Smacking... Sorry

Beck - posted on 04/11/2010 ( 52 moms have responded )

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I hate to bring this up but I was just on another page and smacking was a big issue there and everyone was attacking everyone else. I really need some help just from a christian point of view. I want to be honest and please I am not looking for a fight or abuse or I will just stop this conversation and give up. I smack my child if I feel she needs it, a light smack on the bottom if she has done something very wrong then time out or a smack on the hand if she keeps touching things she isn't allowed. Please tell me is this wrong, where does the bible talk about disciplining your child or am I okay in giving them small smacks when they have been doing wrong.

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Diane - posted on 04/13/2010

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This is a tough issue one that divides a lot of families. I think after reading all the posts here I am in the minority but will share my thoughts on this topic.

We should always look to scripture for answers and I did that (for this issue) when my children were young. I could see support ( only six verses in Proverbs) for spanking in the Old Testament and none in the New Testament. If we held to everything in the OT and did what they did back then, we would be stoning prostitutes, killing homosexuals and doing bloody sacrifices. Does Christ expect us to do that today? Whether Mosaic Law, Ten Commandments, or Sermon on the Mount, none are the Christians rule for living, "because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set us free from the law of sin and death." We are not held to those laws. If the Lord did accomplish what he came to accomplish, then the law was fulfilled, and it is not a binding legal way today. We should look then to what Christ said and he did not say to physically hit, smack, spank, bop, whatever term you want to use to touch a child to make them hurt so that they will behave.

For the life of me I can not picture Christ spanking, hitting, slapping a child for any reason. He never physically touched anyone while on earth in a hostile manner.

About the rod….it could be a metaphor or a reference to concrete objects. I think some people when they see the term think God calls them to use an object instead of thinking it might mean authority. Again would Christ take an object and hit a child?

About terms....smacking hence spanking?

Both do the same thing don’t they, what’s the difference? Does one sound worse?
Who says spanking has to be on the bottom? Could someone spank someone on the face, arm, head?
And how hard is acceptable? Couldn’t hard mean something different to different people? And what object is acceptable? And how old is to old to spank? Could rage cause a parent to discipline to hard?
What separates abuse….from spanking for some people? And what things do you spank a child over? I know of a friend who spanked every time her child gave her a sour look. She went around the entire day spanking her kids. By the end of the day because she was so consistent she was exhausted.

I always could get control without hitting, spanking, smacking. When mine acted up I held them and used my voice to get my point across. I don’t know maybe I was just lucky.

We don't always know God's interpretation on some issues. We need to search, examine, hope and pray for the spirit to lead us. I searched the scriptures and weighed the evidence and did the best I could.

Amy - posted on 04/12/2010

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I have 20 month old..and I have already started using the times I spank him to point him to the feet of Jesus. Yes, it is biblical to spank, but it has to be more than that. Discipline needs to be instructional. When my son disobeys, he gets one warning. If he disobeys again, he will then get taken out of the situation and taken into another room. We will sit down and I will tell him that I am going to spank him 1 or 2 times (this gives him the knowledge of what to expect and also controls me...if I feeling more upset). Then I tell him what I am spanking him for and administer the spankings. Then we will cuddle as he cries and pray. I will tell him that it hurts Jesus heart when he disobeys and that he has to obey Mommy and obey Jesus. Then we hug and kiss and most of the time, he is back to being happy and playing well! One wonderful author, Paul Tripp, said that spanking needs to be reserved for deliberate acts of rebellion. That way your child isn't getting smacked all of the time for things that are part of being a baby - knocking things over, etc.
I hope this helps! It is a tough thing to spank and discipline..but is so necessary and can be such an instructional thing in your child's life - as instructional as teaching the ABCs or Bible verses!

Victoria - posted on 04/12/2010

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Pr 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Pr 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
Pr 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.
Pr 23:14 Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Pr 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
Heb 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

When you do a root search for the original Hebrew about the "rod" it does mean hitting, smacking, spanking punishing, chastising and discipline when translated into todays language.

I believe that sometimes a childs actions warrant a smack bottom or hand, sometimes a time out or a grounding from going out or favorite toys/activities/TV shows. I think the punishment/discipline depends on the child(as every child is different) and the action.

My kids usually get told verbally twice,the second verbal warning often comes with a time out and they are then told if you have to be spoken to again conserning this it will not be with word. Sometimes that is enough, other times they get a smack or sent to there room or Ds, Wii, TV grounding.

