Single parent by choice via sperm doner or surrogate?

Merry - posted on 06/10/2010 ( 13 moms have responded )

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does the bible say anything that would guide a single woman or man to believe it is ok to start a family before being married? i mean a good christian man or woman just doesnt have any partner in their lives and doesnt see one in the near future but wants to have children. Do you think God is ok with creating a child by other means then a husband and a wife?



And on a similar but maybe less controversial topic, what about single people adopting? I feel this isnt as questionable because the child is already alive, and simply needs a home. whereas creating a child is maybe selfish??



any scripture to think this through?

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Linda - posted on 06/10/2010

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God definitely created the family structure to provide children with both a mother and a father. This is why he hates divorce in Malachi 2--because he wants godly offspring. A mother and a father both bring something different and needed to the child. Obviously, the Bible doesn't clearly command against it because the technology was not there until recently, but purposely bringing a child into the world without a father seems to go against all his admonitions to families. So I would advise against a sperm donor. As far as adopting, I think that a child with a mother would be better off than a child without any parents at all, so I think that would be acceptable. However, parenting is hard work for two parents; I would seriously pray if this is the direction you want to go. Being a single mom is VERY hard--I know because my father died when I was young and my mother had to raise us all by herself. It can be done with prayer and God's help, but it will not be easy.

If your biological clock is ticking and you really want children, maybe you should pray for a godly man to be a husband. I'm sure you already have, but I would suggest you wait on the Lord some more. Sarah lacked the faith she would be able to give Abraham a child and created the whole Hagar/Ishmael fiasco--But God did eventually bless her with a son and she is listed in the Faith Hall of fame in Hebrews 11. So PRAY!

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Angela - posted on 05/23/2012

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Everyone on this thread has discussed the rights & wrongs of becoming a single parent via sperm donor but no-one has addressed the other side of the original poster’s query ….. What about men who want to become single Dads via surrogacy?

Most women who agree to help out by becoming a surrogate do so for COUPLES wanting a child. A percentage of these women are using their own ovum so are giving away a child which is genetically theirs. Other women carry fertilized donor eggs so the baby they give up is not theirs biologically, even though they have incubated this child in their bodies for 9 months.

Some single men HAVE used surrogacy services to get a baby and become a parent. Male gay couples have also done this – anything is possible when the prospective father(s) have enough money. Single men have also adopted – and as others have stated, a single parent (of either sex) is better than no parent at all for children who live in institutions and/or successive foster homes.

To be fair, the number of men who seek to become single parents is far fewer than the number of women who want children without a husband or partner. I’m not so confident that men in general are as capable as women of carrying out the single parent role (sorry if that sounds sexist).

Some Christian authorities have frowned upon widows using their husband’s frozen sperm to get pregnant after his death.

Briana - posted on 05/22/2012

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I am a single mom with 2 kids and have been divorced for 4 long years now, I do not see my self getting remarried or seriously dating anyone anytime soon. HOWEVER I do want more children. I will have she/he or them on my own with out a father figure. I am giving it 2 years, if with in the next 2 years by the time I am 27 years old I don't find any one I will have a baby. I would prefer to be pregnant rather then adopt but adoption is a option as well. I love being pregnant, I know I am one of the weird ones. HA. But you can buy sperm and have it injected in you like a procedure.

Rebecca - posted on 06/28/2010

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I agree with everyone here about the sperm donor...bad idea. As far as adoption, here are my thoughts: the bible doesn't really address it as far as I can tell, but if He intended a child to be raised in the family unit (mom and dad), then I don't see how a teenager is much different than an infant. And I would argue that those hard to place children may be even in more need of a two parent stable home. Think about the troubled kids with no father figure (or mother)...just something to think about.

Amy - posted on 06/27/2010

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I can't see how using a sperm donor is any different than having sex outside of marriage. I can't see any biblically based argument FOR becoming pregnant outside of marriage and designing a single mother family. It's simply not what God designed, and I think it would be a sin.

as for adoption... I think adopting a child who has a hard time being placed (i.e. not an infant / baby), that would ... I could see arugments either way, but I think it might be okay. i'd encourage you to speak to your pastor about it, though.

Praying for you1

Darcel - posted on 06/23/2010

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I have thought about this question a bit, looking for scriptres to back up either side of the debate and I can't find any.



However three scriptures that can be used out of context to support a single person not starting a family: ... don't let your good be evil spoken of.. ; ...be careful for nothing...; & ...obstain from all appearances of evil...



These were scriptures commonly misquoted to me as a teen and early 20's when I was considering doing something that may not be addressed in the bible, but lets be honest, didn't look right; and gave the wrong impression of my character as a person and as a Christian.



A single christian woman who gets pregant artifically may not be going against a specific spoken scripture, but in this case, I think the wisdom of my elders apply and should be reconsidered. However because there is no written bible against it, I can't condeem her for the choice. Only pray she can handle the public rebuke because many will think she has sinned and treat her differently.



By adopting a single christian woman (or man in this case) has obstained from the appearance of evil and has started the family that s/he wanted very badly and the three above scriptures would not apply.

