She is going to make me break

Kyle - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My daughter is almost 6 years old and a pain in my side. She whines hysterically when she doesn't get what she wants, she throws her fist up at me like she wants to hit me when she is mad (she has hit me but not a real hit, limp armed), she doesn't listen, I have to tell her repeatedly to do things like get dressed and clean her room, she will throw herself on the floor and fake cry. I try not to get so angry with her but it is VERY hard. I find myself losing control of my anger daily and breaking down and yelling at her. I really don't like yelling because i feel like a bad mom and I also have a 1 year old and i don't want him seeing me yell all the time or see her acting like that and think its okay to do. I also want add that she behaves pretty well in public but when we are at home she turns for the worst.

Please help me before I pull out my hair. I am desperate.

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Nina - posted on 03/26/2010

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Hello Kyle
First I want to tell you many mothers have a children like yours..I am a mother of 4 children and it wasn't my daughter that was the button pusher in my family it was middle son. He is very strong willed and showed his anger similiar to your daughter ..I was in the same problem as you...So I brought it to the Lord I asked the Holy Spirit to show me how to discipline and talk to him.. We started praying together at night before bed and I explained to him that it was unexceptable to act the way he was acting that it makes Jesus sad when we show our anger in that way ...I told him we can be upset about something but you can talk about it to us (parents) and to God ..I started praying the scripture over my children aswell..for example "My children are taught of the Lord and great is their Peace!" Is. 54:13 and My children obey me in the Lord, for this right . They honour their father and mother-which is the first commandment with a promise-"that it may go well with them and that they may enjoy long life on the earth." Eph.6:1-3 to mention just a few ..I also explained these scriptures to my children also ..I encourage you to study the word and ask the Holy Spirit to give you understanding and wisdom on how to discipline your daughter.. all the people in the world can give you suggestions but God only knows how your little daughter thinks and feels ...I suggest you pick up a copy of Joyce Meyers The Secret Power of speaking God's word ..It is a book of scriptures to speak over any thing in your life .even anger !! It's a wonderful book .. it should be it's the word of God .. Spending time with God and praying with my family as the Holy Spirit leads me, is how I got through the difficult times ...Consistency with discipline and not giving into her is also key it will be hard for a time but with a peaceful heart with help from the Holy Spirit and a calm voice place them in a specified naughty place..Speaking the word over her daily ...She'll be turned around in no time .. I'm happy to testify that my unrulely son is not any more he is a little man of God ..He knows how to control his anger now he loves the Lord with all his heart and everyone in the world ...His teacher praises him ..he is such a lover , a peace keeper in his class , a encourager ,,he also keeps me on my toes ..he lets me know when I slip up ..He's prophetic the Lord shows him things ..I am so blessed to have a wonderful child as my other children ..The Lord has wonderful plans for my children as they obey him ...because of my obedience to pray and seek his face for help in raising them ..I know I'm not perfect by no means but the spending time with the Lord and speaking the word over my difficult situations with faith in my heart believeing that all things are possible has brought so much change and peace to my life ..
I'll pray the Holy Spirit will give you wisdom, understanding in what to do and a peace about it ...
May the Lord bless you Kyle ...He loves you and he will give you the understanding if you spend time with him and get into his word ...
A word from the Lord found in Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Thank you Lord for your precious word that you give us to encourage and teach us your ways ...I pray for your peace over Kyle's life and her daughters may you give them your wisdom and understanding in the areas they need.
Blessings

Misty - posted on 03/26/2010

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I am a mother of and 8 year old little girl and a 3 year old little boy ,I have learned the sooner you put a stop to the behavior the better for you and her. she needs to know its not OK the 1st time,if you let it go ,she will think that its OK show her feel this way and I think the best way to stop the behavior is to give her another way to show how she is feeling that dose not driving you up the wall and the sad truth is everyone has to learn some times its NO and its OK to feel up set just but 'not to throw a fit' the sooner the better for both of you.
hope this helps misty
hope this helps

