My marriage is failing, please pray for us

Krislyn - posted on 03/28/2011

hi Leslie first and formost as your Christian sister I have to say I love you and will be praying for you and your family. Your situation is a lot like mine, my husband is a Marine and we have already gone through 2 combat deployments one in which I was 23 weeks pregnant and he didn't return home till our son was 3 months old. The only thing that kept me from divorcing him was my oath to God. I too thought he was a Christian I also feel guilty b/c before we got married he mentioned he didn't think was where he should be with God. Now our baby is 8 months and like your husband it seems he is only happy on deployments and doesn't miss us very much. He is going on another deployment which will be his 4th in Oct.

It hurts so bad because there is a child involved but as a mother we have to do all we can for our baby. I think the best thing I read from those who replied to you is that you can only work on your salvation. And that should be our primary focus for God promises us that by doing so all the rest of our life will come together.

The bible also says that as the believing spouse you can not leave unless of course there is abuse or adultry.
I don't know how others may view this but I believe neglect is abuse. The bible also says that the unbeliever is santified through the believer but if the unbeliever wants to stay married stay married but if they don't they don't. And it brings me to tears how the men they work with are more important than their own children, of course I don't know if your husband says the same thing mine does that he does it for the protection of our son, but I know he is just a violent man who takes joy in taking the lives of others, which makes me sick, he won't admit it but I know he does. Which is why what was said previously is so important because when we have sex with them we are becoming one flesh and spirtually we take and they take from us. I too since being with have not had the same relationship with the Lord. I love my husband we were friends prior to being married and I was not saved till he took me to Church but I accepted the Lord and don't think he exspected that, we have been arguing about him leaving and like another said this is not good either. I hope you do find a job and a good babysitter even if you don't divorce b/c just in case u do or if something happens to him you have something to fall back on. As of right now I am a stay at home mommy and love it but when he leaves this time I will go back to work. And yes its true we can not force anyone to love us so just leave it in God's hands keep praying stay strong know your not alone and hold on to God's promises. He promises never to leave nor forsake you never to give more than what you can handle that he overcame the world and so can you that greater is he that is in you than he in this world thqat you can cast your cares on him and that Jesus cares and loves you if you ever want to chat reach me at binaryvixen01@yahoo.com God bless sister

Linda - posted on 03/08/2011

I will pray for you and your husband. There is a devotional book I feel that would be great for you it is called 40 Days by Dennis Smith [ you can order it online] Remember every trial that we receive has to be approved by God himself to come to us. So if he allows it to come he can take you through it. Hang in there onto God's unchanging hand [this is a test to prove your faith but it soon shall pass]. There is a blessing in every trial. Its so hard for us to look for the blessing through these trials because when we know a trial has hit us we always tend to think of it as being negavtive because a trial is a problem, but through God's grace he can see us through and we will see the blessing eventually [maybe right away or maybe it will take a while.] In order to get through this trial please hang onto God's unchnaging hand it will be the only way to make it through this . In order to gain the VICTORY to have to accept the trial. Without the trial there is no victory they go hand in hand. A suggestion for you [praise God through the trial dont allowsatan to have the a strongold on you beleive me when I say from experience that it will work. Jesus did not say it would be easy but just trust in him. I will be praying for you my sister in Christ :)

Rosa - posted on 03/08/2011

Im going to tell you this pray and I will be praying for you. You have a 9mth, if you are unsure about staying while u are there you sit down and master your plan b for you and ur child. Dont sit there trying to make it work without letting the army pay for ur school. Get certified in something that if he gets up and leave, u can apply for a job. Dont make the mistake like most army wife do and not take the opportnity to get an free education, have a saving account for u and ur child and just plan for the worst. You will be lost and even depressed when it end, but ur child will still need to be protect and cared for. As my mom say, "You can cry at night, when ur child is in a comfortable bed and u can provide for them. As for now come up with a plan B and make sure you are covered." I will pray your husband changes and the Lord put His hand on his life. Wish you the best.

Dawn - posted on 03/01/2010

Hang in there and we'll pray for your husband to come to know the Lord.

