My Husband's Falsely Accused of Child Abuse

Debbie - posted on 07/04/2009 ( 33 moms have responded )

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Our medical and legal costs so far have topped $10,000, and could more than double if the court proceedings we are part of have to go to a jury trial before this is over. We have received some support from friends, family, and our church, but even with that aid, we have only been able to pay off about $4000 of the costs.
We would appreciate your prayer and support as we seek out justice for the wrong that has been done to our family and restoration of my husband and child.


Long story long

How did a young Christian couple get into a position like this?
A year and a half ago, my husband made a mistake. Our 2 month-old baby Owen was crying, Adam was upset, and Adam, in frustration, did something that could have done, but did not do, harm to our child. Adam could have hidden this away, kept it his little secret and gone on with life. But he wanted to make sure he didn't, in another misguided moment, make another such mistake.
Adam came to me, and told me what he had done. We cried, we talked, we prayed, and in the end, we decided to go to his counselor and let him know what Adam was struggling with, knowing full well that the counselor would have to report the incident to Social and Rehabilitative Services and our life and parenting would come under scrutiny.
The day Adam told his counselor, the police and a social worker came and took Owen away, returning him the next day after determining he was healthy, happy, and I, as a stay-at-home mom could provide safe care and supervision of him with his father. A safety plan was put into place including additional counseling for Adam, medication changes for his depression and temperament issues, and additional family support, such as respite care. We followed this to the letter. In the coming weeks, we shared what was going on with friends and families and asked for help, prayer, and support. Months later, when the shock of the incident was over and we were able to put aside the safety plan and return to normal life, Adam decided to share with our church family at Ebenfeld Mennonite Brethren about our struggle.
Our summer passed peacefully, Owen grew and thrived, and our lives returned to a happy normal.
In September, when Owen was 11 months old, I went to work as a school bus driver. Owen started at a local daycare, where I dropped him off in the mornings. Adam would pick him up after work, as he finished his day as a welder a couple hours before I finished mine.
One afternoon, after picking Owen up from daycare, Adam was watching Owen and our dog Milkshake playing in our front yard. Owen, who was an early walker, fell on the porch steps and hit his head on the concrete edge of a step. Adam called me on my way home from work, describing the large "goose egg" on Owen's forehead, and immediately took him to the doctor, where I joined him when I got home. Dr. Claassen looked Owen over, did x-rays and a CT scan, but everything looked alright. In the next days we were told to watch for signs of a concussion.
In the next two weeks Owen's health was up and down. One day he'd be walking around, the next he'd be lethargic, the next he threw up, then happy and playing again. In a two week span, he visited the doctor 5 times as a precaution and to check into these symptoms.

SRS was informed of Owen's injury, and as is their job, they investigated and determined that this was an accident, and that we had responded appropriately.

About two weeks after the fall, on Owen's 1st birthday, he threw up after coming home from day care. That night we took him to McDonald's, but he didn't want to eat or play.

Because Owen wasn’t feeling well, I stayed home from work the next day – Wednesday (rather than take Owen to daycare). When Owen woke up in the morning, I noticed he was shaking and had a fever. I called my mom, who didn't seem concerned, but said that my mother's instinct trumped all else. I took Owen to the doctor, who said "I'm not concerned, but watch him for 24 hours and let us know how he's doing tomorrow." The next day, Adam stayed home from work to watch Owen. That afternoon he noticed Owen's right leg was twitching. We called a pediatrician and she sent us on the emergency room, where he began having seizures and was then sent on to a larger hospital in Wichita, an hour away.

The doctors discovered a subdural hematoma, or bleeding, in Owen's brain. Immediately, police were brought in to investigate since subdural hematomas can result from child abuse. As soon as Adam's past was discovered, it was like we were deemed guilty with no chance to prove our innocence. We were told to leave the hospital and we were not allowed to visit our son over the course of his 6 day stay until a court order allowed us to visit with a social worker and be a part of his care.

