Loneliness of a stay at home mom

Corey - posted on 04/19/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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I have been feeling very lonely being home with just my two week old son while my husband is at work all day. I moved to a new area when i was eight months pregnant and don't know anyone here. My husband is my only connection to the area since he grew up here and has some friends around. So i have been feeling pretty lonely and slightly depressed with my new situation of being a mother and no real outside support.
When i told him of my loneliness and need for companionship, my husband reminded me that I need to confront my loneliness and remember that God is always with me. I do not have to entertain the loneliness because that is allowing doubts and fears in that should never enter in, and in turn allowing the enemy to get to me. Since my conversation with my husband i have felt a lot less lonely. I know that every time i feel alone i have someone to talk to.
I still don't have friends around for comfort but i know God is always there for me to listen to and comfort me. (Though i may still forget this at times when i am overwhelmed with being a new mother.)
How do you deal with loneliness?

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Cheryl - posted on 04/19/2010

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Girlfriend, I am totally with you!!! (and I may have just totally shown my age ;-)

I quit working, had our first baby, and we moved two hours north to a rural area all in six weeks time!! Now we were in the same area as my in-laws so we knew people, but still I didn't have "friends" and all the family worked all day. My SIL on the other side of the state is very involved with her MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) program so I went online to www.mops.org and found the nearest group!! Most of my friends now almost 7 years later, i met in MOPS!!

Another great place to meet other young moms is library storytimes- I start mine between 1-2 years old. One of our libraries in the neighboring town even has a 12-36 month program separate from the 3-5 year olds.

Also, check with your local Head Start, Great Start, or WIC offices. Often they have playgroups and support groups for moms.

I don't know where you're at but it's spring here- great for walks at the park or on the trails. Be friendly, smile at other moms, and conversations will strike up!!

And as always, there's the difficult new church search. As you find one for your family, you will meet new friends. And I'll remind you, a friend doesn't have to be someone your age or stage of life. there are just a few families with young kids at our church, but the older ladies have been wonderful! I concider them just as much my friends!

*HUGS* Hang in there!

Abbi - posted on 04/24/2010

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I remember being in a very similiar situation. We had moved when my first daughter was only a couple of months old to a town that was states away from any family. We knew only 1 other family (and I couldn't spend all my time with them). Pray is a wonderful help. I also agree that staying busy helps a lot. Some other things that I did were: Write letters and e-mails to friends and family- working at encouraging them too, Reach out to your neighbors - I found that my next door neighbor was lonely too, she was in her 80's but we spent a lot of time chatting over the fence, I also started a bible study in my home that I advertised a little and invited people to and that was fun. Church is always a wonderful place to meet friends too. Another thing we did was we got to know my husbands co-workers and did things with some of them in the evenings as a family.
At that point in time I wasn't online but I know now that a lot of fun and encouraging friendships can develop through blogging. There are a lot of mommy blogs out there. I would like to invite you to visit mine at: www.proverbs31living.blogspot.com

Abbi

Ruth - posted on 04/22/2010

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It's great to read all these replys, Corey I too know how you feel, when i got married i moved 1hr and a half away from my family and everyone i hanged out with. a month later i got pregnant and around 3 months after my baby was born i got pregnant again. so the friends i had try to relate, but it;s hard when you want to talk to someone of how you feel, but they don't seem to understand. My husband said almost the same thing as yours did, but to be honest it didn't help me that much, i ALWAYS know God's there and talk to Him constantly, but as Shelly Annette said we're social people, i needed to joke around, just talk to someone. What really helped me was this, Circle of Moms, i could "talk" to other moms and feel they understood, if you ever need to say anything feel free to write. Take Care and God bless!