Christy - posted on 02/26/2010

Praying for u and your husbands relationship.. I have been their as well. It hurt so bad for him to tell me he ddint love me and wanted out. All I could do is get down on my knees and pray. I learned that we need to thank God for the good and the bad though. some times these things are just trials and tests in our lives to see if were still going to love God and trust him through it all or if were going to give up on him. I pray everything works out between the two of u so your daughter has both parents.but if theirs alot of fighting going on it may be in her best interest to seperate. its not a good enviroment for her to see her parents constantly fighting.

Melody - posted on 02/25/2010

Leslie, my heart goes out to you. I grew up in a divorced home & I pray that you & your daughter will not have to go through the same thing. It can be done, but it is hard. My mom did it & did a wonderful job, but it wasnt always easy. She went through some similiar issues with my dad not being a Christian & pretending he was at the beginning too. I will keep you in my prayers. I dont have all the answers, but God does, He sees what we dont & He loves far greater than we ever can.

Cari - posted on 02/25/2010

Dear Leslie, I recently read "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian and it has helped a great deal. I'll pray for you. God bless.

Kelly - posted on 02/25/2010

Read the power of a praying wife. I live in the same situation and have for 12 years.

Jessica - posted on 02/25/2010

I was saddened by your post. :( It sounds like a very difficult situation, but know that GOD is able to fix anything, and make it right again. Just keep your eyes on Jesus, and know that you have many people praying with you during this time. If you want another friend that isn't involved in the situation, feel free to send me a friend request...I would love to talk with you, and try to help in any way I can. :)

Dee - posted on 02/25/2010

i know hits hard to hear everyone say "keep praying" but it it is truely the answer. i was lucky enough that my husband stayed with me during my walk in the wilderness. he was in the garage most of the time, but he stayed and we worked through it. it mite take a little while, and you may be miserable, but if God is using you to reach your husband then that is where you need to be. Pray and listen to the Lord, he will direct you where you need to go. And i agree with Laura's thought on PTSD. He deals with alot overseas and not being a christian he may have a harder time dealing with them. You both are in our prayers.

Laura - posted on 02/25/2010

I am wondering, if he returned from Afghanistan recently, if he is going through PTSD. Is he angry all the time? Frustrated? He maybe wanting out because he is going through some mental stuff related to his deployment. His comment about wanting to go back to Afhghanistan is quite suggestive that he is in need of the adrenlin / quick thinking / rapid work that is required of them when they are in theater. Have you talked to family services so that YOU know what the signs are of PTSD and maybe seek some advice on how to work to help him?

Megan - posted on 02/25/2010

It is very difficult to fix a marriage if both parties are not willing to try. I like the idea of the love dare from Fireproof. That was a great movie, but with how resistant your husband is to christianity he may be put off even more. I would recommend counseling, but again, he has to be willing. Tell him that you want to fight for your marriage and maybe try the Dr. Phil relationship rescue workbook. You both have to do the exercises and it forces you to open and honest with eachother to determine your main issues so that you can place your emphasis on fixing your relationship in the right areas. If, however, your husband does not wish to work things out, staying for your daughter is the wrong choice. She is so young that a divorce will have minimal impact on her. The longer you stay, the older she gets. WIth age she begins to understand many things more clearly and these next few years she will begin to fully develop her personality and during that time you want her in the most positive loving environment possible, even if that is a single parent home. I commend you for wanting to your marriage to survive and being willing to work on it. Too often marriages end because couples do not exhaust all avenues prior to calling it quits. Your husband may be dealing with deep emotional wounds from his deployment and he may be lost to the idea of God as a result. His hurt and unhappiness could be stemming from something much different than you, your marriage and the christian aspect of your life.

Jennifer - posted on 02/25/2010

No marriage is worth giving up on unless there is physical abuse or infidelity. My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs and it's not been an easy road needless to say. I have been doin a lot of research on bettering and strengthening our marriage. I pray for my husband daily as well as our marriage. Things are difficult at times when one spouse is not as christian as you want them to be. I've come to realize that I had to take a step back and look at myself and see what *I* was doing wrong. To begin with I didn't think I was in the wrong by anything I said or done. But I see now that I was not showing my husband the respect I should have been. Keep your chin up and continue to pray. Hun, you're not alone. You have a lot of other moms out there going through similar problems. Believe me, I have found this out. I am a firm believer of fighting for my marriage not quitting. Times will not always be the way *YOU* want them to be or think they should be. You have to continue to pray for yourself as well as your husband and your marriage. Give him time and he will be OK. Maybe you should try to talk to him and see what he thinks you are doing wrong to make him unhappy. And try to work on making it better. I used to continuously gripe and stay on my husband's case about the craziest and most stupid things. I realize now where I was wrong and I have been working on changing myself for my husband so I can be a better Godly wife to him. Don't give up hope. Give it to God and he will take care of you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers.

Recksey - posted on 02/25/2010

Just pray to God that he give you wisdom, courage and strength in your marital problems. remember there is a reason for everything. pray to the holy spirit to guide you in the right path. surrender everything to god and have faith and never give up no matter what. God loves you and have many better plans for you and your child.

Wanga - posted on 02/25/2010

Leslie, if there is someone I know who can never fail ans always close to the broken hearted is God, He says call unto me and I will answer. God is a God who restores anything and everything. Just like when electricals or other things break down, we go to the owners manual and we get information on how to go about things, and if we cant fix it on our own we go to the manufacturer and they fix it... So, God is our creator and there is nothing that he can not restore, Trust and believe that your husband is saved,start seeing him saved, call those things that are not as though they were In Jesus name... Be blessed. 1 Thess5v16,17. Praise God even when it hurts and not making sense and watch God move in your life...

Lonzetta - posted on 02/24/2010

i will definately pray for you and your husband, but just trust that God will lead you in the right direction.....trust that if this marriage is meant to be, it will be....but if not, God will let you know......God bless you honey and all will be well..

AMBER - posted on 02/24/2010

For man many things seem impossible but for God NOTHIng is impossible. Keep ur faith up and keep praying 4 hom. Stormie Omartian wrote The power of a praying wife....its great. There's nothing like the power of prayer. I want to encourage u not to give up. i've been where u are and its hard but as i said nothings too hard for God. i would suggest that u try to get around believers in any way possible and as much as possible and avoid non-believers for now as much as possible. u are in a vulnerable place and don't want to give the enemy any kind of foothold. try to read the word as much as u can and just talk to God. like i said i've been there and He will bring u thru just focus on Him and ur daughter. i will pray

Shelley - posted on 02/24/2010

Yes...I will be in prayer for you. No matter what...God is STILL on the throne!

Shelley

Shirley - posted on 02/24/2010

Leslie my prayers is with you and you marriage i pray you and you husband can work threw all of this. our Lord has to be in center of you marriage. i pray for you husband to be saved that would make a difference in his heart i believe if he was. i have also seen the movie the Fireproof it is a good movie i think it is good for every one that married to watch. i have been married for 36 years and thank God for my husband it has not always been a easy road up and down but our love for Lord and each other keep us strong. the devil is out to get every married couple he can to get out there marriage. Leslie pray ask God to give you and you husband strength in this marriage. you said you love you husband i believe you marriage has a chance. got stay in church around christian friends and talk to you pastor or someone else that might could help you and you husband. i wish you the best on this. i will keep this in my prayers. God bless you.
Shirley

Anne - posted on 02/24/2010

Your situation sound so much like mine was about 15 years ago. I will pray for you and if you want to talk email me at annegll@yahoo.com. My husband claimed to be a Christian also. He was deployed off and on for 6 out of 10 years of marriage. He was deployed most of my pregnancy with my daughter and was gone from one month before I had her till she was almost 6 months old. He left us when she was 3 and my son was 6.

Darla - posted on 02/23/2010

Leslie, I am so very sorry that your heart is breaking. I did lose my husband to "his" divorce. I too failed as a Christian wife, ect. It was so hard and 3+ yrs later, I'm still living w/a broken heart, loving him still. I will pray for your husband's salvation and also that God will restore your marriage. God is your source of strength, your rock, hang onto him and pray always. Don't YOU let go of your marriage, don't give up but be encouraged that ALL things are possible with God. Again, I'm so sorry you are going thru this very painful storm in your life. Love In Christ, Darla

Lisa - posted on 02/23/2010

I agree about watching the movie Fireproof. It is a really powerful movie and has a very strong message. I have strayed from my faith before because of different relationships that I've been in and it is tough. Try your best to stick to what you know is right through Gods eyes and I pray that your husband comes around and you all can work things out. I will be praying for you.

