juggling wife and mommy

Jamie - posted on 12/30/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My husband and I got pregnant just two short months after we got married. Our daughter is now 5 months old and of course we are just so in love with her. But I need so advice, my husband said doesn't feel as special to me as he used to. Any suggestions as to maintaining the house, taking care of our daughter and still letting him know how important and special he is to me?

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I regularly save time at the end of the night for my husband. We talk, giggle, often pray together and are romantic! :) Sometimes we hang out in our room- other times the sofa in the living room. It often starts with a "Hon, 10pm, you, me and some wine tonight ok?" and he smiles! Then 10pm, we get out the wine...

[deleted account]

Quoting Heather:

If you are interested they are going to do the Love Dare on KLOVE next week (Christian radio station). They will have it posted on their website starting on Wednesday morning.


Oh, I'm glad you said that! I'll have to try it.

Heather - posted on 01/02/2010

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If you are interested they are going to do the Love Dare on KLOVE next week (Christian radio station). They will have it posted on their website starting on Wednesday morning.

Suzanne - posted on 01/02/2010

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O THATS A TOUGH ONE, HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF A "DATE NITE" ONE NIGHT A WEEK THAT YOU BOTH CAN GET AWAY...MEN ARE FUNNY THAT WAY.. IT IS PROVEN THAT WHEN THE BABY COMES INTO THE PICTURE THAT MEN FEEL THAT JEALOUS OVER THE BABY SOME WHAT LIKE A TWO YEAAR OLD FEELS WHEN NO ONE IS LISTENING.

AGAIN TRY TO TELL HIM OVER THE LITTLE THINGS "THANK YOU" EVEN WHEN YOU TOO HAVE SEX , TELL HIM "THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE " U WILL BE SURPRISE ON HOW HE WILL RESPOND TO THAT. BECAUSE YOU ARE LETING HIM KNOW THAAT YOU DON'T TAKE THAT FOR GRANTED OR HIM. SOMETIMES WE THING THAT IS "EXPECTED" BUT ITS A GIFT . GOOD LUCK.

Rebekah - posted on 12/31/2009

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If your husband works, leave "love notes" for him to find - I'd hide them in the gas compartment of the car, on the steering wheel, etc. I've also done the extreme, where I took soap to the windows of the car and just wrote out "I love you" all over them, lol. I'd get up early with him and take a shower with him (he was always up before the baby woke). I'd also make him lunch and put a special note in the bag to find.

If you have cell phones, text flirty notes back and forth - that's always fun while he's away at home and the ONLY conversation you have at home is the cooing of a baby.

Send him flowers at work - my husband LOVES yellow roses, I'd have them delivered at his workplace.

Other things you can do are:
- After the baby is down for the night, set out a romantic dessert picnic in the middle of the living room... light some candles, turn on some soft music, and just indulge in some brownies and milk.

- Start a journal to each other, leave it under the pillow and write to each other - always a great way to stay connected when the busyness of work, family, and a new baby seem to crowd out the married "connection" that was once there before bottles, pacifiers, blankets, and tiny people clothes. ;)

- Have a special daddy night when he comes home from work - make his favorite meal, hang up a handmade banner, and give him some homemade coupons for a free massage or a special night out with mommy, etc.

Small things are ALWAYS better than the large things. They always make an impact.

One of my favorite things I love to do is on a Friday night after my son has gone to bed, I'd draw a hot bath and put milk in it with rose petals and bubble bath, then light some candles and my husband and I would bathe together.

Remember those things that you did before the baby came along that kept you connected with each other and realize that even though the baby is here, you can still do those things - making time is the key, but don't stress yourself out, keep it simple.

Victoria - posted on 12/31/2009

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My husband and I always try and take time away from the kids a least once a month, we send them to my parents or get a baby sitter in. Sometimes if we have the money we go out to dinner, or play mini golf or something together, other times we get a coffee or even a coffee to go & go for a drive together. when our girls we're small we did things like bath them together, we talk together most every night after the kids go to bed. Praying is a family thing we all do together. But my hubby and I also do things like prepare meals or snacks together. So times we send the kids to my parents and have a night in together, watching a romantic movie in front of the fire. We also do things like house cleaning together. He makes me feel important & special by helping out and I have more energy after the house work to spend time making him feel special and important. Like Heather said it's the little things, I also do the notes in the lunch sometimes, or I'll text a message during the day while he's working.

