My 9 month old has started waking up at 1:00 in the morning and will not go back to sleep in her crib. Sometimes we can get her to go back to sleep in the swing but lately she has been sleeping with us. Any suggestions on what we can do to get her to sleep in her crib?

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Marcia - posted on 02/19/2009

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I couldn't agree more with Ally!!! With 4 children I have always always always held and loved and cuddled them no matter what time it is or how inconvient for me. That's what part of being a mom is, laying down ourselves to nurture and care for our children. I have taken this out look with my kids... God would never just walk away from me and let me fix myself so why in the world would I do that to my precious baby that He has entrusted to me.



Having said that, I am also human and completly get the whole sleep thing so to have the best of both worlds I take my babies to bed with me. They have a constant supply of mommy, mommy's milk and warmth and I get to sleep. No they aren't going to be there for the rest of thier lives if you allow them in your bed, no you aren't going to smother them or roll over on them, no it's not incest or child abuse. God placed that child under your heart for nine months, there is no reason at all that she shouldn't be able to stay there for a while longer outside of your belly. I have co-slept with all of my children and they are all sleeping in their own beds now, The transition was easy and wonderful and fun because I allowed them to tell me when they were ready. It's not manipulation, it's showing and teaching your children compassion and love from the beginning. By ignoring their cries for comfot or help you are teaching them that they can't rely on you for what they need. God holds us close to Him at all times and I do the same with my children. I have never had whiny constantly fussy children because they know that when they need something I am going to hear them and respond. At nine months she is learning SO much and sometimes the excitement of those things can keep her up, it's perfectly normal. She is also getting new teeth and just like us, that pain can start to bother her most at night.



From the medical stand point, allowing your child to cry it out increases stress levels and actually prevents necessary brain connections from occurring. Oxygen levels are decreased during these times too. Mom is more stressed during these times, some can become physically ill and milk production tends to decrese too. And throwing up is NOT a natural reflex!!!!!! That is from being so overly stressed and yes even scared to death. Your baby's cry will audibly change from one of "hey mom i need you" to "I'm scared someone please help me!!' Next time take a minute to listen to her and you will hear it.



Your baby is NOT trying to manipulate you, she is trying to communicate her needs to you - listen and respond. Re-enforce in her that she can trust you to take care of her. You are an amazing mom!

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Cassie - posted on 02/21/2009

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don't give in and let her sleep in your bed!! it is SUCH a hard habit to break. We are going through a similar thing right now. At first we both loved cuddling with our 'dream come true' (we are VERY cuddly people!) but what it came down to was NONE of us were getting restful sleep and we would all be tired the next day - preventing daddy from working, our baby Aubrey from being happy, and most importantly, preventing ME from taking the best care of her that I can (which then results in a guilt trip that I wasn't playing with her enough or reading enough books that day, etc. etc.)



Now... I agree to each his own because everyone has different circumstances. For us she moves around too much for us to get any real sleep, and most importantly, you do not only have a responsibility from God to be the best mom you can be, but also the best WIFE. Ask yourself, what time are you giving up with your husband because of a sleeping habit you've formed with your baby? (This can become very stressful and create strife i nthe home which is just what Satan wants, so don't contribute to the problem is what I figure!)






Finally I made an index card and taped it on her door: "You have dwelt long enough on this mountain!" (I forget what verse it is, Genesis I think) It is where Moses is trying to lead the people out of Egypt but they have such bad attitudes that it took them like 50 years to make a 2 day journey or something. (like in coach carter, action without accomplishment!) So basically God was saying to them, you've wandered around aimlessly without accomplishing anything for long enough and it is time that you received what I want to bless you with!!






What has worked for us is just letting her cry. We will go in to calm her after 5-10 minute mark if necessary, singing to her, rubbing her back, reaching down to hug her. When I asked my doctor she said crying for 15 minutes total is actually GOOD, that our girlie just needs to learn how to comfort herself. You are not deserting your child by letting her cry. She will learn to be independent. You can show her during the day that you love & care for her, and that you listen and are attentive to her. Sometimes she cries for 30 minutes before she falls asleep, but she is learning. :) Don't worry, it is usually just a phase and it will pass! Hope that helps!!!



Linda - posted on 02/21/2009

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When you take her out of the crib, it reinforces her new habit. She will learn to expect you to come in and do something with her. This will fully wake her up and make her (and you) miserable. Be consistent. Let her cry. It really does only take a few nights for her to learn once again to put herself to sleep. She will learn quickly that she can sleep soundly on her own once she realizes that nothing comes of her cries. But you have to stick to your guns or it will drag on.

