Celicia - posted on 02/01/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )
So, Feb 4th will mark the 4 year anniversary since my husband and I lost our beautiful baby girl, Angel Joy. Every year since her passing has been difficult, but this year is even harder. My belief in our Lord and Savior is stronger, but now that we have our daughter, Jade Hope, I have found it harder to deal with. Every day I get to watch my 10 month old grow up more and more before my eyes. I love her smile, her giggle, and the way we chase each other around the house, but this is why it hurts so much. I get to share all these moment with Jade and I never got a moment with Angel, or even with the second baby we lost too early in our pregnancy to know rather they were male or female. So, this year is definitely more of a struggle. I'm so thankful Angel and our other baby is with God, but seeing Jade grow up makes it so much harder now that I know what I'm missing out on. Angel was a still born when I went into labor at 25 weeks, she was perfectly formed, but unfortunately my cervix was not strong enough to hold to term. She was so beautiful and Jade looked a lot like her when she was born. So, I really want prayer over my husband and I this year. I think this is the first time since we lost Angel, that I have actually seen my husband so emotional about it. However, we did decide to make the anniversary of her death a day of celebration. We are taking Jade to the park, then to the river to feed the ducks, and then we are bringing her home for some finger painting. So, I hope God will allow it to be adventurous, full of joy and thankfulness that Angel doesn't have to face the turmoils of this world.
Now, I want to send out a praise report for all the good things God is doing in my life. My marriage is stronger then ever, and my husband and I are going on five years together. I can see that God is starting to work on his heart and He is definitely working on mine. He has called me to do some exciting work, and I just hope I will fully entrust Him with it. Also, I am planning on going back to school to become a CNA and work in a hospice while my husband goes back to school for his dream job! I am so excited at all the doors God is opening and I just wanted to openly thank Him for all of His love. We are still battling a lot, but I know God will pull us through!