In need of prayer and guidance

Rebecca - posted on 10/14/2012

Thank you Father that nothing is too difficult for you: you made the whole world! Please work good in Tami and her families lives.

Lauren - posted on 10/09/2012

You're in my prayers Tami. Faith is difficult to maintain, remember that god has a plan for you.. All you have to do is keep your faith and give thanks for his grace.



LC

Rebecca - posted on 09/12/2012

Father, please help Tami to walk in your light. May she know your love and guidance.

Carla - posted on 09/12/2012

@Janet--I deleted your love spell and website. This is a Christian forum, please respect that. Now there are 4 of you I have spent today cleaning up after. If you post anything similar, I will have no choice but to block you from our community.



Thank You

Carla Allaire

Co-Moderator

Rebecca - posted on 02/19/2012

Please work in Tami's life for your glory. Help her to trust you.

Rebecca - posted on 02/14/2012

Thanks Father that you love Tami and her family. Thank you that you know them and know what is best. Thank you for how you have been working in Tami's life even through these difficulties. Help her to understand more the extent of your love for her and to trust you. Help her to know and do what is right in this situation, knowing that you will work all for her good.

Kristin - posted on 02/12/2012

Hi Tami

I agree with talking everything through with your family pastor. He might ask you to make some choices like not living with your now boyfriend or being abstinent until you two choose to marry if you choose to do so. Just remember choices you have already made cant be changed or righted only you through God can be changed and cleaned. If you truly turn yourself over to God people will see his works through you. I would not worry about your relationship with your parents(after telling them) because through God and honesty a new relationship can be built and repaired. Hopefully you and your boyfriend can build a strong bond together through God. Your Pastor will probably have some good advice to help you with your ex too.. God Bless you and your children!!

ROBYN - posted on 02/12/2012

My suggestion is be totally honest with everyone. But first, be honest in your prayers to the Lord. Get yourself right with Him. Then He will walk right there with you. Just my suggestion.

Tami - posted on 02/08/2012

First of all, I just wanted to say thank you to all the moms who have taken the time to comment. It's a blessing to me since being new to a state means no friends to talk to.



Terry - I appreciate your full-out honesty. Trust me that God has broken me. I've spent many times in tears and prayer confessing my sins and asking for his forgiveness, grace and mercy. I know that I struggle and fail everyday just like everyone else. I'm working on my relationship with God and I talk to Him everyday. I'm doing my best to make changes.



Angela - Your advice on a letter was right along the same track I was thinking. I thought it would be easier for me to get everything out in a letter so I could say what needed to be said before they could interrupt. Yes they do live in another state and they have met my boyfriend once and appreciate the help he has done for me.



Do my parents want my divorce taken care of before moving along with my relationship with my boyfriend? Yes they do, but they also respect him that he has taken on the responsibility of me and my son. I struggle everyday and all I can do is pray and talk to God.

Terry - posted on 02/08/2012

Having read your letter and ALL the responses, I am saddened by most of the suggestions and comments. It seems to me that those giving advise are missing the most important thing: YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD! Setting all people and issues aside, (boyfriend, husband , divorce, pregnancy and your child, and your parents), God is a Holy God and does not play games with those who are His Children. He demands total surrender of you and your life (lifestyle). So speaking from experience of wrong choices, here goes: First, you are living in sin! God cannot look upon sin. Married, living with someone else and asking Him to make things right! He cares that you have the right relationship with Him first! Second, many of our problems are self-inflicted and we need to 'fess up that we are wrong. Other people, other lovers or our parents cannot help in any way but the "earthly" way". Take it to God alone, be broken spirited before HIm and let Him guide you. Some serious changes might have to take place, like not living with your boyfriend, finishing your business in your marriage first, but above all, protect those children by showing them that you are strong in the Lord and in yourself. Face Him, face yourself and be broken before HIm. Another thing, make sure you ARE a child of God and have reallly commited your life to Christ and accepted Jesus as God's Son, having died and raised from the dead for your sins. If that committment is not settled in your mind, then maybe you should get THAT right relationship with God first, then ask for His grace and mercy to help you. I care! I know your struggles. Believe me, it is well worth the Surrender. Ms Terry

Angela - posted on 02/08/2012

OK, I see that Carla has raised a good point about worrying about how your parents will react as opposed to getting it over with and simply telling them. I take it you're not in the same State as your parents? I'm assuming that you'd be telling them by phone?



