Need help with tithing in a marriage.

Lisa - posted on 10/29/2009 ( 21 moms have responded )

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My husband and I dont see eye to eye on tithing. I feel much better when I do what the lord has asked of us. Its not alot compared to all he has done for us. My husband just doesn't understand or agree with it. I still tithe 10% of my income. Most of the time it starts a disagreement in my home. I'm not sure what to do if you have any advice I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you and god bless.

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Maureen - posted on 11/13/2009

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Some interesting comments and thoughts here. Kudos to all ! I did have one last little point about church budgets and where funds come from. Our former priest used to go on about how everyone had to step up the donations as it was going to the priest's retirement fund. Now he was an uhhh, older gentleman and knew the congregation was looking forward to his retirement and maybe getting a younger, fresher priest to take his place. Then, his replacement, seemed to always have funds to spend a month or so each year in Europe visiting family. Always wondered where the funds came from.

And, then he was charged and convicted of molesting at least one of the young adults in the church. Wonder where the funds for his lawyers came from ?

I havn't supported the church since his replacement wanted everyone to support him and not the victims of his crimes. And did the congregation have a choice in providing for this priest ? NO ! They continued to provide funds to allow him to live in his victims community ! The chuch also chose to support some of the more controversial causes including harrassing citizens of the business community who happen to be gay.

I've also always worried about the families who can not afford to feed themselves and are living on unemployment insurance and or social assistance.

I think that supporting your church does not necessarily mean financially but as others have said -- with your time and energy. And a more open bookwork in how funds are used would make me feel better about the system. And probably would want to support the worthwhile causes.

Victoria - posted on 11/01/2009

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The NT talks about tithes too, and that the practice of tithing is for today also.

Mt 23:23 (NIV) "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practised the latter, without neglecting the former.

Also Jesus said that He came to fulfill the law (the practices of the OT), NOT to abolish it.

Cheryl - posted on 11/01/2009

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I agree that in your marriage there is no yours and mine. Please be careful if you continue down this road of keeping them separate, in your mind and heart it may become more of an issue later.

Also, please do an extensive study on tithing, maybe check out a few books from yor church library or ask your pastor. Most people read the 10% verses and assume that is what is required of us today. In the OT, 10% was required of the harvest and then they had several different offerings to give throughout the year for different festivals and celebrations. And to provide for the Levites because they didn't own land or work the land. If you want to live by OT standards, their total giving was more like 25%.
Today, we are in the age of Grace, we are not held to OT requirements for sacrifices for forgiveness and such. But many of the OT laws are still excellent guidelines for us to live by (even the dietary ones!) Thus, why many people still claim 10%. But in the NT, it is never said by Paul or Peter, or most importantly Jesus, how much to give to the church. If you look at the book of Acts, some were giving everything they earned to the church and living and sharing together.
I would pray for your husband yes! And when you feel the Spirit prompting, talk about how much he is comfortable giving to the church. That is commanded- to give something. And I would go with that for now and keep praying for the future. If he's not willing to give anything- then you have other issues to discuss and may want to talk with an older couple in your church whom you both respect. He needs to understand you can't pick and choose parts of the Bible to obey- even during tough economic times. Maybe read Revelations together... because if we're not gone pretrib, it's gonna get alot tougher and we may end up living like they did in Acts ;-)

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Ginger - posted on 11/13/2009

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Quoting Robyn:

I'm in the same boat. I feel convicted to thithe but my husband thinks we should pay the bills first. He seems to have forgotten how many times God has provided for us when we needed it the most. I still continue to thithe on my income. When he complained about it, I simply told him that I WILL obey what God expects of me and when God himself tells me to stop then I'll stop. My husband hasn't complained since. Now whether he tithes on his income or not is between him and God.



You and I are just alike, we have the same husband and we responded the exact same way. I know God will finally get through to them.

Janette - posted on 11/10/2009

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Hello. I have read most of the posts here. I just want to put a different spin on things. Most of the time, we think of the Old Testament 10% and the freedom of the New Testament verses. We are not to be bound by the law. My husband and I are missionaries. We tithe. I want to add one last comment that most people don't think about very often. When you tithe, yes, you are giving to the Lord. (Remember the sweet story about the widow giving of her last to the Lord in the temple). When we give, it is to be a spiritual act of worship. If I give out of obligation, then our heart may not be right before the Lord even though we are giving. Most of the time, we don't think about the money that we give going to the house of the Lord. In the Old Testament, the Israelites would give livestock, sheep, and birds as and give it as a sacrafice. The Levites (priests) ate this meat later and it would sustain them (since they didn't work the land). My point is this- our pastor, the secretary and any other people who work at church do earn a salary. Missions is also part of the budget (usually 10%). How do they get paid? Well, they receive support from those supporting the church. Most pastors (from my experience usually have humble beginnings). So, you may want to consider this when praying and thinking about these things. Just a few thoughts of my own. take care, Janette

