Just some encouragement needed please!

Helen - posted on 01/21/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Hi! Thank you for reading my post :o) I am mum to a 13 month old little boy who is the light of my life but unfortunately suffers with severe feeding difficulties. The cause is a long story involving numerous hospital stays so I won't go into that, but to summarise, he is only on milk, won't eat any solids and is reluctant even to drink milk ( a special allergy-free formula). Milk feeds take an hour of struggling, encouraging and screaming (the latter on his part although I feel like joining in!) and have to be done at home, by me only, with no-one else around and with children's tv on to try to distract him. Hopefully he will improve with time, but it is a long slow progress. We find it very hard to even leave the house on bad days so it is very isolating. I know that Jesus is with us, and indeed has got us through the past year, but at times I feel so demoralised. It is hard not to compare my baby to all my friends' babies, who are eating and drinking happily and easy to transport around. Although of course I wouldn't swap him for the world. Sorry this is so long, I would just love to hear some words of support, that I'm doing a good job, that this won't last forever, that God is with us, that kind of thing! Thank you :o)
Helen xx

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Sharon - posted on 01/25/2010

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Helen, Don't ever compare yourself or your baby to anyone else. My youngest daughter was allergic to formula and also had to be on special formula when she was a baby. She was in the hospital alot when she was young. She is now a healthy woman of 26 years old. My other three children were healthy babies and I also could not understand why my youngest was so different and so sick when I had done nothing different with here.There is nothing wrong with you as a mom, but satan wants you to think that you are the cause or the problem. Jesus allowed you to be this baby's mother because He knew that you are the one that can love this baby with an unconditional love. The Bible tells us that Nothing will be placed on us that is beyond our capacity to handle it, but in our time of need HE will provide a way of escape. In all my years of being a mom to 4 children,all completely different to each other, God has never failed me at any time or any situation. He has always remained faithful to me and to all His promises to me. YOU are a good mother, I can tell by your words and the pain in your words concerning your son. I was at home a lot also, not only because of my youngest child, but all my children were under the age of 6. When you start getting these feeling of being down, just remember that it is satan who is making you feel this way. He is come to steal,kill and destroy our happiness and joy. You have a very precious baby and YOU ARE A GOOD MOTHER. You will be constantly in my prayers and I am here for you. Sharon

Precious Father, Above all else, Lord, You know what this mother is going through. Lord reassure her that she is a good mother to this precious baby you have placed in her care. Father, there is no love that can be compared to the love You have for Your children, and Lord I know that when Your children hurt, You also hurt. Lord, calm her fears, give her peace and reassurance that one day she will be able to look back on these days and give advice and comfort to another mother who is going through what she is now going through. Father, when this son is a teenager and she can't keep any food in the house, may the day be filled with laughter,as mine are now. And Lord, when all her children are grown and gone, with their own lives, may these day that she spent at home with her precious son, be of a comfort to here.
Eagerly awaiting your coning Lord,
Sharon Anderson

Laurie - posted on 01/24/2010

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Here are some verses that come to mind for encouraging you. Isaiah 35:3-4, Isaiah 40, Isaiah 40:28-31 God will give you the strength you need and i also pray that if you don't already have some people around you that the Lord would bring around some support people for you to lean on.

Anne Mosteller - posted on 01/23/2010

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Helen, You are not alone. I have a friend with the same problem. She has a good back up system. I am a grandmother and a child and adult caretaker. I have seen this before and it does get better. My friend sometimes has to stop the feeding, go into the bathroom, cry, pray, or yell quietly. Then she is calm enough to go back and try again. I will pray for you. It sounds like you are doing a GREAT job. Keep up the good work. God will reward your hard work. Anne Stewart

Sonya - posted on 01/23/2010

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Hello I would say to you in everything give "Thanks" because praise bring God on the scene and the enemy has to flee!!! Praise God before you feed you precious son give thanks to God thank him for a blessed feeding, praise gives God the legal right to operate on your behalf and then watch God change it for you, you will be glad you did

God Bless you and your Son
Your Sister in Christ
Sonya

Jessica - posted on 01/22/2010

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Oh Helen,
my heart goes out to you I can not even begin to imagine the things you have to go through, that for the most of us is so simple. The love and strength we get through our faith can conquer anything, and all though it is very hard to lean on it all the time it is the only thing that works!You most believe that things will improve and have faith that the Lord works in mysterious ways,maybe you are the strength that is going to help someone else,or maybe the struggles your baby has gone through will create a cure for someone else's problem.Just no that the will of the Lord will not lead you where the grace of the Lord can not keep you! My prayers are with you please don't let yourself get to overwhelmed trust in the Lord and he will carry you through!

