submission to my husband and breastfeeding

Corey - posted on 06/22/2010 ( 91 moms have responded )

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I was going to post this as a conversation in the breastfeeding moms community but i decided i wanted a feedback from a Christian perspective because it has to do with obedience and submission to my husband...
I don't like to breastfeed in public. Not so much because of the looks i may get or fear of others reactions. It is more so because of my husband not wanting me too. If i have to nurse my baby while i am out and about then i try to get a changing room at a clothing store or i have to feed my son in the restroom at some places. I'm not comfortable with feeding him in such an unsanitary place, but i dont want ot go against my husband either. My son is almost three months old now and has never taken a bottle, so expressing the milk for when i am out isnt really an option. I am confident in my abilities to feed discretely but i know that there are occassions when my son squirms making it harder to be modest and feed. I want to try feeding in public but dont know how to address the situation with my husband. I've only touched briefly on the subject with him once and he is concerned about others watching me, especially if my breast shows, so i usually am left home when he goes out and stay home a majority of the time. For now i will just oblige to what he wants until i can figure out how better to express myself without going against him.

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Karen - posted on 06/24/2010

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Frankly, if you are doing all you can to be modest, the sin is not yours, but others' if they are looking at you. You are doing your motherly duty by breastfeeding your child--giving your child the best nutrition and love you can. The Apostle Paul talked of the husband being the head of the household (Ephesians 5:22-33), but that "head" (Paul's letter was written in Greek) is a military term, meaning the being at the front lines of the army, the defense of the household. IOW, just as Christ defends and protects the church, so should the husband defend and protect the wife and his household. It's an active thing to do, not passive.

How is your husband defending you and the needs of your child? Isn't your child part of the household? Shouldn't you be free to feed your child in public, with your husband around to guard you? It's his job to guard and defend you, not prevent you from being part of family activities just because you are breastfeeding. If he sees other men looking at you when you are doing your motherly duty, then it seems to me your husband should be telling those other men to turn their eyes elsewhere.

From your description, it seems like you're doing everything you can to be modest, but it's your husband's discomfort and disinclination to protect you from other men's attention that's the problem. You're being obedient in that you're doing your best to be modest. What is he doing as head of the household to protect you and your child where your breastfeeding is concerned?

The other ladies here have great suggestions for additional modesty so I don't have anything to add to that, but a marriage is a team effort, as the Apostle Paul emphasizes. What is your husband doing to support and protect you when you need to breastfeed your child in public?

Amy - posted on 06/27/2010

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I'm with Karen H. You have to feed your child, so your options are to not feed your child (be submissive) or to not go in public for several months (as babies need to be fed so frequently).



I think there are times when we have to do a "logic check" on the submission to husbands command. If your husband required that you kill someone, do you do it? Well, you HAVE to feed your child, as not feeding the baby is not an option. There's a line to where the "submissiveness" becomes abuse, and I respectfully submit that it's possible in an instance like this (not that your husband is necessarily being abusively controlling over you... but it's in the realm of possibility).



As long as you are doing your best to be discreet, the other people are the ones sinning here. It's NOT a stumbling block to feed your child. Would Paul have said that he'd never breastfeed a baby if it would cause one to stumble? It doesn't make sense! Primarily because Paul was speaking in regards to a Christian's "freedoms" such as eating food that had been sacrificed to an idol or drinking alcoholic beverages... these are not activities required to sustain life, but are things a mature Christian "can do" as they won't impact salvation.



Yes, the breasts have two uses. As long as you are being modest (and let's not make it excruciatingly painful to do so), you are fine!



You shouldn't feel like you have to use formula in order to be a Godly woman. You are using your body appropriately in appropriate venues. God is smiling on you.



Prayers are with you! As a mother who was medically unable to BF, I'm really excited and proud to see you work so hard at it, and make sure you are doing it in a manner that God would be proud of!

