Terrible Tantrums... Advice?

Lisa - posted on 11/27/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Please if anyone has any advice on dealing with really nasty and long (*sometimes lasting an hour or more!) tantrums from my 3 year old son... He is a very strong willed and bright child, but has terrible tantrums. I find it almost unbearable to deal with. I don't know how to be strong, and show who's boss without hurting him emotionally. I feel like they always become angry fights, with spanking and the works. Nothing seems to help...Thank you!

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Sheri - posted on 04/19/2012

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my daughter who is 13 has been known to have tantrums lasting 2 + hrs. I have resorted to turning on my ipod and putting in my earpiece. I get into the music and it makes it so much easier to ignor her. Of course I put her in her room if she is having a tantrum

Heather - posted on 11/28/2009

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I would recommend removing him from the family area during tantrums. If he wants to throw a fit simply pick him up and put him in his bedroom or have everyone else clear the room he is in. Let him know that while he is acting like that you will not have anything to do with him. My boys know that if they feel the need to throw a tantrum that they are expected to do it in there room. And of course that defeats the purpose if they aren't disrupting your day or getting attention.

Vicki - posted on 11/28/2009

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You are welcome. I hope it helps. Don't be discouraged, you can help him turn this around. Stay strong, and keep praying.

Lisa - posted on 11/28/2009

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Thanks for the response. I feel like I try to remain calm, but it seems to go on forever. I get so tired that it frustrates me. It seems like his tantrums come in waves.. he has had a really serious one 3 for the last 3 days straight.

Vicki - posted on 11/28/2009

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Lisa, my son is also bright and strong-willed. At age 3 I was separated from his dad, and that added fuel to the tantrums. I noticed that the tantrums were worse with his dad, than they were with me. It may have been due to our different reactions and parenting styles.



It is my belief that most tantrums are simply a child's way of attempting get what they want, and part of what they want is your time and energy and power. If you ignore the tantrum, and refuse to give in to whatever it is they want (candy, toy, movie) during the tantrum, then the tantrum behavior should start to decrease. If you can manage to do this in a supportive, calm, loving way then that's even better. Your child's tantrum does not have to be a punishment for you. You can go do laundry, dry your hair, read the mail... Calmly tell your child that when he calms down, you will talk about things. You will be in the laundry room when he is ready to talk. Let him know that when he chooses to react like that, you cannot give him what he wants, EVER. After he is calm, you may choose to give him whatever privilege he's asking for, but the key is he is calm, and asking... not out of control and demanding. Tantrums will escalate if you give in to him, just one time. You must be consistent and show him (calmly) that his tactic will not work EVER.



Remember, it takes 2 to fight. Your choice to become angry or to engage in a fight is entirely up to you. Ask God to help you see this, and to help you find strength in remaining calm and disengaged when your son chooses to tantrum.



God bless you, for wanting to do the right thing for your child.

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