Krysta - posted on 11/09/2009

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It is very hard to be a Christian wife after God's own heart. Have you read the book called "A wife after God's own heart" ? It's a fabulous book that encourages us to be a good Christian wife while also serving our God and our purpose. There are many issues that I dont agree with my husband on and I have to constantly remind myself that God has a specific role for a husband and a wife. My husbands role is to lead his family in Christ. He is the leader of the house and should make decisions for his family. As wifes, we must respectfully voice our opinion but ultimately it is our husbands decision to do what he knows is best. Praying for our husbands is always a good idea but also pray that God will help you be a good Christian wife to your husband. We have to follow God's word but it is your husbands role to lead you.

Rebekah - posted on 11/08/2009

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Tithing is a requirement by God and stated in the Bible how we are handle our tithes. I would encourage you to do a "fleece" on God for your husband. Tell him to test God and tithe the 10% for a set period of time and then go back through your finances and see how God stored up in the storehouse for you and poured out for you as stated in Malachi 3. Then see how your husband responds. But before you do this, I encourage you to pray first and make sure you have a right attitude about it before approaching your husband.

Rachel - posted on 11/08/2009

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This is an issue that has been debated for centuries. My husband was brought up with the law of tithing. I was not. When we got married, we had a strong disagreement. So, we brought out the Strong's concordance and our Bibles and spent a couple days researching and discussing. Our conclusion was that it is not required.

However, it is clear that we are to support our church, care for those less fortunate and have a spirit of giving. I think that is the important thing here. Giving isn't about the law anymore, it is a matter of the heart. I don't remember the reference, but there is a verse that says, "God loves a cheerful giver."

So, instead of tithing to our church, we pray over all our finances. We ask God to give us wisdom to know where to spend, where to save and where to give. Sometimes we give to our church, sometimes we give to specific ministries that God stirs us to support, and sometimes we give to individuals that God stirs us to help. I have seen more power and joy come from this method of actively involving God in 100% of our financial decisions than in just religiously setting aside 10% of our income for the church.

I'm not going to tell you what is right and wrong regarding tithing. This is something you have to decide yourself, based on your own research. But, I will warn you that this issue can do more to hurt your marriage than you may realize. So, my recommendation is for you and your husband to agree to research this until you can both come to an agreement, both from a Biblical perspective and a spiritual perspective. You should put aside the walls in your hearts and pray together over this, asking God to open your hearts to his wisdom and guidance so that, together, you will be united and make these decisions together. For where there is division in your marriage, our enemy will seek to gain a foothold and cause further strife. So, be careful!

This is not just about tithing, but about your ability to come together with your husband on an important issue and work through it. Yes, there will be times where you and your husband will have to agree to disagree. But, it shouldn't be on topics that divide you like this and cause marital strife. Not dealing with this issue will just cause more problems down the road and may lead to a deep division in your relationship that will be difficult to repair. For example, you could start to lose respect for your husband because you feel he is disobeying God's commandment to tithe. This will likely, over time, affect how you treat him and will cause further division in your relationship because you will both withdraw from each other because of the hurt and distance between you. Be watchful, protect your marriage, pray for your husband and for yourself, asking God to open both of your minds and hearts to God's wisdom, changing believes that are wrong, reinforcing those that are right and continually increasing your love and commitment to one another.

Maureen - posted on 11/08/2009

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I suspect in the current economic climate and increase in unemployment, many people may be struggling with keeping up the same level of support to their churchs.

Perhaps your budget isn't what it used to be ? And maybe you can find other ways to provide support for your church and its programs. Volunteering your time ? Chairing and organizing the food bank or Christmas programs ?

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Tithing is biblical, my husband and I are in the same situation. I believe tithing is between me and God. I work so I tithe my income. My husband chooses not to. Our husbands are supposed to be the leaders of our home, however we are supposed to serve God first.

Millie - posted on 11/04/2009

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I am lifting him up in Prayer for the Lord to reveal to him the truth of his kingdom. Lord, we pray that He builds a intimate relationship with you - that he get's to experience you - 1st hand. That he learns to Trust you are Jehovah Jirah. Please, meet him where he is & allow him to hear your knock at the door of his heart - stir his innermost. Remove any thing that prevents him to hear your voice in the name of Jesus. Give him opportunities to see Faith unfold before him - where it goes against all the odds of this world or standards of Man - May you get the Glory! Bring your JOY & strength into this. You say out of the abundance of our Heart..our mouth speaks..so, please fill his Heart with JESUS. Surround him with your chosen servants to be examples of your faithfulness. Men who Trust & obey only your voice. Pour out your living word into this situation. I thank you for being able to go your throne & leave this request at your feet. I know that you will carry this through because you Love him!!
In Jesus name..Amene.