A doctor whose job is to look for child abuse found, you guessed it, that child abuse could have caused this injury, and despite Owen having no external signs of trauma except for his scar from his fall on the porch steps, our child was deemed a Child in Need of Care and put in SRS custody.

Owen's own physician is preparing to testify on behalf of us in court. He has examined Owen and the medical records and believes the subdural hematoma is consistent with Owen's fall two weeks before his hospitalization.
Owen was taken from us last October and was in foster care until February. At that time, Owen was allowed to return home with me on the condition that Adam move out of the home. Adam has complied with this. He is able to see Owen in the presence of an approved supervisor (other than me), such as Owen’s grandparents, aunt and uncle. Adam spends as much time as he can with Owen, who loves to be and play with his daddy. I hold things together as a single mom, having quit my job to stay-at-home full-time with Owen when he was released from foster care.
Owen is still technically under SRS custody, even though he lives with me, and could even be put up for adoption after 1 year's time if social workers so decide.
On May 20, Adam’s case was presented to a judge in Marion County, Kansas. The judge considered the evidence to be equal so he passed it along for jury trial. This will add months or even years to our current situation. Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks so much for your time!

Debbie Miller,
Mother and Wife
Hillsboro, KS

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Julie - posted on 07/07/2009

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Dear Debbie,

I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family are going through. Remember in your weakness, He becomes your strength. Reach out to Him. He has promised never to leave or forsake you and He never breaks a promise.



Dear Heavenly Father, Your children Debbie, Adam and Owen are going through a very difficult time and we lift them up to Your throne of grace right now. Father God, You know every situation and person that is currently involved in this heartbreaking set of circumstances. You see what is going on and You feel the hurt and pain that this family is going through. We thank You that You NEVER break a promise to Your children. Thank You that You will keep Debbie, Adam and Owen safe in the palm of Your hands.



Open the eyes of all those involved in the legal side of this story. If there is someone that is purposefully trying to hurt or harm this family with false accusations, bring it to light so that this family can be set free from this bondage of lies.



Specifically, Father we thank You that You will provide Debbie with all that she needs to make it through each day. Give Debbie and Adam quality time together. Bless the time that Owen and Adam spend together.



Father God, we place this family into Your hands knowing and trusting that You will bring them through is difficult time.



Because of Your grace, we thank You in advance for all that You are going to do for Debbie, Adam and Owen.



Amen

This conversation has been closed to further comments

33 Comments

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Mandy - posted on 07/25/2009

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Just keep your eyes open, I have been through this! My daughter was abused by a man that I married, and it is hard to think that it can be for real, but it happened! My daughter had 25% of her brain damgaed by what he did to her! OUr lives have been forever changed! But God is working miracles as we speak! After 6 years he has been indited! I will be praying for you!

Alicia - posted on 07/24/2009

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Debbie, I hope that all works out for you and your family. My prayers are with you.

Meghan - posted on 07/20/2009

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As difficult as your situation may be, praise God through it! Praise is your BIGGEST weapon. When you praise God, it stills the enemy(devil). I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I will pray that God give you favor during these up coming trails in your lives. May God Bless you always and give you strength to overcome this as a family.(together) Keep your husband close at heart. You both need each other more than ever.I also hope you find strength among us here...if you ever need anything, there are plenty of ears to listen...including mine :) Keep your head up...remember PRAISE HIM ALWAYS!!!!

Cassandra - posted on 07/20/2009

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Debbie, Julie's prayer said it best for me. My heart goes out to you and your family! I will be praying for you, your husband, and child. I know that God is still there with you and He is the only one that can bring you all through this. I will also pray that your finances will be covered. In the mean time, if you read leisurely at all, read The Shack. It's an awesome reminder that "Papa" is right there with you even when you think He's not!

