In need of a mentor mommy!

Stephanie - posted on 04/04/2010

best place to find her is at your church! i know everyone probly says this but i went through the same thing not even six months ago! my son is three years old and we go to crosspoint church in cabot! I have not only found moms my age and a little older who help me with issues i am having with him, i have also found the support and guidance i needed to help me through what i personally was goin through. i will pray you find someone. trust me God has prayer warriors out there who will help you but like i said the best place to look is your church.

Victoria - posted on 02/21/2010

Dear Ana-Alicia: I have been in shoes much like those you are now wearing and can relate to what you are going through. I don't know where you physcially are; I am in Klamath Falls, Oregon and if that isn't close enough to spend time together with you then mentoring you would be an honor and a pleasure. I am much older and way past those troublesome years of child-rearing and the heartache of a failing marriage. I am barely 60 and 2 years into widowhood. I have recently retired and have 2 grown daughters and 6 grandchildren with #7 on the way. I am a Bible-believing born-again Christain and if mentoring you isn't possible either then I will do the most powerful thing we can do for one another and that is pray. You let me know what it is you would prefer and I will go from there. I am getting ready to go on a small vacation to my hometown in Texas to see my siblings and will be gone for 2 weeks. I do plan to take my laptop with me and hopefully will have access to the internet.
Sincerely,
Victoria

Ana-Alicia - posted on 02/20/2010

Lacey, I live in California. Lory, thanks for the advice, I never say bad things about him in front of my daughter and I do have a restraining order against him. Ruth, thanks for all ur concerns and sharing w me

Lacey - posted on 02/20/2010

What state do you live in? I live in Georgia. I would love to meet you and your daughter if we are close by. My daughter is 21/2. I praise God that you have gotten out of this terrible situation. Find a good church also so that you can have alot of Christian friends from church to support you along the way. I will definitely pray for you. Let me know if there is anything else that I can do? God bless you!

Lory - posted on 02/20/2010

I wish I was closer to you, having been where you are and gone through what you are going through. Allow me to simply say that your wish to find a mentor is a positive step, but don't sell yourself short either. You had the strength and the wisdom to get yourself and your precious daughter out of that situation, that was God's gift to you. Now continue to call upon those same gifts as you struggle through some difficult times. I will be in prayer for you and will lift you to our loving God daily, that the abilities He has given you will continue to get you through.
Also, remember to take care of yourself. That is one of the most difficult things to do, esp. at this time in your life. But if you don't take care of yourself, who will take care of your beautiful daughter. To protect yourself is to protect her.
Find your local Battered Women's Shelter, even if you don't think you need it now, understand that just because you are no longer living in the same house does not mean that he won't attempt to find you and try to regain the control that he once had. Again - protecting yourself is protecting your daughter.
If you have not placed a restraining order against him, you might want to consider it, although they are only about as good as the paper they are written on, it is one more thing to use in an attempt to protect the two of you.
I keep thinking of things I want to say, but I don't want to write a book either. But I will add this, as difficult as it may seem right now, try not to say negative things about him around your daughter. That may seem crazy, but as she grows older she will not see him in the same light as you, she will continue to see him as "Daddy" and may see herself as a "Daddy's Girl." That was one of the most difficult lessons I had to learn and deal with because all I could see was what had happened to me at my first husband's hands, not what my daughters saw.
I hope this helps. I will pray for you daily.
Blessings on you and your beautiful little girl.

Ruth - posted on 02/20/2010

Hi Ana-Licia, I know you've already had a lot of replies and some good advice. Maybe you've already found a mentor who is helping you. Can I just say that I have been in the same situation myself 8 years ago when my son was just a baby. It was a difficult time and I could no longer live with him because he was so abusive. I seperated initially to get away from it and sought counselling for both of us. He refused counselling and also began committing unrepentant adultery. He is to this day an un-believer and we are now divorced but trust me the pain and problems have not automatically gone away because of a divorce. I still yearn for him to repent and bow to the Lord Jesus as His Saviour. I yearn greatly for us to be reconciled before it's too late. My point to you is that I hope you will continue praying for your husband and not give up too easily. Pray for his salvation if he is not saved and if he is saved pray for his restoration to the Lord in his walk with Him. Pray, pray and pray some more. Ask God for His special intervention and do nothing hastily. Do your best to be kind to your husband while keeping yourself and your daughter safe from harm. Remember we are all desperate sinners in great need of God's grace ourselves. Jesus said pray for your enemies, do good to them and be merciful. Please consider all I have said while trusting and obeying the Lord and you will have done what is right and will have a clear conscience at night when you sleep. Pray earnestly for God's guidance. God bless you.

