i want to leave my partner but i love my son too much??

Rebekah - posted on 06/22/2011

It takes TWO to make a relationship work and to make it fail... if a relationship is going sour, though you may say "sick of my partners same old ways", have you looked at yourself too?

Marriage is not meant to be easy... nor will it be easier if you leave or find someone else.

You need to seek God first, pray, pray, pray... and let God direct the path. You will NEVER change someone else - you can only change yourself. The Bible also states it's our ways that win our husbands... so, if you are still complaining about the same things, maybe it's time to ask God how to deal with this and let go.

Debi - posted on 06/22/2011

I've been there w/ 2 kids and after a 1.5 yr separation we're working through it. You can only create the life you want and he will either respond in a way you find appealing or he won't. Only he can change himself. Most important is to take care of yourself so you can be there for your child. Kids know and if Mama ain't happy, no one is happy. Males tend to react not act. If he's "lazy" there something that he's not getting out of the relationship to inspire him to react and do something. If you love him, you need to find out what his currency is and use that as a reward when he reacts in the way that pleases you. If you're exhausted, there maybe a lot of stuff that he can take on but doesn't do as good as you and men hate to fail so he rather not do it then do it and fail. I accept now how he does things even if it's not how I would do it or how I think it's right--but it's done. I do it my way when he's not around. I also think more about myself and take less crap from him meaning I hold myself to a higher standard and he can either rise up or step aside. I keep my head, heart and feet where they are every day not dwelling in past and not daydreaming about the future. If you're serious about parting, I'd recommend two books BEFORE you make any changes:
Spiritual Divorce - Catalyst for an Extra Ordinary Life by Debbie Ford
The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle

Good Luck!

Teresa - posted on 03/28/2010

I believe that to truly be happy one has to have GOD in their live's. without him there is more turmoil. he has a plan for you and if you let him he will show it to you. ask GOD what you should do and listen for his answer. my husband had some difficult way's about him as did i but through our belief in GOD and our faith we were able to work our issues out. we've been together for 28+ years, through the good and the bad. i wouldn't change a thing because it made me a better/stronger person and our faith still stand's true today. Praise GOD!!!!!!!

Teresa - posted on 03/27/2010

Other than the descritions of our ex's which are slightly different.... I ditto Julie L entirely!

Jill - posted on 03/27/2010

Does God come first in your life or is it your son? seek God first and everything else will fall into place... you left alot of details out... is this your son's father? are you married?

Nikki - posted on 03/27/2010

You are definitely doing the right thing by think of your child first. I, personally, do not believe in staying in a marriage/relationship just for the children. A child who sees his parents arguing or unhappy can be just as negatively affected as child being physically abused.

If you decide to work out your relationship, it is going to take ALOT of time and work from both parties. I also highly suggest you seek counseling through a counselor in your community or a pastor at your church.

Above all, PRAY!

Julie - posted on 03/27/2010

To be honest, I don't think it matters if you are legally married or not. You describe him as your partner... morally you are one with him.

Please share what "same old ways" means as that makes a huge difference.

The only justification the bible allows for leaving a partner is for adultery. It also allows for letting a non believing partner leave (but not to be the one to do the leaving yourself).

There is also the circumstance of abuse which is not so clear, but in those circumstances, I personally believe it's ok to leave your partner but to leave the door open for them to turn their lives around (ie you leave the physical location of your partner but not the relationship with them), and not to close that door on the relationship unless they move on to adultery - which is nearly always what happens with abusers - they choose to commit adultery with another woman rather than change their abusive ways.

Being a christian isn't about pleasing one's self. It's about pleasing God. If your partner is abusive, tell him you want to be in seperate locations until it stops. If your partner is cheating, you are allowed to kick him to the curb (but you don't have to!). But if it's anything else, try to hang in there.

Real love is a choice not a feeling... if I can love my ex husband after everything he did to us, anyone can love anyone else. The grass is rarely greener on the other side - it's a matter of learning to find happiness with what God has given rather than seeking pleasure elsewhere.

My husband was a violent, abusive, serial cheat, But if he had not insisted on a divorce to marry one of his mistresses, I'd have stood by him. And did right until the day his divorce was approved, thereby freeing me from him. I will always love him though and hope that he one days finds the happiness and love he currently fruitlessly searches for in one meaningless sexual relatoinship after another.

Love is always a choice, as is happiness. Too many people give up on average relationships in search of something "better", only to discover too late that the thing determining their feelings (themselves) is in their next relationship too.

The former "friend" of mine who was one of my husband's mistresses and the one he moved in with after the first one he moved in with kicked him out for his abusiveness, discovered the hard way the grass isnt' greener on the other side - he set out to seduce him because she was insanely jealous of how happy I was. Even though she knew he was violent (and knew about the cheating years before I did), she assumed there must be something great about him as I was loved him so much. In the end, she got her wish to split up our marriage, but she has learnt the very hard way there is nothing about him that brings pleasure - he is still abusive, he is still sleeping around with every woman and man he can get with, can't hold down a job, uses drugs all day every day and so on and so on.

I loved him because I CHOSE to. not because there was anything left in him that could bring pleasure to someone. But because I loved him, I was happy to be with him.

Love is a choice, as is happiness. Of course there are circumstances where women have to leave to protect themselves physically and to protect their children, but even then, you don't have to give up on the relationship.

Cindy - posted on 03/26/2010

You don't give a lot of details about why you are "sick of the same old ways" so it is hard to answer. If there is abuse, the situation is different. But if you are like you said sick of the old ways, I will say that the grass is not usually greener on the other side. I went many years of my marriage, which is now 30+ years and I will say that I really wasn't in love with my husband the way I should have been. I stuck it out and with pray and through the grace of God I am now so In LOVE with him. Pray that God will change your heart and see things in a different way. Now my husbands same old ways are a comfort as I know I can always count on him as well as our children know that their daddy is always there for them. I also came to realize that there were many things that I did that bugged him as well. Marriage takes work. It is not always a wald in the park.

God is there and will help you. You just need to ask and listen to him and do his will, not ours. This is not always easy but it is always right.

Tashia - posted on 03/26/2010

I know how you feel! I to am going throught the same but I have 2 children and Im married! We are seeing a marrige counsler and it helping a little but it takes time!! All I can say is if you truly love them TRY but dont just stay in a relationship because of the child it make it worse for them in the long run!

MaryEllen - posted on 03/25/2010

If there is physical abuse, if your safety or that of your child is involved, then leave. Don't think, just go.
Anything else can be approached in different ways. Marriage counseling could help, either through the church or private provider. If things are truly bad in your "partnership" then it will bleed down to your baby.

Prayer works. Give it to God and wait for Him to tell you your next step.

Victoria - posted on 03/25/2010

I agree with Heather, it depends on the situation. Married or Not, Spouse Christian or Not.
Ultimately seek God, pray about it, talk to your pastor.

Heather - posted on 03/25/2010

Are you married? That would make a difference in my response... If you are, then I would try to work it out. Maybe try the love dare or something like it. Also is your partner a Christian? That makes a difference too...