Becky - posted on 06/23/2010

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This is actually something I've given quite a bit of thought to, as I did not meet the man I ended up marrying until I was 29 and was starting to feel that I was never going to get married. I do feel that "creating" a child and intentionally bringing that child into the world to be raised by a single parent is selfish. I think children deserve to have both a mother and a father in their life and that both are very important roles. I wouldn't have done that. However, my plan was that if I was not married by age 35, I would adopt. I feel that for a child in foster care, a loving, capable single parent is better than no parent at all. (I wouldn't have adopted a healthy newborn, and most of the agencies here won't give them to single parents anyways.) All my life, I have wanted to be a mom, and I felt that God had given me the skills to be a great mom. Before I got married, I knew I might not be able to have children anyways, because I have PCOS, so adoption was something I'd had to consider anyway.
I do feel that if a woman chooses to become a single parent, she is taking on extra responsibilities that a married parent does not have. She has the responsibility to consider her child first in any relationship she might have in the future. She also has the responsibility to ensure that her child has positive male role models in his or her life.
Incidentally, I worked as an adoption worker before becomming a SAHM, and one of the best mothers I have ever worked with was a single, Christian woman in her 40s. She adopted an older child and was so compassionate, understanding, and devoted to that child. It was absolutely beautiful to witness.

Polly - posted on 06/23/2010

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I agree that using a sperm doner is not the way God intended to start families. Parenting should be a selfLESS act, considering what is best for the child. Personally, I think purposely having a child out of wedlock just because you want one is more on the selfISH side of things. Our God is a God of order, not chaos. Marriage first, then children.

As for adoption, again, it should be about the best interest of the child. Do you want a baby? (I'm using the word "you" in a general sense, I'm not sure this is actually you that is thinking about this?) Babies are generally taken quickly, in fact there are waiting lists. There is not a short supply of two parent households for babies, and if they can go to a stable home with a mom and dad I believe that is where they should be placed.

However, there are a lot of older children, sibling sets and disabled children that need homes and will have a hard time getting one. They are considered "less desirable". IF you are considering giving a child a home, this would probably be the only case I can think where it MIGHT be in the best interest of the child. But like others have said, it is really hard work. I would do a lot of praying to see if this is what God's will is.

Merry - posted on 06/23/2010

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thanks for the thoughts ladies, i am not asking for myself, i am married with a son but i am asking more in a general area. I feel like maybe adopting is within Gods guidlines, but I am on the fense about creating a child for a single parent. Any more input is welcome!

Courtney - posted on 06/23/2010

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I AM A SINGLE PARENT NOT BY CHOICE (MADE ALOT OF MISTAKES AND LOST MY VIRGINITY AND GOT PREGNANT BEFORE MARRIAGE)....AND I BELIEVE A FAMILY SHOULD BE A MAN AND A WIFE AND THEIR KIDS....THERE ARE CERTAIN ROLES THAT EACH FULFILL. I CAN BE AN EXCELLENT MOM BUT I CAN NOT BE A FATHER. THE DEVIL IS ATTACKING GOD'S FAMILY STRUCTURE...MORE AND MORE WOMEN ARE GETTING PREGNANT BEFORE MARRIAGE AND MORE KIDS ARE RAISED IN SIGLE PARENT HOME THAN EVER BEFORE. ASK GOD TO SEND YOU A GODLY HUSBAND...HE WILL DO IT IF YOU BELIEVE AND DON'T SPEAK AGAINST IT WHEN OTHERS ASK YOU OR IN OTHER SITUATIONS....NOT ONLY DOES IT GO AGAINST GOD'S FAMILY STRUCTURE BUT TRUST ME...I KNOW BEING A SINGLE PARENT IS NOT THE WAY TO GO...GOD BLESS YOU AND THAT HUSBAND IS COMING YOUR WAY..WATCH OUT FOR HIM!!! ^_^

Darcel - posted on 06/18/2010

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In the old testament if a man died and left his wife childless, his brother was required to marry her and get her pregnant and the child was to be raised as the dead brothers seed. In the new testament it was required of the church to comfort the widows and the fatherless. So single parenthood was not frowned apon. But I cannot find scriptures to justify (or deny) a single person adopting or getting pregnant artifically.

So in this case I would say the choice to adopt and or get pregnant artifically is up to the person.

[deleted account]

No clue on any scriptures, but I do believe that intentionally becoming a single parent goes against God's plan for families. I would also think that in the case of adoption, a single parent WOULD be better than no parent though....

Victoria - posted on 06/11/2010

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I personally think that sperm donor is definately questionable, but adoption, well put it this way, my 6 year old daughter says she never wants to get married, but she wants to adopt all the children that don't have mums or dads & be their mother. I personally don't have issue with that, better to be loved & wanted by one parent than by nobody at all. I can't think of any scripture off the top of my head to go either way. God did create man & woman to be together & take on roles as parents side by side, but with so many kids with out families, I would prefer a child went to a good christian single parent than be stuck in the system for the rest of their childhood.

These are my personally thoughts only.

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