I trust this will help.

Deb - posted on 04/15/2010

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some children are stronger willed than other.... there are kids that will respond to a time out, or a stern look and the issue is resolved....the rule we were always told was leave no mark, never correct when you are angry, never use anything but your hand to spank....and allow a tie system.... 1st offense this happens, 2nd offense this happens, 3 rd offense this happens.... spanking was always the last resort...... unless it was a true safty issue ( running into street, running away from me in parking lot etc...)...its hard to put a absolute on the rules because children are individuals and their needs are so different... I assisted in the raising of 9 kids ........ we had one that was very strong willed and I could have spanked him everyday all day long but it would have done no good he would take the punishment and do it again... but I discovered that he valued his play time with his brother more than he feared the spanking .... so his time outs were in a room by himself with full view of what was going on in the main area and I would set a time that he could see counting down.....it work better than anything else ever could....

Laura - posted on 04/14/2010

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I would recommend reading Love and Logic. It gives some very simple instructions for discipline for each age group. For the little ones, since little ones can't be lectured to in a way they would understand, they give ideas on phrases that are repeated in certain voice tones so that the child realizes they are making a mistake. When my children were in their hitting phase they got a time out everytime and were simply told "you hit, you sit". After their timeout they were asked to apologize to me and the one they hit, hugs and I love you and done. I've spent entire afternoons putting one or two of my children in repeated timeouts for this and it's no fun. But it's no fun for them either and they learned quickly. It took patience and persistance but that's what being a parent is about. My kids are a little older now and they still get time outs, sent to their rooms, grounded, privileges taken away and that will continue to happen I'm sure for a long time as each age brings on a new set of challenges. Love and Logic teaches natural consequences for bad decisions and for me and my husband it's what works best for our children. For example, at the end of second grade my daughter decided she was tired of doing homework and conveniently forgot that she had homework. When my kids get to second grade I make it their responsibility to keep track of their homework, I don't go looking in their backpacks for their homework, I will help them but it's their job to remember what they have to do. Anyhow, she wasn't doing her homework, thought she was getting away with it and I was talking to her teacher saying this is unexceptable what happens when kids come to school with their homework not done. Her teacher has sent kids to the Principle's office before to finish homework and we decided she that's what needed to happen next time she didn't have homework done and she did. When I "found out" that she went to the Principles office she also had consequences at home. She was embarrassed and realized that she had obligations not only to herself and us but to her teacher and school. Since then she has been extremely conscientious of staying on top of her homework and is an excellent student and it is a goal of hers to not disappoint her teacher, her self or us.

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Courtney - posted on 05/12/2010

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I love this! I totally agree to this.

"Spanking in an appropriate manner is totally Biblical. Here a couple of verses to get you started: Proverbs 23:13-14 & Proverbs 29:15. These verses specifically speak spanking (I prefer not to use the term smacking hence spanking). Anyway, if you correct your child and teach him/her God's ways you are only doing what God wants you to do, there are lots of verses in Proverbs about this. Just to make sure I am not misunderstood, I will state for the record that I do not condone abuse. However, a spanking on the bottom of a child is totally appropriate & is a God given method of discipline."

My mom spanked when it was totally necessary and it was never "abuse."

Tomesa - posted on 05/12/2010

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i spank and it is Biblical, don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. the women here gave GREAT words and advice.

my oldest daughter is heavier, taller, and way huskier than me...so yes she does get hit with a stick. she's only 10 and in that stage where talking back is the norm...and me "spanking" her lightly does no good...she'd literally laugh. but a good stick pop on the hands HURTS, and trust me she doesn't easily forget. sometimes a "light" spanking does nada...let them know you love them but you DO mean business.

Cori - posted on 05/11/2010

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Spanking is just one of many tools that can be used in parenting. You can't fix everything in your house with just a hammer and you can't effectively parent with just one tool. Spanking doesn't work with all children because there isn't a certain fix all. I am a social worker and I taught parenting before I started staying home with my son. As a general rule I didn't teach spanking to my parents in my classes but most of the parents I taught had anger/control issues and would not have used spanking properly. They would spank in anger instead of using it as a tool for discipline. I tend to think of the "rod" as more of a shepherd's crook that was used to guide the sheep (child) back to where they needed to be. I think there are better tools out there but I'm not going to judge anyone for using it (as long as it is done properly and not in anger).