Jodie - posted on 04/20/2010

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Praise God for your husband's encouragement :) He's right.
Also, try to stay busy. And I don't mean overwhelmed and not able to relax haha. Try to go out and accomplish something, even if that means having a good time with your baby. :) But try not to sit around. That's my biggest downfall. I can get caught up being depressed and lonely and FEEL like I can't accomplish anything, but whenever I've really put forth the effort, I have been proven wrong. Don't get stuck in ruts of wrong thinking. Stay positive. One thing that helped me was to make a list of everything I did that day. It made me determined to fill my list with good things! My husband reminded me that it's important for me to work around the house while he is away at work, so that by the time he comes home, all we have left to do is relax.. together! It makes the day go by quicker and his time at home is more rewarding.
I hope that you are (or are working on getting) plugged into a good church. I'm sure there are several other women at church to keep you company. Don't be afraid to be outgoing. Those ladies would love to be there for you. Even if it means sitting on your couch and holding your baby so you can get some chores done. Or accompanying you on a walk. Don't feel like you have to entertain the people you spend time with. That helps too. So often I didn't invite people over or ask to hang out with people because I think I'm boring (because I'm so tired and motherly! haha) You would be surprised how many people are perfectly content simply having company... even if you're not really doing much of anything. Not to mention, I'm sure there are a ton of women who are in the same boat.

ShellyAnnette - posted on 04/20/2010

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Oh, honey... God IS always with you... but that doesn't replace the need for human companionship... that's why God didn't make just one human... he made us with the ability to multiply so we can bond together. We are social creatures and need each other... and it's no lack of faith needing that companionship.



My heart breaks for people who beat themselves up because they feel they are not "trusting" God enough if they feel lonely, anxious, depressed, angry, etc... we are human and Christ Himself felt emotions like this as a human. Our nature is to need support for all of life's ups and downs.



My best advice is find a new mom group. Look online, search your area, ask your hospital where you delivered your son, and check out your local library. You can't meet new people by staying indoors! 80) Granted, with a 2-week-old, you don't want to have a whole lot of outside contact anyways... so you have some time to really do some new mom research. ;0) Good luck!!

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31 Comments

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Carla - posted on 02/04/2014

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Dear Sheena's husband--how thoughtful of you. You are taking the words of Paul and Peter to heart, and loving your wife as your own flesh.

I live in Michigan and am probably old enough to be your wife's mother, but I wanted you to know somebody was here. So--calling all women in the Santa Rosa, Ca area, please comment to Sheena's husband so he can give his wife the gift of friendship!

God bless, hon

Sheena - posted on 02/02/2014

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Are there any moms meetings that one can attend? Where? Near sonoma county? My wife is an incredible woman but she is wearing thin. I am speaking on her behalf right now. She has hardly any friends here in Santa Rosa since she moved here and being a stay at home mom it makes it even harder to meet them. I hope that there are some woman out there that feel the same way. If so please enlighten me so I can give her the friendships she deserves but can't find. She feels alone and she is not and I am sure there are woman out there that feel the same way. Thank you caring husband

Joyce - posted on 05/02/2010

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Your husband just gave you the tools to deal with the lonliness...you are never alone when you have God.....Take one day at a time and when you are able to get out with the baby, go out and introduce yourself to the moms in the park and start a conversation...the more you engage yourself the less lonely you will feel. while you are at home, pick up the bible and read it or spend your time worshipping while the baby is asleep and you will be amazed how time will fly...stay occupied until you can get out of the house and start making new friends. your husband is so right.....go husband, he sounds like a keeper and listen to him, he's right on it....you will be fine

Julie - posted on 04/25/2010

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Hi Corey,
Bless your heart. I know you must be dealing with a bunch of different emotions after just having a baby. I am glad that you are feeling better after your hubby gave you a little pep-talk. He is right. God is always with you, but He also did create us to commune with others. I would encourage you to find a MOPS group (Mothers of Pre Schoolers). It is a non-denominational group that is usually held in local churches twice a month. There is usually a guest speaker that talks about mommy issues and the large group is broken down into smaller groups so that you can develop good friendships easier.