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Marla - posted on 01/26/2010

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Helen, continue to Praise God for your Blessings. It's okay to scream when your little angel screams, that's what moms do sometimes. But in spite of it all, He never puts no more on us than we can bare. Thank God for the time you have to spend with your son, some mothers can't/don't stay home and spend quality time with their child, for one reason or another. This is your test, He wants to see if you can pass the test. I have faith you will. We never know why God allows some things to happen, but just know He will never leave you. He wants to bring you closer to Him, trust Him more, give all your cares to Him. You may feel like you just can't see your way, just know weeping may endure for a night, but JOY comes in the morning. I have never experienced this with my children, but I just want to encourage you to HOLD to HIS hand. Just hold on, God knows exactly what He's doing. You are a great mother, that's why He blessed you with your son. He knew you would care, love, and give him everything he needs. I agree with Angela, you need some alone time outside the house. I will continue to pray for you and the light of you life. In Jesus name, Amen

Angela - posted on 01/26/2010

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I agree with Jillian. You definitely need a support system!! I have a 2.5 yr old that has feeding problems among others but we also struggled with the same issues as yourself. We had to ahve a mickey button put in his tummy in order to get him to gain weight. We were not allowed to take him out of the house for anything for 2 yrs and he was always sick and in the hospital every 4-6 weeks up until he had his last surgery right before he turned 1. Then he was sick all the time but we were able to keep him at home. By God's good GRACE, he started ecovering from most of his illnesses once he turned 2. It was almost overnight that he we were able to wean hom off of most of his meds and now we have been doing feeding therapy for over a yr but he is making progress. When we started with therapy, he would not let anyone or anything near his mouth, now he himself puts food in and chews but still does not swallow. My whole point is, it may be arough few years, but once you start seeing the tremendous progress your child makes, you will amazed. You are a great mother b/c you care enough to do all this for your child but you also need a break from it all. I have a wonderful husband that would stay home with Blake while I went to church and Sunday School. That was my getting out of the house!! I have loved every minute of it b/c they became my support system. I looked forward to seeing them every Sunday and it felt great to know that they were praying for Blake as well as the rest of our church. I also had a great friend that was willing to learn all the medical equipment that Blake required in order for us to have night out to dinner. My mother in law was also willing to learn all the medical stuff so that she could keep him overnight so that we could sleep! We had to do feedings every 1.5 hr and they took about an hour and we had to do this 24/7. So, I realize that not everyone has a great support system readily available like I did, but you do need to ask for help. Someone at church should be able to set you up with something somehow to make things easier. One day down the road, you will look back and wonder how you ever did and you will know that God helped you through this. Also, know that God picked you to be the mother of this wonderful miracle that has survived so much!! Trust me, it does get easier!! Everything may not completely go away, but it does get easier!! God Bless you and your beautiful miracle!!

Jillian - posted on 01/26/2010

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You didn't mention a support system in your post. I hope you have access to one, and if not it's time to call your pastor. To cope, if I were in your shoes I'd ask the pastor to please ask women whose children were older, possibly even grown. This minimizes the comparison of your child to theirs.

If you do have a support system, it's time to deploy them and say "I need help!" I know it's easier said than done. You don't have to let yourself hit rock bottom before you react.

Prayers and hopes!

Helen - posted on 01/26/2010

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Thank you all so much! Despite a very hard week with feeding, I have coped better and managed to stay more positive. It is so true that going through hardships brings us closer to God, He has kept and supported us throughout our difficulties and I have learned to rely on Him and give thanks for all He has done for us every day. God bless you all for your kind words of support and encouragement. Please message if I can help in any way in return or pray for you or your families.
Helen x

KATHY - posted on 01/22/2010

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Dear Helen, I understand what you are going through. Keep up the good work and try to remember God in his wisdom gave you that son. No other mommy would do for him. You were selected. Gods grace will see you through this and other things you will face. Take a deep breath and remember for every bad day a good day will come.