Kassey - posted on 05/11/2010

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I believe spanking is part of our job..not saying you need to "wear your child out" but just enough to let them know what they are doing wrong so they don't continue. I also make sure I sit down with my daughter and explain what she did wrong and why I had to spank. If you just spank to be spanking then they don't understand why so they will continue doing wrong. Usually after spanking and explaining my daughter will only "test" me once maybe twice more. All I have to do then is remind her and she stops immediately! I hope this helps you..I did read through the rest of the responses and got a lot of good advice so thank you for your question!

Pamela - posted on 05/11/2010

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I believe spanking should be used as a last resort and in situations where a child could be endangering him or herself. I didn't begin really utilizing this form of discipline until my boys were probably about 2.5 years old - though I did occasionally give them a smack on their hands when they were shooting for something that could really hurt them (like a finger in a light socket). At about 2.5 I began to give them a smack on the hinny, but again only in very specific circumstances.

When my oldest was about 1.5 years old, he managed to put his hand on an electric stove burner that was still very hot. Had I caught him before he touched the stove, I would have given him a light smack on the hand (not a hard one but enough to emphasize the "No!"). However, his hand went on the burner before I could get to him. I figured that was enough consequence for him (he never again put his hand on the stove burner) - I just picked him up, put his hand in cold water and held him while he cried. I then put a bandaid on the burnt area (it was luckily a first degree burn - not serious but a serious owie nonetheless) because putting pressure on the area relieved the pain. He fell asleep. Yesterday he told me about how he remembered the incident and how I held and comforted him. I guess the point I'm making here is, the consequences (hot stove burner = really big pain) were enough discipline for him. There was no need for any further action other than lots of snuggles and sympathy.

I actually didn't spank all that much. My most common form of discipline was the hallowed time out which was an incredibly effective form of discipline. My boys didn't get smacks on the hinnies too much because time outs worked sometimes even better.

Here's where wisdom needs to play a hand: what works for one kid may not work for another. My youngest was devastated if we had to give him a tap on the butt (and I didn't smack hard). My oldest turned around once and looked at me rather haughtily and stated, "that didn't hurt". He remembers that too. "Really." I said. Time outs were actually far more effective with him. Keeping him inside the house when he wanted to play outside worked wonders. Pray and ask your heavenly Father what each individual child needs by way of discipline - he knows your kids far better than you do. I know parents who never used physical discipline on one of their kids (yet did use it on others) because they felt that God had other methods for that particular child that was far more effective.

All said, we used physical discipline as a last resort - we ceased the proverbial "smack on the hinny" by the time they both were around 6 or so - mostly because my husband and I felt that we were entering waters that lapped up too closely to the shores of humiliation at that point. Discipline is not designed to shame or humiliate; it is designed for the training of our children. We did not spank in anger (and yes, that is quite possible to do. Sometimes Mommies have to take a time out too before proceeding with any action:o). If angry, don't act. But then don't wait to long before acting, because children have the memory spans of gnats. Give your frustration to God, ask for his wisdom and peace before you proceed.

Though I am not the hugest fan of James Dobson, I think he has a very biblical and measured approach to disciplining our little stinkers. I would highly recommend his material in regards to childrearing and discipline.

Autumn - posted on 05/11/2010

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I was beaten as a child and so I don't spank my daughter often. I do see it as Biblical, but I have to take the time to let my temper cool when she defies all of the rules that she knows before punishing her. She will sit in time out until I'm calm about it and we sit down and decide her punishment together. It's just a matter of reinforcing that you love your child so she needs to know the boundries and follow the rules. My daughter has to deal with a lot and I know it. She's 8 and lives in two households and has two sets of rules that she has to deal with. She feels secure with the bounderies and likes to tell me what punishment she thinks she needs. She knows when she's goign to be punished and will wait until I'm calm and then usually will come up with something harcher than I would give her and is relieved when I give her her punishment. There aren't many times that I spank her, but she is punished. I've been critized for how I punish my child too, because we would stop if she was misbehaving in the store and find a corner. If I do spank my daughter it isn't publically, but she hates having people stare at her so it was very effective for her. Not all children are like my daughter and so I don't think it's right to judge other people's methiods as long as it's not abuse.