Lindsay - posted on 06/29/2010

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Okay, I have to disagree tremendously with Alicia-Gaudet. Although you are supposed to submit to your husband, your childs health should be a main concern for you right now. Breastfeeding is the healthiest thing for your baby. You just need to let you husban know and try and understand that you need to be able to feed your child and that while expressing milk into a bottle works just as well, it can mess up milk production and make the feeding process take longer. It's not fair for your husband to be selfish in that aspect. He might be uncomfortable, but maybe you can show him that you are able to modestly feed your child, maybe by using a cover like Heather Hart was saying. I don't think that being submissive to your husband takes precedent in this matter. There are some things that he (any husband for that reason) will just have to deal with since it's the natural and correct thing for you to be doing - breastfeeding your child. You sholdn't feel as if you have to be stuck in your house while breastfeeding, especially since a ot of moms stll breastfeed untilthe baby is one.

Joanne - posted on 06/25/2010

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Hi! My husband and I are marriage ministers and I also used a cotton cover I purchased at babies r us -breastfed 3 children in public all the time including while singing on the altar at church a few times! It is God's will that women provide nourishment for their young. It is only our own ignorance and society's rejection of the truth about the beauty and sacredness of the human body that can make us uncomfortable. I recommend researching "Theology of the Body" online with your husband. God Bless you both!

Kimberly - posted on 07/04/2010

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I wanted to add (as I was reading over a lot of the replys) that the issue really isn't how to cover yourself or talk your husband into letting you do this, but in putting your husband's wishes 1st & honoring what he wants...it's not a question of whether he loves you or is forcing you to his way...it's just respect & submission plain & simple! We all know breastfeeding is wonderful, but that husband/wife relationship is above all else!

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Corey - posted on 07/06/2010

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I have had some great comments and will probably poat on an update once the situation is completely resolved. I am going to close to further comments but if you would like to contact me feel free to message me.

Jill - posted on 07/05/2010

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don;t they have shawls to wear kinda like a poncho so that nothing is exposed?

Tricia - posted on 07/05/2010

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oh boy, sorry to hear your husband is not being supportive of you. Personal belief, this has nothing to do with obeying and being submissive, this has to do with his being controlling. God created your milk and you should breast feed where its comfortable for you and your child, not in a bathroom out of force and obeying. Personally you could go to your pastor and discuss this with him and find a way to have him speak to your husband or give you ideas. Personally I would feed where i was comfortable and it was at ease. I breastfed in public everywhere for a longggggggggggg time and was discreet about it. No one is looking to see if they can sneek a peek. good luck

Jill - posted on 07/05/2010

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bebeaulait.com
These are the BEST covers I've found. Covers ALL of you while still allowing you & only you to see baby.

Jaimie - posted on 07/04/2010

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I think you make a good point that you should talk to him. I think we sometimes think that submission means not discussing.
With that said, all of the Christian women in my life that with comfortable with it have nursed in public, including myself. I think the covers are the best option. My best friend has one and her husband is very vocal about being modest in dress. He has no problem with her nursing in public with the cover. The other thing that you may want to discuss with your husband is that it is a natural, God given, beautiful thing. And though you may find someone that could look sexually at you while nursing, I think that would be very unlikely. It would be the exception, not the rule. Maybe you could talk to your husband about the fact that you would be aware of the people you are surrounded by and would move to another location if you were uncomfortable with someone's glance.
I'll say a prayer for you and hope it goes well!

Robyn - posted on 07/04/2010

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Have you tried a nursing drape. They weren't widely available where I am until I had my third child. Then, I had an embolism and couldn't nurse her. But the ladies in our church gave us several before she was born.

Lina - posted on 07/04/2010

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I would suggest trying a breast-feeding cover and finding a quite and discreet area when you're out in public. This is an issue that was uncomfortable for us too at first, but it's not realistic to be missing out on life because of a minor discomfort. Breast milk is usually the best for baby so if he is VERY against you breast feeding in public, try to get a breast pump and extract regularly and store it in the fridge/freezer so that when you are going to be out and about, you have an option of bottle feeding your breast milk.... At least you know your husband doesn't want anyone looking at his beautiful wife. He clearly is trying to protect you but maybe he's being a little too guarded? I'm not sure, I guess it's more of a matter of opinion and preference. I found that most people will mind their own business and leave you alone and keep reasonable distances when they know you're breast feeding. Breast feeding is a beautiful thing. I hope you and your husband can find a loving way to find a solution that will benefit everyone~~~ God Bless you and your family!