Brenda - posted on 02/19/2010

Hello Ana-Alicia. If you still need a "mentor mommy" I can and will be here for you. I too know a lot about being in an abusive marriage, going through a divorce and trying to raise a child all alone. Don't give up hope sweet girl. You see, I thought that I was going through all that alone until God showed me that I was never for one second alone. He is there with you now and will deliver you from this hardship, He did it for me and He'll do it for you too. I am now in a wonderful marriage of 18 years now, have three beautiful grown children and always feeling so blessed. It's the hardships that leads us closer to God and to hear His will for us and our future. I don't live close to where you are at, but I can be here as a long distance friend to talk to, listen and pray. You hang in there and just love yourself for who God made you (His child) and then love that little child that God gave to you as a gift to raise. God bless and stay prayerful and strong. Also, even though your mom lives in Seattle, talk to her often and openly ... Mom's can also be a great friend and teacher to their grown children.

Tika - posted on 02/19/2010

Im not in seattle, but I am definately praying for you.

Carolee - posted on 02/18/2010

♥ Carolee Dalton@ Shine Community

Claudia - posted on 02/17/2010

Hi Ana- I have been through that & then some! The Lord is your husband now & He's the best. He will see you through it. Where do you live?

Tabitha - posted on 02/17/2010

hey. I'm actually younger than you, and I know you're looking for a mentor, but I want you to know you're not alone. I actually went through a divorce not too long ago.. We seperated in Dec of 08. I got closer to God during that time than I think I've ever been and instead of rushing into a relationship or looking I just prayed for guidance, and not just in that area of my life but just in general. I COMPLETELY let go of everything, the pain, the heart ache. I prayed that God just comfort me and I found joy in Him. I didnt' want to hang on to hard feelings and trust me. It was hard. I kept finding things out left and right and had to constantly go to Him for help, but it was the best thing ever. Being that close to Him was amazing.. then He didnt even make me wait long to send the mostt perfect (for me) man in my life. anyways!! If you want to talk or something I'm here.

God bless, you're in my prayers!
Tabitha

Tahseen - posted on 02/17/2010

Hi Ana-Alicia. Bless you my sister - You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. I am very much in the same season as yourself - I have 2 beautiful wee ones: Isaiah 3, and Heaven 21months old. I hope you find a godly spiritual mom! I will be keeping you in my prayers - because I understand! Here's one verse that gave me great strength and Peace to trust in my shepherd -
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.(Isaiah 40:11) [ you have a young one]
And remember it is only a season - our God is known for replacing ashes to beauty!!!

Vicki - posted on 02/17/2010

Ana-Alicia, Wow you are in a tough spot but I know that God has not given you a spirit of fear but of POWER and LOVE and a STRONG MIND. When you are weak He will be strong for you. You can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you. He has given His angels charge over you and they too will protect you and your daughter during this trial. I will pray for you that He will bring the right people into your life at the very moment you need them and I know He will because He said He would never leave you or forsake you. I too live in western NY and if that is anywhere near you I would be delighted to meet up with you. muffiel@yahoo.com if you want to email me privately or get together.

