's tells me they think something odd is going on.

S. - posted on 09/17/2012

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Were do you live liana? Here in the Uk the police would see that as not enough evidence and social services would say if dad had a court order in place to see the kid and you stop him you are breaking the law. I think your right for fallowing your gutt I'd of done the same too, stay strong. Look around see if your town has a citizen advice place you should get advice for free.

Liana - posted on 09/17/2012

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Hi, thanks a lot for your reply, pls can you tell me why not to involve authorities, as i started and the police said they have to let know socials, i dont mind, as need to feel secure and police didnt see much in those videos, so socials might see more and give me advice what to do..

i am a foreigner and really feeling lost here especially when smth stressful happends and i dont know what to do... dont have many friends here or anybody to ask advice...i just need to know what to expect, even from authorities, just to be ready and from him too... what if really after my boys, as we split several times and he always tried hard to come back.. i need to feel safe ,pls

tell me as much as you know , please and thanks again

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