Sarah - posted on 05/10/2010

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I also use a smack on the hand or pat on the bottom as a last resort. Though my husband and I try not to do it out of anger (we are still learning). Only when we are desperate and she is being very naughty. I don't think it's bad at all unless someone does it for a silly reason or does it too hard. When my niece was around 2 or 3 she was very naughty, and all her parents would do was sit her in time out. It never worked, she was completely awful to everyone around her. They decided to start spanking her and she has been sweeter ever since. I think it helps them to understand consiquences. Hopefully that helps you, and hopefully it makes sense.

Cindy - posted on 05/10/2010

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You MUST abide by the intention of all forms of discipline, and be sure to be unbiased when evaluating the outcome. The question after any discipline is being administered is: "Did I achieve the desired result?". Disciplining is never easy. The first true motherhood story came from Eve when she had to hide and cry after disciplining her son for the first time. But remember her intention, she set all of her feelings aside and made a choice that was best for her son in the long run. She didn't discipline him because she was frustrated or she was angry or because he wasn't doing something she wanted, she put herself aside and gave discipline to teach him right from wrong.
All discipline requires a calm sound judgment with the intentions of teaching the child right from wrong. Discipline is NEVER to be about the parent (s).
Patience love and understanding are our biggest tools when teaching children. Keeping your intentions clear will help you make sound judgments when disciplining your children.

Michele - posted on 05/10/2010

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I live in Australia and recently a mother was charged with abuse for smacking her child with a wooden spoon. The police now say it is okay to threaten a smack with a wooden spoon but not to actually use it on the child. Mixed messages for the child and no consistency so in the end no help what so ever.
I agree with a smack on the hand or backside however misbehaviour needs to be talked about so they understand what it is they have done wrong and why they are getting a smack. You don't want your child to think you are just smacking them for something to do when you get mad or upset. It does become very easy to use smacking as it is quick but you must not use it by itself. Talking is essential. Also it doesn't always work for each situation or each child. You need to understand your child and what will get their attention and what will make them realise they shouldn't do it again.
Pray is also something that can help both individually or with the child if they are old enough.

Cara - posted on 05/09/2010

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My advise to any parent who is trying to figure out the christian way to do any form of parenting is pray, pray, pray. And then open your bible. The lord will guid you. I believe I am on the opposite end of this long debated topic. I am for trying to find other ways to discipline than spanking. Everyone wants to use the old spare the rod spoin the child argument. But I believe that this is a strongly missunderstod verse! If you really study your bible you will find that there are two different phrases used. 'a rod' and 'the rod' . 'the rod' is always metephorical, not necessarily talking about a physical object. In Isaiah 11:4 talks about using 'the rod of His mouth' to administer discipline. 'a rod' talks about a physical object. I have not been able to find any where in the bible that the Lord says to use 'a rod' to discipline our children. My husband and I have both prayed about this and talked about it and studied our bibles. We came to the conclusion that we will not spank our children. With my daughter it has not beed a problem. well administered time outs and stern words have worked well. Even at a young age. It even works with my neices who dont recieve time outs at home. they know the rules and know the consequences. Consistancy is the key to any disipline.

http://www.parentingbythebook.com/Prover...

this is a good website that talks about raising your children the way the Lord has planned.

Again pray pray pray. The Lord will guid you!

Cara

Beck - posted on 05/09/2010

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I have that book Sarah I am planning on reading it once I finish my step mum one. :) I am also with Heather it is great to see the way the conversation has been conducted :) I've had alot of good advice thanks :)

Sarah - posted on 04/21/2010

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You should def read "Sheparding A Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp. His thoughts are quite insightful when it comes to discipline. It's a GREAT book! I loved it so much, I'm reading it again.

Heather - posted on 04/20/2010

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I just wanted to compliment everyone here on handling this conversation in such a loving manner!! What a blessing it has been to me to read through everyones answers and see people disagree graciously! THANK YOU ALL!!!

Tamara - posted on 04/20/2010

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You poor thing. When did our lives come to a place where we place so much pressure on each other we forget Christ made us the body for a reason. Parenting is not an exact science. I wish I could tell you I don't spank. But honestly I don't have the kind of children that do not require spankings. If you are hitting your child on the bottom it's not a slap. I believe that we have a great little window while they are in the womb to see their little tolerences. And when they aretrying to find themselves a swat sometimes reminds them which path they really want to go on (lol).

