Struggling to understand Infant death - any advice?
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Janet - posted on 09/07/2011
Its natural that you feel the loss for your friend as we all do specially if you are a mother. Life is created perfectly as gods words says this in the bible and we all know it can be taken as well. This is for many reasons yes it could be the devil as he come to Mame and destroys but sometimes it could be ourselves that have sin and not repented or sometimes someone has said something that not knowingly have cursed that person in some way. Loss is a loss and how we deal with it or finding the strength to deal with it is the question. One thing is for sure we have to go through mourning it needed as it is part of healing. We would not know what those feelings are like if did not experience them as sad as it is. We are gods children so we all have to learn that this is part of the condition that we live here on earth is to learn grow and experience. Then we pray for strength,healing, forgiveness,peace, friends, family and most of all time itself as this is what gets you through all the tragedy. You will know then when its time to move forward..to help others that have gone through this experience and may not be strong as you...
Korah - posted on 09/05/2011
I have lost 2 :(''' this isnt an easy topic but something i hold on to is we live in a fallen world. There are some things there isnt easy answers for until we are up in heaven and get these things answered.
Angela - posted on 09/01/2011
I may not as so many of us understand the ways and whys of Life happenings. But every experience brings us to know a deeper part of ourselves... our true God self. I have several close friends who have lost their children from pre-teen to adult age and each of these women at the time, we thought would stop breathing as well. Let your tears fall, let your heart open and feel the compassion and tenderness that is pouring in. The feelings of "helplessness," "confusion," "vulnerability" are avenues to open the heart and to be present with what is. So many of us want to run away when pain and grief is present. Feeling deeply, experiencing the moment even at its seeming "harshest" is life at its fullest. Inner strength is built at these times, faith is built at these times, unconditional love is built at these times... and so on. You (we)may not like, nor understand this child's passing and it may be too early to behold the gift that is inherent in the extraordinary 5 days this little one has lived. I believe this little one came to give a gift, will you and others around you receive it? May you breathe deeply and feel the extraordinary gift this baby is bringing to you. Can you not already feel the love and tenderness this Beloved baby has already brought to your life? My thoughts of love and prayers are with you and your friends. Keep breathing deeply. Blessings, love and light to you and your friends.
Marilyn Regina - posted on 08/30/2011
you know we never understand why things happen the way they do! I promise if you trust God, in all things one day you will know the answer to your question, he said in his word he will not hold anything from those who trust and love him if any one knows he do cause he gave his only son to die for us he sees things and know things we can't! my hearth goes out to you for your loss one thing I do know God will give you double for you troubler if you delight your self in him, I'm praying for you remember the Joy of the Lord is your strength. love your sister in the lord.
Josslyn - posted on 08/30/2011
I hurts so much to loose a child, wheather during pregnancy, stillborn, as a young one, no parent ever wants to go through it. There is never a answer as to why, but keep the faith, know that one day when you meet your creator you can ask Him why these things happen. I sometimes seems to think that when we rage within ourselves, wheather out of anger, turmoil, sadness and shout out that question why, God writes them down in a little book and will surely answer them when we meat our Almighty! Keep strong, especially for your friend. Laugh together, cry together, shout scream or whatever, but remember to be there for her!!
Tiffany - posted on 08/29/2011
I had a stillborn son almost 2 years ago. He was my fourth child, my other 3 sons are living. It hurts so much to lose a child. I still cry about it. A lot. I feel like even my own mother doesn't always understand and like everyone has forgotten.
People from church brought my family meals after our son died and that was very nice. Another lady in the church called to tell me she had been through the same thing. It was an awkward conversation but she shared with me some verses she had leaned on and that helped me more than anything.
No one except my husband remembers missed milestones, birthdays, etc at this point. It would help your friend who lost the baby to let her know you remember. Send a card on the baby's one month birthday, bring her dinner on the baby's one month heavenly birthday. It may seems like you're opening a wound, but the wound is there weather you acknowledge it or not. It means the world to a grieving mom just to know someone remembers, and they are not grieving alone.
Kim - posted on 08/28/2011
It's never easy to lose a loved one - and to bury a child just doesn't seem right, nor fair. But in all reality, our lives here on earth are but a blink - we are here temporarily, some longer than others. It doesn't stop the hurt - we hurt because we love so much our hearts ache when we lose one we love - but knowing that we will have eternal life in Heaven is what gets me through.
I have friends who have suffered the loss of a newborn, of one days old, months old, years old ... it's never easy to bury your child. And all I can do is be a friend, listen, love them, cry with them, and just be there for them. It's all any of us can do - and pray that God look over their child in Heaven, and that He help the family missing the child through their loss, their grief, and help them find hope again.
Kelsey - posted on 08/25/2011
There are somethings we will never know the answer to. But the only thing I can think of, is that the baby's life was God's to take. All of our lives are...we don't belong to this earth, we belong to God and we are His. In Jesus's words in John 14:28 "...If you really loved me, you would be happy that I am going to the Father, who is greater than I am."
Carla - posted on 08/25/2011
People that heartlessly say your child has died because of your sin have NO concept of WHO or WHAT God is. It is NOT God's will EVER for a child to die. Bad things happen to good people. Thankfully, because we have The Rock to hold to, we know we will hold our child again. My daddy is in Heaven as we speak holding my little brother had died at birth.
We may never know why. Maybe we aren't supposed to. Faith is holding on when we don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but we KNOW it's there. I hope you can hold your friend and cry with her and get through this together. Pray for her, pray for yourself.
