sex

Angie - posted on 03/27/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

27

13

0

i have a question how often should you have sex with your husband the reason i want know because i am having a little problem wanting to have sex.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kristi - posted on 03/31/2009

31

26

1

READ, "WHAT EVERY WOMAN WANTS IN A MAN / WHAT EVERY MAN WANTS IN A WOMAN" BY JOHN AND DIANA HAGEE. ***THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU GROW IN EVERY AREA IN YOUR MARRIAGE, AND HALF OF IT WAS WRITTEN FOR YOU BY A WOMAN, AND THE OTHER HALF WAS WRITTEN FOR YOUR SPOUSE BY HER SPOUSE! 



One of the first chapters on the woman's side talks about sex. Some of my favorite points: Gods purposes for sexual intimacy:



1). UNITY: "Man shall.....be joined to his wife.' (Gen. 2:24)



2). COMFORT: "Isacc.....took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her.  So Isaac was comforted after his moher's death." (Gen.24:67)



3). PROCREATION: "Then God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply." (Gen.1:28)



4). A DEFENSE AGAINST TEMPTATION: "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.......Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time....so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1Cor. 7:2-5)



A husband is commanded to find satisfaction (Prov.5:19) and joy (Eccles.9:9) with his wife and to concern himself with meeting her unique needs (Deut. 24:5; 1 Pet.3:7). A wife is responsible for availability (1 Cor. 7:3-5), preparation and planning (Song of Sol.4:9), interest (Song of Sol.4:16; 5:2), and sensitivity to her husband's needs (Gen.24:67).



MY FAVORITE PART OF THE CHAPTER IS WHEN SHE TALKS ABOUT THE THREE TRUE APHRODISIACS OF MARRIAGE, TOO LONG TO GO INTO DETAIL, BUT IT IS SO TRUE! THEY ARE: 1). FORGIVENESS, 2). SURRENDER, AND 3). UNSELFISHNESS.



AGAIN, READ THE BOOK...IT IS AWESOME.  IF ANYONE WANTS TO DO AN ONLINE BIBLE STUDY ON IT, I WOULD BE GLAD TO LEAD IT!!! (I'VE READ THE WOMAN'S PART 3 TIMES AND STILL GET SOMETHING NEW OUT OF IT EVERY TIME!

Kristi - posted on 03/31/2009

31

26

1

There has been great advice given so far.  I would first seek out anything that can be causing your decrease in your sex drive.  I agree that it is perfectly normal to have a decreased libido b/c of stress, being tired, bc pills (i have heard that this is esp. true for IUD, but I'm not 100% sure), or b/c you have recently had a baby.  However, you may also have issues w/your sex life b/c of other issues like emotional, financial, or even spiritual.  For women, we need our husbands to emotionally connect with us to have sex.  Men don't typically need that.  My husband doesn't get it why I'm not in the mood b/c we've been in disagreement all day.  He can be mad at me and still want to have sex :)  Sometimes we don't feel like our husband's aren't the Godly leaders they should be, therefore we don't have to submit to them, which is totally not what the Word says. (1 pet. 3).  I have struggled with this for a while now.  But what I have found is that Paul tells us how important sex is for marriage.  Basically we are to do it, do it often, and don't deny your partner access to your body.  I think that if your husband knows that you are sick, he's not going to ask you to have sex.  But if you are constantly telling him you're 'sick' every night or 'have a headache' then their could be a problem.  If there are issues in the marriage bed like one spouse is using sex for favors or punishment stop this immediately, it can destroy your marriage.  If there are reasons that you just don't want to have sex, like you think he doesn't deserve it, then there may be a need for counseling.  Either way it is important to know that Biblically we are not supposed to deny our partner sex.  If there are issues that cause you to do so, I would seek the Lord to fix them ASAP. 



 

Liz - posted on 03/30/2009

4

14

1

This is a subject that so many of us can relate to. I was in a study the other day that our church is doing on Song of Solomon. One day, after Solomon came to the door of his Shulammite wife, she rejected him (5:2-3). Solomon's response wasn't that of anger, even though as king he could banish her and even have her killed. He left once she realized that she did want him and when she went after him could not find him. My point is, he didn't scorn her for rejecting him, instead he loved her and told her how beautiful she was.



Pray about your relationship. Sometimes the stresses about our day to day roles are too overpaowering and we're too exhausted. Set time aside for you and your spouse. Make it a priority, add it to your calendar if you have to. Try to be more affectionate throughout the day; touch is a powerful libido booster.



Also, meds or Birth Control pills can have lots to do with low libido too. Also, High blood pressure. Check with your doc.



Blessings!

Cathi - posted on 03/30/2009

80

15

15

There is definately a time where you and your husband can take a break in having sex, but the bible states very clearly that it should be only for a short amount of time because the enemy will come when one is weak. If you are having problems, you must find out the root of that problem and seek support from your husband and medical assistance if needed. Typically in research for a healthy sexual relationship 2 - 3 times a week is good, however, it really depends on many factors of the individual and circumstances.