Tanna - posted on 04/19/2010

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I have also had to start using a wooden spoon for my "strong willed child". I tried changing his mind, as Mawma said, time outs, taking toys, etc... nothing worked, even spanking with my hand. (He laughed at me and my hand was stinging.) So, yes, I use a wooden spoon. I have never left a mark on him and all I have to say is "do you want me to get the wooden spoon?" I have even carried it in my car or purse.

I do believe it is our God given job to raise our children up into good, decent, respectiful people. Each child is different and need to be diciplined accordingly.

Anne - posted on 04/19/2010

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I have 4 kids and have had to use different approaches with them individually! Timeouts, Toys in timeout, Writing Sentences on not doing something again ( I will not...), and Spanking are a few things I've did for discipline! I'm only 31 yrs old but thinking old ways of discipline have been more effective because a lot of kids these days seem to run the house because of lack of discipline. My son is 2 and hard headed as can be throwing himself down, throwing things etc it gets so draining because nothing seems to affect his hard headness. He don't care if you spank him I doesn't affect him one bit! Sky I'm glad you brought up the wooden spoon because that has been the only thing he will back down to. All you have to do is go get it or mention "woody" which is the spoon and he will stop. Sounds hard to be hit by an object, but I tried it hard on myself and it didn't hurt! It was my husbands idea because he read a christian book that said our hands are for loving etc. I like the mentors outlook on this that the wooden spoon can be put away and children don't just see us as a threat! Just my opinion discipline is good, but not let our anger get out of control to a point of hurting the child. My husband said his mom used the wooden spoon to and he is the most wonderful caring courteous guy I've ever met, so it must of did him some good! I had a belt and wooden spoon used on me & they don't even compare! A belt is a little to extreme I'd think!

Julie - posted on 04/18/2010

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Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family has written many good books you could read -- one I suggest is "Dare to Discipline." He will give you all the information from the Bible and what works with kids. Or you could check out their website and find info there.

Suzanne - posted on 04/17/2010

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I SPANK, AND BELIEVE THAT IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT IT IS USEFUL, I HAVE AN 8 YEAR OLD GIRL. AND I DO SPANK, I WAS SPANKED , AND I'M A VERY LOVING PERSON. SO ASK GOD WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU AND GOOD LUCK. AND DON'T TAKE THE PPL THAT SAY NEGITIVE THINGS ON YOUR SPANKING ISSUE, THEY WERE SPANKED WRONG AND NOW DON'T SPANK. SO THATS WHY THEY HATE.

Amy - posted on 04/16/2010

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I like the "old" Focus on the Family guidelines for spanking. It should be used only for rebellion or disobeying on purpose.



We use a combination of the natural consequences and spanking.



I know I've made mistakes myself. Not proud of them, but we have to forgive ourselves, learn, and carry on :)

Donna - posted on 04/15/2010

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There's nothing wrong with a spank now and then, sometimes it is the only thing that works!

Megan - posted on 04/15/2010

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I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I have 3 children and I have tried many things and sometimes time out just doesn't work. Don't let other people make you feel bad about how you correct your child. Hang in there :)

Deb - posted on 04/15/2010

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in most states anything but your hand is considered corpal punishment and you can be arrested ..... the logic is that if your had is stinging your hiting to hard..... it's going to hurt you as much as them, it it doesn't your not in the right frame of mind to be using this type of punishment....

[deleted account]

Discipline doesn't always mean spanking/smacking/hitting/whatever your word for it!

BUT, sometimes, especially when the kids are little a quick slap on the hand, padded bottom, or thigh is enough to get the point across that whatever they were doing isn't nice.

Once the kids are old enough to reason (a bit) I don't smack them anymore.

That I know of, the Bible doesn't specifically say "spank", but it clearly says to discipline and train your child.

I urge you to read the book "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23" by Phillip Keller. The "rod" is a guiding tool. It is not used to beat the lambs. It can be a great defensive weapon against a creature out to devour a lamb, however.

A spanking can be useful when used sparingly. We reserve it for continued willful disobedience, not for training new behavior. Kids need to be taught the rules and taught how to behave within those rules before they should be punished for breaking the rules.

Diane - posted on 04/14/2010

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Why don"t you think that corporal punishment for raising children is not mentioned in the New Testament?