Encourage him to make a journal of his private prayers & public prayers...it helps me remember how God is able. It also will one day be passed to my children to read & recall... So, that they will know their Heritage in the Lord & our Family history.

Annie - posted on 11/03/2009

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I had the same issue when my husband and I got married. We had done a lot of pre-martial things and realized it was an area we didn't agree totally on. (He was raised Catholic and I was raised in a Foursquare church) Since he was the only one working I didn't feel it was my place to really tell him what he was to do with his money. He did our budget pre-marriage and said we don't have enough. And I said alright. I continued to tithe on the little bit I made from watching my cousin's kids. But I didn't push Andrew I had previously and continued praying about it. I kept being patient with the situation and when Andrew lost his full time job and we only had his part time one I brought tithing up again. We were a month away from having our little girl and I just told him, If you don't get another job we're in trouble anyway. Let's just do it for a month and see how it goes and if you think we don't have enough we'll stop. Within the month he got a better paying job than he had to begin with, he loves it! And here's the kicker, we were like I said a month away from a new baby and I'll tell ya I was like, "God what are you doing here? Don't you realize we have a baby on the way!" God moved in such a big way for us. THE DAY our daughter was born Andrew was offically offered the new job. Not only that he started 5 weeks later which gave him time to be home with me and the baby and I NEEDED him home those 5 week as I had a tough delivery. I know without a shadow of a doubt all of this was God and he took care of us totally. Needless to say my husband was convinced after the trial month and I'd say our finances are better than before and we can't afford not to tithe.

Hopefully this is encouraging to you! Hopefully you can convince him for a trial period and just pray about it. God will prove himself!

Karen - posted on 11/03/2009

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Hey, I love that message, mostly what I said...Jesus said give all you have.....tithing means sacrifice....You and your husband can go on a spiritual fast for 30 days this is a form of a tithe...It is something you both labored for...sacrifice....Heather you are on it...

Karen - posted on 11/03/2009

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Alright, brace yourself....the Earth is the Lord and the fullness their of...Tithing is more than money. Tithes is time, talent, and money...In the old Testment tithes is a tenth of your income. In the New Testment Jesus said give all you have.....So, your family can tithe to gether...How by ushering, singing in the choir, being in the youth program to assist with students, volunteerting, tithing my dear means sacrifice.

Robyn - posted on 10/31/2009

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I'm in the same boat. I feel convicted to thithe but my husband thinks we should pay the bills first. He seems to have forgotten how many times God has provided for us when we needed it the most. I still continue to thithe on my income. When he complained about it, I simply told him that I WILL obey what God expects of me and when God himself tells me to stop then I'll stop. My husband hasn't complained since. Now whether he tithes on his income or not is between him and God.

Lisa - posted on 10/30/2009

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Thank you all for your advice. I appreciate you takeing your time to help. My prays are with all.

Kelli - posted on 10/30/2009

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Pray for your husband in this area that God will convict his heart of what God's will is in this area. If you keep bringing it up, it will continue to harden his heart, but when you pray, God does the work.

Victoria - posted on 10/30/2009

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Pray for your husband in this area. Scripture tells us that the tithes belongs to God, not to us, so not tithing is stealing from God, it's not the same as making a vow, that would be found in the offering, not the tithe. I praise God for your heart that wants to honour Him. On another thread someone posted that we are to put God first, husbands second..and so on & so forth... So true in every area. Husbands are the spiritual head of the household, but if they aren't lining up with Gods word, we don't have to conform to their sinfulness, think of it this way, if your husband asked you to rob a bank or a store would you? No, it's wrong, therefore don't rob God. We are told to bring in the WHOLE tithe & the offering, Mal 3. My advice to you is to continue to honour God, seek ye first the kingdom of God, & all this will be added unto you. Let God work on & deal with your husband, you just continue to walk in the word. God will bless you for it. I'll be praying too.

Heather - posted on 10/29/2009

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My best advice is that our husbands are suppose to be the spiritual leaders in our homes. The Bible tells us that if we make a vow to God, that our husbands can cancel it and make it so that we no longer are obligated to fulfill it. I think the same thing is true with tithing. If it is going to hinder your marriage, pray about it. Ask God to give you peace, and align your hearts on the issue. When we are married there is no longer a mine or yours, but ours. It should be a joint decision where the money is going. Talk it over with your husband, let him know why you want to, and try and reach an agreement. Pray about it before hand, and together.



I suggest reading Ephesians 5:23-33, and Numbers 30:3-16

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