just moved cities and finding it hard

Angela - posted on 06/20/2012

Alicia, forgive me but I cannot believe you put your University education on hold in order to move with a man who is not your husband yet! He suggests that you might live apart for 6 - 12 months - I would be doing this!

You come over as sounding "needy" for this man. OK - I know he is your children's father but he is currently holding all the cards! Take the time you need and finish your University degree. Living apart will not harm your relationship if you visit each other regularly and stay for weekends with one another.

What do your parents think about this?

This man will be far more keen to make you happy if he feels he has something to lose!

Alicia - posted on 06/20/2012

he is a good guy n doesnt treat us badly. and i pray that he will become christian even the ladies in the bible study group i just joined are praying for him.
i dont want to leave him i dont think that would be the right thing either.

i keep praying we can move back as i have my uni degree i need to finish in the next couple of year so im hoping that when i go to do that he will want to come back with us otherwise his suggestion is that we live apart for 6months to 1year which i dont think will help our situation/ relationship at all.
I also pray that if we are not meant to return to my home town that we might be able to go to his hometown where his parents live. its a little farming community and theres a lovely group of ladies that live there and have a bible study group and i have met and made friends with but i doubt DF wil want to move there at all. but i think there would be more of a chance of him becoming christian there as we would be away from his friends that drink and party.

Angela - posted on 06/20/2012

I know just how it feels to be isolated as I'm in a similar situation. I left a large, bustling town to come to a very small, semi-rural town because my boyfriend lived here. I did arrange to get a job before I left my previous town and previous job.

I moved up here nearly 5 years ago and married the man I moved over for over 3 years ago! My only friends in this area are my colleagues and clients at work - plus the people at Church. I know it's difficult in a new area. My children live in my old hometown and I get over to see them whenever I can.

Whilst I've lived here both of my parents have died, my ex-husband (children's father) has died and my old hometown has changed almost beyond recognition. I feel I've practically lost touch! My doctors surgery, the town centre, the local University, my workplace and EVERYTHING were in walking distance of my home when I lived in my old town. I never even used a car - I didn't need one!

Now, although I'm fortunate in that my workplace is in very close walking distance of my home, nowhere else is! I now drive a car regularly - because I need to!

I know exactly how you feel and can empathise 100%. I really hope you settle in your new home soon and make some friends. Good luck.

Carla - posted on 06/20/2012

I have to echo Linda's comments here, Alicia. Plus, marrying a person who is not a Christian sets you up for a life of heartache. Trust me, been there, done that. He told me he WAS a Christian, but definitely was not. We went through six years of torment before I divorced him. And yes, I had two children, 6 and 4, I was 21, and had a 9th grade education. We struggled, but it was STILL better than living in that house!

Pray hard, honey. As Linda says, if you ask for wisdom, God will give it to you.

God bless, honey

Alicia - posted on 06/19/2012

i pray all the time that he will open his heart to the Lord. when i met him i was not a practising christian i have always believed in the Lord but was back sliden for a long time.
his parents are christian so i have some hope and support from them but they do live 2hours away.

i also pray about this move and if it was the right thing and what we are meant to do next. i know its probably not really right but i am constantly praying we can move back. i do read my baby the bible daily aswell so he will learn.

Linda - posted on 06/19/2012

Alicia, it definitely is God's will for families to be intact...so I'm not saying you should leave him. From a Biblical point of view, in a sense you are married. It's just going to be difficult and complicated. You are right--you cannot force him to become a Christian. It has to be his decision.

In spite of the mistakes you have made, God can make something beautiful out of your life. God has a way of using both the good and bad things to teach us what we need to learn. Read his Word everyday and teach it to your children. Pray continually. You will discover an amazing God!

Alicia - posted on 06/19/2012

i have been praying for him to become a christian but i dont want to force anything on him as he will push away from God even more. hes quite stubborn.
I dont want to leave him if he never wants to become christian. we have another baby on the way and i dont want to be a solo mum and i love him very much and i dont thinkGod would want to me to either??

Linda - posted on 06/18/2012

Alicia, I think you have more serious things to pray about than just finding a friend. If you are a Christian, and your fiance is not, and you are planning to get married, that could be a prescription for disaster. The Bible is very clear about Christians not marrying non-Christians. 2 Corinthians 6:14,15 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?" I know many Christian women who have difficult marriages because of this problem. I know still others who have wandered away from the Lord. There are many women on this site who can share their own stories.

Of course, the matter is complicated because you already have a daughter together. I don't really know what the right thing to do is under those circumstances. However, God has promised to give us wisdom if we ask for it. (James 1)

I hope you don't feel I have been harsh in my warnings. I don't know how long you have known the Lord, and you may not have been aware of the warnings in 2 Corinthians. The Bible is the only place to go for answers for the Christian. It is what governs our faith and our conduct. Especially now that you are alone so much, I would suggest that you spend extra time reading it...and also read it to your daughter. It's never too early to start.

Alicia - posted on 06/17/2012

oh sorry it means darling fiancee. i am on the huggies forum also which uses appreviations.

i have been praying for a godly friend. i know i prob need to put myself out there as i can be shy and i probably come across as abit rude.
i have also been praying that we can move back to christchurch. i dont know if its the right thing to do but i just want to be close to my family and friends there.
but hopefully i will start to feel more settled here and the desire wont be so strong to move back as Df is really happy and is enjoying working for his brother i am trying to be supportive of him as he is the provider for this family but i am not really happy here. which i feel realy bad about.

Linda - posted on 06/17/2012

I'm not sure what DF is an abbreviation for. You don't have to wait for him to want to make friends. Just keep inviting moms over and make your own friends. Eventually, perhaps you will have both her and her husband over, and then maybe he will have a friend too...but if not, at least you will have friends. Don't stay home all day with your baby. Take him/her to the playground, go on walks. You will meet people. Pray that God brings another godly mother into your life. He answers prayer!

Alicia - posted on 06/17/2012

thanks. alot of people have also told me it takes about 2years to settle into a place. i dont want to wait that long lol. i feel miserable that i cant see my family and friends and i hate staying home.
yea i have invited one lady i met home she has a boy about the same age as mine.
hopefully i will find some good friends that can be friends with DF aswell. and i hope he will change his mind and want to make some friends lol.

Linda - posted on 06/17/2012

Friends take time...don't rush it. Perhaps you could invite one of the moms you've met at one of these groups over to get to know each other a little better. It can get lonely staying home with your baby all the time. I really enjoyed getting together with my friend at least once a week. Men don't seem to need that as much as women...in fact, they tend to have fewer relationships and don't need to talk as much. Keep searching. Remember: "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" Proverbs 18:24 A wise woman once told me, when i was discouraged after moving, that it takes two years for a new place to feel like home. Be patient, and keep at it. Visit different churches until you can find one with other mothers with young children to whom you can relate. You'll eventually find someone who is also lonely and looking for a friend.