Barbara - posted on 02/17/2010

One more thing--I just won't shut up--LOL! I see advice here on getting into churches and surrounding yourself with other mothers, and that's good, BUT--not to the extent that I've seen in too many churches. This is NOT the time to isolate yourself with other women who've gone through what you're going through. That turns into a little of the blind leading the blind. Sometimes churches do this out of ignorance, kind of shuffling off the single women to a back room; other times, I suspect that it is out of fear that the single women will go after the married men. I urge you to maintain a strong relationship with as many married couples and whole families as possible, and NOT just other injured women as yourself. You need perspective to carry you through. And and for sure do NOT go after any married men. Heehee. Seriously, the last thing you need right now is another man in your life in a romantic capacity. You need to figure out how to attract healthy men, and that means you must get healthy first. I trust that you will do just that. Hugs, and my God bless you with His peace and comfort through the mess.

Oh, and in case you're ever tempted to have the slightest bit of guilt about the divorce thing, please understand that the first time your husband hit you, he broke contract. Personal safety of oneself and one's children is implied in ANY legal contract, but most especially covenant contracts under our dear Heavenly Father. Once the husband broke contract in such a flagrant manner, it was only a matter of completing the paperwork.

Barbara - posted on 02/17/2010

I won't waste words talking about my own background, but I will say that the very most important thing for you to do right now is to do everything in your power to keep your baby and you SAFE. You are at the highest risk ever of being hurt right now, as you extricate yourself from that dangerous man. I would make this as many-fold as possible. The main thing is to build up your own support network, not with only one or two support moms, but with many women AND men. The more people you can call on, the stronger your support network and the better off you will be, both now and for the long-term. Locate your local battered women's shelter. They do much more than give safe harbor. They are a rich resource to help reconnect you with your brain and life in general, because abusers always cut you off from yourself and others who can help you. Rarely does an abuser strike a woman before he's done a thorough brain-washing job on the woman. This will take time to restore, so you need as many people around you, helping you do simple things like planning budgets and figuring a bill-paying schedule. This type of thing is too much to put onto ONE other woman-friend. You need many. Something else--inquire about counseling at the District Attorney's office. I know, odd, but they have access to it, and it is a very good thing to have that office on speed-dial, if you KWIM? The law is on your side, but you must make it work. Also, as odd as this might seem, I would urge your mutual friends to help intervene with your husband, to help defuse him, to check on him and see if they can help him with the anger issues. This may feel weird, asking friends into this situation, because you KNOW he's going to trash-talk you to them. However, trust me, your safety is worth that risk. Eh, that's all I can brain-storm. Feel free to contact me at garrettbarbara@att.net, if you like. I had a daughter your baby's age when I separated from my nut-job. She's 22 yo now and we both survived, amazingly. I do understand.

Brianna - posted on 02/16/2010

Hey sister in Christ, I live in Kansas City Missouri so I don't know if I am close to you or not but let me say I know exactly what you're going through. I too was an abused wife and I thank God every day for my survival and divorce just two years ago. Our daughter is 1 1/2 and she is the only bright spot in that hell that I went through with my ex-husband. I pray right now in the name of Jesus that you will constantly walk right behind Him as He paves every step in your journey. I don't know where you're located but sister I will pray that God's angels keep you and your daughter safe as you transition into your new life without abuse, torment, or hell with your soon-to-be ex-husband. God picked me up out of the guttar when my ex-husband left me physically abused, mentally abused, pennyless, homeless, and jobless and He dusted me off and made me anew...with baby and all. Stay strong and remember to fight this battle on your knees and no matter what...keep encouraging yourself throughout this time and stay in God's presence because He will bring you through! If anytime you want to chat because like I said I have been where you are presently please don't hesitate to chat with me. Love you in Christ!!

Sheri - posted on 02/16/2010

My oldest is now 25. From the time she was 2 until she was 15 we were on our own. I can tell you how this story ended. She has graduated from college and is now working for the Washington State House of Representatives as a PR person. She loves her job and has an amazing Godly boyfriend. Her grandparents prayed for her every day of her life and I know that it made a huge difference. They also took her for vacations every summer or whenever I was sick. Her dad was not the best influence so, things should have turned out differently. But, that's the way God works. If you have any specific How-to-survive-being-a-single-mom questions, just shoot me an email anytime. ;)