Kelly - posted on 02/19/2009

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I did that with my kids and with in nights they were fine. It was not like they were left all night screaming for months. It was hard to have everyone in the same bed and also get up for work. I don't think anyone should feel bad about letting them cry it out for a short time each night. My kids are wonderfully confident and independent children. I always go in when they are cryng and sit for a few minutes and the let them know I am there, then I tell them it is night night time. My children met all thier milestones early and their brain devleopment is not an issue. If you are nursing at night, that is a different story, but babies that are almost a year old are usally not eating at night. A newborn up to age 6 months should not be left, but I think 9 months is ok, to help them feel comforted at night in thier safe home. To each in own and there is a different answer for every family I guess, because every kids is different. Just do what you heart tells you!

Ally - posted on 02/19/2009

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you should never ever let your baby cry it out alone...as a registered nurse I can tell you that the practice not only goes against our mothering insticts it is also physically and psychologically damaging to infants. I am shocked at the number of people willing to withold comfort from a baby...esp at nine months they are usually cutting new teeth , developing separation anxiety or might just need some extra tlc. That is what we as moms are there for...I would recommend a resource called the baby sleep book...it highlights the developmental process of infants and why they should never be left a lone to cry it out. Also babies cannot make themselves throw up to manipulate you as one person said...that is a psysiological response to extreme distress in which the stomach contents are emptied to allow for the fight or flight response...who would want to force their baby to go there? I can also tell you as a person who co sleeps with my husband and daughter it is a wonderful experience and we get tons of sleep and not one tear or struggle at bedtime...if your baby sleeping with you is working just try and enjoy it..there are planty of benefits to and many happy babies result from this sleeping arrangement...check out some of these links as to why you shouldnt ever let your baby cry it out....just comfort them and remember that they will grow up all too soon and you will wish for nightime snuggles back...i have yet to meet a parent who says they wished they would have spent less time cuddling with their babies when they were young!





http://www.sleepnet.com/infant3/messages...



http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...



http://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/07/05...



http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000...

Kelly - posted on 02/18/2009

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Hello, I have an 10 year old, a 16 month old and one on the way! I have been there. Just when you think you have a routine it goes out the window. It always seems someone is sick or cutting teeth. My youngest was really tough. When she was 8 months old, she would cry for hours and I mean hours!!!! I felt so mean leaving her, but we just did it and each night got better. It did take over a week for us. We had to shut the moniter off and just leave our door open. Even now, if we go away and she is off her routine, it takes a day or two to get her back. It is very normal for kids to have periods like this. She sleeps great now, but she still has nights here and there where she wakes up, but not nearly as much and she can go back to sleep with us just tucking her back in. Good Luck!! Before you know it, things will work itself out and your baby will learn to be comforted in her bed alone.

Heather - posted on 02/18/2009

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Thank you so much for the replies. We will definitely be trying this. Nothing else seems to work.

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Hi Heather! My sons both pulled the throw up routine at one point, so I know where you're coming from. What I did, was I put him to bed and then left the room, but stood right outside the door or just at the top of the stairs. I knew he was going to cry and I knew he would try to throw up - they can use that reflex to get attention - babies are smart :). As soon as I heard him gag, which was within a couple of minutes, I rushed into the room and told him no - to stop gagging and then I settled him down - without taking him out of the crib. Once he was calmer, I just layed him back down again and left. As soon as I heard him gag, I went in and did the same thing. It took us 3 nights and we've never had a problem since. Just remember to not take her out of the crib when calming her down.



The other thing to try, if she's pulling herself up to stand when she's crying, is to go in as soon as you hear her stand up. As soon as you hear her stand up, go in and lay her back down - this way she'll know that she's not getting out and it's time to sleep. This also would prevent the escalation to gagging from lots of crying. When you do lay her back down, don't talk, just gently lay her back down.



It's hard, but the blessings are great - you will sleep and she will as well. Don't give up!! She will learn and you will get through it! :0)

Marlene - posted on 02/17/2009

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That's a tough one, what I did was when she woke up, I patted the back of the baby very very gently in the crib. I let our baby cry a little bit, but for no more than 20 minutes, it sounds like a long time, but I had this little crib musical thing called Bye Bye Birdie, I still have it. I'm saving it because I used it with all 3 of our children, when I pushed the little button it played exactly for 20 minutes, I could hear it in the next room. After that I went in again and patted the little back. Is the baby waking up earlier in the morning? Is the feeding schedule changed at all or varies now? I will be praying it works out, the thing I really strived for was not to bring the baby into our bed. The baby pretty much just came in our bed for night time feedings and back the baby went. It is a little more work, but you want that as your husband's and your space. Our children are now 19, 17 and 13.

Heather - posted on 02/17/2009

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I did try to let her cry it out once but she threw up, so I am scared to try it again for fear she will do the same thing.

Heather - posted on 02/17/2009

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I did try to let her cry it out once but she threw up, so I am scared to try it again for fear she will do the same thing.

Shelley - posted on 02/17/2009

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I agree with the first reply...I did it (although I cried in the next room until he fell asleep) but it took my boy only 2 days and it was done.

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