I started going to a MOPS group when my oldest was 10 months old and I was pregnant with my second. When I stopped working to be at home when our oldest was born, we went down to one car and I did not leave my neighborhood much. I did not know our neighbors well and all my friends were working. I got to use the car every other Thursday (my hubby had someone pick him up for work so I could have the car), and that is where I met my BFF. It was so great to meet with other moms that understood my joys, frustrations, happy times, sad times. I realized that I was not the only one that was experiencing the crazy things life throws us.

If you don't have a MOPS group, find a ladies Bible Study. God has a plan for you. I will pray that as you begin to get more sleep and your little one adjusts to the routine of life, you will lose the lonely feeling.

Father God, I thank you for Corey and her new little one. Father touch their family with your hand of protection and peace. I pray that you will continue to use Corey's husband to encourage her and get her refocused on you. Father I come before you tonight asking that You will move in Corey's life and that You would bring ladies into her life who can encourage and uplift her as she is beginning this new chapter in her life. Help Corey to find a MOPS group or Ladies Bible study group where she can develop new friendships and continue to grow closer to you. Help Corey to recognize when Satan is attacking her, trying t make her feel lonely and depressed. Father we know that loneliness and depression does not come from You. Thank You that when she feels these feelings, she can call out to You and You will fill her with Your peace. Thank You Father, that we can come before Your throne of Grace with our needs and You will hear us. Bless Corey this week. In Your Holy name, Amen

[deleted account]

I too have been there!! God teaches us much in our loneliness; we can come to know Him like never before if we cry out to Him. I moved across several states and a time zone with no other close family around; didn't work; new church new everything while my husband worked long hours. But I got connected with my church small groups, volunteered in the nursery, and made a friend within my neighborhood also new to the area and with her first child. I also looked for a mom's group but there wasn't one...so God had ME start one! It was a MOPS group so go their website and find one near you...or find a group of mom's that you can get together with and rotate meeting places. TRUST me there are women out there close by who also need this! I made best friends this way that I will never forget. And looking back I know God was with me and He allowed it for higher purposes. So enjoy time with Him and your little one and get out there and make some girl-friends!! (:)

Marisa - posted on 04/24/2010

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We moved from the west coast to the east 6 months ago and I knew no one..I know where you are coming from..I put myself out there and asked around about mommy playgroups and other kids stuff to do..God provided me with new mommy friends and new Sisters in Christ. I will be praying that God brings a friend to you too..it makes life a little easier..being a new mommy gets easier too ..they grow so fast..mine is 15 months old....take care!

Julie - posted on 04/24/2010

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Oh I remember those days!! I went to the mall once a week and pushed the stroller and "window shopped." Also, I joined a group in the are called "MOPS". (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) Met some friends there. Try checking out morning/afternoon bible studies at nearby churches (even if it isn't the church you go to), they usually have a nursery for babies. Each day seems so long now, but later, it will seem like a fraction of your life, those days. I miss them so much, being alone with my babies...now with a 5, 10 and 15 yr old my life is like a blur, running hear and there! Go out and get involved! You are not alone, so many other mommies out there. Also, I went to parks in the warm weather and met many moms. God Bless!

[deleted account]

I would see if you have a local Moms Club or MOPS in your area. The Moms Club I was involved with was wonderful - they had weekly playdates (when the kids are really young it's more of a "playdate" for the Moms). I belonged to this group till my youngest started kindergarten ... so I belonged for 7 years and met some WONDERFUL women whom I still keep in contact with. If you do a search of Mom's Clubs on the web it should lead you to some good sites.

Amy - posted on 04/23/2010

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Best wishes to you and your baby! I would love to talk! Message me on my page if you need me! ~ God bless! Love, Amy!