I wonder if it might be easier for you to send them a letter? And enclose some photos of yourself, your little boy and your partner? Explain that you're in a Christian fellowship and your man attends with you and you've both been very blessed by this. Say you're filing for divorce and it will be active from June, meanwhile you've taken steps to legally separate and you have your lawyer's assurance that your child's father can't take him away from you.



Once you've clarified this, you could then say that you're pleased to share some really good news with them, you're expecting and your new baby is due in September. Make your letter upbeat and cheerful. This is an easier way for you to break the news and a much nicer way for them to learn it. A tense phone call will be tough on all of you.



Pray about it before you put pen to paper. They may write back, they may immediately phone you but you can be sure they'll finish reading the letter before responding.



You're actually in a strong position here for asserting yourself and your own adult choices. You're not living with them or financially dependent on them or relying on them for practical help. A lot of adult children don't have all this in their favour and frequently succumb to parental control through their parents constantly helping them and then giving in to the resulting interference because they have come to depend on them.



Talk to your Reverend and pray before making any firm decision on how exactly you will tell your parents.

Carla - posted on 02/08/2012

He ranted and raved, and terrified me. I didn't have money for a lawyer, so I just let the divorce go through with whatever he said. I guess, even back in the 70s, they didn't think being pregnant with another man's baby while we were still married was reason to take away the children.



If you guys are trying to put together a family according to God's Word, He will protect you, Tami. Don't let any man make you fear and doubt God's Words.



Your physical and emotional health have to be protected while you are carrying the baby. Trust me when I tell you worrying about how your parents are going to take this will be much worse for you than just getting it over with. Pray, then have your talk. Sometime along the line your parents are going to have to understand you are an adult, and you are responsible for whatever decision you make. Standing up to your parents is scary, no matter what your age. But becoming a woman sometimes means standing against them in some matters.



I pray God give you strength and confidence to start this new chapter in your life (as long as you are sure this is God's will). God bless, sweetheart

Tami - posted on 02/08/2012

Carla - My boyfriend now is a believer. I know God is working in him, he just has to listen and obey. The first time he and I went to church together was last year in July and on our way home, he said that he almost started crying in the middle of the service. I know God is speaking to him, he just needs to realize it. We do attend church every week together and that's something me and my soon-to-be-ex husband never did. My boyfriend actually enjoys going and looks forward to it every week. I pray for him every day. Just a question...your first husband, how did he react to your pregnancy with your now husband?



Angela - I have a an appointment on Friday to draw up Separation Agreement papers. This is just until I can file in June. I have to be a resident of Virginia for 6 months before the state has jurisdiction. So my divorce will be finalized in June. The baby will not be born until the end of September (due date of September 27). I had thought about not telling my parents until the Separation Agreement papers were completed. I just thought waiting until June would be too long and it would make them more upset.

Angela - posted on 02/07/2012

How many months until the divorce is final now? And how many months until the new baby is born?



With all due respect, I would avoid telling your parents about your pregnancy until the divorce is final and your parental rights regarding your son are ascertained. You say your parents are likely to worry about your soon-to-be-ex-husband finding out and taking your son? Save them the worry by not saying anything until the divorce comes through. He can't take your son, you know that and frankly, he was only interested in being an "active" father to the boy when he lived conveniently nearby.



I daresay your parents will be disappointed in your choices, but, as you say, you're a adult now. You're not obliged to share anything with them until you're ready. At least you can be thankful that they will "only" be disappointed. I know of a couple of minister's daughters whose pre-marital pregnancies were received very negatively. One girl, whose father's ministry included helping unwed mothers - especially those who were unsupported - found that her parents didn't want their congregation finding out. It was "hushed up"!



Your current minister can counsel you - but only if you approach him. Is your partner a Christian? Does he attend your Church with you? It would be so much better if the 2 of you were able to go to your Pastor together.



You're facing a few tough times ahead - but nothing that's insurmountable. Our God is bigger than ALL your problems - put your faith in Him and rejoice in His omnipotence.



You're in my prayers. And every happiness with your new baby.

