the emotional side of spanking, not for a lash out argument.

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2010

The bible says to discipline, but it doesn't always have to be spanking. I did spank my kids, but for a last resort only. As for throwing her food on the floor...sometimes kids are just not hungry or don't like something. Give her the option of turning down food. I'm not suggesting that you become a short order cook, but she can either eat what is served politely or not eat at all. I would make her sit with the family even if she doesn't eat. It's family meal time after all. If she doesn't refuse food, but throws it on the floor, then take away all her food and let her watch you eat for a bit. She will get the idea that if she wants to eat, she better do it politely.

When you do have to spank, it's ok for her to see that you don't enjoy it and even hate it. It just might encourage her to behave better so as not to dissappoint you.

Candy - posted on 09/20/2010

I go to my room and cry for her and me. I stand by what I chooce to do with them. God gave them to you and He trusted you to train up his child. If you are not hitting out of anger then you are fine. Yes it still hurts and yes you will feel bad. Dont worry the Bible says train up a child the way he should go and they will not leave it.

Beck - posted on 09/20/2010

Thanks Anne :) I still feel like crying when I think about it. I have had a lovely day with her today and I have only had to say something to her today to stay out of the kitchen while I was cooking :) I love her dearly xxx.

Anne - posted on 09/20/2010

When our daughters were children spanking was the last resort. But we did spank when needed. When I think of the Emotional side of spanking or any discipline I often think how it must Hurt God when he has to discipline us as His Children. Not allowing one of His Children to enter Heaven must be the hardest thing God Does. This helped my husband deal with the emotional side of this, because as parents we will stand before God and be accountable for the way we disciplined or did not disciplined our children. WE also talked after the discipline was given. Beck you obviously are a Loving Mom or your reaction to your daughter would not be what it is.

Carla - posted on 09/20/2010

Amen, Amy, we are NOT their friends, we are their parents! They have friends, they don't need anymore. Too many people try to be their kid's friend, and the child suffers for it. I have heard good advice here today, God bless all our mothers!

Amy - posted on 09/19/2010

When my son was little he was something else. I did the counting and that meant nothing. I would spank and he would hit me and I would look at him and say no hitting Mommy. He would hit me,scratch me, pinch me, smack me across the face. I would yell and scream at him. Finally someone said Look at home you are yelling at him and I would say he is not listening what I had told him to do. So I went for consuling and it helped me a great deal. Now he said my spanking does not hurt. I do not do it often and I had to spank him two years ago and that was the last time. He disobied me and I said something to him he smacked me right across the face. I pulled down he pants and spanked him. He ran upstairs and cried like anything and we talked and it has not happened since. I take away video games ground him from playing with his friends and stuff like that and it works. Usually my husband just looks at him and Abe stops what ever he is doing.It is hard on us just as it is hard on them. I am not his friend but his mother. God bless you and hope this helps.

Beck - posted on 09/19/2010

Thanks ladies the ideas and information you have given are good. I have tried a naughty chair but we have very small house and you can see all the action. We do have her sit on her bed on the end and not play with anything. We are also going to get a good behaviour chart for her as she is old enough to understand.
We do have the book Shepherding a a childs heart, we bought it for my older step son and my husband has started it but not finished it yet, I will get hold of it and read it too now. Thanks again ladies

Jennifer - posted on 09/19/2010

Check out the book Sheparding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp... It brings Biblical Principles into discipline. My daughter is 9 now and there are times that a spanking is still appropriate but very seldom. I would always be very calm when spanking, and after we would pray about it. I have never apologized for it but will say "I am sorry you felt the need for a spanking today". After I will pray that the Lord help her to keep control over herself and have a better day, and then she would pray about the behavior. When she was younger I would kind of "help" her pray and now that she's older she recognizes the need for it. It helps to remind them that God calls us to honor our parents and when we don't we are to be disciplined. Just some thoughts.

Heather - posted on 09/19/2010

This is why I never spank without talking with my kids first. I really recommend reading Ginger Plowman's book Don't Make Me Count To Three. It helped me to realize that spanking by it's self doesn't address the emotional side, and the book talked about how to handle the emotional side of it with Scripture. My library had it. I need to go and borrow it again. I have read so many other books since then! Basically you talk about why you have to spank her. She is sinning against you and God by disobeying and you love her too much to allow her to do it. I also have a copy of her chart that has suggestions of which Scriptures you can use to show them what the Bible says about their behavior. (I forgot the name of it right now...sorry!)

Carla - posted on 09/19/2010

My beloved Daddy used to cry when he spanked us. When he said 'this hurts me more than it does you', he meant it. Then he would sit us on his lap and talk to us, then we all cried. We didn't have to get spankings often, because we couldn't stand to see Daddy cry.

Have you tried the naughty chair? This is a non-violent way of training that we use on our 3 and 4-year-old grandbabies. 1 min for each year. If they misbehave, we tell them not to, if they do it again, we give them warning, then they get the naughty chair. I put it in the corner away from activity. I tell them what they did wrong, then put them on and set the timer. If they get off, the timer gets re-set. After the timer goes off I go get them, have them tell me what they did wrong, and then make them apologize. After that we hug and kiss. If the wrong was against their brother or another, they also have to go apologize to them as well. It works very well, and there is no drama (well, not much). We have been using this for about a year, so I usually just have to say 'do you want to sit in the naughty chair?' 'No!', so they straighten up. I find it a lot less stressful than counting to three a zillion times, or spanking them.

Also, different kids react differently to different types of discipline. My youngest would burst into a torrent of tears if I just called her on what she did wrong, and she would apologize. Our oldest needed a spanking morning, noon and night, and we would give her one just because we knew she had done something we hadn't seen during the day (just kidding), but she was a tough cookie. Our middle child (son) was very compliant and didn't do much. You have to figure out what form of discipline works best for her, then use that.

God bless, honey

Stephanie Jo - posted on 09/19/2010

I know how you feel. You did the right thing though. We have to displine our children.Sometimes it breaks our heart. I can say something to my littlest and she breaks crying. Sometimes I have to go and cry, wondering. My husband said something that helps he said you do it because you love them,not to hurt them.When you feel that way talk to Jesus,let him know how you feel and let him comfort you. God bless.