Please help "terrilbe twos" how about horifing fours? Tantrums and more! HELP ME

Justice - posted on 04/27/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My four year old whine consantly, I have two older childern and they whined but not like this! I need lots of prayer and lots of advice

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Susanne - posted on 04/30/2010

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Never ever do anything for them if it is asked or said in a whiny voice. I had the same problem with some of my children and the biggest thing was training myself to not respond to a whine. Make them ask for it in a non-whiny voice. If they refuse DO NOT let them have it. I know that it hurts the mom the most to refuse her children. It will not hurt your children to go without something for a while. And you will all be happier in the end.

Deb - posted on 04/29/2010

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I always told my 2 year old I couldn't her the whining. I won't respond. "you need to use your voice so I can understand you" or whine to them and see their response.

Justice - posted on 04/28/2010

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I would like to thank everyone for all of the advice, just knowing Im not alone helps me so much. Sometimes I feel like the Mean Mommy but having other moms know where im coming from helps a great deal!!!! Thank All of You again

Melanie - posted on 04/28/2010

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My daughter whines very infrequently, because she knows it does not accomplish anything. When she whines I tell her that I cannot understand what she says in a whiney voice and that she has to speak in her happy, regular voice. If she continues to whine, I ignore her. If it escalates into tears or a tantrum, then she gets a time-out. If it continues after that, she gets a rest time or even a nap. Macey hardly ever whines and has had only 2 or 3 tantrums in her life.

Tracy - posted on 04/27/2010

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I agree with Karna. When my kids whined as toddlers i would say that my ears couldn't hear their whiny voices. When they could speak to me in their "happy, regular voice" I could hear them. When they saw that I did not respond to the whining, they spoke in a better tone, and I would address their concerns. I did not let them have whatever they wanted, but I usually gave them a choice. "You can't have candy before lunch, but you may have either a banana now, or you can wait until after lunch and have a (sugarless) popscicle." They liked having the choice because it gave them some control in the situation, but it made them aware that I was calling the shots. : ) If they were in a foul mood and neither choice was appealing, then I would say they can skip lunch and take a nap as a third choice. If I still encountered whining, then a nap happened without them choosing it.

Ene - posted on 04/27/2010

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whining is the oldest trick in the book. my daughter whines to get my attention or to show me she's got some leverage. But i totally ignore her. I don't even shout at her; but I do rebuke her and when she refuses to budge, I simply turn my back to her and ignore her. Moments later, she'll come to me saying she's sorry. She has learnt to apologize when she pulls such tantrums. Maybe you should stop feeding the whining.

Karna - posted on 04/27/2010

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Justice - I believe, that your four year old will keep on whining as long as it gets him/her anywhere. I know from experience that it is really hard, but what worked for me, was to get down on my childs level, and explain friendly, that my ears just can't hear his whining voice. Then I would get up, and ignore any whining totally. If my child did any effort to change his tone of voice, or to ask in a more decent way, I gave my full attention and love. Whining in the shops also used to be a problem. I solved this by letting each of my children now exactly what they could get (eg, today each can have a soda or a treat or a packet of chips, etc). Then any request inside the shop I would just answer with: maybe nexttime, today is soda-day. This helped a lot. I really hope it helps you.
And remember... ask the Holy Spirit to guide you, and give you wisdom how to react to your child. Our Father, after all, knows everything!

Heather - posted on 04/27/2010

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I will pray! What I have found that works best for my 5 year old is that I do not respond to whining. If he is whining, I remind him that he is a big boy, and if he wants my attention he needs to act like it. If he gets rebuked for whining several times in a short amount of time, I let him know that if he whines again, that he will have to take a nap. That usually takes care of it. If not, he usually does take a nap, and is doing much better when he gets up!

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