My-Thuy - posted on 04/14/2010

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i prefer to call it spanking :) but my husband and I have talked about punishment with our baby when she's old enough to know disicpilne and we agree with small spanks. The bible states that as a partent we have full law over our child. and that it is up to us to punish our child as we see fit. the bible suggest corporal punishment but it leave it up to the parents...but the roman catholics always believed in corporal punishment in any offense but bible clearly states that love always conquers all.

Samantha - posted on 04/14/2010

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It is biblical.... discipline is needed!!!
Go to proverbs, there is good word in everybook of course! But in chapters 22 and 23 you will find what you are looking for.
Blessings

Tammy - posted on 04/14/2010

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It is ok to spank your child. It is not ok to do it out of anger. The bible says that if you spare the rod, you spoil the child, and if you look at sociaty today, that is what has happened. :) If you feel you are getting angry or upset, send the child to his/her room and calm down. Some children do learn without spankings, but in general, children do need spankings and it helps them learn and you to get less frustrated when they don't obey.

Amy - posted on 04/14/2010

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I forgot to mention two great books: Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp and Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman. Both are GREAT at helping you get to the heart of your child's behavior and not just dealing with the surface actions.

User - posted on 04/13/2010

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I love all the great advice! Parenting is not for the faint of heart! Also, I try to never spank when I am angry. It's too easy to let my anger flare up. Really, if you're honest, you know when you are loosing control of yourself. It's a scary feeling. Always walk away when you are angry, no matter what the kids are doing, as long as they can’t be killed doing it. Paint can be cleaned up, toilets can be unclogged, new plants can be planted, broken toys can be tossed (they had too many already anyway), and a hole in the wall can be patched. Material things can be fixed or replaced, but a child’s trust in their parent is priceless. If you need to, set them on their bed and shut the door and hold it shut. Pray, pray, pray, until God is in control of you, then give appropriate discipline and administer it with a level head. So easy to say, but it’s so hard to do!! I’ve found that a spank prefaced with a reason and concluded with a prayer and a hug has a much preferable impact.

June - posted on 04/13/2010

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"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15 "The rod and rebuke give wisdom: But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother." Proverbs 29:15

so yes, a smack on the bottom is no harm...I believe you know what is the limit so I'm not going to insult your intelligence by stating what that is.

Seana - posted on 04/13/2010

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Check out www.churchonthemove.com and watch their service from this past sunday. He talked about spanking and discipline with biblical backup to his argument.

Sheryl - posted on 04/13/2010

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i know one it don't spear the rode. i mean kids for ages have been spank. yes some do take it out of line but some people need to realize. just cause they spank doesn't mean they are beating them. i think and feel it gets a bad rap cause of those that do take it out of line. but that just my point of view.

Cindy - posted on 04/12/2010

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Under the age of 1 I did smack their little fingers softly and told them no, especially if they were getting into something that would hurt them and then I would move them away from what they were doing. I believe that a "smack" on the hand is better that having them injure themselves and let's face it, they are fast and stubborn (at times, and their arms are longer than we anticipate at times. A smack on the hand will hurt less than being burned or having their arm/leg broke. Sometimes a little smack enough to make them stop what they are about to do and to redirect their attention. I know it never hurt my kids as they are all grown and well-adjusted healthy adults with kids of their own.

Cindy - posted on 04/12/2010

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Sky, I am by no means an expert on raising children but I have a concern about using a wooden spoon to spank your child. My concern is that you can end up spanking your child a lot harder than you intended as you do not feel the connection to the rear-end. It is like usin a belt or other object as you do not have the control that you do in using the palm of your hand. Please do not think I am judging your mentor, this is just my personal opinion and from things I have seen in my life. I have raised 4 children and when they needed a "swat" on the butt I used my hand and they do not consider my body as a weapon. I also "spanked/swatted" only when I felt it was the right discipline to use and I always followed it up with "I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH."

Beck - posted on 04/12/2010

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Wow I never thought about it as the difference between smacking and spanking. Thanks Cindy. It seems so obvious now.
Amy thanks for that insight I find that really helpful I guess I am guilty of spanking at the wrong times. I was spanked any time I did something wrong as a child and so never made that connection. I will certainly take that one under the belt and keep it in mind.


What about under 1 year? How do you help them learn without giving a tap on the hand or anything? Redirection on its own is very tiring.