Brigitte - posted on 02/23/2010

Continue to pray for God's will sometimes people come into our life for a season not a lifetime contract,beleive me I know..I am no expert in marriage for I have had one divorce and going through another but I have gained some insight as to what I want from a man and waiting on God's timing.I thought my marriages would last but living a fantasy expecting things to change never did so I was stuck in a dead end situation both times I was deserted the first one I tried to manipulate,control to keep him but I was heartbroken as they both left me for other pleasures in life..well it caught up with both of them..one committed suicide the other is in bondage to drugs and I am free.free.free....our children are more important then trying to hold on to something that wasnt meant to be....but I dont know all your situation so I feel your pain and continue praying for him and God will come through for you,it may not be for a reconcilliation but maybe his salvation or you a life of peace with a Godly man to love you.

Ashley - posted on 02/23/2010

Leslie, I hate to hear of the trouble in your marriage. I went through a terrible, abusive marriage and then a divorce several years ago. I wouldn't wish such a painful thing on my worst enemy.

I highly recommend you watch Fireproof. I know as a mother you don't have a lot of time on your hands, but there are 3 books I highly recommend you read. 2 of them were mentioned earlier: The Love Dare (the companion to Fireproof) and The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie O'Martian. I also recommend you read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray. God is so faithful. I know that regardless of what happens, it will happen the way God plans it to happen. You and your family are in my prayers.

Muna - posted on 02/23/2010

Hi dear, just know that whatever happens, God is still in control. Also know that you will survive with or without your husband. I know that because something similar happened to me and i survived it. Do your best and let God do the rest. One thing you should know is that you cant force anyone to love you and to continue to stasy with you. That he wants to leave you now does not also mean that he will not want you back someday. Hold onto God and I am sure He will take you where you are supposed to be. Be strong. God is working His purpose out for your life. Cheers

Janene - posted on 02/23/2010

I will pray for you--I was in a an abusive marriage and asked God to show me or give me an answer if I should stay in my marriage and he showed me by the way my husband abused me for the the first and last time--I had no choice but to leave--better for me and my kids--I know it must be painful for you but please know that others do care and are praying for you and your daughter!

Christa - posted on 02/23/2010

Many thoughts and prayers for you Leslie. I will pray for God's Will in your life and that he will bless you with the ability to see where he wants you to go. Just remember the best example we can be to a non-Christian is our demeanor and behavior on a daily basis. Be the person you want your husband to be and allow God to speak to him and him family on his time and in his way.

Debi - posted on 02/23/2010

I will keep you in my prayers. Marriage is harder now a days then ever before. Keep strong for your daughter. There are so many praying for you. May God Bless you and your Family.

Carmela - posted on 02/23/2010

praying for you. This is not an easy place to be in but I know God to be a healer and a restorer. Carrie's advice for you to do the "Love Dare' is a good start. it will not only open his eyes but it will also help you. We won't stop praying....God is able

Temisan - posted on 02/23/2010

Hi, I just want you to know that God is STILL God and he makes all things beautiful in His own time. I know you know this and I also know that this knowing wont necessarily ease the pain right now but you will overcome and be restored. Don't loose faith, keep praying that His will for your life be done. He is still in the business of miracles and your story will not be different. I pray that His grace will continually be upon you even as you continue to show love to your husband. He will strengthen you and you will not fall.

I strongly believe that there's a deliberate effort by the devil to undermine marriages because he knows what the couple can achieve so he creates distraction to keep us busy. Its up to you, who knows better, who wants this marriage and most of all who knows that HE that is in you is greater than he that is in the world to hold on to that faith.

About a source of income, I think you should start looking at small businesses you can do that will give you room to be a stay at home mother. Start with those things that you enjoy doing, go on the internet and pray for guidance and am sure you'll pull through. It may be that it is for you this is happening. I agree so much with Terry Cline, find something to keep you busy so that your attention is not so much on what is wrong around you but on things to come.

Also I pray for God to open your eyes to those things that are within your power to change in your relationship with your husband. Focus on you, because you have no control over another persons actions or reactions. God will give you the grace to be the best you, you can be.

God will perfect everything, absolutely everything that concerns you, you are an over comer through Christ Jesus and You are not alone. We all have issues but we all smile and very rarely do people see the tears behind the smiles. I commend you for reaching out and may God cause you to receive wise counsel in Jesus name.

I also pray that God will surround you and yours with ambassadors of his word that will speak His life into your husband's heart to bring to where he has been called to be as the spiritual head of your home and an ambassador for Christ Jesus. God will give you a testimony in Jesus name.

