Older members giving young moms a hard time

Melinda - posted on 03/10/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Hi,

Just wondering if there are other mom's who have had bad experiences in church due to an older member whose kids have already grown. It's like they forget how difficult it is to keep a 2 year old quiet for 2 hours in a seat with not much to occupy them. While pottie training I found it difficult too because my daughter was constantly back and forth to the bathroom.

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Dawn - posted on 03/11/2009

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i attend a very small church (only about 20 people). so when a child makes a noise everyone hears it!! i always get up and walk out so i don't disturb anyone however this seems to make everyone more mad. well not mad but they always make comments afterward....saying that they don't mind hearing baby coos and cries. it bothers me though i guess. i feel guilty for disturbing them. i know i shouldn't and i'm getting better now that both of my kids are old enough to go in the "nursary". we only have one teacher so all the kids go in one room...infant up to 10 years. i would suggest sitting near the exit so you can make a quiet exit...and i guess take the advice that i never did and try not to let it bother you. kids can't sit still and be quiet that long. good luck:)

Kelly - posted on 03/11/2009

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The noise of a child in church is the sign that the church is growing and not aging out. Sometimes the older members need to be reminded of that. I belong to an aging church and there are very few young families. It used to bother me and was always afraid of the children (2 - ages 2 and 1) making noise. Once I came to the conclusion that the only way to have your church grow is by including your children from the start I don't feel so bad. When people are staring I start saying "It's so nice you sing so loud. I like that song too." or "Are you praying to Jesus? What are you thanking him for. I thank Him you are here." This does two things it captures the children's attention and they quiet down and the others stop staring. Good Luck with your attempts...there is lots of good advice listed above to choose from.

Jennifer - posted on 03/11/2009

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There is a book calle Parenting in the Pew by Robbie Castleman. It not only gave me some good ideas to use with my children in church, but helped me feel good about bringing the kids to church & involving them in worship. Others my become disturbed, but I no longer feel like I have to worry about them because I am confident in handling my child in church and know I am right to bring them.

Pamela - posted on 03/11/2009

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Hi Melinda,
I've noticed that not just in church, but in grocery stores, restaurants, etc. I feel sad for the people who are so easily irritated! LOL
Does your church have a cry room? That could just lessen your nerves a bit if your child....well...acts like a child! Personally, I sit in the balcony. However, where ever I am and there's a child/baby getting loud, crying, etc., I am always quick to remind people who get so bent out of shape that they were once babies, too. Also, didn't Jesus say something like...."Unless you become like a little child..."?

Liane - posted on 03/11/2009

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I kept a bag of quiet activities that could be offered when they got restless. I also packed a small snack for each child during service. Cheerios, goldfish crackers, pretzel sticks, etc. (nothing too messy). My current church actually made/stocks activity bags for all the kids. Now we don't have to tote our own we just grad a bag on the way to the sanctuary for service. They contain books, coloring books, crayons, doodle pads and pencils...

Melinda - posted on 03/11/2009

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Thanks for all the advice. We have children's church which my daughter attends, and we have a nursery. I bring toys and colouring books. Sometimes one of the teens in the church whom I trust completely will bring my daughter down to the nursery during the evening service. My husband plays drums in church so there is not a lot of help from him and the evening service is the hardest one I find

Melinda - posted on 03/11/2009

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Thanks for all the advice. We have children's church which my daughter attends, and we have a nursery. I bring toys and colouring books. Sometimes one of the teens in the church whom I trust completely will bring my daughter down to the nursery during the evening service. My husband plays drums in church so there is not a lot of help from him and the evening service is the hardest one I find

Shelly - posted on 03/10/2009

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Melinda,



  The best advice I can give you is talk to them let them know that you are doing the best you can with these bundles of energy and your more than willing to listen to any advice they may have that may help with this situation.  That way that gives you the chance to let them know that yes you do see the looks and it gives them a chance t know that you are doing the best you can keeping these bundle of energys calm during service!!!  So I'm guseeing you do not hae childrens church or a nursery for the kids during service at your church.  Maybe you need to check into starting one...Pray about it and see what the Lord tells you about it.  I just don't think it is fair to moms with young children to miss out on part of the service when your trying to handle children.  If nothing else get together with some of the other young moms and see if you can rotate sundays were each of you take  turn in the back with the children.   

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It's tough when you feel like all eyes are on you with each movement and noise your little one makes. I bring along special toys that are only for church.... they're "quiet" things that don't make much noise. If there's a way to sit near other families with small children (or at least away from staring eyes), that might help. Above all, just know that you're doing the right thing by bringing your family to church, and don't let anyone make you feel out of place. God bless you & your family!

Jeanna - posted on 03/10/2009

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Oh, I've seen the stares on the faces of older ladies when little ones need to go potty or the wiggle to much. As the mother of five, I received those looks myself. My advice would be, try to just pay attention to your little one, and praise the Lord  they can wiggle and squirm! This stage shall pass all to soon. Children are full of life, precious gifts. All to often, it seems our older church family members can forget. I always found it helpful to take a few coloring books, a quiet toy and a few books. God bless you as you grow up kids for Him!

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