Liar, liar, liar!

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

I am having a major problem with my five year old daughter! She's lies...a lot. Not just about anything, just about things that she knows she'll get into trouble for. I've admited a short coming in myself, that I yell too much, and I've tried to tame that down considerably, but she'll still lie to me. I've tried reading to her in the Bible that the Lord destests a lying tongue, and she seemed to understand that, but it obviously doesn't sink in. I've tried making her punishment for lying much harsher than if she just tells the truth, but that doesn't help either.
I remember lying...a lot...when I was little too, so could it be that I'm getting what I deserve!?! Or is this a phase that she will grow out of eventually, if we continue teaching her how wrong lying is? Any advice on this would greatly appreciated!
- Sheelah Wall

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Vicki - posted on 01/23/2010

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With some kids, parental anger and harsh punishment can actually reinforce the lying. It's a power trip. The child thinks, wow, look what I can make my mom do.

Praising her for telling the truth, and reading age appropriate stories about telling the truth, and gently reminding her that with honesty comes trust and rewards may be more effective in discouraging her to lie.

Remember, she is not an evil child. She is simply experimenting with the truth, and giving you an opportunity to teach her Gods way with love in your heart instead of fear in your heart.

Pray about it, and ask God to show you other moms who are able to react to lying differently.

Amy - posted on 01/22/2010

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I feel for you I used to be just like your daughter. Now I have a child. For the most part our son does not lie that much. Abe is grounded if he lies. Where he lies is to cover for his friends when they come over and do stuff. We just had an insudent where someone wrote and drew on our walls. Abe said he did it and it was not his friends. He did this on the down stairs wall and was spanked for doing so and knows better. But that does not mean he did not do it. His friends get wild around here too. We did not see anyone do it. So the problem is we can not punish anyone. Because we did not see it and we have no idea who did it. The only thing is we probably should have punished Abe for allowing it and not telling us. For one whole day I would come down my steps and seeing ink onthe side walls and the ceilings going down the steps. I was so mad furious but it was too late. But he insists his friends did not do it. I told some of the parents and asked his friends. One boy is too short to even reach this area so that rules him out.

Elda (Ellie) - posted on 01/22/2010

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I have five kids. Each one has tried to lie. At first it's simple things. Just explain that "if you tell me the truth this time I won't punish you. Then when they tell you the truth, calmly explain what would have happened if they lied and why it is so bad but you love them and because you promised, this time you won't punish them. The next time they lie explain the previous event and then say, "because you lied again this is going to happen" . Continue to do this and it will become habit. Let the punishment be something harsh. For example; my 5 year old lied and was spanked, once for the thing she did wrong and once for the lie with an explanation to follow and a hug after they said sorry. My 6, 8, 10 and 12 year olds get grounded for a week. With each lie I double the time. My 12 year old lied to me once and was grounded for a week, then a week after that she lied to her teacher and was grounded for 2 weeks. Now she is up to a month if it happens again. That was 2 years ago. Now my grounding includes life. They are simply allowed to eat, bath, homework and sleep. That is it. No interaction with the family, friends, phone, tv, radio, toys, nothing. They only get to read books. My punishment is so severe that my children are more afraid of lying then they are the punishment for what they did wrong.

Heather - posted on 01/21/2010

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First off, this is really normal for 5. My 7 year old went through it and so did my now 5 year old. He is just coming out of it. Here is what we did. If they tell the truth the punishment isn't as severe. If they lied, then the punishment is doubled. If they were going to stand in the corner for 5 minutes they have to stand there for ten. If they were going to get spanked then they get twice. Always always always make sure you explain both sides. Since you told the truth you are only going to get this punishment, if you would have lied, this would have happened, I'm proud of you, thank you. Or If you would have told the truth this would have happened, but since you lied, this will happen. Keep stressing the Scriptures, I do that too. Also if what she lied about wouldn't have gotten her into trouble let her know, but then tell her that since she lied she does have to be in trouble. I also point out that I usually know the truth, and even if I don't, that God does. And you have already done a great job of letting her know that God doesn't like it.



Anyway, that's what has worked for us, however all kids are different. Pray about it. God will lead you in the right direction for your family.

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