My in-laws are driving me absolutely crazy!

Nicole - posted on 06/26/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Everything I say they under mind me! HELP! No matter what I say no to, they turn around and let my 3 year old do it. And then I'm the bad guy. I've told them numerous times but they don't listen. I'm to the point I don't want them around my family anymore. What should I do??

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Kendra - posted on 07/04/2010

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I have had this issue time & again with my own mother. MIL is wonderful & always reinforces my house rules when my kids are with her. My mom, on the other hand, refuses to set boundaries like I would when it comes to my children...which is odd because my sister & I had very firm boundaries growing up. She says it's "her right to spoil them" as their grandmother...but it's excessive & she walks all over me. She allows my 6 year old daughter to suck down Pepsi after Pepsi, load up on junk food & stay up until all hours of the night when they sleep over...& my 10 yr old son has felt pushed to do things he didn't want to do because he didn't feel right (nothing terrible, but he just has his beliefs of what kids should be allowed to do & it wasn't something we would have allowed him to do at home). It has come down to me keeping the kids a little too busy to go for a visit with Nana on several occassions (she lives an hour away). She gets better for a bit after I have pulled back, but it slowly frees back up & she starts to do whatever she wants before too long again. I know it is hard on the kids & they miss their Nana, but as their mother, I simply cannot put them in situations that I am uncomfortable with.

Follow your instincts, Nicole. Hang in there & keep seeking God in this situation. I will be praying for you as I continue to pray about my issue.

Teri - posted on 06/29/2010

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Most important, let the small things go. Make sure your husband has your back. Confront them together and express your concerns. Example: I asked that my in-laws not give my 2 year old chocolate milk. It made her bounce off the wall. My husband told them the next time they gave it to her that they could keep her for the night. That way they could she for themselves what it did to her. They backed off. Your child needs her grandparents. Try to keep a relationship with them. My mom passed away last fall before my daughter turned 6. That is not enough time.

Mimi - posted on 06/29/2010

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I had this problem too. My hubby just wouldn't do anything about it b/c it was his mother. I finally had to say this is wrong, b/c I am the mom. I am the one that says what is okay and what is not okay. If they won't listen say 'hey, you don't want to follow my rules then, I guess you won't see him for awhile.' Its hard but you have to stand firm.

Victoria - posted on 06/29/2010

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Talk to your hubby, you both have to be working together and in agreement, then stand firm together prayerfully setting out the rules for your in-laws, make sure it's something you're willing to do with your own parents too, so as not to be showing favoritisim.

Tina - posted on 06/29/2010

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stand firm ! don't let the in-laws rail road you . I myself went through this . don't give up though . If you do give in and let this continue , it wil just cause problems for you with your child down the road .

Nicole - posted on 06/28/2010

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Thank you everyone for your input. Even though my husband has spoken to them it looks like he needs to do it again. If things don't change after that then we'll pull out the gloves. Thank you for your prayers as well, He is the only one who knows why and how to fix it!

Teresa - posted on 06/27/2010

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It's hard when you are grandprants to not went tp spoil your grandchildern.But when it cames to following the house rule's that should be where the spoiling stops.The grandparnts should know better to respect their childerns house rule's.let they children raise they childern in the way they feel right.God be with you and that you find a way thur this all.Love,Grandma Teri

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I think they need to respect you and your rules. Bottom line. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Polly - posted on 06/27/2010

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What does your husband think about the situation? I usually let my husband deal with his parents, and I deal with my parents. Is he willing to draw the line with them?

Nicole - posted on 06/27/2010

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It's both irritating things and things like oh go ahead and go outside we'll be out in a little bit. I don't let him outside by himself cause there are just too many creeps around. And it's the fact that he thinks he doesn't have to listen to me when they're around because no matter what I say they let him do it anyways. My husband has talked to them and I've made it very clear where I stand. It's their personalities, they don't take responsibility for their actions. And the worst part is they do it whether I'm right in front of them or not there. And they know I get angry because I wear my emotions very heavily on my face. Everyone sees it and I know they do. I pray a lot about it and it doesn't change. They're not strong faith followers of God so maybe they don't like it that I am and now my husband is as well. Maybe they're trying to get back at me or something...it's just a tough situation.

Mrs Donna - posted on 06/27/2010

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Well, I really don't know. This is what I would do. Me and my spouse would sit down and figure this out. If the in laws don't want to abide by your rules then I would keep my kids away from them, unless I was present. That is so disrespectful. And they are meaning to be disrespectful too. Shame.

Aileesha - posted on 06/27/2010

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I too have In-laws that do what they want with their grandchildren but what I have to learn is that they are their grands they love the kids with all their hearts and all they want to do is make them happy and for them to have a good time with grandmom and pop-pop.

But if it is certain things like running around outside, or just go and get it attitude, than yes they should be addressed and Anne is right when she says get your husband involved maybe they will take it better coming from him.

I had an issue with the snacks and the grands and I just told them the closer to a meal hold it until later when it is time to say goodbye and give the grands hugs and kisses thats when you can give it to them that way you now control what they can and cannot have. It took a while but it works! I will be praying for you and your family!

Anne - posted on 06/27/2010

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Are the things they are doing going to hurt your child or do they just irritate you? Ex of just irritating would be letting you otherwise in good health child have cookies or candy too close to dinner. Ex. of something that could be dangerous- Jumping on the couch.

If it is the first I would pick my battles and not let that bother me. BUT if it is the second I would continue to remind them that this could becomes dangerous and you would appreciate if you do not let our child/ren do ----.

NOW if they are saying things like "It's o.k. let he/r have what s/he wants" I would have my husband their son remind them the it undermines your authority when they interfere.

I will be Praying with you that Your IN-Laws will learn to respect your wishes.

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