Karen - posted on 07/04/2010

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My husband wasn't quite so squeamish about my nursing in public-he would just throw a nursing cover over me while I was trying to get the baby in position. He thought he was helping, but it wasn't any fun when a) it was 100 degrees out or b) when he'd tangle the cover in my hair. Eventually, I just got some special nursing tops and showed him how with the right clothes and the baby there really wasn't anything to see. (Motherwear.com even sells nursing dresses) He wasn't too keen on the expense, but he saw that it really worked and his child wouldn't have to eat in a restroom - so he felt a lot better about the idea.

Krislyn - posted on 07/04/2010

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That is really hard. Yes scripture does say our bodies are not our own when we wed but when you have a baby not only is your body a temple for the Holy spirtit for those 9 months you carried your baby your baody was a temple carry that life as well. Breast feeding is something natural that God created it isn't anything to be ashamed of. there is a modest approach to it I never realized till I watched lol the Duggar family. She uses a poncho which is sold at many stores. Believe me people are not going to think your being permissquiss becuase your feeding your baby. Also breast milk the healthiest thing you can offer your baby and is good for your baody to release it. You always have the option of pumping and using bottles that are made for that. Only thing is you loose that touch and bonding with your baby that is equally important if not more than the nourishment of the milk it self. Communication is always key in a relationship take the time to talk to your hubby and listen with a sensitive heart n ears. Also respond in sweet manner but also let you needs be said as well. Leaving you at home is kinda sad and makes breast feeding seem dishonorable when it really isn't. I'm sure he us only trying to protective of you and maybe has some fears, but good that you came to your sisters in Christ to ask for advice you may want to also ask some veteran mommies at Church and see what they did

Kimberly - posted on 07/04/2010

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Same situation I had. I was kinda uncomfortable with the thought of doing it in public, but I know there are discreet ways of doing it BUT I respected my husband's decision to not do it. You do miss out on some activities in doing so, but I wouldn't stay home for that reason. You don't want to start to resent your husband or the inconvenience of breastfeeding because you are excluded. I say go! Enjoy life! Feed that baby the best nutrition in the world like God intended & honor that husband God gave you! (not that it's always easy...submission is a difficult thing for me too!)

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Look online for discreet nursing clothing and cover ups. Just a few more months and you can stretch out the times between nursing. There is enough to stress out about, so respecting his wishes in this way is a good idea. Also, this way his perception of breasts as "exciting" for him can be preserved for the future. :)

Rose - posted on 07/03/2010

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hi corey,
it sounds like your husband is either jealous or ashamed for you to show your breast. first of all God created a womans body like this because that is what he wanted us to do. feed our children. i see nothing wrong in breast feeding in public, but if you are uncomfortable with it just take a small recieving blanket an throw over you as you feed the baby.i know you want to do what is right according to the bible when it pertains to your husband. just remember though. you did not get pregnant by yourself. he had a helping hand in there also. God said he made a woman fora man to be his help mate. not his slave or someone to boss around. when the two of you got marriede you became as one. therefore he needs to stay at home with the baby and giveyou a break or go with him. however if you need to go out you could always get a breast pump and put some milk in a bottle for the baby. then at home just breast feed and the two of you will still have that closness of mother and child. my husband is a pastor, but the one thing he dislikes is when men want to tell the wife they have to obey. if he is a good christian man, i could understand to a certain point to do as he ask, but he has no right to act as your ruler or master. hope i have helped some.

Kim - posted on 07/03/2010

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What a load of rubbish. God has intended for us to breast feed our babies. Man needs to get over him self and the way society seems to imply that doing it in public is dirty, sinful, and an offense to other people.

Kelina - posted on 07/03/2010

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Not going to read all the posts as it's almost nap time and someone may ahve already suggested this, but have you tried a nursing wrap? They're long enough that even if he squirms no one will see anything and have a tapered opening at the top that let you see what your doing, but it's high enough that no one else can. I know my husband wasn't overly keen on me whipping my boob out in public but as our son refused to take a bottle like yours and I refused to stay at home when he went out, we had to compromise. I would use a blanket or something long enough to cover myself, and sometimes go into the bathroom to latch him on since the blanket didn't always like to stay in place during that, and then go out and join him again. It worked great for us, adn once I got the hang of it, it was much easier. Good luck!