Sabrina - posted on 07/18/2009

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May the lord be with you and your family and protect you from the cold cruelties of this world. Have faith and know that god has a plan for you. Trust in him!! *hugs*

Dorothy - posted on 07/15/2009

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Quoting Debbie:Sounds like you shoul focus a lawyer at the Doctors who released him after the initial fall .  it is their obligation to protect our children and it sounds like if the insurance companies werent so into  mandating the who what when and how of health care is delivered then maybe just maybe the doc would have took the necceasary steps to keep your baby in the hospital for observation  at least 72 hours .That is the time frame that it would take for SH to form and show in children. Take for intance the case of Natasha Richard the actress she is a adult her SH occured more rapidly and unfornatly she passed but it was in a matter of hours .why because her viens and arteries are bigger so the hematoma can move more quickly opposed to a toddler arteries are smaller brain is not as devalope in certain areas so it takes time. You get  you a good lawyer and go after that doc and the professionals that were involved in this real child neglect by the system...that the true case of neglect and abuse .I live in Phila,pa and DHS here is 100% horrible.there have been children not removed from the home and within 24 hours of return these cheildren have been found dead mutilated abused beyond belief . Beleve or not we have acase going on at this very moment were the parents are actually suing the depart of human services for not protecting their child after she died in the home with the bio parents of starvation and medical neglect . Google daniel story phila,pa dhs . you will be shocked . everyone at the top was fired including the social workers who were supposed to be visiting this child and the nurse who were supposed to assigned for nutritinal aspects. My sister in Christ get lawyer a good one............No amount of money would erase the pain and suffering your family has gone through but atleast it will be on record  and theyhave to pay........

My Husband's Falsely Accused of Child Abuse

Our medical and legal costs so far have topped $10,000, and could more than double if the court proceedings we are part of have to go to a jury trial before this is over. We have received some support from friends, family, and our church, but even with that aid, we have only been able to pay off about $4000 of the costs.
We would appreciate your prayer and support as we seek out justice for the wrong that has been done to our family and restoration of my husband and child.


Long story long

How did a young Christian couple get into a position like this?
A year and a half ago, my husband made a mistake. Our 2 month-old baby Owen was crying, Adam was upset, and Adam, in frustration, did something that could have done, but did not do, harm to our child. Adam could have hidden this away, kept it his little secret and gone on with life. But he wanted to make sure he didn't, in another misguided moment, make another such mistake.
Adam came to me, and told me what he had done. We cried, we talked, we prayed, and in the end, we decided to go to his counselor and let him know what Adam was struggling with, knowing full well that the counselor would have to report the incident to Social and Rehabilitative Services and our life and parenting would come under scrutiny.
The day Adam told his counselor, the police and a social worker came and took Owen away, returning him the next day after determining he was healthy, happy, and I, as a stay-at-home mom could provide safe care and supervision of him with his father. A safety plan was put into place including additional counseling for Adam, medication changes for his depression and temperament issues, and additional family support, such as respite care. We followed this to the letter. In the coming weeks, we shared what was going on with friends and families and asked for help, prayer, and support. Months later, when the shock of the incident was over and we were able to put aside the safety plan and return to normal life, Adam decided to share with our church family at Ebenfeld Mennonite Brethren about our struggle.
Our summer passed peacefully, Owen grew and thrived, and our lives returned to a happy normal.
In September, when Owen was 11 months old, I went to work as a school bus driver. Owen started at a local daycare, where I dropped him off in the mornings. Adam would pick him up after work, as he finished his day as a welder a couple hours before I finished mine.
One afternoon, after picking Owen up from daycare, Adam was watching Owen and our dog Milkshake playing in our front yard. Owen, who was an early walker, fell on the porch steps and hit his head on the concrete edge of a step. Adam called me on my way home from work, describing the large "goose egg" on Owen's forehead, and immediately took him to the doctor, where I joined him when I got home. Dr. Claassen looked Owen over, did x-rays and a CT scan, but everything looked alright. In the next days we were told to watch for signs of a concussion.
In the next two weeks Owen's health was up and down. One day he'd be walking around, the next he'd be lethargic, the next he threw up, then happy and playing again. In a two week span, he visited the doctor 5 times as a precaution and to check into these symptoms.

