The entity of family

Shalon - posted on 07/04/2011 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I often wonder what's happened to the sense of family these days. Growing up I remember regular get togethers at an Uncle's home for special occassions, my husband remembers the same. Unfortunately it seems when the oldest family members died off, the get togethers quickly ended and it seemed family drama surfaced, at least with my family it did. With my husband it was a little different, joining the Marines and never returning home he and I met and we built our little family.
In the beginning we lived 1000+ miles away from any family, content in that, as the kids came it felt as though something was missing. We had regular visits from my MIL and my mother yearly, and my mother lived with us for 6 months before she left to go back to her home state. Finally, we moved back to my home state where my mohter is and a 3-4 hours away from my husbands Mom and family. Even now somethign is missing. Though my mother is regularly involved we have not been visited by my MIL in two years, since we moved closer to her, we've suffered through mulitple trips to visit my husbands grandparents just so they could see their great grandchildren. It's tough to travel in a van with 5 kids but we made the effort to somehow incorporate the sense of family. Unfortunately, we can't travel anymore, our cars can't make the trips, they can barely get to work, our budget is so tight we can't afford the gas, etc either. And... we found out my mother is retiring and not staying here in the same town with us.
Supporting my mother I have not complained and cheer her on, however, I am saddened that we'll again be in a place with no family. I often think of moving to just have that family sense often for my children but I wonder if it's really that important, if it's just something I miss because my children have never known of Christmas gatherings, July 4th events, or Easter egg hunts.

I feel as though we, as a culture have become so self absorbed, trying to find a better us through high life careers and money that we've left behind the sense of family.

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3 Comments

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Rebekah - posted on 07/05/2011

1,441

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It's a tragic widespread disease! But there is hope, I grew up MILES away from my mom and dad's family -- and I was fortunate that I could visit them once a year AND I was blessed to have people in my life that I called "family" though they weren't truly related. God brought people into my parents' lives that became family to us -- you can ask for the same and still have get togethers, block parties, events, etc. I'll never forget the Christmas walk in our neighborhood with all our "family members" -- everyone opened up their home that night while everyone walked from house to house to experience their foods and culture. It was cool!

Angela - posted on 07/04/2011

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If you have 5 kids and money is tight, why can't your extended family come to YOU? Doesn't seem fair that you have to do the running!

As ever, people continue to be cavalier with other people's money. Invite lonely, isolated people into your family gatherings, it doesn't have to be blood relatives.

Carla - posted on 07/04/2011

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Yes, sweetheart, and what a shame. I remember the get-togethers at Grama's house, with ALL the cousins, sitting around singing to my mom and aunt's guitar playing. Now that would be sooo lame for our kids that they would refuse to return. We tried, when our children came along, to split the time between families, but the mothers were miffed if we spent a holiday at the other's house. I will say that there wasn't the massive drama at the mil's house that there was at my family's, however, if we didn't make an appearance, the amount of guilt heaped on me was unbearable. We are, even at this minute, sitting in our house when the rest of the family is at my brother's house for the 4th celebration. But, again, drama is brewing, and my husband and I don't want to be involved.

God said He would put the solitary in families, and maybe that's what you need to do--find a family, whether church, or neighbors, or friends, and make memories with them. Satan has caused such division in our families that it is almost impossible anymore to just get together and have fun, enjoying the craziness that is Family. But trying to wade against this tide puts the children in the middle of things I have worked a lifetime to keep them out of.

Your financial situation precludes you from making the trip to your in-laws, so finding someone else closer just makes sense. Maybe even putting out an open invitation on holidays to church friends, even neighbors who don't have anywhere to go. There are probably a lot of people out there in the exact same position you are in, and would love to get together with nice Christian people. Pray about it.

God bless, and Happy 4th!