Christina - posted on 04/23/2010

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Hang in there mommy!!! You are not alone. This is so normal. You are doing the right thing by praying but I encourage you to start getting out. Even if it is tough. Go to the park - the mall - start a mommy & me class or play group. Even though your little one is too little to play mommies need to socialize. I think play groups are more for the moms than the child. Husbands are awesome but they just can't relate. Check in with your church and see if there are any midweek "mom" stuff. Being a mom can be lonely but let me tell ya it goes by faster than you can imagine. I started with 1 and now have 4!!! Good luck to you.
Chrissy

Melody - posted on 04/23/2010

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I went through feeling the same way when I first had my daughter. It does get better, but 17 months later I still feel lonely at times being home all day with her while my husband is at work. We moved an hr away from my family a few months ago & I dont know many people in the area & dont really have any friends so that is hard. I take my daughter to a baby story time which helps & I also work out at the YMCA & she goes in the daycare there while I work out. That helps because I can have sometime to myself & she loves getting a chance to play with other kids.
Your definitely not alone & i know it is hard, but it will get better!

Sarah - posted on 04/23/2010

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Corey, you are not alone - You must be thinking easier said than done. I came from where you were. I lost my job and was at home for months, all my job applications returned negative and made me more negative. I would question God and ask Him "why me, what have I done that You are punishing me". One thing my many months at home did was allow me to draw closer to God. Everytime, the devil planted his doubt, I read the bible. I slowly began to feel less and less depressed and more and more alive and somehow new my job opportunity was near. God knew I was not ready for a new job and only when my spirit was healed did the opportunity come. Draw close to God and He will be even closer to you. Join your local Parish / Church community, there are always stay at home moms part of a church and believe you me, you will never be board. Take care and God Bless

Rosemarie - posted on 04/23/2010

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I am with Shelley Ann on this - God is with us continuously but we need the human contact to blossom - if there is no mother and child group in your area start one at your home - maybe jst one other mother with a newborn at first and you can rotate and meet once a week or a fortnight at each others' house - nothing special jst a cuppa and biscuits and knowing that you must go out or someone is visiting is enough to give u a boost.
Also try finding time to do all those things you have been wanting to do - sorting photos or starting crossstitch -anything as long as u r busy and in that way loneliness time is no longer there cause u r too busy- Good luck!

Becky - posted on 04/22/2010

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We moved to a new town when our daughter was 2 weeks old. He literally worked 20 hours a day at times. I was alone almost 24/7. Getting involved in a church really really helped me a lot. It was a nice reminder that even when I think I'm alone, I am not. But it was nice to be around other adults and be able to talk to people. The other thing that helped me a lot was getting back in school. God opened that door for me and it was a good way to remind myself that I am an adult and smart! It helped keep my brain active through all the diapers and baby talk. ;-)

Stephanie - posted on 04/22/2010

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I went through the same thing after having my kids... part of it could be post pardom which should fade eventually.... also remember that you are adjusting to having a new baby no sleep and being in a new area is an adjustment too... just keep praying and maybe find a church that has a ladies study so u can meet some other people in your area with the same beliefs and ideals as you... its hard at first but if you hang in there you'll be glad u did!

Julie - posted on 04/21/2010

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Those days with young babies can be very lonely! I remember it very well. Do you have a church you go to? Even if you cannot go to the service, sit in the nursery with baby and you will make some friends. That's where I made a lot of friends in the beginning. It's hard making friends if you just go to the service and go home. You have to get involved with things. I especially made all my friends getting involved with nursery and children's church and other events for kids. Do you have any family you can call on the phone and chat? That may help too.

Kelly - posted on 04/21/2010

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My son just turned a year old, and I completely remember the feeling you're talking about. I too was in a pretty new place and though I did have a couple of friends, they weren't moms and they all went to work and had lives. I did get lucky and met another young mom while I was out walking with my son in the stroller. It turned out she only lived a few doors away from us! However, not long after, we moved again and I was once again, alone. The first few months are the hardest, because even though your baby is so sweet, they don't do much at that age. I finally couldn't stand being alone anymore and I found playgroups in my area (you can find them on local sites, like craigslist), and started new hobbies. I had to try a few different new things before I found one that stuck, but I LOVE sewing rag quilts. They're so cute and easy, and
I can sell them to bring in a little extra money! (You may or may not find a hobby that brings in money, but what's important is that you enjoy yourself!) It sounds to me like you've got some baby blues. (I had them too) Things will get better over the next few weeks, and if they don't, you should see a doctor. Good luck!