Charity - posted on 07/03/2010

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Perhaps you can practice at home feeding under a blanket or one of the cool newfangeled breastfeeding covers available at Babies R Us. Then demonstrate to your husband what it would look like for you to nurse with the blanket in public. Perhaps he will change his views when he sees how private it can be.

Wendy - posted on 07/03/2010

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Having read a handful of your responses, I agree with what I saw. I congratulate you on choosing to bf as well as respecting your husband. I agree talking with him is best and even showing him how one of the coverups works before being in public is a good idea. I have one of the coverups but I feel like the 1 yd piece of material I bought at Wal-mart was easier to deal with and felt less stressful when angled correctly. Most important is feeling positive about your choice and not adding to the stress. Try a coverup of some sort at home with your hubby and remind him that bfing was created by God to feed your baby. The material I use is kiddie design flannel which isn't as hot on my baby as the store coverup seemed to be strangely enough but it also stays in place for me better than the slick material of the store coverup. Best of luck and God bless!

TIffany - posted on 07/03/2010

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My husband was a huge help in my being discreet. He would help hold a cover/blanket in place while I adjusted and got settled with the baby. He would also stay with me because people were less likely to approach me while nursing if he was with me. Solicit his support and assure him that modesty is a big concern of yours as well. Another thought: I would go to the car rather than nurse in an unsanitary bathroom.

Brooke - posted on 07/02/2010

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I would go to a restaurant and find a back both, I would drape a receiving blanket over so there was no way I would be exposed, Make a little tent for your baby under there... They don't mind a bit! I would face the wall and it worked out fine. I would get a coffee or soda and nurse.... Talk to your husband and practice at home. He loves you... he wants to keep you for himself! Not a bad thing in this corrupt world. I will pray for your out come in this! God Bless

Jill - posted on 07/02/2010

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They now make a WONDERFUL cover from Baby au Lait. It used to be called the "Hooter Hider" but they changed the named & now I don't remember what the new name is. It's easy to get on & off and allows you to see baby but no one else. I loved it so much I started giving them as shower gifts & everyone I know loves it, too.

Cindy - posted on 07/02/2010

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I agree women usually have more difficulty (weird), than men. My husband diverts his eyes in an obvious way when ever he sees a woman breast feeding.

For your communication style, well remember your hormones are still in recovery mode; good and bad ones.

Morgan - posted on 07/02/2010

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The cover I suggested is MUCH more light weight, smaller and convenient than a blanket!

Morgan - posted on 07/02/2010

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I was having the same issues. I had a cheap nursing cover that was not cutting it. I never felt comfortable and my poor husband acted like my bodyguard when I had to use it. Thankfully my mom found me one that has worked really well for us. It's made by Be'Be' Au Lait. It looks like an apron almost. haha. It slips easily over your head and has a flexible yet rigid collar that keeps the cover at about shoulder level and open. So no worries about it slipping down, your kiddo pulling it down or not being able to see your little one! It is a pretty light weight material (and the opening makes for good air circulation so it doesn't get to warm), it's long and fans out really wide so you don't have to worry about your sides showing (I can wrap it around me if I want), and the bottom corners have terry cloth pockets for you to discretely slip your nursing pad (sooooo great) & pacifiers. It really has eased my husbands mind so much. Neither of us have any issues with nursing in public any more : ) I really hope you find a solution that works for your family.

Lisa M - posted on 07/02/2010

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Just a thought...when the bible was written and all these directives were given to us as married Godly people, there weren't bottles around and these women would nurse their children until ages 3 and 4.
While yes respect your husband, he must also in turn love you enough to know that you are doing what is best for the baby at this time. Staying at home all the time is not giving you the social structure that you need. Check with your church or your community for "nursing mothers" groups, see how things are done with others, arm yourself with more wisdom, not to combat your husband but to show him that you are trying to do best for all of you. The bible calls us to respect him, because we are not ingrained with respect we are threaded with agape love, same for him, he is ingrained with respect and honor, not love-God calls us to do the opposite of what he made us of so that we grow closer to that special person.
Breastfeeding nowadays only lasts maybe a year, what is one year of the at least 18 that you will be nurturing this child

Sara - posted on 07/01/2010

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Perhaps your hubby needs to re-read the rest of that passage. . . the part that says husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. But seriously, the nursing shawl/cover works quite well. And as your baby grows and gets squirmy while he nurses, you too might be more comfortable nursing in more secluded areas. I would nurse in the car before shopping, in dressing rooms, and found stores that had mother's lounges or chairs in the bathrooms and then plan my outings around those stops. And truly, most people avert their eyes if they see a nursing mommy. And you can be sure your friends will be discreet and not gawk at you either!

