Single Mothers Is the church doing enough to support them?

Lillian - posted on 11/08/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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James 1: 27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in thier distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

God has mandated that we help out the single mom within the church and yet I have found that there is a lot of condemnation even for those who have been saved. My daughter is adopted but I know of many more mom's who had children outside of marriage who left their churches after being shunned and the victims of Gossip. I have been blessed to find church's where this has not happened to me. (I have never been married.) But shouldn't every church have somesort of support system for single parents no matter how they came to be that way.

For those of you who are Christian and single mothers I would like to invite you to join my group Christian Single Moms.

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Amber - posted on 04/26/2013

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I am the 'tru blu' single mother. I have been a single mother for over years and I've never ever found a church that I feel comfortable going to.

Darcel - posted on 11/14/2009

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Quoting kendra:

WE ARE NOT GOD! SO WHO GIVE US THE RIGHT TO JUDGE OR YOU PERFECT BECAUSE I NOT. THAT WHY WE SHOULD PRAY MORE AND TALK TO GODA BOUT HOW TOO HELP THESE WOMEN. WE HAVE TO BECARIFUL ABOUT WHAT WE SAY. THE POWER OF LIVE AND DEATH IS IN THE POWER OF THE WHAT? WE HAVE TO CARE FOR POEPLE AND KEEP AND MONTH OFF OF THEM. I AM SO SORRY IF I SOUND MEAN BUT LET BE REAL. WE HAVE TO ASK OUR SELF WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?



HUH??????



 



Now I am really confused and offended.  The phrase "these women" is very offensive. I was raised by one of "those women" and although she is far from perfect she made sure I was raised in a Godly way and for that I am greatful and blessed!



I guess this is one of "those threads" that I just can't be apart of because I can't  make a division between my single parent sisters and my married ones.  We are all saved, we are all moms, we can all support each other.  Peace!

KENDRA - posted on 11/14/2009

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WE ARE NOT GOD! SO WHO GIVE US THE RIGHT TO JUDGE OR YOU PERFECT BECAUSE I NOT. THAT WHY WE SHOULD PRAY MORE AND TALK TO GODA BOUT HOW TOO HELP THESE WOMEN. WE HAVE TO BECARIFUL ABOUT WHAT WE SAY. THE POWER OF LIVE AND DEATH IS IN THE POWER OF THE WHAT? WE HAVE TO CARE FOR POEPLE AND KEEP AND MONTH OFF OF THEM. I AM SO SORRY IF I SOUND MEAN BUT LET BE REAL. WE HAVE TO ASK OUR SELF WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

KENDRA - posted on 11/14/2009

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NO! IT IS LIKE WE FORGET ABOUT THEM. I DO NOT WANT TO GET START ON AT. WE NEED TO PRAY MORE ON THIS AND HELP MORE.

Darcel - posted on 11/14/2009

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Quoting Robertine:

... When I say support, I mean moral support not so much monetary. I feel some people feel shunned and that noone cares about them...



I am sorry for splitting hairs but I really don't understand what is meant by moral support.



I do understand that the church should not shun single moms and at the same time they cannot condone sinful behavior.  I understand that not condoning sinful behavior and shunning (aka judging unjustly) are two different things but I do not know how to solve that issue.  I pray that despite the situation each family finds themselves in every church would provide spiritual support to its flock.



Yet how can I ( regular member of the flock) show moral support to  single moms in my church  and is it any different from showing support to a married mom? I hope not because I do not know how to tell the difference, because at the end of the day we all all still moms. Every mom would like the oppertunity to be in the church babysiting rotation for example, so if there is a special group for moms is that showing support, or shunning them? And if  the church does not have a special babysitting group for single moms are they not providing enough support?



 



Please help me understand.  

Robertine - posted on 11/13/2009

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I don't think we as single moms should depend on the church to help us when we are going through hard times. Some churches could only do so much especially if they are smaller bodies of people. When I say support, I mean moral support not so much monetary. I feel some people feel shunned and that noone cares about them.

Heather - posted on 11/13/2009

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I believe that we are all equal in God's eyes. I have been a single mother, and now I am remarried with 4 young children. I can honestly say that as a single mother of two I got more support then I do now. God doesn't care what situation that you are in. Some single parents have more family support then others, some married mothers have no support. God doesn't care about that. He cares that his love is shown to all no matter what their worldly situation. God convicts each church to do what they need to do to serve him.

Summer - posted on 11/12/2009

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I just started going to chruch about 3 months ago. I went off and on as a child but never went into teenhood. I'm a single mother, the church i go to has a single mother bible study, but i havent joined because they make you fill out a small form bout yourself, which they do not do for the other women groups. I knows this cause i picked up a bunch of booklets and looked though them all about the different bible studies they offer. One of the things that turned me off was the second to last sentence on the single mom booklet it read "let us teach you how to raise your children". I'm not sure what they mean by that but it makes me wonder.
Again they say nothing about that in the other women bible study forms. I may be reading to much into it but i do have a fear of being outcasted due to be a single mother or worse my son. I would love to join your group.

Kathleen - posted on 11/12/2009

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I don't think churches do enough to support single mothers, divorced people, widows/widowers, etc. God loves everyone as His own! That is how He would want us to love others....as our own family. I do have some friends who have always been single and adopted a little child from another country. I think it's a beautiful thing to give a child a home!! God bless!! I will continue to pray that churches and others will reach out to those who need it.