Anne - posted on 04/21/2010

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Hi Corey, as a mom on the other end of mothering, (Our daughters are adults) I can tell you staying in Gods Word and Prayer does help. However I agree with all the moms that gave you advice on staying busy and doing things to meet other moms is a tremendous help. If you have not found a church home do what you can to find a church where you and your husband can both feel at home. Not only are mothers that are in your same season of life, older moms that can be a mentor is a help. I will be Praying for you

Rebekah - posted on 04/20/2010

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It is true God is Your Comfort, but God also gave Adam, Eve, in the garden because He didn't want him to be lonely - just as God would not want you to feel alone either.

I encourage you to pray to God for a friend - one that is a mother, one that is a wife, and one that has a life for God. God doesn't want you to feel alone and He has designed and built all of us for companionship and friendship! Relationships is God design for humans! Pray, He will give you a friend.

Nicole - posted on 04/20/2010

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I had a similar situation (we moved when my son was 2 months old.) The first thing I did was join the library mom and tot story time. These programs are usually free, and a great way to meet other moms!

Megan - posted on 04/20/2010

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I dealt with the very same issues, although I moved when my son was 15 months old, I still felt lonely. But when I got involved in a church and found a local mom's group (Mother's and More) I felt less lonely and depressed. I also started to met other mom's in my neighborhood and they have become like family to me. You will get through this!

Ardis - posted on 04/20/2010

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Connect with a church that has a group for young mom's that provides baby sitting. Mom's Of Preschoolers is one such group.

[deleted account]

Dear Corey,

I just want to encourage you that what your going through is so normal, its normal for someone who hasn't moved let alone someone who is in a place where they really don't know anybody. Your hormones are all out of whack right now and will be for a few more weeks yet, Christians tend to be quick on reminding us to rely on God which is absolutely true but we sometimes forget that its sometimes just hormones. I have struggled after each of my babies and when the first one was born I was told many times that I was just not trusting God enough and not leaning on Him and so on. My husband is very understanding and caring and he would allow me to cry on his shoulder and just be there for me because I didn't really have anybody else either and we got through it and I was fine. But well meaning people made it so much worse for me and in the beginning my husband was one of them, I had to tell him that I just wanted him to be there for me, that I really WAS lonely beacuse I had no one. He got to go to work and socialize which at first he didn't see as sociallizing but when you don't get anything you take whatever you can get, going to the store for me is fun! J/K I am praying for you and your hunny that you two can get you through this as easily as possible God Bless.



Jamie

Heather - posted on 04/19/2010

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I have been there! I would recommend finding a mom's Bible study, or a women's Bible study. That is what helped me the most!

Victoria - posted on 04/19/2010

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Do you have a mums & baby group in the area, that is a great way to meet new people, What about your church do they have any day time bible studies or programs suitable for mums & baby's.

We don't have to feel alone when we have God with us, but that doesn't mean we won't experience loneliness, God has made to need friendship and companionship, which I believe is one of the reasons that we are not to forsake the fellowship of the believers. God didn't make us to be solortary beings, so we do need fellowship. You obviously have internet access, try searching your area for some groups and support, ask the sisters at your church too.

I'll keep you in prayer, I totally know how you feel, I've been a stay home mum for 7 years now, but I always try and be active, doing visitation ministry, driving people from my church to appointments and such. Talk to God & trust Him, He will fill the void & strengthen your spiritual walk in the process.

Jill - posted on 04/19/2010

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go for walks with your beautiful new baby... find other christian stay at home moms in your area through your church... dive into God's word he will make you forget your lonliness...God bless you

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