God bless, honey
Jennifer - posted on 08/24/2011
If you had told me my sin caused me to loose my baby, you may have been right, but you'd have been right with several broken bones!!! Please NEVER say that to a greiving parent! Job lost all his children in one horrible accident, and all his 'friends' told him that and they were WRONG. Ok, off my soap box....
All you can say is that you are sorry.All you can do is be there. The pain is so bad, I truelly wanted to die after I lost my baby. It is different for everyone, but it took a year before I felt any better. Just show them you care. Another thing that would have helped me, Everyone was too scared about upsetting me by mentioning my baby. I felt so alone, like I was the only one who felt the loss and the pain. I would have been so happy if even one person had remembered her birthday........
Nancy - posted on 08/24/2011
Anytime someone we love passes away we struggle with the loss of their presence. Infant death is particularly difficult to navigate because it is not in the natural order of "life". We prepare ourselves for the death of those who are our elders, but no one can prepare for the death of a child. In 2001, my daughter had a stillborn son. He was alive in the womb the day before. He died the next day. As a grandmother, my grief was not only for the death of my grandbaby but for the grief of my daughter and her family. What helped me along the grief journey was a support group for those whose child has died. At the first meeting I attended, I learned two things that have helped me everyday since Matthew's death. 1. Taking the time to grieve HELPS. 2. Helping others helps you. That is what support groups are all about-helping one another. No one can understand the grief of another; but for those who have lost a child, they at least have a common bond in that loss. It helps to know you are not the only one dealing with grief. Others grieve. Others care about your grief. Another thing I learned over time was that grief is intense and constant initially. However, as time passes. the "pain" of the loss becomes less intense and the time between gets farther apart. One never really "gets over" the loss of a child, but one can incorporate that loss into their life in time. I participated in the support group for five years. In the beginning, the group helped me along my own grief journey. After some time passed, I was able to help others with their grief. The name of the group was The Compassionate Friends. It is not the only grief support group, but it is a good one. You can check it out online. If you are a Christian, there is comfort in the Lord. That is not to say there is "instant" healing of the grief, but you are not alone in it. There is One who is greater than you who goes along the journey with you. There can be PEACE in the midst of the grief journey. The scripture that helped me with my grief was Psalm 139:15-16. My daughter was helped with Matthew 19:14.
Jackie - posted on 08/24/2011
THERE IS NO ANSWER TO THE WHY OF LOSING A CHILD EVER! it just happens the only right thing to say is i am so sorry you are hurting and i love you! it is not a punishment, or just part of life, it is a tragedy plain and simple, and like all tragedies we have to do the best we can to keep going ... crying releases pain and helps our body cope we cry not for the dead but for ourself, our loss and it is an expression of our grief. to question God only gives us a temporary place to put our hurt and anger.
Linda - posted on 08/23/2011
Please never tell anyone they lost a baby because of sin! I know of a family who lost a baby and was told this--they never again darkened the door of a church to the day they died.
Jesus himself told the Pharisees that sickness is not necessarily the result of sin (on an individual basis. In one sense, all death and sickness is a result of sin and The Fall.)
I don't think we can ever know why God allows such things, though we do have to trust Him with a greater purpose. I do believe those babies are in heaven. Dr. Dobson wrote a great book some years ago called "When God Doesn't Make Sense". I have really enjoyed reading the new book "Heaven is for Real"---it is about a little boy who goes to heaven and comes back and tells his parents about it. Amazing! Anyhow, in heaven he met his sister--His mother had had a miscarriage before he was born that he didn't even know about.
Cry. Grieve. Cling to the Lord and trust Him. There is nothing else to do.
Angela - posted on 08/23/2011
I'm not sure that it's entirely helpful to suggest someone's loss or pain or illness is because of their own sin. There will always be other people with greater sins that don't suffer at this level.
It's more a matter of God being impartial. He send his rain and shines his sun on the just and the unjust alike.
It's also good to examine one's conscience and repent of sins of course. But I don't think it's wise to ascribe painful tragedy and loss to personal sin.
I work with disabled people. Some are profoundly disabled, others only mildly. I can just imagine what would happen if I said they're suffering for the sins of their parents!
My opinion, no offence to anyone who thinks differently!
Tammy - posted on 08/22/2011
Well first of all there may be 100 or more reasons why...Satan comes to kill steal and destroy. If there is an avenue he'll take it. That's why we are to repent quick and keep the door to the enemy closed. There was a couple that went to Thurman Scrivner's church (you can find him online if you don't know who he is) and their little girl was very sick no matter how much they prayed and sought God she didn't get well. Finally Thurman told them that there was sin in their life and they knew what the sin was and until they repented the door would be opened to the devil. Well it turned out the wife wanted one more child and she asked the husband about it and he said no more children. Well she went off the pill and got pregnant anyway, but told him she was still taking her birthcontrol. After she had the little girl she was sick for years and nothing the Dr.s did would help. But when she came clean and asked her husband to forgive her they prayed for the little girl and she was instantly healed.
Is every case the same?? Not the same but very simular...there is a door open somewhere for the enemy to come in that way. Pray for this family to receive no only peace now but that they are able to forgive themselves also, because they probably know what the sin was. Also this may have been a generational cures handed down to the third and fourth generation. It could be a number of things. Keeping ourself transparent before the Father is the only way to keep the enemy out and walking in quick forgiveness keeps us in His arms. I hope this has helped some.
Tina - posted on 08/22/2011
My sister had a still born son almost 2.5 years ago. I too wondered why. I do not have the answers. I think sometimes God decides that the baby was too sick for earth. Listen to the song Jesus has a rocking chair. I listened to that a lot when she lost her baby. Also talk to your church minister about it maybe he can shed some light on the situation.