Heather - posted on 12/30/2009

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I had someone point out to me a few years back that in the Bible women are first followers of Christ, then wives and then mothers. I'm not suggesting that you ignore your baby by any means, but remember that you were a wife first, and you will be a wife long after your children are grown and gone. Men don't need 24/7 attention. Something small like writing love notes and leaving them around the house or in the car is nice. I put them in my husband's lunch too. As soon as he gets home from work, drop what you are doing and meet him at the door. (don't drop the baby, you can take her with you...) These things don't take long, but they mean a lot. It's the little things that count. You could try something like the Love Dare or a husband encouragement challenge to help you with more ideas. We can't afford a babysitter, and even if we could, we couldn't afford to do anything. But that doesn't matter. You can show him that you love him and that he is special to you just by doing small things. Bring him a drink while he is relaxing after work without him asking. Start his car for him in the morning. Not because you have to, but because you want to. Just think of little things that he would enjoy. It doesn't take a lot of time, but means sooo much!

Gidgit - posted on 12/30/2009

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I've been married for 11 years and we have a 3 week old.... We have to take our intimate moments when we can get them. I don't have anyone here close to help with her so we make the most of what we can get. We are always very loving toward each other and believe that children should see their parents show affection.

Rabecca - posted on 12/30/2009

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The best thing you can do for you daughter is to love her daddy and make sure he knows it the thing I really think woman get really wrong these days is they put there kids before there husbands I know around the nation woman are saying what of course your kids are more important but the best thing you can do for your kids is to be an example of love and realtionship and a true wife and family to them show them what they deserve as far as how you treat a man and how a man should treat his wife and they will not settle for less eaither and they shouldnt they deserve a family and true examples of what God asks of us in a marriage so they can grow and have healhty relationships too and you cant live as if all you are is a mom and dad because your not one day your kids move out then you have eachother again you want to be just as strong if not stronger in that realtionship as when you first formed it because that is the person you will spend the rest of your days with you have to love then and nurturte then just as much as you did when it was just the two of you its not easy and it takes time effort selflessness energy and putting thier needs first and to everyone that can be very different things the 5 love langauges is great for that my husband is very much a service man he cleaned out my car for valentines day last year and he was so cute and did it with such love I know it came from a very good place while I am a touch and words of affermation so I would have just loved to cuddle and kiss and have him tell me how much he loves me whatnot but he was so dang happy to do that for me it was funny and he would much rather I do his laundry and lay out his cloths for the next day than to hang out and cuddle but I do his stuff because that really makes him feel important and loved on now if I could just get him to understand just because he likes acts of service doesnt mean you respond in your love langauge you respond in the other persons oh well hes a man and I am sur eone day he will get it LOLand afterall he does try he just messes up sometimes but at least he showing me in a away that he feels liek he is takeing care of me and being loving even if he cleaned out and "organized"my bathroom draw wiith a big smile on his face lie a kid who just learned how to tie his shoes and wantas priase for it smile and I just have to sneek in find out what he did and fix it back to the way I want it but his heart is always in the right place and thats what we need to see and try to do as well try to have his needs first do things that will make him feel specail

[deleted account]

Read "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. My pastor made my husband and I read it before we got married. Basically everyone feels love in a different way, their language. The languages are words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, physical touch and quality time. My language is quality time. I love nothing more than to take a walk with my husband and have a good conversation. My husband's language is physical touch. He thrives off holding hands and random hugs throughout the day. If you find out what your husband's language is, you can make him feel loved in a way he understands.

[deleted account]

I agree with Nicole, the thing about being wife and mom is about being in the moment. When you are taking care of your little one, be in the moment and enjoy it, but do the same when you are with your husband. Be in the moment with him, concentrate on him, meet his needs, and he will feel more connected to you. We wear so many hats, sometimes it's hard to stop being mommy, but when your little one is in bed, you can stop being mommy and be wife with everything you have! Enjoy!

Nicole - posted on 12/30/2009

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One word BABYSITTER ! If not a sitter then plan a night at home after the baby goes to bed. Personally I love grandma for this one because she is who I felt comfortable leaving the girls with for an overnight when they were little and grandma loved the time with them. And I have an issue with making it all romantic and things. Personally I just loved having a night that we could reconnect and talk and maybe even just rent a movie and watch it at home (Fireproof is a good Christian movie). If being romantic and candles and all does it for you then by all means do it but to me it was more stress on myself to make the night perfect than it was worth. I speak from a mom of 5 dd, married to their daddy for 12 years point of view. Once I even had grandma take them so I could clean house properly so that he didn't come home to the mess he usually did and he knew that I did it especially for him. We had supper and then went to go get the girls to tuck them in their own beds. Hope this helps some :) Above all enjoy being your husband's wife! And Pray about it before all else fails and a bigger problem comes up.

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