Kim - posted on 07/01/2010

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I don't know if it will make him feel any better but there are things called udder covers that look really neat. (i've ordered one but haven't recieved it yet) There is a strap that goes around your neck to keep it covering you and a small area where you can look down at your baby but it keeps your entire front covered. check out uddercovers.com

Polly - posted on 07/01/2010

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Yep. I'm with you on that one, Rebecca!

Oh, and a cover is no bigger than a baby blanket and just gets thrown in my diaper bag. Doesn't take up any more room than anything else in there. :)

Rebecca - posted on 07/01/2010

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I'm with Polly, nipple confusion is something that CAN happen not WILL happen, and is a concern mainly for newborns. My son almost never took a bottle during the first months of life, and when I finally had a babysitter, he wouldn't even take the bottle. I had to work with him and try to give him one bottle of breast milk every day or two to get him used to it so he could be fed in the church nursery. There is nothing wrong with giving a bottle in public if it's easier or if you choose to. Breast milk is preferable, but even I have formula on hand for situations when it would be rather difficult to keep breast milk cold for long periods of time. I'm on my 4th can of formula, and he's 8 months old. I let the babysitter, church nursery, and family members who might watch him for me, all use formula because of the convenience. Don't get me wrong, I still think breast milk is best, and he gets plenty of it, but I don't think there is anything wrong with supplementing with formula, especially now that my son is older and taking in other foods anyway, like cereals, meats, fruits, and veggies.

Betty - posted on 07/01/2010

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A beutiful light weight blanket thrown over your shoulder should cover from your neck to your waist and just say he is naping and the blanket helps keep out the light. Worked for me and always wear a button blouse and use a nursing bra. Talk to your husband to see if that would please him.

Corey - posted on 07/01/2010

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I was first given a nipple shield by a lactation consultant when my son was a day old, she didnt really give me much choice and i didn't know much about breast feeding yet anyway. It took me a few weeks to get my son off of it and when i did he didnt want to take the shield again. So that is why i am trying to wait longer before introducing a bottle. I know there is a big difference between the way my son nures and the way he has to take a bottle.
I looked up the nursing clothes but they are a little too expensive. But when i was pregnant i got a sewing bug, i sewed everything. So i might try to make some of my own clothes that would be convenient for nursing. I dont like the idea of having to lug around a cover with me everywhere and a blanket is much easier except when my abby squirms.
My husbands work schedule is starting to lighten up which will give me an opportunity to talk about this when he isnt exhausted. It also means we may go out again... maybe to try some of these suggestions... i hope so :)

Peta - posted on 07/01/2010

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The cover idea is great, my Christian friend uses one and it always appears her baby is asleep and she's just holding him. I have always used a light blanket or a mesculin cloth, but it can become difficult when the child is older and wants to start pulling it off during feeds. It is possible to feed without people seeing your breast, but it does take a little practise. With regard to your husband's thoughts - talk about your concerns with him and then pray about it together!!! As a wife, it is our responsibility to be submissive but remember that marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. It is fine that he may not wish for you to feed in public given exposure of your breasts and it sounds as though you are being obedient to his concerns/requests. But it IS NOT always practicable to be able to run to your car, nor hygenic to feed your baby in some places in a shopping centre. It is probably a good idea to learn how to breastfeed in public, which is achieveable without anyone even noticing, because you may be on holidays or out of town for the weekend and you simply will not be able to run home for fear of someone seeing your breasts. I am not criticising your husband, but please know that our husbands are to truly love us, as Christ does the church, and so sometimes that means also being understanding and supporting us to fulfill the role that God has planned for us. That includes us being able to breastfeed. Remember that 'the world' indicates that it is not a good thing to breastfeed in public. God gave us breasts to feed our babies, so know that you can do it and do it in a way that is discrete. If you are stressed about this issue then your baby is likely to feel that stress and make your job of breastfeeding in public rather difficult.

