Maybe he does still have dreams...

Alicia - posted on 05/03/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Having a teenager scares me to death. I've never had a teenager so close to adulthood. My oldest son, Matthew, is 17 years old. He'll be 18 in July, and it scares me to death, mostly because the majority of our conversations go a little like this:

"Hey son, how was your day?"

"Okay."

"Did you do anything fun?"

"Nope."

"Did you get any grades back?"

"Yes."

"...Would you like to share them?"

"Nope."

We used to have a really good relationship, until this damn teen angst but now we barely communicate. Now, mind you, I lost two sons, one who was 17, and the other who was nine, in a car accident 2 years ago. That put A LOT of stress on both of us. But for the first time in his life, Matthew is questioning whether or not to go to college. I don't like indecisiveness. And Matthew is being REALLY wishy-washy about this very serious matter.

Matthew used to have dreams. When he was four, he wanted to be a cowboy. When he was 8, he wanted to be an astronaut. When he was 12, he wanted to play in the World Series, and when he was 15, he wanted to work building computers for Apple. But now, nothing. Its like his dreams and aspirations died in that car along with his brothers. He doesn't put forth any effort, and the child who carried a 4.0 all the way through Freshmen, Sophmore, and Junior years now has a 3.4, and he's not caring at all.

Its a hard concept to grasp- that, that baby that I held in my hands 17 years ago, is now not communicating with me, and is now not being serious about a future that would be so bright. Matthew is now ending his Senior year, and its crunch time. He needs to decide, and I honestly don't think he's even thinking about it at all. He's not the same kid I used to see. He's not the same kid I used to have such high expectations for- he's now the kid who I am pleased if he even comes down stairs to eat dinner with us.

He's never been like this before, and he wasn't even like this when Spencer and Noah first died.

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe he does still have hopes and dreams for the future. Maybe he does still want to go to college. Maybe he does still want to do something with his life.

Maybe he doesn't.

But one thing is for sure, I'll never give up on him.

I'll never give up on that little boy who I looked at, saying "Oh, you're going to be something special."

I'll never give up on the nine year old boy who sat on Santa's lap, and told him he wanted to be an engineer for Christmas.

I'll never give up on my son.

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2 Comments

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Vicki - posted on 05/04/2010

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Hi, he sure has had a lot to cope with and must be questioning life in general, and his life and goals in particular. It is a lot of pressure to have to make important decisions now and he may not be ready to. Pray for him, keep up your great effort but don't apply pressure on him foe decisions. We all handle grief differently and my fathers death really threw me for a loop, I could hardly function or leave the house, I needed medication and time to cope with it. Also when my daughters were his age they got pregnant and I was so dissapointed for them as they had such ambition and plans, they felt I my dissappointment and we had a difficult relationship for a number of years but as they became older we have become close again. If you let him know you love him and will always be there for him no matter what he will come close to you again.

God bless,

Vicki

Josslyn - posted on 05/04/2010

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I went through that stage too, 1. he has suffered a loss, 2. he is indecisive of what he wants to do with his life, and 3. he is trying to figure out who he is as a person.



You as a mother are doing a great job in showing interest in what your son gets up to and how he is doing and don't stop doing it. Would you maybe consider looking into some short courses ( interesting ones ) and temp placement jobs in different fields for him so he can take a break from studying for a year or so and get some worldly experience of what life is like out there and what he actually wants to do someday before he takes college head on?.



I promise you that he has dreams, but can also tell you that he has plenty and not just one in particular. I myself never could figure out what I wanted to do in the future and I ended up in a job as a lab technician, Micro biologist, data capturer, IT assistant, personal assistant, sales rep and service rep all bound in one and despite the ups and downs of company politics, I enjoy it thoroughly, even though I also want to pursue electrical and mechanical studies as well as art. (out of this world combination!! I know)



He has an overactive mind and doesn't know what to do with all his dreams or where it will take him, give him some time, keep active your relationship with him. Remember that he is special already and no degree or diploma can make him a better person, only God can and you need to pray for your son.



He will guide your family as long as you have faith!!



God bless you and hope I helped shed some light, I don't have teenagers but was one recently, I also hope that I, myself will use my advice directly with my daughter, who will be born in August, one day when she is a teen.



God bless and stay strong.

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