raising children in a split home

Jeanne - posted on 01/28/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have twin boys 5 and a daughter who is 11 who live with me but stay frequently with thier dads.This is the average american home, however I am born again and live a life to be sanctified. I want to raise my children where we listen to christian music only, there are no lies about santa clause, t.v. is monitored and limited. We also go to church three times a weak, homework is scheduled rutine,prayer before we eat, forgiveness,etc.

When they go to thier dads house it is completely opposite to mine..I don'y know if Hailey feels convicted or aggrivated because every Wensday night before church we have some reason why she thinks we can't go(.Unless you are running a fever or throwing up we are going).It might be her age.She is always trying to turn the station to secular music when she gets into the car.The boys come home mean and telling me they don't like me.They are yelling and play fighting and there words are hurtful.

When they get in the car I just remind them that we are at moms house now and this is the house that serves the Lord.I ask them who is God? I percede to tell them that He is Love and Forgiveness, etc.

My problem is communicating with the fathers. Haileys dad says I am a control freak.The twins dad says I am a religious fanatic and it just came on and that is why they hate me.I only listen to my Father in heaven who tells me I am doing right.Everytime they ask for more time with the kids I start to tell them no and end up changing my mind and regreting it later.I know God has His hands on all things.He is mighty.His plans are bigger than mine but shouldn't I do something?

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Carla - posted on 01/31/2011

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Ultimately, Jean, Heather's advice is it. You can't control their fathers (don't we wish we could?). And most likely, the more you tell them you don't want them watching this on TV or listening to that on the radio, they will break a leg to allow the kids to do it. This is no different than what they get in school, or with friends.

You are doing what you can, and that is all the Lord requires of us. HE is the One that can change these guys' minds and hearts. So, start praying for them. Remember the widow lady that went to the judge and said 'avenge me of mine enemies'. The judge said 'I don't care what this little widow lady wants, but she is driving me nuts! I will grant her petition! (Allaire translation ;)) Continue to knock on Heaven's doors until your ex's are saved!

God bless, honey

Heather - posted on 01/28/2011

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If you aren't already, I would start praying for your children's fathers. Pray that God would lead them to Him. Also, even though it's hard, make sure you are modeling love and forgiveness towards their dads. Let them see God in you, in the way you treat them, and interact with them. (Yes, easier said then done but so worth it)

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Michelle - posted on 02/10/2011

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Jeanne, I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I know it must be hard for you, but our Lord is bigger than this! Pray for God's direction in your life, your childrens' fathers lives, and for your children. No matter what their fathers say, you go right on being a good example for your children. Remember, you can not force your children to recieve God into their hearts, but you can continue to teach them about God and model God's love while living His Word. As the Bible says, be salty!!! Your children do not hate you, they may just be confused if you recently gave your heart to God. When they tell you they don't like you, just remember where that is coming from, and you go right on and tell them that words like that are hurtful and that you love them. Remember, at some time, God loved us when we were not actively serving and loving Him. That is not to say that there are not consequenses either for acting disrespectful as children do sometimes. They need direction and love, and you obviously seek to provide that for them. May our Lord bless your home, and may your children open their hearts and minds to God and His goodly things.

Alisha - posted on 02/07/2011

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I think you are doing a great job in raising them. You really need to be explaining sin to your children and helping them to understand their sin especially disrespecting you! I would tell their dads that they need to stop telling the kids bad things about you and talking about you in bad ways in front of them because it sounds like thats where they are getting that from. Tell the dads you have no desire to please people and are only living for and serving the Lord. I also raise my daughter in a split home with her dad an alcoholic and me a born again Christian and I know it is nearly impossible! I would just contine teaching your children the Lord's ways and do Bible studies with them going over verses and how God wants everyone to live. Of course pray for your kids to be protected from evil and ungodly things. I would try to limit the time they go to their dads and put your foot down at how much time they are allowed over there. I feel for you and the Lord will bless you for what you are teaching your children! Tell the dads they are also accountable to God for how they are raising the kids and what they are teaching them. If you have a few main issues you cannot tolerate (pick your battles), I would go to their dads and explain how you would like him to do something and why it is important to you. Explain what you want the kids to be like as adults and how this will help them on the right path. I would even throw in a little salvation message and pray for their dads! The Lord and reading the Bible is the only way I get through!!

Jeanne - posted on 02/01/2011

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thank you so much beautiful women of christ, I have taken your advise and when I put the children down at night we pray for thier fathers together, so they see love in my heart and learn how to pray for others.I really appreciate it.

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