Sky - posted on 04/12/2010

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i am a teen parent of a 5 month old son. my fiance (husband this saturday!) have been attending regular pre-marital counseling appointments for weeks and we just talked about this last week. when your child is at the age of needing discipline, our guidance mentor has told us that using a wooden spoon may sound harsher but in reality is a better thing than your hand, because children's logic is so much more simple than our own, they see that your hand is connected to your body so therefore you are hurting them, so in time your whole body could be potentially dangerous...a specific spoon will be seen as a tool, something that can be put away, and used solely for punishment. i do not believe that anywhere in the bible it says to not spank your child, but i do think it says that if structure and discipline are not developed and maintained, the child will grow up to have problems with fighting, understanding authority and punishment...etc. hope this helps!

Cindy - posted on 04/12/2010

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There is a HUGE difference between "smacking/spanking" your child and "beating" your child and in today's society, they are considered too often the same thing. Spanking your child is not abuse but discipline. I do believe that when you spank your child they need to be told why they were spanked and that even though you did spank them, you do love them. Is a spanking always the answer? NO but a swat on the behind at times is necessary and beneficial. Parents today seem to be so afraid of disciplining their child(ren) and we, as a society, are having more problems with our youth today. If you are out in public and they are pulling things off shelfs, throwing temper tantrums, hitting, biting, etc, you cannot wait until you get home to take care of the issue at hand. By then they have forgotten all about it and the discipline then is missplaced.

So NO it is not wrong to "smack/spank/swat" your child(ren) and if you really get a child to be honest they want and need rules and boundaries and consquenses for their actions. How else do they learn? Maybe that is why our prison's/jails/judicial systems are so overcrowded. JUST A THOUGHT.

Christina - posted on 04/12/2010

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Amy, that is great advice. Thank you for sharing that...I will try to keep that in mind

Heather - posted on 04/12/2010

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Spanking all by itself, or redirecting all by itself I do not believe is enough. It is important to talk to our kids. Let them know why we are telling them no, you can't climb the shelves because you could get hurt. You are not allowed to do that. Or something like that. Then either give the discipline or warning, and let them know what will happen the next time.

Beck - posted on 04/12/2010

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It's a really hard subject as I don't know what to do. I haven't looked up anything yet but I did however see what reaction I got from my daughter just before when she climbed the shelves in the pantry and didn't smack her just told her a firm no and told her not to do it again. I admit smacking I find is easier than just redirection but I don't want to do it just cause it is easier. Please i don't want any nasty comments i have made mistakes but I am working towards fixing them and learning to be a better parent

Christina - posted on 04/12/2010

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I believe that "physical discipline" should be used only when all other options are unsuccessful and depending on the severity of the behavior. I am struggling with this too, as my almost 2 year old has started hitting. I felt that I should spank him (a swat on the bum), however, now I wonder if that is giving him mixed messages. I definitely gave him a swat when he decided to sit on his 6 month old brother. I don't know. I think it definitely has a place, but as a last resort. I'm still working on this myself.

Gail - posted on 04/12/2010

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Have you ever been in a store where the kids are screaming and telling their parents no and being disrespectful? Believe me when I say, I would like to "teach" them a little respect for their parents. I am old school! Back in the day you did not hear kids talk to their parents like they do now. Why? Because you would get a smack on the backside!! There is a time and a place. I am not saying "beat your child" But if more parents would take control and not be scared that they were going to get arrested, The world would not have the problems with kids they do now.

Linda - posted on 04/12/2010

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Spanking in an appropriate manner is totally Biblical. Here a couple of verses to get you started: Proverbs 23:13-14 & Proverbs 29:15. These verses specifically speak spanking (I prefer not to use the term smacking hence spanking). Anyway, if you correct your child and teach him/her God's ways you are only doing what God wants you to do, there are lots of verses in Proverbs about this. Just to make sure I am not misunderstood, I will state for the record that I do not condone abuse. However, a spanking on the bottom of a child is totally appropriate & is a God given method of discipline.

Beck - posted on 04/12/2010

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no it wasnt started by you :) but thanks I had a mental fart and didnt even think of looking it up on google. Duh!

Josslyn - posted on 04/12/2010

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Was it my post you were reading lol, I was lucky to keep it under wraps for quite some time and decided to lock the post in the end. You and I see eye to eye, the easiest way to find what you are looking for it to Google Bible verses regarding discipline, you'll get quite a few links.

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