SRS was informed of Owen's injury, and as is their job, they investigated and determined that this was an accident, and that we had responded appropriately.

About two weeks after the fall, on Owen's 1st birthday, he threw up after coming home from day care. That night we took him to McDonald's, but he didn't want to eat or play.

Because Owen wasn’t feeling well, I stayed home from work the next day – Wednesday (rather than take Owen to daycare). When Owen woke up in the morning, I noticed he was shaking and had a fever. I called my mom, who didn't seem concerned, but said that my mother's instinct trumped all else. I took Owen to the doctor, who said "I'm not concerned, but watch him for 24 hours and let us know how he's doing tomorrow." The next day, Adam stayed home from work to watch Owen. That afternoon he noticed Owen's right leg was twitching. We called a pediatrician and she sent us on the emergency room, where he began having seizures and was then sent on to a larger hospital in Wichita, an hour away.

The doctors discovered a subdural hematoma, or bleeding, in Owen's brain. Immediately, police were brought in to investigate since subdural hematomas can result from child abuse. As soon as Adam's past was discovered, it was like we were deemed guilty with no chance to prove our innocence. We were told to leave the hospital and we were not allowed to visit our son over the course of his 6 day stay until a court order allowed us to visit with a social worker and be a part of his care.

A doctor whose job is to look for child abuse found, you guessed it, that child abuse could have caused this injury, and despite Owen having no external signs of trauma except for his scar from his fall on the porch steps, our child was deemed a Child in Need of Care and put in SRS custody.

Owen's own physician is preparing to testify on behalf of us in court. He has examined Owen and the medical records and believes the subdural hematoma is consistent with Owen's fall two weeks before his hospitalization.
Owen was taken from us last October and was in foster care until February. At that time, Owen was allowed to return home with me on the condition that Adam move out of the home. Adam has complied with this. He is able to see Owen in the presence of an approved supervisor (other than me), such as Owen’s grandparents, aunt and uncle. Adam spends as much time as he can with Owen, who loves to be and play with his daddy. I hold things together as a single mom, having quit my job to stay-at-home full-time with Owen when he was released from foster care.
Owen is still technically under SRS custody, even though he lives with me, and could even be put up for adoption after 1 year's time if social workers so decide.
On May 20, Adam’s case was presented to a judge in Marion County, Kansas. The judge considered the evidence to be equal so he passed it along for jury trial. This will add months or even years to our current situation. Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks so much for your time!

Debbie Miller,
Mother and Wife
Hillsboro, KS


 

Dorothy - posted on 07/15/2009

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Quoting Tam:

I am so sorry. I will lift your family up in prayer. I am so frustrated and disgusted by the way SRS handles this. I know you are doing everything in your power to keep your family together and I know that you are feeling lost in the legal battles. There is nothing right or fair about how your family is being treated. Please trust in God for all things and follow Him. He will lead you, allow yourself to follow.


 

Karla - posted on 07/15/2009

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Happy Wednesday Debbie,



My prayers go out to you and your family. The truth will prevail.



At the same time, I wish I had known you before this had happened.



Not to do an advertisement of my business, but this is why I am SO passionate about what I do.



I work with Prepaid Legal Services, Inc. for the past 6yrs. As a matter of fact, I am a full time stay at home mom. Part of the services that we provide that protects your entire family is the 24hour access to an attorney if you are being questioned/detained, in an accident, or served with a warrant, and if CPS comes to your door. To be able to contact an attorney immediately.



This has happened to one of my biz partners, but due to Identity theft. another lady had used her identity and committed crimes in her name therefore police was in her door, serving her a warrant and was going to take her children away. Because she had 24hr access at 2am, she wasn't taken away nor her children. Though the next business day consulted with the attorneys on what was the next step.