Evelyn - posted on 02/23/2010

Hi Leslie, please don't give up, God can make a way even where there seems to be no way at all. God can restore and bring joy into your marriage. But I'd like us to agree in prayer that your husband will give his life to Christ and as you both have a consistent walk with Him, your husband will love, cherish and value you as Christ does the church. You've also got to search within you and see the areas where you're not doing it right, and do your best to get it right. Hang on sis, it's not over until God says it is. My prayers are with you...let us know when God answers, I know He will.

Kristy - posted on 02/22/2010

In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer.

God, the best maker of all marriages, Combine your hearts into one.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. I hope you both have a church or pastor or christian counselor you can talk with. If your husband is not happy in general, the real happiness he is searching for is God. It may take time for him to realize it, but just hang in there, get things right yourself, pray harder then you ever have and God will take care of the rest. God Bless!

Kristy

Kristy - posted on 02/22/2010

i will pray for u

Kim - posted on 02/22/2010

Leslie,
My heart goes out to you.You are in a very difficult place.Please above all continue to pray.Even though it may seem you are walking through the valley alone,take comfort and strength knowing that God is walking there beside you..You can and will get through this..God has a plan for you.

Claire - posted on 02/22/2010

Hi leslie im so sorry to hear about your marriage problems but i do believe u need too seek Gods guidence in such a situation like this and alot of prayer i know its not easy when your marriage is falling apart maybe you could speak to your pastor in your church id like too keep in contact with u and if u want too u can contact me on facebook so we can talk privately. Leave this situatation in Gods hands because he is in control of everything

Kimberlee - posted on 02/22/2010

The best advice I can give you...is PRAY. We will be praying you up as well! hold on

Shawna - posted on 02/22/2010

My heart feels for you. I am in the same boat too. Marriage is hard and it hurts when you hear your partner is not "happy" being with you. Is he willing to work on the marriage? That is a HUGE question. If he's not willing to work on it then you have to do what is best for you & your babe. Sometimes men tend to be "competitive" in a sense that if YOU do something to save the marriage and they're not they feel like losers and are more likely to jump on board. They don't like to fail. Have you taken any steps (counseling, church groups, etc.) to make you & your marriage better? If he's anything like my husband he will be right behind you trying to make it better. I was surprised how willing my hubby was to get help when I made the first moves. Where are you? I am in Orange County, CA and have an AMAZING church with groups that help if you are interested. May God bless you, your marriage and your husband. He is probably hurting too.

Terry - posted on 02/22/2010

I am so sad for your situation. I know how difficult it can be. It is so easy to let this get you down. Therefore, (from my experience) hold your head up high, keep yourself fixed up and get involved in your daughter. Take her places. It may be just to the mall, but you are getting out. Not only is this healthy for you, but your husband will begin to realize that you are not saturated on him. Pray for him. Try not to argue or "nag" on him. Treat him with respect and avoid arguments. Show your daughter a lot of love during this time period. He will come around, but if he doesn't you are developing your own self esteem and confidence. It just sounds like he needs some space right now, but I would not recommend space apart if possible. He needs to see that you respect him. Marriage is difficult! Even the best marriages take work and don't think that they have never argued or have gone through hardships, because they have. The number one thing I tell young couples is that they need to learn how to communicate with each other. Obviously your husband is not communicating what is really bothering him - his way of dealing with things is running away. Be strong and be direct, without being mean, and state to him that when he acts this way it makes me feel_______. Then move on - don't get into a lengthy conversation unless he is ready to talk to you genuinely. I know this is a lot. I always tell people that when I speak take what you can use or you don't have to use anything at all. God bless you!

Liz - posted on 02/22/2010

Prayers for you and your family! Satan is hard at work, put it all in God's hands. It is very difficult when a spouse is not a christian, I believe that it is a test of our christian faith and strength, however, you are not to blame if your spouse chooses not to give in to God, we all have free will. God has a plan for all of us He will prevail...ALWAYS. It may not be what we want, just trust that whatever happens it is because it is part of God's bigger plan for us. I learned that by going through some very difficult times and I questioned why; I have stopped questioning and started excepting what God has planned for me and I have surrendered to Him, He is in control... I will pray for you!