Flechia - posted on 02/16/2010

I would love to help out. I am a mother of one son who is 10 now. Married to a Godly man. You are the head of your household now. It is up to you to lead by example. It will not be easy. Divorce was not something preordained by God. Not something that he wanted. But in your situation, you have to think of what is best for the safety of not only yourself, but your child. It takes great courage to do what your are doing. I am not sure where you are, but my first suggestion is to find a church if you have not already. Lean on the pastor and his wife for support and guidance. Surround yourself with the "church ladies". I know in our church we have many mother hens. If you are near Columbia, MO, come check us out at Faith Baptist church. I will pray for you tonight. Remember, you can do this. You have already taken the first step of being a Godly, loving, responsible parent by getting your child out of an abusive home. Don't sell yourself short, but do look to older women with experience. God tells us in proverbs to look for godly council and that is with someone who has been down your road. Good luck and God bless your and your daughter.

Flechia

Victoria - posted on 02/16/2010

Hi Anna-Alicia, I have to say I fully agree with Janet. Find yourself a good bible preaching Church, with a leadership interested in building up the believers, Not merely in missions and bringing people in. One that has a Womens Ministries or female pastoral staff would be benefical to you. Through this you will most definately find someone local to encourage and support you. But don't count out CoM Christian Mommies, there are many wonderful women here who would be more than qualified to mentor you, and just because they are not in you area doesn't mean God won't use them powerfully and effectively in your life. If they are walking a strong walk in the LORD and not just talking a talk, God is more than able to use them to speak into your life, encourage you, support you, teach you, instruct you and even correct you if needs be. God wants for you to be strong and effective in your walk too, so that you too can be used in the lives of others. I'll keep you in prayer, May God bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you.

Janet - posted on 02/16/2010

I live in Jamestown N.Y. But i can tell you that what you need is a good bible preaching church there you will find the surport and the pastor for consoling we have ladies meetings and lunchens where we bond with the teens and the college age girls..You will find peace in God. And yes We will pray for you and your daughter.

Sandy - posted on 02/16/2010

Ana-Alicia
Today I have asked God to send you a guardian angel to guide you through your stressful times. May God watch over you and your daughter. I am not sure were your neck of the woods are but I am in Ohio close to Cincinnati. If I can help I will. I hope you find someone close if I can not help.
Prayers for you and your daughter.
Sandy

Heather - posted on 02/16/2010

Hi Ana-Alicia. First off, welcome! Where are you from? I have made many close friends here in Christian mommies. No one close to me, but many wonderful inspiring moms. I have been through a similar situation as you, but of course not the same. I would be willing to share with you and maybe we can encourage one another. However, I am not much older then you. If you are interested you can add me as a friend on FB. I will pray for you!

Anne - posted on 02/16/2010

Ana-Alicia I am not in "Your neck of the woods" But I am willing to be your Prayer Partner. You may add me to your circle or as your FB friend. I am 54 and have 2 adult daughters. Our oldest is 26 and our youngest is 21. Both daughters are not living in MI where they grew up, but there are willing to be where God wants them to live.

Enough about ME. I am so sorry you are going through this. my heart goes out to you. I will be keeping you in my Prayers.

Lynnette - posted on 02/15/2010

Where is your neck of the woods? I'm in western NY. I am so far from being perfect and don't often feel godly but God has been so very good and filled my life with many blessings. (Wonderful husband who loves God and 9 healthy normal children.) If I can encourage you in any way I would love to help.

Cheryl - posted on 02/15/2010

Are you attending a church? Pray for someone and ask your pastor if he has a recommendation (especially if he knows your situation). let the power of prayer work!!!
One time I was praying for a mentor wife (I was newly married) and finally one day mentioned it to the associate pastor at our church casually. He smiled and said, "Really, are you sure that's what you want?" I was taken aback, Uh, yeah, I'm sure. He told me to call the church organist and meet for lunch. She was the LAST person I would have thought of but she had been praying for a young woman to mentor herself!!! We were only together a year or so before we had to move but we had many GREAT conversations and prayers together!

Rachel - posted on 02/14/2010

I pray you find what you need girl!! So sad you got in this position to begin with but good for you for getting yourself and your sweet child outta the mess. Hope all works out for you =)