You may look into this: www.prepaidlegal.com/info/kraypon



You may still be able to consult with them if you see that this can truly help you.



I pray for truth to reveal itself and for God to just keep shining his love for your family!



God bless,



Karla Raypon-Severson

(714) 496-1035

Vicki - posted on 07/10/2009

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This psalm is comforting to me when I am suffering


PSALM 9:9-12


The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a place of safety in times of trouble.


Those who know you, Lord, will trust you; you do not abandon anyone who comes to you.


Sing praise to the Lord, who rules in Zion! Tell every nation what he has done!




God remembers those who suffer; he does not forget their cry, and he punishes those who wrong them.

Christine - posted on 07/08/2009

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My heart is just plain broken for you. How unfair the government is when they come into our lives and create chaos in our families. I am so proud of you for holding it together so well and for being able to ask for prayers with such a sensitive subject. And your husband too... how wonderful that he was able to recognize a problem, admit to it, and get the help he needed. I pray that the Lord will bless him for that. I see many posts with great advice here and I'm sure you are diligently speaking to the Lord on this matter.



Meanwhile down the road from me, CPS is ignoring 5 children who's mother is shooting meth, turns tricks upstairs for more meth, while they sleep on a dirty cement floor on a crumpled up blanket and hardly have any food to eat. What a shame.

Lesley - posted on 07/08/2009

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I went through a similar situation last year, that has resulted in an 'open file' with welfare. Throughout our families ordeal, I knew that God was with us, I knew that He would get us through. We will be praying for you, for a positive outcome for you and your family, and we will be praying that you feel God's love surrounding you.

Deborah - posted on 07/08/2009

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I know this situation is very hard for you. I will be praying for you, I am on the opposite end my husband did hurt my children and I am doing everything I can to protect them. It seems the innocent ones always have to fight to prove the truth. Hang in there and know that God is still in control. This did not take Him by surprise, He knew this was coming, and He does have a plan. One thing that helps me is knowing when Jesus carried Peter back to the boat, after Peter walked on water, the storm finally ended when Jesus had Peter safely in the boat. Hang in there, we are praying!

La'Tonya - posted on 07/08/2009

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Sorry to hear that in the mist of dealing with a sick child you have to deal with your husband as a suspect in causing it. I will lift you all up in my prayers.

Vicki - posted on 07/08/2009

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"I gave up trying to be superwoman after a few months. With all the stress I had to quit my job, and I spend more time reading than cleaning...hard to spend quality time with husband, although we do spend a good quantity. Any ideas for ways to make small amounts of time better?"





Debbie, in response to this, I would say spend time with Christian couples who have also come through a storm together. Read the Bible together, or maybe join a Bible study for couples. Sign up for a couples retreat or marriage building classes together at a church. Often times they are free and childcare is provided. Pay attention to the opportunites God is bringing into your life right now. He wants you to strengthen your relationship with him through the people and learning opportunities he's bringing your way. Watch the christian marriage movie "Fireproof" together.



Also, pray together with your husband. Start individual prayer journals and share them with each other when it feels right. Keep track of the way God answers each of your prayers. Cling to the Lord first, then to each other.

Vicki - posted on 07/08/2009

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My heart goes out to you and your family. You have done everything right. I commend you for your clear-headed, honest actions. Our God is an awesome God. He is bigger than our problems and he is working. I pray you will have faith in his promise to provide you with exactly what you need, and to bless you with his love, support, mercy, and good grace. I pray you will find peace, love, and gratitude through this storm in your life. This is my prayer for you and your family.

Deana - posted on 07/07/2009

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We have a former foster child we adopted who is the light of our lives. Unfortunately when her medications are adjusted she flashes back to life prior to us and we had had 3 referrals to CPS. Even though we are immediately cleared each time it is so difficult and upsetting and disruptive to our house. I can't imagine going through it for the lengths that you have. We have even considered at times moving out of the country just to break the cycle. Our prayers are with you and remember God gives you the strength to deal with all we muct.