Definately tcommunicate with your spouse and pray about this topic -even together. Sometimes our bodies go through spells on both ends of the spectrum.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

17 Comments

View replies by

Sonia - posted on 04/01/2009

88

19

3

Angie, I would talk to my doc if I were you. From most women I talk to they say that it isnt that they dont want to have sex b/c they often do, its that they cant muster up that certain urgency they once had for sex. Alot of my girls have balanced out their hormones with the doc and they say it helped. For me perrsonally, and this will probably sound juvenile but I told my husband it really turns me on sexually when I see him helping me around the house. Things like vacuuming and doing dishes, making sure the kids have had a bath and tuck thtem into bed, things like that. I found that it did in fact turn me on a little and I definitely wasnt as tired or stressed about all the things I needed to get done around the house. LOL

Sonia - posted on 04/01/2009

88

19

3

Angie, I would talk to my doc if I were you. From most women I talk to they say that it isnt that they dont want to have sex b/c they often do, its that they cant muster up that certain urgency they once had for sex. Alot of my girls have balanced out their hormones with the doc and they say it helped. For me perrsonally, and this will probably sound juvenile but I told my husband it really turns me on sexually when I see him helping me around the house. Things like vacuuming and doing dishes, making sure the kids have had a bath and tuck thtem into bed, things like that. I found that it did in fact turn me on a little and I definitely wasnt as tired or stressed about all the things I needed to get done around the house. LOL

Cathi - posted on 04/01/2009

4

4

0

It's normal for a mom, especially a new mom, to not desire sex. After I had my daughter, I lost the desire to have sex. I blamed it on being so busy all the time & lets face it, husbands don't always do anything to make you want to be with them. Someone offered me advice to be submissive and have sex with him anyway, regardless of how I felt. I can honestly say that I never denied him sex & usually enjoyed it. However, your husband knows whether or not your into it & that can affect him.

I eventually found out that I actually had some physical problems that had my hormones out of control. Unfortunately I had to have a hystorectomy after my 2nd child was born. But now that I am my hormones are controlled, my sex drive is back to normal & I am enjoying it!!

Carolee - posted on 03/31/2009

504

98

128

 Angie :} thanks for friending me ! looking forward to our future discussions.

Angie - posted on 03/31/2009

27

13

0

i just want to say thank you all for youll advice it was very helpful and may god bless you all.

Heather - posted on 03/31/2009

4,634

42

1135

 



1 Corinthians 7:2-6 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husbands body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concesion, not as a command.



So after reading this passage, we know that we are not commanded to have sex with our husbands. But it is recommended.



I believe that if my husband is in the mood and I am not, I need to get there. I just simply let my husband know that I want to, but I need a little insperation. I never regret it when we are done. I recommend that you try wanting to. If you aren't fulfilled when you are done then you need to speak with your husband. But I totally think that if you make yourself get in the mood and try to enjoy it and satisfy your husband you and your husband will both benifit.

Carolee - posted on 03/30/2009

504

98

128

Quoting Angie:

sex

i have a question how often should you have sex with your husband the reason i want know because i am having a little problem wanting to have sex.


Angie it is natural for a mom to have her mind occupied on her kids ! i have had this same situation and i want to tell you that no amount of should is going to get you to want to . The want to is what you want to get back . I think that in our busy lives we have to set aside time for things we value .decide and pick  a few nights a week that you and your husband will always know . stir yourself up and set your mind on him throughout the day . there is nothing wrong with planned love making it can often times be more exciting !   

Melinda - posted on 03/30/2009

101

91

3

I have a condition that makes sex very painful so I understand where you are coming from. We have sex when I can, which isn't often. Talk to him about it and try and find alternative ways to show your love.

Ally - posted on 03/30/2009

385

11

16

on average prob 3-4 times a week sometimes more and sometimes less..is this a new thing or has it always been this way? fatigue or medications like bc pills can seriously decrease libido..a glass or bottle of wine never hurt the mood ..maybe try something like that :)

Marilyn - posted on 03/27/2009

10

17

1

Pray for the right words to say and discuss the matter with your husband.  I see you have a small baby and if I'm not prying I'd like to ask, could your not wanting to have sex be because you're tired?  My husband and I separated a few years ago for several reasons but the most significant to him was my declining interest in sex.  Unfortunately, my chronic fatigue made sleep more attractive to me than sex.  Yes, pray about it and come to an understanding with your husband.  If you're sharing in the parenting workload equally, prayerfully he will understand.  Stay blessed.

Julie - posted on 03/27/2009

8

5

1

It does say in the bible that a wife should give herself to her husband and that she is to be submissive. But no where does it say she must have sex with him if she doesnt want to. Sex was meant to be a beautiful and pleasing thing for both partners. But if your simply giving in because it is your "duty" than it is no longer a beautiful thing. Pray about it and then discuss it with your husband.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms