terrified, worried, and other discouraging feelings...

Crystal - posted on 01/10/2009

Joy,

I broke up with the father before I knew my first was on the way. I knew from then that I would be a single mom. I was terrified. And to make matters worse, I hadn't figured out that I needed God in my life as yet. You know what? He STILL provided for me. The job I had wasn't enough for me to make it on my own, nevermind a baby, and the cut I would take on maternity leave. I had my high school diploma, but that isn't enough to get a good paying job where I live. So even to get a different job, I would be in the same boat. They say not to stress, but it's impossible not to. I believe that any mom, who is a "good" mom, worries that she will do the right thing, or a good job. That's normal. I struggled with going it alone for a long time. There were times that I had to scrounge for change for diapers, or sometimes I was able to borrow from a friend or family member. Christmas was lean, but it was still Christmas. God provided, always. He still does. I now have two beautiful daughters. I still worry every day that I'm going to screw up somewhere. Trust God. He will carry you thru.

Stacey - posted on 01/08/2009

There is nothing more scary than having your first baby, whether you are single or not. Every mother goes through those feelings. The one thing you need to realize is that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I'm sure you have heard this before but this time it has real significance in your life. If you are having any doubts about adoption then it might not be what you want. Maybe you need to wait until your baby is born to make the decision. Sometimes all it takes is holding your baby and the decision is made. I don't know what your situation is, if it is just that you are single or that you will be unable to provide for both of you. Keep praying and ask for God's guidance during this time.

Kimberly - posted on 01/05/2009

Personally I think if you're not worried you aren't prepared for motherhood!! As a mother you are responsible for that child's wellbeing emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually; the whole shebang is yours to do. It's an enormous undertaking. But it is so worth it. The main ingredient needed is love. I was terrified about each child (I have two) before they were born. Oh will I do it right (No, I'm going to screw up royally just like every other mother alive)? If you want to keep your baby DO. No one can love your child the way you can. But if there is some reason why you don't want to raise your child adoption is a tremendous option.

Megan - posted on 01/05/2009

Joy, I understand your feelings...I am married, though still scared and feeling like I'll be alone in it because my husband is gone from 5:30am to 9:30pm...sure seems like I'm going to do it on my own. For me I feel a bit guilty that I will be heading back to work and not caring for her myself (as my mom did for me and my brother)..."will I even be the mom" is the thought that races through my head...or will grandma be the one who is more like mom? There is so much anxiousness in new adventures. Take one day at a time and whatever decision you make, make sure you feel complete peace about it. It's so hard to make any kind of decision based solely on unknowns...cause what is it really going to be like for us when our babies arrive?

Katie - posted on 01/05/2009

Joy ~ Congratulations on your impending arrival! My husband and I just had our first baby in July. Even as a married couple we, too, worried about raising a baby. But, we knew God would help us and provide anything we needed. Our daughter is now 5 months old and the light of our life.

I understand you are worried about being a single mom. My brother had a baby out of wedlock. He had to fight for over a year after the baby was born to see her. Her mom was also worried, but tried to keep her from my brother. However, my brother has been a part of his daughter's life since she was 18 months old...she is now 12 years old. If the father of the baby wants to be a part of his/her life, and he's a decent man, then let him. He can help out with child support. If not, know that the Holy Father will be there helping you along the way. (My brother and my niece's mom have made amends and try to work out a visiting schedule together. It has made each other a better person.)

There is help out there for single moms. You might want to ask at your doctor's office if they can recommend any. (My mom is a nurse and is involved with a group called The Christian Home. It's place where single moms can go for help. You might want to see if your home town has something similar.) Also, don't be afraid to ask friends and family for help.

Melissa - posted on 01/04/2009

I hear ya! My little girl will be 2yrs old next month. Her father and I had ended our relationship right after the last night we spent together. I didn't know I was pregnant until a month and a half later, and when I told him he just went into complete denial and moved on. I don't wish that on anyone, going through a pregnancy alone, knowing that you will be alone raising a child, fear doesn't describe that feeling. I knew nothing about kids, and had very little maternal instincts. I had a very unpleasant pregnancy, and couldn't understand why or how anyone could enjoy that. I wasn't even one of those moms who felt an overwhelming sense of love when first handed their child.