Patricia - posted on 07/07/2009

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Debbie you and Adam need to fast for 3 days, read Psalms 19 and rejoice in knowing God said he will never leave you nor forsake you and once you've prayed continue to thank God for acting on your prayer. Remember faith cometh by hearing and this is a faith walk you are trusting God to change minds therefore you must stay in the spirit, watch the words that come out of your mouths for you are fighting against spiritual wickedness in high places and know the enemy will not win. Pray in the spirit

Tonya - posted on 07/07/2009

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Your thread caught my eye and I had to read the entire thread. I just wanted you to know there is ppl out here praying for you and your situation that ur going thru. I can't imagine what ur going and will be going thru. I will keep you on my prayer list and pray daily for this situation.

Rebekah - posted on 07/06/2009

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You and your family are in my prayers. I encourage you to read Lamentations Chapter 3 and hold it close to your heart and know that God will be the lawyer in your case. ((HUGS)) "The truth shall set you free"... take heart. :)

Brenda - posted on 07/05/2009

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This verse came to my mind immediately after reading your story, "Be still and know that I am God." There is a reason for this situation. It may be years before you know exactly God's purpose, but He will show it to you. In the meatime, keep doing what you are doing and know that prayers are being sent up for you daily.

Debbie - posted on 07/05/2009

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I gave up trying to be superwoman after a few months. With all the stress I had to quit my job, and I spend more time reading than cleaning...hard to spend quality time with husband, although we do spend a good quantity. Any ideas for ways to make small amounts of time better?

Shelly - posted on 07/05/2009

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Debbie,

Boy what a truck load that your trying to carry around!!! You need to give it to the Lord and trust that he is working for nothing except his glory...God is in control you know that deep in your heart of hearts you just need to inform your head of this!!! We all will keep your family in our prayers...Please make sure that yu are taking time for your husband, I hope that you are finding time for your self...I know you are trying to be super woman through this entire thing and you need to remember that you CAN'T do it all...Please give it to God and let him work it out!!!

Debbie - posted on 07/05/2009

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I know our biggest frustration has been with SRS. We understand the police and hospital staff are doing their jobs, but SRS is supposed to HELP families, not hinder their relationships and growth. For one, I'd like to have more children, but that's not going to happen until all this is over. For another, even if Adam had done what they said, we've jumped through all their loops and recommendations, why can't we all be home together? It's been 9 months!

Tam - posted on 07/05/2009

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I am so sorry. I will lift your family up in prayer. I am so frustrated and disgusted by the way SRS handles this. I know you are doing everything in your power to keep your family together and I know that you are feeling lost in the legal battles. There is nothing right or fair about how your family is being treated. Please trust in God for all things and follow Him. He will lead you, allow yourself to follow.

Anne - posted on 07/04/2009

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Hi Debbie, I am agreeing with Tam, Heather, and Teresa to keep you and your family in my Prayers. I will also be Praying as I am sure all three of will be that trial is swift, and with God outcome to win. Remember that this is not a surprise to God and when we put our trust in Him He can do what ever needs doing.

Tam - posted on 07/04/2009

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Debbie,

Your precious family is in my prayers. I know it can be difficult, but God is in control. There is nothing that happens without His knowing. We might not understand, but He has His hand in this and we have to trust that this will come out to good and His glory somehow. ((hugs))

Like Heather said, we are here for the good news and the bad days when you just need extra prayers and Godly love.

Heather - posted on 07/04/2009

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I have prayed for your family, and everyone else involved in this. Please remember that God is with us even in the tough times. Look to him, give this situation to him, and he will bring you through it. I will continue to pray for you, please keep us updated when things happen so that we can keep you in prayer, rejoice with you and cry with you in the days to come.

Psalm 119:114
You are my refuge and my shield;
I have put my hope in your word.

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