Judy - posted on 01/22/2010

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God never gives us anything that we can't handle. He knows that you can do this. If you couldn't, you wouldn't have this baby. But, do lean on Him. He is there for you. Some things He can't do for you until you ask. Other things He will do without your asking. Don't compare your little boy with others. Just compare him with himself, how he has improved, etc. It cannot be forever, for humans need more than just milk to live to old age. Can he drink vegetable juices? Maybe he would like that better. Solids that are pureed and watered down? My daughter was nursed for 14 months with nothing else added. Then I added some iron. She was totally weaned by 20 months, and on solids. She is really smart, and now has a masters degree. I say that to say that solids are not necessary at 13 months. You can do this!
Judy (mom of eight)

Clare - posted on 01/22/2010

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Hi helen i also have a son with learning difficulties but have seen changes in him from going to church and God working within him, as they prayed for him when he lost his dog and the peace he had after was just beautiful.

Amy - posted on 01/22/2010

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Hi Helen,

My prayers and thoughts are with you. I was in and out of hospitals too when I was a child for the first 7 years, I will put my testamony on another conversation. The Lord will get you through. My son was a colic baby and had alot of gas. He was on simulac and he had problems and I took him off and put him on good Start and the doctors said he was not gaining enough weight and put him on isameal not sure of spelling. The gas came back and I was so mad at the doctors for taking him off Good start. He would scream and cry something awfull. All I could do was walk him around the house and play a heart beat rythum cd call Baby don't cry and another on called Jesus loves me. That seemed to help but had to play the cd twice in a row for him to calm down so I understand what you mean. It goes through you. I like when one of the mothers said if you need to scream and cry with him go ahead because I did. Because I felt so helpless and did not know how to help him. I am here if you need to talk just instant message me here on Circle of Moms. I had not trouble with feedings but the gas pain and nothing I could do but pray and it was hard. God bless you. Jesus loves you and so do I.

With Love,

Amy

Anne - posted on 01/21/2010

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Helen, I know you are doing a good job with your son and that you are a GREAT MOM! I know this because ONLY a Great Mom would continue to do what is best for her child. Although I have never gone through what you are going through. I do know that God is Big enough to see you to the completion of this season of life.

Tah - posted on 01/21/2010

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You are doing a good job and God has a plan so just pray over your son..God answers prayers

Heather - posted on 01/21/2010

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Praise God to your dedication to your child and your faith that God will bring you through. God is sooo good. On the days that I get stressed I think of Matthew 19:26 where Jesus says with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. You sound like an amazing woman.

As for feeling isolated, I understand. I would too. Do you have anyone wiling to come and visit, even if it's just for a short time and they can leave when it is time to feed? Check with the pastor at your church. There may be some single ladies that would love to come visit, or some moms that have kids around the same age. God is good. I will pray for you.

Thank you for your inspiration. God is good. And it is hardest to praise Him in the midst of a trial, but you are a testimony of just that.

Victoria - posted on 01/21/2010

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Hello Helen,
This day I pray to our loving Father in heaven, in regards to your circumstance.
May God give you strength and wisdom to get through this. This age last only but a moment, but I understand how frustrating it must be while you are going through it. May God lift you up, bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you. May he touch the physical body of your little, and touch his spirit also, giving him a desire to eat and drink. But even while the physical food battle goes on, my God pour out spiritual manna from heaven that will find you, and your household well nourished. In Jesus precious name, Amen!

Nadine - posted on 01/21/2010

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Hello Helen! God is with you and is with your precious son! My 14 year old was in and out of the hospital when he was 6 months old because he was losing weight. Feedings were very difficult for me as well. As he got older, he was eating everything. Even to this day, I can't keep food in the house to satisfy him. I have found only a few foods that he doesn't like. The Lord will look after him! Don't give up and if you feel like joining him in a screaming match, then do it! As he gets older you will find that you will not be able to fill him up! He is just like you and I, he will eat when hungry! Don't dispare!



Dear Lord,

Thank you for Helen and her son! Through these times of difficulties with feedings, bless Helen with your gift of patients, rest, and peace within! Reassure her that her son will be very healthy and will continue to be the light of her life! Thank you Lord for your many blessings! In Jesus' name!



Amen!



Helen just remember that the Lord doesn't give us anything we can not handle. He fills our plates just enough to help us become stronger and closer to God! You will one day look back on this and wonder where he got his appetite from! May God bless you and your precious son!



With love!

Nadine

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