Polly - posted on 06/30/2010

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I think (but could be wrong) I am the "one mom" who is being referred to about bottle feeding (and by that I do NOT mean formula)... however my response was that expressing milk does not mess up milk production or make the feeding process take longer. I did not address nipple confusion.



There is such a thing as nipple confusion, and its important to know about that. Babies do need to get used to nursing before introducing the bottle because it does take more work for them. However, that being said, nipple confusion is a mainly concern for *newborns*, not for older babies already skilled at breastfeeding like Corey's 3 month old. If you would like to learn more about nipple confusion and introducing a bottle, here is a link I found so you are not just taking my word for it. http://www.breastfeedingbasics.com/html/... And definitely feel free to do your own research as well. :) I just don't want you scared into never introducing your baby to a bottle without looking into it. There are many benefits to occasionally pumping breast milk and giving your baby the ability to switch easily between the two, but the decision is up to you. :)



I think everyone here agrees that breastmilk/breastfeeding is the healthiest thing for a baby, and no one is encouraging you to stop. There are just several options for how you go about it, and what works best for you and your family.

Kelly - posted on 06/30/2010

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My husband initially had the same reaction... that soon changed after I went into further detail discussing it, and when we were out-and-about he saw the convenience of feeding under a blanket, and realised I could do so discretely. You can even buy covers that are more like a cape and clip-up if you have trouble with the blanket. Though obviously discussing it with your husband is the key. I think my hubby's reaction was because he didn't understand it could be acceptable and done so discretely

Natalie - posted on 06/30/2010

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I have breastfed three children. From experience, I know that feeding the baby expressed milk in a bottle can lead to early weaning, as baby gets used to how easy it is to get milk from a bottle. It can make nursing harder. I'm an extended breastfeeding advocate. My kids fed until 19 months, 30 months and still going at 32 months. My two boys were wrigglers who did not like to be covered. I'll agree with Elizabeth that nursing clothes were a modesty-saver. As your little one gets older, he'll be able to go for longer periods without nursing, but you shouldn't be excluded from social situations because you are providing your child with the best possible nourishment.

When my oldest was born, my husband had concerns that other men were looking while I was feeding and didn't want me to nurse in public. I eventually asked him whether he would prefer to stay home with me (so I wasn't so lonely) or find a way to compromise on the issue.

Corey, if you find it easier to communicate through writing, send him an e-mail expressing your feelings and desires for your relationship with him and with your son. Use it as an invitation for an in-depth discussion when you are together. Be prepared with your modesty-preserving suggestions and remind him that you need his support in this important task. The WHO recommends breastfeeding at least until age 2. There are so many benefits.

Please feel free to send me a message if you want to "talk" to another breastfeeding Christian mommy.

Amy - posted on 06/30/2010

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Elizabeth, I am so right there with you! I guess I'm feeling a bit frustrated (perhaps a bit out of place) that this is such an issue. It seems to me that by working SO SO SO hard to make sure there's "approval" regarding how a mother feeds her baby the way God designed her to... it's like saying it IS dirty somehow. Sure, there are some "lactavists" who are so eager to make a statement that they are purposefully IMMODEST, however, the vast majority of breastfeeding mothers out there are VERY concerned with modesty and do a beautiful job of feeding their beautiful little life in public.

I fully respect the submission to the husband. I really really do. However, when it comes to how and when you feed your child... I think it's crossed a line, or is in a very gray area.

Kellymom.com or drsears.com are great resources for breastfeeding mothers. And contrary to what one mom on here said, bottlefeeding WILL cause nipple confusion. I've not seen any reputable source (or lactation specialist) say anything other. in fact, when I was struggling with my boys, I couldn't wean them off the nipple shield, and when my supply became insufficient (breast reduction surgery) and I had to supplement with formula... they never went back to the breast because the bottle nipple is so much easier to feed from. I have friends who've experienced similar issues, one of whom had to pump for 6 months exclusively because her daughter wouldn't go back to the breast. It's a very real problem... introducing a bottle soley for the purpose of modesty could very well end your breastfeeding career with this child. Now, I'm not going to argue that formula is poison or anything like that (hey, I used it!) but if breasfeeding is important to you, and you'd like to NOT use formula... you'll carefully consider using the bottle to feed in public.

