Need help to save my son's broken heart and destorted mind!

Lisa - posted on 01/12/2009

Thank you at al who have posted back to me :) As I read the replies, my heart fills with joy and my eyes swells with tears.  God is truely amazing and so are the people who have faith in him. I was leary and embarassed (a bit) when I thought of posting this but something inside me said do it and you could get some great advice, help, and even just people praying for us. That is exactly what happened only more than I thought and it keeps coming! THANK YOU TO ALL OF THOSE WHO POSTED AND ARE PRAYING WITH ME AND FOR MY SON, ETHAN.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

Becky - posted on 01/12/2009

You sound like such a great mom.  I am sorry that you and your son are going through this.   God will give you wisdom.  Pray for His direction and leading on what to do, which it sounds like you probably are.  It is so hard sometimes to wait on God's answer and timing especially when it involves our children.  My daughter is 5 and has sleep issues.  Since she was 3 and out of the crib and I was on bedrest, she has crawled into my husband and my bed in the middle of the night.  Now she is 5 and she calls for us during the night and we lay with her in her bed.  Needing to be near a parent during the night seems a common thing for little kids.  As I have been praying about my daughter's situation, the Lord has shown me that my daughter has a sensitive spirit and that I need to be compassionate about her sleep b/c she is trying.

Amanda - posted on 01/10/2009

I would echo what has already been said about therapy.  I know  you said you have already been but therapy stay is determined by the health of the client - and he's unfortunately not there yet.  Also, you need to be in therapy too.  This is a special circumstance that a trained person with experience should be helping your son with AND be guiding you through as well.  Is it generally a problem when a 9 yo won't sleep in their bed - yes.  Is it a problem considering these circumstances - maybe, maybe not.  A counselor can help you with that and all the other million of questions you have to be dealing with.  That said, you seem like an awesome mom!  You seem very patient, intelligent, and considerate, not to mention absolutely in love with your son and determined to not let the mistakes of his father beset him for the rest of his life.  Combine that with support from a GOOD counselor and he's going to be fine.  And good is really going to be the operative part here...you need someone who is a Christian and who has experience working with situations like this.  

Some question wether Christian counseling is a necessity.  I hold a B.S in Family Studies and Human Development with a minor in Pre-Counseling.  I've been taught by some very good, very intelligent counselors - but none of them were Christians.  I have had many mentoring conversations with Christian counselors and I can tell you that they are fundamentally different.  Your son is young and this will be a formative experience that guides the rest of his life.  You want someone who will counsel him based on truth, love, and grace.  I would suggest going to NewLife.com and call them if you need help finding a counselor.   I would also highly recommend looking through their selection of resources and books - they are excellent and very well trained counselors, and all their books are phenomenal.  Their theories of counseling are spot on.

Many blessings to you and your son.  May I leave you with Galatians 6:9?  Do not be weary in well doing for in due season you will reap if you faint not.

Dorene - posted on 01/10/2009

Your love for your son comes blasting through this letter!  :)  I really encourage you to start seeing a therapist.  Someone that you are both comfortable with.  He will probably not like it at first, but give it a chance.  Better to deal with it now, than later..  Are you involved in a church that has a good kids and youth group?

Kim - posted on 01/09/2009

It is hard raising a child with two parents in a loving and stable marriage. Kids go through enough on their own but when you add things such as you guys have been through, wow. For what it is worth, here is what we try with our kids, sleeping in our bed is never an option for our kids except on special occasions and nights that they are sick, my 8 year old, Tucker, when sick runs a very high 104 fever so we watch him very closely. We have always gone back to their room and either slept on the floor next to their bed or sometimes in bed with them is they are really scared! We leave a lamp on until they fall asleep and let them know that they are always welcome to come get us at anytime. We have night lights all over our house so they can make their way to our room at night. He hasn't been through things your son has but has his own set of burdens that an 8 year shouldn't have to deal with. His best friend since preschool suddenly died a year ago at Christmas due to an undiagnosed heart condition. It is still very hard on him. My husband is a firefighter so when he is at work, Tucker is the man of the house, and like your son with you, he is very "parental" over his 3 year old sister and if something scary happens to me or her, he almost completely shuts down. I notice that when he is tired is when he is most emotional so we try to keep him on a schedule. When he gets emotional we take extra time with him and do special things to help him feel loved. Give him lots of hugs and reassurances the you love him and God loves him and even though life gets tough sometimes with each other you can get through it together. My prayers are with you and him, be strong IN HIM. Kim

Mandy - posted on 01/09/2009

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I will be praying for you. Mandy

Winnie - posted on 01/08/2009

There is this really great web site I go to alot. It features articles and tip sheets for parents who have any types of questions with their children. It is Christian based. It is called Homeword.com. I am going to copy the links of a few articles they feature, and then you will have to probably copy and paste it into your browswer. once you get to the site, on the left side of the homepage, you will see "Articles and Tip Sheets". There is so much information there. :0) I tried to copy and paste the link but it didn't work, so check out Homeword.com. Here are a few of the articles they offer -

1. Tips on Helping your kids deal with divorce -

2. Raising kids as a single parent -



I hope this site can answer a lot of your questions and give you the understanding you are searching for.

Please keep us posted.

Lisa - posted on 01/08/2009

Thank you for your advice and prayer! I will try taking him back into his bed...that sounds like a good start. The doctor makes a great point and I hope and pray that his confidence and happiness will return as well.  God bless you and your family :)

Deborah - posted on 01/08/2009

I've lifted you up in prayer. I'm a mother of two blessed with a stable marriage and I have an 8 year old daughter. I wanted you to know that although she sleeps in her bed through the night, she does crawl into my bed first thing in the morning for hugs. It seems she needs that security, that safety. She's in 3rd grade and I've noticed that she's just starting to experience getting jabbed a little by her friends - and it hurts her. She is in catholic school and...as with any group of 8 year olds, they can still pick on each other and say mean things. When my kids were little (say...3 years old) they would always come into my bed at midnight. To break them of it, I had to get out of bed, take them back to their room, assure them that they were safe, and sit by their bed for a few minutes until they fell back to sleep. The doctor always told me if I let them crawl into my bed it somehow was a way of telling them "yes, my bed is safer"...so, I can only suggest doing what I did - because it worked. I hope it works for you. One thing I noticed, when I got each of them to stay in bed all night, they became more sure of themselves, confident, and happy during the day. God Bless You and your beautiful boy. -Deb. (Bethel Park, PA)