Laura - posted on 03/25/2010

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Kyle, I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. It's so not what any mom wants or even expected. But, we all go through it. I agree with starting your day with prayer. I've learned to not pray for patience because 1. It just reminds that I've fallen short and 2. I believe God gives us opportunity to pratice patience, He doesn't give it and I didn't want anymore practice. I prayed for wisdom to bring up my children right and strength to be a good example. I agree that you need to pick a way to discipline and stick to it. I don't think there's one method that's necessarily fool proof over others, the key is to believe in what you are doing and stick with it. She needs to be able to understand what's going to happen when she makes poor choices. When you are losing your patience it's okay to tell her that you will come back when she is calmer and when you are calmer. Tell she has to stay in her room until that happens. And then, make an effort to have fun with her. It does a world of good for both to play, be silly, go somewhere fun and just let go. Make sure you let some of the not so good behavour slide by when your having fun if she's not harming anyone. It's hard to be the disciplinarian all the time, pick your battles, let the rest slide. Each of my kids went through the hitting phase. So I focused on that and they got time outs everytime they hit. But, when I was focussing on that I tried to make my other discipline problems more fun. Like getting dressed to a song, putting shoes on a race, they helped make lunch or whatever I could come up with. Prayers for you, and always try to pick out one positive from the day that she did and praise her for it or remember something fun you did that day and talk about it at bed time.

Ashley - posted on 03/25/2010

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We have had a lot of the same problems with my 3 year old daughter and talked to our pastor about it and he said to pray in front of her and with her for Gods forgiveness for her anger and her behavior it not only shows her it is wrong but also helps show her she can bring her problems to God and that it is wrong to act the way she does!

Heather - posted on 03/25/2010

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I will pray for you. My suggestion is that you need to find a system of discipline that works for her. Let her know the guidelines, and stick to them. If she is in trouble, this is the consequence. If she throws a fit, the consequence worsens. If she hits, then it is automatically ________. Let her know, then stick with it! We had to do this with our kids a few years ago, it was amazing to see the change in them. My husband had it down before me and you could tell the difference in them when he was home. The were well behaved, but still happy and having fun.

Kyle - posted on 03/25/2010

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I really just want to give up trying. I am sitting here crying my eyes out because I just don't know what to do. She threw her video game to the floor and started crying because I told her she couldn't play it because of the way she acted. It is just so hard. Maybe it's not her, maybe it's me. I really just want to crawl up in a little hole and go to sleep for a long time. I wanted more than anything to be a stay at home mom but I couldn't when she was a baby but now I can and she just makes me want to go back to work. I am so stressed right now.

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First Take a deep breath, Pray every morning about your concerns to God before the kids wake up(this really does work, God has helped me a bunch).Then take one day at a time. It sounds like she is trying to get you fired up and its working. Before you even start the day realize your mom and you are going to win every battle calmly. Right now she has complete control and she knows it. Second, dont nag, dont tell her 10 times, she hears you(even if she is screaming, she hears you trust me)just tell her once and allow her the chance to do it also give her a warning of a discipline if she doesnt do it, set a time for your self in your head, give her 15 min to get it done, 30 minutes, whatever YOU decide. Then if she doesnt do it, follow through ALWAYS, with the consequence. You have to do that everytime and stay calm. It is frustrating, it is hard, you are gonna want to pull your hair out but if you stick with it. It will work. You have to be willing to last longer than she is and you have to prove it. It will take awhile, I'm not gonna lie but you will see results eventually.Dont give her anything until she stops whining, if you keep giving in, shes gonna keep doing that. If you have to go into your room and scream into your pillow, or go outside for a minute and yell but dont lose your cool or you will lose. You are not a bad mom. Stop beating yourself up, your a good mom and your a great mom for looking for some help, at least your willing to admit your losing your cool. You care more about your kids than the way you look to other people and that is awesome. Stay consistent ALWAYS. Anyways I hope this helps. Hang in there. God Bless!

Amy - posted on 03/25/2010

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My suggestion is that you talk to your doctor ASAP. I know that every mom feels like pulling their hair out at times but if you are feeling this way every day that's probably not a good sign. From what you have shared here it kind of sounds like your daughter has picked up on the anger and frustration within the home and is acting out on it, (ie. throwing her fist up at you).



Certainly God can intervene and bring peace into this situation, we have to do our parts as well. I appreciate you not wanting to be feeling this way or behaving in a way that you do not want your 1 year old to witness. Is there someone, a relative or close friend, nearby that can come help you with your children sometimes? I would definitely consider talking with your doctor, both your personal physician and your pediatrician. They may be able to offer you some well directed guidance.

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