Prayer for my 21 year old daughter

Angela - posted on 08/13/2012

She has a God-given freewill which everyone has. As much as you feel "broken-hearted" you need to respect that.

In time, she will work out for herself the kind of future she wants. All you have to do is be her mother, be supportive but don't preach at her. Tr y hard to find something to praise about her each time you meet, it may be her hairstyle or a garment she's wearing, it may be a word of congratulations about how well she's doing in her job and/or at college. And also thank God in prayer for all the positive stuff and her triumphs. BE OPTIMISTIC and let her see that you are.

This will all go a lot further and impact on her more substantially than having you preaching the Bible at her.

You say you have "just found out" she has a sex life with her boyfriend of 2 months! How did you find out? If she told you herself, be at least glad that she is honest and frank enough to tell you.

If someone else told you - try and consider their motives in this. Why did they tell you? She is not a child whose every action needs to be reported back to the parents, she is an adult who moreover is over the age of consent. Some people do gloat about the downfall of other people and love to be the bearer of bad news. A lot of fun and amusement can be derived by seeing the face of a devout Christian parent being told their (grown-up but unmarried) son or daughter is sexually active. And other Christians do this, not just non-believers!

Next time someone breaks their neck to inform you of your daughter's choices, remind them that she's an adult with a God-given freewill. Also ask them if they're busy informing other parents of what their adult children are doing! Ensure you tell them of some recent success of hers.

I have seen too many young people who were either already sexually active or ALMOST sexually active, pushed into marriage by frantic Christian parents at a young age. I mean kids of 16, 17, 18. Their marriages didn't last. This may be controversial but I say a little pre-marital sex is better than a failed marriage at any age. But too many parents are more interested to saving face with other Christians (to say nothing of non-Christians who watch the whole scenario unfold with some level of detached amusement).

The most interesting and intriguing part of your post is "she speaks and acts differently in front of her family as she does in front of her friends." Do you mean that towards her family she behaves differently to the way she does towards her friends? Or do you mean she's different to both family AND friends, compared to what she was like before? In what way is she different?

A lot of people I have encountered who have supposedly lost their Christian faith and embraced a life of secular morals and sin, have not lost their faith at all! They have merely become backslidden and rather than justify their sin and their worldly choices as Christians (leaving themselves open to question and criticism) they first announce they no longer believe in the faith they had for so many years. Only after they have established that, are they seen behaving in ways that aren't necessarily synonymous with the Christian life!

Has your daughter actually stated she is no longer a Christian? Or has she simply embraced a few sinful and worldly habits?

You are in my prayers. Remember that other parents face this as well - including non-Christian parents - it's painful whoever you are when children make their own decisions as adults and they're decisions you wouldn't necessarily make yourself or that you agree with. But children need to grow up, make their own mistakes and learn by experience. Good luck and every blessing to you & your family.

Carla - posted on 08/12/2012

Take it Jesus, honey. The Bible says 'train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart'. This is what I hold onto with my beloved eldest daughter, who we haven't seen since 2000 (she lives 17 miles away). You have given her all the tools she needs, but most young adults have to see what's on 'the other side'. She will find out the devil has nothing for her but pain and misery, and will come running home. In the meantime, live Jesus in front of her, and don't preach. She will figure it out.

We live our lives to teach our children, hoping upon hope that they will stay close to Him. When they don't, we know we have a sure, true Foundation we have laid for them, and the Holy Spirit will speak to them, lovingly wooing them back. I know He did with me. He would come in the still of the night and say 'Are you ready yet?' I wasn't, so He would be silent for a while, only to come again and ask, over and over, until I had had enough. I had a hard life trying to do it on my own, and I have many scars to prove it. But now I realize nothing satisfies, No One cares for me like Jesus.

God bless, honey, being a parent doesn't stop when they're 18, does it? We're here for you.