Also... have you seen the wide brimmed hats made for nursing infants?? It covers mommy, but baby isn't suffocated under a blankie. I know I don't like having my head under a blanket, and I don't think nursing moms should be forced to keep their child under one, either.

Breastfeeding is hard work! While I'm jealous that I never got to bf any longer than a month, I do realize it takes a lot of commitment, and finding your comfort zone regarding feeding in public isn't something to be dismissed... I just think your husband's approval (while it would be nice if he was more supportive) is a notch or two lower on the priority list than your child's healthy meal in a sanitary location. There are times when the men DO need to step back a bit and let the mother mother. It IS how God designed us. We know how to nurture... they know how to provide.

God bless!

Elizabeth - posted on 06/30/2010

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My turn. :) I breastfed all three of my children (now ages 10, 7 &6), and the worst looks I got were from women. This is when NOTHING was showing! NOTHING - to the point that people were coming up to me to admire the baby, not realizing that it was dinner time. Men usually didn't "look" at me, especially if they did realize I was nursing.
My oldest gave me the hardest time with squirming and not wanting to be covered at all, and I was going stir crazy from being in my room all day (we lived with my in-laws at the time). What saved my life were nursing clothes. They are specially designed to maximize your modesty while giving your baby easy access to your breasts. Motherwear has a great line of attractive tops, dresses and even swimsuits. And, no, I have no affiliation with them beyond grateful customer! They can be a little expensive, but you only need one or two to wear when you're out. That way, you don't have to switch between bottle and breast, which can confuse some babies.
I'm glad to hear you want to honor your husband. But, would you wear a veil if he was concerned with men looking at your face? Are you allowed to show your ankles, or wear sleeveless tops? At some point, he has to realize that the "men" he's concerned about do have the responsibility for their own eyes. You are trying to be modest - good. Now he needs to get over it.
If any group of people should be defending a woman's fundamental right to feed her child, it should be the church. As a Christian husband, he should be defending your right to feed your baby in the manner God intended, without making you a prisoner in the process.

Corey - posted on 06/30/2010

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Well i am strong willed also, Rebekah, but i am seeking to be more submissive each day. My husband knows i'm not perfect and he knows he's not either, but we both strive to be better for our relationship with one another, with our son, and with our Lord. He tries to protect us any way he can but doesn't always understand that it may be better to try a new way sometimes. That is why i wanted advice. Finding a new way to approach the situationa nd having many options will help us to chose what will work for us both and make it so that i am not openly going against what he wants. So thank you all again for your suggestions and opinions. I will keep them in mind each time i try to address the topic with my husband.

Rebekah - posted on 06/30/2010

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I know breatfeeding is a natural thing, but I don't enjoy seeing women doing it in public in an immodest way and I am a woman myself. I think if there is a way to do this in public where there is no exposure of body parts that would be fine. I think your husband realizes this (that others in public places do not want to be embarrassed), I believe he does not want you to be embarrassed either and he is trying to protect you. I also really admire you for seeking to be submissive to your husband even though you don't agree with his viewpoint. I have an extremely difficult time being submissive to my husband because I am very strong willed, so I really appreciate your biblical example in this.

Kim - posted on 06/30/2010

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Well I think honestly and by the way I am a christian, that it's also whats best for the baby, can't you bring a blanket when your out and cover yourself.Honestly who cares what people think thats a natural beautiful thing that God gave to us for the health of our babies, and if your covered why would that bother your husband? I'm just asking is he controlling in other ways? anyway like I have said if your not exposed in any way I think you should confront your husband and tell him its whats best for the baby

Polly - posted on 06/29/2010

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No, it doesn't cover the baby. The Bella Band just covered my back and belly while I breastfed. When you lift your shirt to feed the baby it can leave that part exposed. I used it in conjunction with a nursing cover. :)

Emily - posted on 06/29/2010

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@ polly i guess i'm having a hard time picturing the bella band thing. did you put the baby under the bella band as you wore it as a shirt?