But it turns out she was the best thing that could have happened to me. I turned a knowledge of Christ into a relationship with Him, and it was a good thing He was there waiting for me to reach out to Him. There's been the normal mother prayers of patience, and strength, and even endurance (on those really long nights/days), finances, decent housing, etc. Then there have also been prayers asking to learn compassion, and how to love, and appreciation.

It's going to be hard, there are going to be days when you ask yourself if you made the right decision, there are going to be days when the insane asylum sounds like a vacation because you get a quiet room that you can catch up on sleep in, but what you need to do is pray about it. Nobody can tell you if you are supposed to keep your baby, or give it up for adoption, there are a lot of good Christian families out there looking for children. The only one that knows what is best for you and your baby is God, because He has a plan for both of you.

You will be in my prayers! Just remember one thing, reach out, don't try to do everything yourself. I've learnt that sometime family and friends just don't understand how badly you need help, it's ok to ask.

God bless.

Reina - posted on 01/03/2009

I just had my first baby 4 months ago, and even though I am not a single mom I was still terrified to become a mother. I just wanted to reassure you that when you have your baby and you see that helpless little being you will just want to protect and love him or her. It will be hard but your maternal instinct will kick in and before you know it you will be in a happy little routine with your baby.

Mandy - posted on 01/03/2009

It's perfectly normal to be nervous about having your first baby. Especially if your going to be a single parent. Just remember God is with you and already has things worked out. Whenever I get scared I try to pray until I feel better. Even if I don't know the answer yet just knowing the Lord is there listening helps me calm down. Read your Bible and try to relax. God's plan for this baby will work out. God Bless, Mandy

Viola - posted on 01/03/2009

Joy! Your name is SO significant as part of the answer to your questions and all of your fears..."Do not grieve, for the JOY of the Lord is your strength!"(Nehemiah 8:10) Joy, when you were named, whether it was known or not, God was preparing you for such a time as this. The child in your womb is His great desire, and you are God's chosen vessel to train that child up in the way he/she should go. He is knitting him/her together right now in your womb and he/she is "fearfully and wonderfully made". I had my first child out of wedlock. I lost my job about 6 months before he was born. I found Christ for the 1st time in my life a month later. I was baptized w/ my son in my womb. God miraculously provided an apartment for us. He promised me that He would never leave us nor forsake us, and 14 years later I can testify to you...GOD IS FAITHFUL! My son is an awesome young man of God, a football star, smart in school, obedient to his parents...I can't even imagine what my life would have been w/o him now. Joy, when I had my son, like you, I had so many fears and questions, BUT GOD! I dedicated him to God as a baby, and I cast my fears on God and asked Him to help me every day. If you do this, I promise you, He will not fail you. He will provide your every need physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually. I declare to you that you will lack no good thing for you and your child. Always remember, He is a Father to the fatherless. And He truly is the BEST DAD in the whole world! Bless you JOY and your baby! Be encouraged...He is with you!

Bethina - posted on 01/02/2009

Joy- I just wanted to encourage you that you are not alone. Every new mom worries about something. I would suggest that if you are starting to constantly dwell on your problems and you are having a hard time giving them to your Heavenly Father, then look up some Bible verses about Gods provision for us and His faithfulness to us. Write them down and keep them close to you so you can read them whenever you get worried or afraid. If you want I can find some to start with. I don't want to push you, but I know it helps me. Let me know if you need anything. Your sister in Christ, Bethina

Crystal - posted on 01/02/2009

Hey Joy,

Congratulations on your baby!! You don't need to be stressing yourself out right now. I know it is hard not to be worried but just give all that worry over to God. He doesn't want you to worry. He has a plan for you and your baby and He will take care of you every step of the way. Just give all that heavy weight of stress over to Him. When you are stressed it sends stress hormones out into your body. Your body is getting ready to do the most amazing act of giving birth. Just enjoy this time and do anything you can to relax. I just had my third and fourth children in September. Twins! Boy, did I wonder how I would be able to take care of them plus two other children. Read in God's word and He will direct you. You have every right to feel nervous. I was nervous and this was not my first children. When you hold that little one in your arms for the very first time you are going to feel love for another like you've never experienced before. Do you have any family to help out during those first couple of weeks? Where do you live? You and your little one are going to be on my prayer list daily! Let me know if I can do anything for you.