Matlhodi - posted on 02/21/2010

I'm currently reading a book called Fascinating Womanhood by Hellen B. Andelin. That book is brilliant. In the 1st chapters of the book, she shows you how imperfect you as a wife are& how you need to focus on fixing yourself before you even go & judge you husband's Christian values. & then she goes on & breaks down the differences between men & women, how men communicate & want to be communicated to...how we must treat them as kings even when with their imperfections. My co-worker(lady) saw me read it & told me her story; how she was also on a brink of a divorce when she started reading the book & now she in the happiest of marriages. While we were talking, my male boss was eavesdropping & jumped in. He says since his wife read that book, his marriage couldn't be any better. Both him & his wife are happy, and best of all, communicate about everything in their marriage. Give it a go before you make that decision.

Beth - posted on 02/21/2010

Check out Andy Stanley's iMarraige 3 part series on Marriage. It was purchased for me 1 week ago by my sister and really enlightened me. I am looking forward to my husband listening to them this week.

http://resources.northpoint.org/store/sh...

You can download the audio for each of the 3 parts for $1.00 each. It is so worth it.

Cliff Notes: You go into Marriage with desires and wants...these become expectations at some point after you are married....that puts you and your husband in a debt/debtor relationship....it makes your covenant into a contract....it robs your marriage of love and intimacy....this can last for years if left to fester then it may be too late. Put Christ in the middle of your marriage. Stop trying to do what your husband expects and do what Christ expects. Obey what he says to do and it then will not matter what your husband's response is because you are not focused on him, but focused on Christ. If he does the same, your marriage will be transformed.

Jamie - posted on 02/21/2010

I also prayed for you, Leslie, and all the other girls in your shoes and will continue to. Your situation just breaks my heart. I don't think that running away is at all the answer and your decision to do the love dare is commendable. Stay firm in your own walk with God and make sure that your husband and daughter can see Jesus in your spirit. Bless you and your family.

Rebecca - posted on 02/21/2010

I thought my husband was a christian also. Now 5 kids later and yrs of pain have shown me otherwise. I do recommend the Fireproof book. Keep in mind that what you do is not to save your marriage, but to glorify God. You can not change your husband. God can. Please keep faith in God and keep HOPE. I would recommend getting the book and doing it on your own. Don't discuss it with him. This is about what you need to do. If God moves him to talk to you're changes then let him know. I would also recommend the book "The Crazy Cycle". It is awesome. It can be done alone or as a couple. It will give you a better understanding of your husband and yourself. It gives you biblical answers to questions and behavior.

God is awesome!

Jennifer - posted on 02/21/2010

My husband is not a christian either... he says he believes but feels very very uncomfortable when it comes to going to church! He is a very good man and father.
My prayers are with you and your daughter

Kelly - posted on 02/21/2010

Praying for you and all others going thru a rough marriage. I am currently going thru a divorce and know how painful and hard it can be to make the final decision to divorce your spouse whom you have built a family with. Do what makes your heart happy! Everything is possible, so if you are not wanting to divorce just because you do not have a job, please do not let that stop you. God will watch over you and protect you no matter what your decision. Good luck with everything and again, you will be in my prayers.

Trena - posted on 02/21/2010

My marriage is falling apart as well. We are christians and we have both fallen off the path many many times. But I have been unemployed for a while and having a hard time finding a job. My husband works 3rd shift and does not make enough for us to make it. We have been trying. We did finally sit down and talked. He finally told me that he love me but is not in love with me anymore. I did tell him that if he did not love me then he needed to leave. Well, that has been about 3 wks ago. He is still here. I have medical problems that I am dealling with as well, Hypothyroid, diabeties (type 2), Possible hysterectomy , depression mostly from the thyroids. Worried about my dad whose is a miracle from God. He has had 4 back operations, 2 quadrupal bypasses, colin cancer (sorry can't spell tonight), aeortic anuyisium surgery, surgery on ear and throat and getting ready for another surgery. He is still here thank God. So I have been under alot of stresses with all this and my marriage. I have turned it all over to God and I am starting to see a counselor. I will pray for you and your family. I also have a daughter she is 11 years old and I don't want her to go through divorce. I will pray that God gives you the direction that you and your husband needs also for your daughter. God Bless you and your family.

Tah - posted on 02/21/2010

i will absolutely pray for you.