Heather - posted on 06/29/2010

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I always went somewhere private. the jury is still out on public breastfeeding. The bible does instruct us to submit to our husbands, but it also tells men to have an open ear to a wife's wisdom. If you feel strongly about it, try to gently speak to your man about how you feel. Maybe the two of you can pray on it together, Good Luck

Cassandra - posted on 06/29/2010

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Men are going to look at you no matter what. Go shopping with your hubby and both of you together should decide what is going to work to satisfly the modesty issue for both of you.
Your hubby spent 9 months with your body changing and everybody under the sun having access to your body because of being pregnant, and now there is a baby attached to you a good time of the day and maybe he is feeling a bit left out. New daddies feel that way sometimes. Maybe he is just trying to feel abit more involved.
There is a great book called, "For Women only" ( can't remember the name of who wrote it) but it is written by a christian woman that interviewed LOTS of men and answered alot of our questions about why men think and do what they do. It may prove helpful in understanding how to solve this issue. (and other things) It is a great book very enlighting.

Corey - posted on 06/29/2010

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My husband is all for brestfeeding, its the modesty he is wanting to make sure continues... and the other men who look at me even when i am fully covered and not breast feeding

Mimi - posted on 06/29/2010

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Breastfeeding is important! Being able to get out of the house also important. Do what you need to do by covering up, if that is what will make you feel right about it. There is nothing wrong with feeding your child while out and about. Being submissive to your husband is good, but when it comes down to the right to feed your child the best thing, it would make it hard for me to tell my baby no.

Polly - posted on 06/29/2010

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I think what Alicia was trying to say (correct me if I'm wrong) is that if your husband is not causing you to sin, you should try to respectfully work the issue out WITH him, rather than taking a disrespectful "I don't care what you think" attitude on it. Its easy as mothers to push our husbands feelings out because "we know best". Being submissive does not mean there is no conversation or compromise. We should be working together with them.

We can't pick and choose when to be submissive to our husbands. Otherwise the message we are sending is "I will submit when I feel like it, but if not, I'm the one in charge." The tough issues are when it really shows whether we truly consider our husbands the head of our home or not.

He is a first time dad. He has a learning curve, too. Modesty is important and rarely valued. You can be modest AND breastfeed, but it might take him some time to get to a place where he feels confident in that.

Also, I have to say I disagree that expressing messes up milk production and make the feeding process take longer. I did not experience that and have never read anything to support that. In fact, having expressed milk available for your husband to feed the baby sometimes is a great way for you to get a break, and allow him to bond with his baby. :)

Becky - posted on 06/28/2010

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I would say put it in writing first. Then, you can either give the written paper to him, or just have it when you talk to him about it, so you make sure you say what you want to say.
Another thing I thought of. I have an Ergo carrier, and the other day at the mall, finally figured out how to feed my son in it. I pulled up the little sleeping hood, and you couldn't tell I was feeding him or see any extra skin at all. I looked in a mirror, and I asked my sister if she could tell what I was doing, and neither of us could. If you have a carrier, a lot of them are possible to feed very discreetly in. I'd just practice it a bit at home first. Trying to get him latched in the parking lot before I went into the mall was a bit of an adventure. :) An extra bonus is that you then have your hands free, so if you're grocery shopping or whatever, you can continue to do your shopping. (I'm not very adept at nursing and walking at the same time otherwise!)

Abby - posted on 06/28/2010

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I understand both of your views and the best you can do is talk to your husband. I hope you get this worked out and I'm sure there is a compromise. However I do want to applaud you for breastfeeding and sticking with it. Your baby will benefit greatly.

Polly - posted on 06/28/2010

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I think writing it out would be a good start. :)

My baby *hated* being swaddled, but she is fine being covered. Part of it is just gently teaching them and doing it often enough that they get used to a cover. Also, with a cover that is all the way around, they can't pull it off like they can with a blanket. Mine is loose enough around my neck that I can peak down at her. It covers all but her legs.

Also, just a suggestion, but I would start soon with the bottle. If you wait too long your baby might completely reject it.

I'm still not clear. Is your husband completely against nursing in public? Or is his main concern that you might be exposed? Some people think no matter how covered a person is, they should still not nurse in public. (which I completely disagree with). I think most men are mainly concerned about modesty. Which is your husband?

Kat - posted on 06/28/2010

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Hi Corey, by all means do it in writing. I write to my Husband all the time as I am much better at expressing myself in writing also. Then too you know you have covered all your points & he doesn't have the opportunity to interrupt you with an objection when your on a run.
I think writing to him is a good idea if that's going to be what your most comfortable with.

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