Dayna - posted on 11/12/2009

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I think most churches do what they can. You can't expect a church in a small or poor community to be able to do as much as one of those "super" churches with lots of money, volunteers, and ability. My mom was a divorcee with three kids, and she found support with the other single/divorced mothers. Now she is a grandmother raising her two grandchildren and the church she goes to has been very supportive. The pastor and youth pastor have made friends with my nephew in attempts to be male role-models, and a man in the church fixes my mom's car when it breaks down.
Its the attitude that really counts though, not the "stuff". When I was about 13/14 my mom was doing the best she could, but times were tough. I remember it was Thanksgiving time and my mom and her friend (also a single mom) signed up for a Turkey dinner give-away at a church in the city (not our own, but membership wasn't required) When we went there were lines (hundreds) of people and kids waiting to get in and get food. (sadly some thought the food was going to be cooked and served like a dinner and they came hungry...poor advertising) The church decided that it would put on a sort of show first (we were required to sit through it) and it was disgusting! The whole "play" was about how poor people weren't bad and we shouldn't feel sorry for ourselves...blah, blah, condecending blah. Then after about an hour of that nonsense (imagine being a single parent with infants, toddlers, or active young children being forced to sit through a stupid condecending play to get a Thanksgiving dinner. Incredibly humiliating and wrong) then we had to line up outside and get our frozen turkeys and cranberry sauce. My mom's friend was an interpreter for the deaf and hearing-impaired and she noticed a group in need and no interpreter had been provided. She volunteered her services and had a good laugh with my mom about about "interpreting for food" but that was the only high-light about the entire day. I remember it so clearly because the overall attitude of those "serving the needy" was not at all what it should have been.
My family has gone through other examples of this attitude of "condecending" help, as well as genuine thoughtfullness from others. The attitude makes all the difference.

Darcel - posted on 11/11/2009

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What do you mean by "doing enough?" Where is the bar set and exactly what is required? For most of my life I was raised by a single mother in a church and although she was supported and I am sure at times she felt she could get more support. The bible mentions supporting the widows and the fatherless yes, but again, what do you mean by "enough?"



Some churches do condeem young ladies who get pregnant out of wedlock and not provide the chuch sponsored baby shower, gifts, announcements, etc because of the reproach, and some consider this to be unfair. However should a church support and condone sinful behavior?



If a young girl without money gets pregnant out of wedlock is her church obligated to provide the difference to raise the child? If a divorced mother's car breaks down is the church obligated to make sure the family has a ride to service? What about a ride to the supermarket? Should single mothers expect free babysitting, extra ministry counsel, father figures for theire children etc.



Now the answers to these questions differ church by church according to their biblical interpertations, but again I must ask, what do you mean by "enough" support? One church may feel that they are doing "enough" while another may church may feel as though ther could provide greater support. Where is the bar set?

Cheryl - posted on 11/11/2009

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I don't think churches do enough. We are in a rural area and have many small churches. In just our little 100-130ish congregation, there are 3 single moms and several more who feel that way due to different beliefs or married to the job types. As the oldest daughter of a divorced family, I remember the struggle my mom went through and the responsibilities I had to help with. I often try to give encourgement and prayers.

What are some other things we can do? What are somethings you would have liked to have seen?

[deleted account]

I agree that we should not judge situations that we have no knowledge about whether it is single parenthood or anything else. When I was in situations like that, I would ask another single parent to babysit/playdate or ask a high school/college student to help. I was always into making sure that my children understood servanthood. To tell the truth it never occured that anyone would have to pay for a babysitter in order to attend a church activity. Child care is usually supplied even for married couples in the churches that I have attended. I also must say that I have changed ministries in order to make sure that the needs of my children are met and some of those changes have definately been blessed by God. I will pray that God will find a way to meet the needs whether that be a change in ministry or a need being met in your current church. Sometimes those who are not challenged by a situation lack some sensitivity in planning for the needs.

Lillian - posted on 11/09/2009

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I agree it should not be dependency support but it should not allow for condemnation or discrimination. ie my last church in my prev town allowed my daughter to come with me to discipleship studies as when I couldn't afford to pay a babysitter each week in order to go. I'm not saying that children should be allowed at adult Bible studies but in some ways we have to have some sort of support system put into place where the single mom who wants and needs to become a participating member of the church is not held back because her finances wont allow a paid babysitter. I like your suggestion of starting up a group for single parent's within our church being led by single parents. The discrimination I got from some of the churches was judgement and shunning because they thought that I had had my daughter out of wedlock. When at the time they realised that she was a fosterchild and later adopted, I got more support.

[deleted account]

I became a single mom after 9 years of marriage. My husband committed adultery and refused to repent. I, praise God have never had a negative experience with my church. I have a few thoughts on the matter though. As a single parent I took personal responsibility for my family. I believe that the church should be a support system. On the other hand I do not believe that the church should create a dependency whereas the sinfle parent has the expectation of having every need met and attitudes if things are not done for her as expected. As a single parent I took responsibility for the needs of my family. I worked, paid bills, participated in school & church activities etc. I created family with other single parents where we babysat for eachother, cooked dinner & ate together and created friendships that we would never have had otherwise. No one knows what single parents experience and need like single parents so it may take a single parent to call a 5 minute meeting on Sunday after the service to gather all the contact info for the single parents. Find out who has what gifts and use them for the group. To tell the truth I was so busy enjoying my time with the other single moms that I was not paying close enough attention to the young man who was interested in me (he has been my husband for the last 9 years). I would say be part of the solution and bring the needs to the leadership with solutions and perhaps volunteer to lead the ministry with the help of other single moms.

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