Becky - posted on 02/07/2012

It sounds like you have a lot going on and the first & most important thing I can tell you is that your relationship with God comes first. From here on out, turn it all over to the Lord! Your parents may be disappointed about where you are right now but you are a grown woman & are making a concious decision to include Godnin your life. Focus on making decisions that include God's guidance and remember that He loves you for who you are no matter what you've done! Bless your heart for wanting God in your life because only He can give you peace, understanding and guidance. You are still young & God has great things in store for you! Good luck! Becky

Carla - posted on 02/07/2012

You're not alone, hon, I, too, was pregnant both times I got married ;) Unfortunately, when I got pregnant I, too, wasn't divorced, and was crazy with apprehension that my then husband would try to prove me unfit. I was backslidden at the time, and married a guy that was an unbeliever. God was still standing by me, however, and though our marriage has been rocky at times, we are getting ready to celebrate #40 in November.



You didn't say whether your fiancee is a Christian. I am assuming he isn't. My best advice would be to pray, pray, pray before you commit again. When we are young, we make mistakes, but we are supposed to learn from them. Don't make the mistake of marrying someone God doesn't approve of, no matter whether you're pregnant or not. We aren't given a lot of do-overs with marriage. It is a life-long commitment, as far as God is concerned. I made a horrid mistake the first time, but with God on my side, He made our marriage work.



As for telling your folks, I was 15 the first time I had to tell them, and 21 the second. Be a woman and own up to the facts and tell them. Hopefully, your parents are wise enough by now to understand that sometimes, things just happen.



So, God bless, keep growing in the Lord, and listen for His Still, Small Voice.

Heather - posted on 02/07/2012

It was well over 2 years before I even met my new husband, so that made it easier. Our divorce was finalized the day after our second son was born. My ex is the one that wanted the divorce. His girlfriend didn't like the fact that he was married, so that part was easy for me. As for my (now) husbands mom, he told his parents over the phone as they lived out of state (which also made it easier). They were inviting him to come to their 50th wedding anniversary, and he said that he would be bringing me (the pregnant girlfriend) with him. His mom flipped out and he simply told her that if she wouldn't treat me with respect, then he just wouldn't come...ever. And that was the last time she said anything about it. I don't necessarily think that's the best way to handle it, but he knows his mom pretty well and knew that's what it would take. He didn't even tell me she had an issue with it until probably 2 years later.



I still recommend talking to your pastor. You might want to start with a phone call to explain what's going on and seeing if you can set up a meeting. The first time I spoke to my pastor was when I was going through my divorce. I had been going to church there for years, but had yet to actually talk to him (other then possibly a greeting as I was walking out the door). I'm so glad that I did though. Even though I had already read every passage I could find about divorce, remarriage, and all of that, it really helped just to speak with him.

Tami - posted on 02/07/2012

Heather - If you don't mind me asking, how exactly did he tell his parents and how long did you wait? I'm going through a lot with my (ex)husband right now as he agrees to sign papers and then one thing ticks him off and he tells me he will see me in court. I want our papers taken care of, but he keeps dragging things out. Which is the main reason I'm afraid to tell my parents. My boyfriend is being amazing and telling me that everything will be alright, but I can't help but worry. I would love to seek counseling from a pastor and although we've been attending church for the past two months, I have yet to speak with the pastor. I know everything is in God's hands but with the stress of my divorce not yet finalized and now a baby on the way, I'm freaking out.

Heather - posted on 02/07/2012

I have been in a very similar situation. Only it was my now husbands parents that were the preacher's family. His dad was a pastor, and his mom was even more strict. When my first husband left me with our two boys, I was crushed. I backslid a lot during that time, and even got involved in drugs. My husband helped pull me out of all that, but he wasn't right with God at the time either. We did start going to church together, but I got pregnant before we were married, and his mom was mad. Really mad. But we have since both changed a lot, and now his mom thinks I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. I guess all of that is to say, that we all do things that we aren't proud of, and yes, people will judge us and be upset, but it's really our relationship with God that matters.



I really recommend talking with your current pastor, as he knows you and will be able to give you biblical counsel on talking with your parents. I know that my pastor helped me out a great deal during my divorce. When I got re-married I didn't have a home church, and I missed that a great deal. So if you have one, I really recommend seeking the counsel that is available.

Fatima - posted on 02/06/2012

hi, well everybody makes mistakes, if your dad is a preacher he knows what the bible says, whats the worst that can happend? they getting disappointed. i can realized that you and your mom dont have a good connection, neither did i with my mom, till God put in my heart, the need to fix that, just pray to God to help you and guide you through this situation.