Lea - posted on 02/21/2010

Leslie, there were many times I wanted to quit and I mean not just a moment here or there, I mean a battle to stay put every hour for a long time. My husband and I are married 32 years now and are about to host a simulcast event in our community called FocusOnMarriage.com (check on line and see if there is one being held in your area on the 27th of this month) I can hardly believe God brought us to the place we can be the ones to do such a thing for others. My husband is a VietNam Vet. So we have dealt with PTSD forever. God is not finished with either one of you. I will recommend a few things for you.One is the fact that Jesus Is The Lover Of Your Soul. He deeply loves you and His mercy is new every morning. 2nd is from Psalm 127 where it says our children will speak with our enemies in the gates. I believe divorce is an enemy and that except for abuse children are a very good reason to stay. There is a book called the Untold Legacy of Divorce that would be worth getting at the library. Another is Crazy Love by Francis Chan who said something to the effect of what if Gods purpose in marriage is to make us holy not just happy (my paraphrase of his comment)...
Can I tell you I hate being miserable! I thought it would never end! My tears seemed to fill gallon bottles. I became bitter and wondered sometimes how I would like being married to me in that state but seemed helpless to change myself...I never thought I would have the wholeness inside I have today. I literally wanted to die...
Think through our marriage vows For better for worse/ Richer for poorer/ In sickness in health...I MADE THOSE VOWS not dependent on how much I liked the moment I would be in. We all want better and hope for richer and health (ptsd isn't a very healthy time!) But those vows are there. Wow how I looked for a way to escape them in a way that would be ok. I am glad today that I didn't.
Remember Jesus is with us in the valley of the shadow of death and dying to myself counts for a valley I think. God bless you! You and your baby are beautiful and God has you in the palm of His hand..

Suzanne - posted on 02/21/2010

MY HUSBAND "BLIEVES IN GOD" BUT DOESN'T WALK THE WALK. SO I UNDERSTAND... COUNSELING IS IN ORDER. YOU NEED TO LET HIM GO... GOD KNOWS YOUR PRAYERS FOR HIS SALVATION, BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE WAR, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HIS FRIENDS DIED OR THE WEATHER OR ANY PART OF THE WAR.. HE HAS NO HEART FOR LOVE RIGHT NOW THE WAR HAS MADE HIM HARD... PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP. I CHEATED ON MY HUSBAND DO TO HIS LIFESTYLE I OUR MARRIADE(DRUGS HE WAS DOING).

SO I DO UNDERSTAND... I THINK HIM SAYING HE DON'T WHAT TO BE MARRIED ANYMORE, IS HIS WAY OF "NOT WANTING TO HAVE ANY FEELING OF LOVE ECT FOR HIMSELF OR HIS FAMILY, IF YOU GOES TO WAR AGAIN THATS HIS WAY OF DEALING WITH LIFE. SEEK A HOME CHURCH. YOUR WALK IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND GOD... GIVE YOUR HUSBAND TO GOD.. IF YOU ARE "WAITING" FOR HIM TO COME AND WALK THE SAME WALK THAT YOU WANT , HE WON'T COME... THEN YOU SUFFER, SEEK AN HOME CHURCH YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER. THEN HE WILL SEE HOW YOU ARE CHANGING. GOOD LUCK. BY THE WAY, I THOUGHT OF THE BIG"D" WORK, WE ARE STILL TOGETHER GOING ON 10 YEARS IN APRIL, SO DON'T GIVE UP. I GO TO CHURCH BY MYSELF, AND GLAD I DO IT, THEN HE ASKED ME HOW WAS THE SERMON... SEE GIVE HIM TO GOD. I'M NOT SAYING ITS EASY BREEZE WITH HIM, BUT STRENGHT IS IN NUMBERS, YOU NEED A CHURCH!!!!!

Michelle - posted on 02/21/2010

You just need to keep praying. I'm married to a nonbeliever as well and it is hard and I expect it's going to get harder after our son is born, but with God ANYTHING is possible! Don't give up! I mean, if your husband wants to walk away then that's his decision but you've made a commitment to God that you're going to love your husband for the rest of your life, do everything you can to keep that commitment. If he's not a believer then he didn't make that commitment to God. I just learned all of this last Sunday, the sermon was "Talkin' 'Bout Love" and man did it ever hit home! God bless you and your family. You're in my prayers.